Why just give him a robotic pre-recorded speaking part?
I say turn it into a fully interactive "Turtle Talk with Crush" type of attraction. He could point out bad hombres for the crowd to kick out, identify pussies he'd like to grab, mock the disabled patrons in attendance, etc.
If you're really lucky and a woman or child in the theater with you looks like Ivanka, he'll ask her to come backstage after the show.
Fun for the whole family!