now i pride myself in being a FAIR AND BALANCED (tm) yankee fan but this article is too fucking funny.....
Those Damn Yankees
Thomas Fitzgerald - Scout.com
January 15, 2005 at 5:59am ET
You've either been raised to love the Yankees, or hate the Yankees. In Arizona, we tasted the sweetest of victories, it still seems like yesterday, we beat the Yankees. Defeated the Evil Empire. It happened again last season, when the Red Sox finally broke 'The Curse.' They, as always, are back, and they've taken the greatest Diamondback in history. Lancaster Bureau Chief Thomas Fitzgerald, a proud, life-long Yankees fan is smiling, and he wants you to smile too. His offer? 'Join Us.'
If you appreciate the sarcasm and humor in the question,"Who has home field advantage in The World Series this October, the National League representativeâ¦or the New York Yankees?", then you are a bona fide 26-time World Series Champion, New York Yankee fan. Thank you, Commissioner Bud Selig, for putting meaning behind the All Star game and writing a joke in the process. Brilliant!
The Yankees are to baseball what the United States is to the world. Follow me on this one. When you're number one with no close second in sight, it is axiomatic to earn the scorn of the have-notsâ¦is it not? What other organization in Major League Baseball can lay claim to appearing in one out of every three Fall Classics and being home to one of every four World Series trophies?
Understand why you love to hate the Yanks and you begin to understand the ire directed against our beloved nation from many overseas. Like the lesser among us worldwide, you love the barrels of money the evil empire brings when they come swaggering into town in their entire splendor. Hosting a three-game home stand against the dreaded Yanks means a full house. A full house brings a full parking lot, long concession lines and plenty of peanuts, programs and crackerjacks sold. A stadium filled to capacity gives owners fat wallets. The Yanks are cash cows spreading the wealth league wide, perhaps at a stadium in a city near you soon.
The Yankees are tradition, the origin of dynasty and the benchmark for franchises to measure up against and it irritates many to no end. It is mostly envy, if you level with yourself. The fact of the matter is it would signal the year of Jubilee if your team had an owner willing to spend what it takes year after year to field a solid, competitive team as does Mr. Steinbrenner. Your team rebuildsâ¦the Yanks contend now.
Being a Yankee fan means never going into spring training questioning your club's chances in the fall. And boy oh boy, is that ever nice!
There are two ways of earning your pinstripes and embracing Yankee fandom. The first way is aristocraticâ¦you're born into it! That is the category I fall under. Being born into a New York City family is baseball royalty. We know itâ¦you know it and you hate itâ¦and we know that too.
Being a Yankee fan means not having to worry or get embarrassed because your team blew a historically insurmountable three game to none lead in a best of seven series against a dreaded rival, because we Yankee fans are secure in the knowledge we have just as good if not a better chance of being right back in the thick of it next year. What other team can so assuredly make that statement? Perhaps the Atlanta Braves, but their reliability goes out the window with the arrival of the post season.
Take a moment and reminisce back to the moment of "The Great October Choke of 04'." As Yankee haters, have you ever been so happy to see a team lose? You were probably thinking how it couldn't have happened to a nicer team.
Being a Yankee fan means being able to laugh when, immediately after the aforementioned choke, friends barrage me with email informing me the new international medical symbol for choking has been amended and has been replaced with my beloved NY insignia that adorns the caps of Yankee players.
Being a Yankee fan means recognizing "The Great October Choke of 04'" and the subsequent Boston Red Sox World Series victory is nothing more than an act of God. You see, God, being the compassionate and benevolent God that He is, must have figured enough is enough and concluded, where's the harm in a Red Sox championship every 86 years or so? I know this because He scheduled a lunar eclipse (once in a blue moon is far too frequent for a Red Sox championshipâ¦apparently even for God) to coincide with the miraculous event as His signal the Red Sox victory is an unusual episode that will not soon repeat.
The alternative option available to becoming a Yankee fan for those of you unfortunate enough not to be New York bred is to hop on the bandwagon. We Yankee fans will not disparage what others may consider a choice of convenience. Instead, we openly recognize the wisdom behind the decision wishing to forgo the futility inherent in being a...Diamondback fan for instance, and welcome you into the family with open arms. After all, everybody wants to be part of a winning team.
And now is the time to join that winning team. So please raise your right hand and repeat after meâ¦
I do solemnly swear allegiance to all things New York Yankee. That I promise to
ridicule and belittle the accomplishment of any other professional baseball team and
state unequivocally my pledge to believe in the inferiority of all other championship
ball clubs, their franchise and their meager history. That winning one out of every
four World Series establishes entitlement and if another team wins in our stead, it
will be viewed as a fluke. That I recognize that year in and year out, it is for the good
of baseball the New York Yankee organization spend like hell and whereas the
Yankees shall continue their winning ways and dominate Fall Classics for decades
to come, I will insist it isn't because of Steinbrenner's money, it's because other
teams don't try hard enough and money has nothing to do with it. That I take this
oath freely and without reservation, for the betterment of America and all things
baseball."
Yes, we Yankee fans are loud, proud and often times obnoxious. But face the truthâ¦you love to hate us and a baseball season just wouldn't be the same without those dreaded Yanks and their winning ways.
. I haven't had to trash talk the Brewers in a while. 
