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[Laughing Black]

I lost my phone. I am so upset. It had my financial info and everything.

I understand your pain. Take it easy, bro.

 

[Damigos]

I want to beat the crap out of my boss..

 

[Laughing Black]

I want to beat the crap out of my boss..

Try to make it look like you lost! Like in that movie that wasn't Prometheus where the guy wants to quit but get benefits anyway?

You know that one? Cool movie, bro.

 

[Lego Boss]

I love Waterworld. Kill me now.

Waterworld is not that bad a film. It was negatively hyped and finished Costner (not quite terminally), but in its own right, it is not too bad.

Sometimes films will fail just because the media whores want something to crucify. Not necessary, but true.

 

[soepje]

My company recently issued a couple of rules that all employees had to follow:

- You must wear a long sleeved shirt tucked inside chino pants;
- You must wear clean formal shoes and the socks must match the color of the shoes or pants;
- You must be shaved at all times and have well kept hair;
- You must never eat or drink on your desk or you will have to pay a 2€ fine;
- Etc.

The rules are even worse for women: they must wear high heels, they can't bring accessories that cause noise, their clothes must match the color of their eye, etc.

WTF is wrong with companies in my country!? Are they really so retarded they can't understand that imposing these rules only demoralize employees and reduce their production? Are they living in the fucking 18th century!? FUUUUUUUUU

Holy shit. I've never heard of a company that would demand your clothes to fit your eye color. I can undrrstand them not wanting you to wear a short pants but these rules are on a whole other level.

 

[vikki]

I'm very close to giving up video games entirely.

I have maybe at most one more console cycle in me before I give it up, at the very least a couple more titles to burn in my backlog before never picking up a controller again.

The hobby and the games that have come out aren't fun anymore. They're busy work.

I've heard/read this a lot. I can't say I feel the same because I just haven't been able to play games the past few years, but I think I understand how you feel.

What do you think is missing in the games that would bring you enjoyment?

 

[T y]

i feel like i'm wasting my life but i'm too scared to do anything about it

my girlfriend AKA the greatest thing that has ever happened to me got into her dream university course in another state, i don't want us to end but i'm too terrified of leaving my safe but shitty life where i am.
I don't have any career plans or anything i really want to do so i am stuck in my shitty dead end job, i am such a wimp

 

[Blood Red Sky]

I want to beat the crap out of my boss..

I got my boss disciplined for fiddling finances. He suspects it was me, and won't say hi to me in the morning any more.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

wow this thread.

I'm very close to giving up video games entirely.

I have maybe at most one more console cycle in me before I give it up, at the very least a couple more titles to burn in my backlog before never picking up a controller again.

The hobby and the games that have come out aren't fun anymore. They're busy work.

I feel like I'm out of consoles for another year at least, next-gen just isn't very good so far. Boring games. But luckily, there are hundreds of games that I've never played and want to, so they'll keep me busy for a bit.

I eat pizza for almost every meal.
I weigh 235 pounds. Imma fatty.

I have literally never studied, and I don't even know how to.

fat and stupid is a killer combo, you should work on that brah.

Do what I did:

I pretty much only play Left 4 Dead 2. No grinding. After I'm a bit tired of the familiarity of the maps that come with it, I download homebrew maps. I upload stupid videos about it.

No grinding, no work, just fun.

You should play for two more hours and then stop, just so the counter looks cool.

But seriously, over 1000 doing pretty much the same thing? I'm worried for you.

Sometimes I get really depressed thinking that, at 34 years of age I'll almost certainly never get to be what I've always dreamt of since I was a child- a feature film director. No matter what I have in my life, my life just feels meaningless cause I'm not doing what I've always wanted to do- make films. Depresses me so much...😔

Got a script? Make some short films, do the baby steps.

 

[Apt101]

I understand your pain. Take it easy, bro.

I found it! Thank Christ. Unfortunately I already bought a Nexus 5 as a replacement. So now I need to sell this Galaxy s5. I hope someone at work wants it. I figure I'll ask $300. It's practically new still.

 

[neojubei]

I wonder if I'll be single forever. I'm already past the age of the excuse that there is someone for everyone working on me anymore. Trying dating apps and had a guy ask me if my weight in my profile was a typo. Told him no and I think he blocked me. I'll never understand why people are against suicide. There are people like me that really cannot have a life in this world.

 

[Min0]

Here I am starting my fifth bachelor year in a shitty field and living at my parent's, while my brother only one year older than me just got his $2000 salary which he has been got for a while and that will only grow in the coming years.

Oh well.

 

[The Purple Pill]

Sometimes I get really depressed thinking that, at 34 years of age I'll almost certainly never get to be what I've always dreamt of since I was a child- a feature film director. No matter what I have in my life, my life just feels meaningless cause I'm not doing what I've always wanted to do- make films. Depresses me so much...😔

have you tried? or is it that you are "stuck" in a middle position?

always try climb, your personal Mt. Everest once, it's better to try something and regret it, than not trying something and regret it for your whole life.

Saying this, because I'm close to where you are, in age, 29 here.

It's never too late to try, and sure as hell ain't too late to fail either, haha, but I'm sure it's a better feeling, when you at least tried.

thank you for this reply, I think in the end I might still help her out in some way but yeah I will be drawing a line somewhere some how. I do plan on at least eating a few more meals with her once rush season at work is over thou, but by now I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable being around her...

you're welcome, I come from an almost similar circumstances, and felt the same way a few years ago, but I think you'll have to confront her though, she'll show her true nature then, hopefully admits her wrong doings and you can work from there, but mostly it ends in other ways, and it should be easy for you to decide what to do, it's your life after all, no one owns you, but yourself.

 

[Apt101]

Well I took the day off work but for some reason it's not marked on the calendar, so my boss is angry as shit. Cmon man, I take off like five days a year. Give me a break.

 

[strafer]

I like to

Spoiler

masturbate

 

[Morris]

I still think about her. She really did feel like the 'one.' It's close to being a year since we broke up.

I'm currently dating someone else yet i'm not as happy as I was back with her. I have not looked at our conversations, our shared photos folder, any of her social networks at all since we broke up yet she's still always in the back of my late night thoughts.

Hard to mend a broken heart. I hope time heals the wounds eventually...

 

[Laughing Black]

I still think about her. She really did feel like the 'one.' It's close to being a year since we broke up.

I'm currently dating someone else yet i'm not as happy as I was back with her. I have not looked at our conversations, our shared photos folder, any of her social networks at all since we broke up yet she's still always in the back of my late night thoughts.

Hard to mend a broken heart. I hope time heals the wounds eventually...

Time wounds all heels or something something.

 

[IAmRandom31]

It is pathetic how far Rock has fallen out of the mainstream. It is so bad the MTV music awards makes a joke out of the category each year. This year, the winning rock song doesn't even have a guitar playing, or drums for that matter, or anything. The chick wears black lipstick, so I guess that is now the essence of rock music.

If you told me 20 years ago that in the future it would be Country music in the spotlight and Rock would be pushed to the backburner and basically dead, I would of laughed. Back then being a Roper got you ridiculed and people like Garth Brooks were jokes to the kids in our school. It was rock and rap fighting for everyones love. Now?

Its all club music, which is barely music anyway, with lyrics that could be written by an 8 year old. It is women practically stripping on stage for ratings. It is simple beats with no storytelling. It is ... Disco.

Yeah, today is the age of Disco, just without the skates.

 

[battousai11]

I still think about her. She really did feel like the 'one.' It's close to being a year since we broke up.

I'm currently dating someone else yet i'm not as happy as I was back with her. I have not looked at our conversations, our shared photos folder, any of her social networks at all since we broke up yet she's still always in the back of my late night thoughts.

Hard to mend a broken heart. I hope time heals the wounds eventually...

If you don't feel as happy with the person you're dating now and aren't over your ex, should you be dating? It doesn't seem fair to the person you're dating now.

I say take some time to process your feelings before you jump back into the dating pool.

 

[SmashN'Grab]

Rocky IV is the best movie ever made. There, I said it.

 

[Morris]

If you don't feel as happy with the person you're dating now and aren't over your ex, should you be dating? It doesn't seem fair to the person you're dating now.

I say take some time to process your feelings before you jump back into the dating pool.

I do think it's selfish but I feel like she's keeping me sane. We have a good relationship, a lot of similar interests and I've known her for like 4 years and we just started being together a lot more a few months ago. I don't feel like i'm "in love" with her, not in the same way I was with my ex, at least. I think she really does like me a lot since she has been a good help in me trying to get over it. I'm probably being unfair to her.

Honestly, I'm also scared of falling in love again.

Its all club music, which is barely music anyway, with lyrics that could be written by an 8 year old. It is women practically stripping on stage for ratings. It is simple beats with no storytelling. It is ... Disco.

Yeah, today is the age of Disco, just without the skates.

Disco music is rhythm, It's body music. It does not need deep lyrics. There's plenty of amazing disco / club music out there, all you need to do is look for it. I can understand hating it if all you know is what the mainstream feeds you. Just don't diss entire genres if you don't understand them.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

It is pathetic how far Rock has fallen out of the mainstream. It is so bad the MTV music awards makes a joke out of the category each year. This year, the winning rock song doesn't even have a guitar playing, or drums for that matter, or anything. The chick wears black lipstick, so I guess that is now the essence of rock music.

If you told me 20 years ago that in the future it would be Country music in the spotlight and Rock would be pushed to the backburner and basically dead, I would of laughed. Back then being a Roper got you ridiculed and people like Garth Brooks were jokes to the kids in our school. It was rock and rap fighting for everyones love. Now?

Its all club music, which is barely music anyway, with lyrics that could be written by an 8 year old. It is women practically stripping on stage for ratings. It is simple beats with no storytelling. It is ... Disco.

Yeah, today is the age of Disco, just without the skates.

If you're a rock fan and give more than a single fuck about the mainstream you're doing it wrong. I actually quite like how out of the loop rock music is lately. The audiences need to work a little bit harder to find the goods, but you care more about the bands you discover.

Fuck the mainstream and anyone who thinks MTV means anything.

 

[hxa155]

My roommate has two cars..TWO FUCKING CARS and yet he borrows mine to go do whatever the hell he does, and he gets into a car accident because he was too busy texting instead of actually paying attention to the road.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

My roommate has two cars..TWO FUCKING CARS and yet he borrows mine to go do whatever the hell he does, and he gets into a car accident because he was too busy texting instead of actually paying attention to the road.

Sounds like you should get a free car then.

 

[Con_Smith]

My Grandma died last week and I was ten minutes from seeing her last breath. A woman I feel was more a mother than my own that I've neglected seeing while working my ass off supporting my girlfriend off a recent shitty situation and who has always bounced back from bad news is gone. Hurts like shit and the worse part I haven't cried yet.

Also while things have been getting better for me in life (job recognition, raises, New relationship) I feel like something is stopping me from happiness weather it be financial or just simply my drive for more. Which in my situation tend to go hand in hand.

Lastly I'm hate to love the contridiction young thug portrays and ilovemakkonen is quit possibly the biggest fraud in regards to lyrics and appearance I've ever seen but I love his music for some reason.

 

[Snkfanatic]

I think I have given up entirely on trying to start dating again. Only dated about 3 girls in my life, with the longest relationship lasting almost 4 years. That one really fucked me up near the end, was treated like shit and found out after the relationship from many sources all the fucked up things that happened behind my back. Fast forward 10 years later and I haven't done anything physical with anyone outside of a hug with friends or a kiss on the check with a couple girls I tried dating. That whole relationship soured my image of people and I find it very hard to trust anyone for the most part. Always second guessing their intentions...

At this point at age 31 it just seems pointless. I have no drive to even begin to try, not to mention the age old story of you need to love yourself before you can really love someone else. Well I don't see that happening, pretty much ever. Since I can even remember I have been my own worst critic and I can be pretty damn harsh. I try to improve things, lose a bunch of weight get a little confidence then something happens and I dive right back in. Crazy cycle, I have gained and lost 50 pounds more times than I can count.

So all that comes together to a person who is trying to adapt to the idea that I will never have a family like I wanted when I was a kid. I honestly don't even thing I could do that anymore, I am way to much of a loner now with high anxiety. Even more so now that my best friend and roommate is getting very serious with his girlfriend and she plans to move in next May. I will be finding my own place and taking a massive downgrade in quality of life when that happens but that is just how it goes just try to pick up another job to stay busy. I doubt I will see him much after that happens but I am happy for him, they are great together and I know it's only a matter of time before I am there at his Wedding.

It's not all bad though, I have meet some great people on GAF recently and on Twitter that share some of my favorite hobbies. That alone has made my outlook on life look a lot better, while I wish some of them lived close so I could visit it's nice to have people to talk to again. I just try not to think about everything else but it hits like a brick wall sometimes. Especially on the weekends when everyone is busy and I am just sitting at the house, alone. Something that is only going to get worse when I move out on my own.

 

[Stormhammer]

I'm finding it harder and harder lately to talk to new people, especially women. It feels like I've lost the ability to hold a conversation, or even initiate one and it's leading me to feel more sheltered and lonely. Since almost all of my friends are in another state, I rely on MMOs or online in general to try to connect with new people, but with this recent issue it's making everything feel so empty sometimes. I wish I knew how to change it.

After getting out of a pretty serious relationship, I've had sex like.. twice over the past 2 years since being single. I'm not really a fan of bars or clubs so I rule them out as avenues for a hook up. I've tried some dating sites but understandably most women my age are looking for something a bit more. I just wish I could find someone similar to myself and just have something sexual for a while, as I'm just not wanting to date anyone yet.

What else.. I guess working for my Dad isn't so bad, but I really wish I never accepted this job. He doesn't trust anyone else to run his office since the people before me screwed him over, but now I just feel trapped here and it's a frustrating job most of the time when dealing with insurance companies and the general public. I feel like I could have moved away to be near my friends a few years ago and have some sort of success if I wasn't working here.

 

[Tesseract]

my bones hurt

 

[GeordieMark]

I'm fucking sick of European football, and how a cabal of big clubs have basically secured on-going success through absolutely ridiculous so-called 'Financial Fair Play' regulations. I can't decide whether Platini is in on it, or was just too stupid to see what was going on when he implemented it.

I hate the idea of knowing that my team (Newcastle) are never going to win the league.

The FFP means that even if we had some oil rich sugar daddy buy us, he can't do what the likes of Chelsea, Man City and PSG have done and spend their own money to make us competitive. It means no teams other than those that are already rich and successful will ever be successful again. It's a huge protection racket.

Basically, fuck Platini, fuck UEFA, and fuck all the corrupt arseholes that have ruined football.

And don't even get me started on FIFA and Sep Blatter or I'll probably give myself an aneurysm.

 

[Coolwhip]

If you're a rock fan and give more than a single fuck about the mainstream you're doing it wrong. I actually quite like how out of the loop rock music is lately. The audiences need to work a little bit harder to find the goods, but you care more about the bands you discover.

Fuck the mainstream and anyone who thinks MTV means anything.

Yeah mentioning rock music and MTV in one sentence is a crime. Hell, mentioning music and MTV in one sentence is a crime.

 

[SliceSabre]

You're getting well, and they're being paid hand over fist to look at your asshole. They don't see an embarassed Gaffer, dude. They see an enflamed and irritated dollar sign. After they do yours, they'll be looking at someone elses. That's their daily routine. Don't be embarassed to be one more tick mark in the long list of assholes this guy has gandered at.

Focus on the fact you're getting treatment for something I know from experience is incredibly uncomfortable.

Thanks for the words of wisdom, that honestly does make me feel better.

 

[daniels]

I never had a girlfriend... in Dec i am 30 years old :/

 

[Lulubop]

I'm sorry, and I love you.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

Yeah mentioning rock music and MTV in one sentence is a crime. Hell, mentioning music and MTV in one sentence is a crime.

Yeah but brah, don't you remember when they used to show Limp Bizkit and Foo Fighters all the time? You know, REAL rock music.

LOL

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

The positive correlation ITT between anime avatars and being unlucky in love is heartbreaking

 

[Volimar]

I've recently developed an obsession with chiropractic videos. I suffer from arthritis, and my joints are often achy. Listening to those chiropractors crack their patients' backs and necks is incredibly satisfying.

Weird?

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

I've recently developed an obsession with chiropractic videos. I suffer from arthritis, and my joints are often achy. Listening to those chiropractors crack their patients' backs and necks is incredibly satisfying.

Weird?

Based on this thread? Nope.

 

[IAmRandom31]

If you're a rock fan and give more than a single fuck about the mainstream you're doing it wrong. I actually quite like how out of the loop rock music is lately. The audiences need to work a little bit harder to find the goods, but you care more about the bands you discover.

Fuck the mainstream and anyone who thinks MTV means anything.

Well I would love to be able to turn on the TV or sit with my wife to watch these dumbass award shows and atleast hear a small representation of the style of music I listen to. Back in the day you had Nirvana, Soundgarden, Metallica, etc. all over the TV screen. Now? Maybe ummm ... hmmm ... maybe that band the nirvana drummer started shows up every now and again. Saw that a few years go.

I've always cared about the bands I " discover ". It annoys me I have to go hunt for some good tunes in the first place. Used to just be able to turn on the radio and hear black sabbath or floyd or metallica or pantara or things like that.

Disco music is rhythm, It's body music. It does not need deep lyrics. There's plenty of amazing disco / club music out there, all you need to do is look for it. I can understand hating it if all you know is what the mainstream feeds you. Just don't diss entire genres if you don't understand them.

I was puzzled till i saw your tag lol. Body Music huh ... is that another term for dance music? What I mean is. Club music is meant for the club because yes, there is no need for lyrics or meaning in a club. Just give a beat for people to dance to and you are good. But the dance music is outside of the club now and on the television and on the radio and in the concerts. Which is puzzling to me.

Yeah mentioning rock music and MTV in one sentence is a crime. Hell, mentioning music and MTV in one sentence is a crime.

Not in the past. Rock music basically created MTV. It was always more " mainstream " but you still heard plenty of good stuff on MTV. Basically Real World killed MTV.

 

[Who]

It is pathetic how far Rock has fallen out of the mainstream. It is so bad the MTV music awards makes a joke out of the category each year. This year, the winning rock song doesn't even have a guitar playing, or drums for that matter, or anything. The chick wears black lipstick, so I guess that is now the essence of rock music.

If you told me 20 years ago that in the future it would be Country music in the spotlight and Rock would be pushed to the backburner and basically dead, I would of laughed. Back then being a Roper got you ridiculed and people like Garth Brooks were jokes to the kids in our school. It was rock and rap fighting for everyones love. Now?

Its all club music, which is barely music anyway, with lyrics that could be written by an 8 year old. It is women practically stripping on stage for ratings. It is simple beats with no storytelling. It is ... Disco.

Yeah, today is the age of Disco, just without the skates.

Mainstream Rock is awesome now in my opinion. I mean like shit. We have Cage the Elephant, the Killers, Black Keys, Imagine Dragons, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mumford and Sons, Neon Trees, etc. etc.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

Well I would love to be able to turn on the TV or sit with my wife to watch these dumbass award shows and atleast hear a small representation of the style of music I listen to. Back in the day you had Nirvana, Soundgarden, Metallica, etc. all over the TV screen. Now? Maybe ummm ... hmmm ... maybe that band the nirvana drummer started shows up every now and again. Saw that a few years go.

I've always cared about the bands I " discover ". It annoys me I have to go hunt for some good tunes in the first place. Used to just be able to turn on the radio and hear black sabbath or floyd or metallica or pantara or things like that.



I was puzzled till i saw your tag lol. Body Music huh ... is that another term for dance music? What I mean is. Club music is meant for the club because yes, there is no need for lyrics or meaning in a club. Just give a beat for people to dance to and you are good. But the dance music is outside of the club now and on the television and on the radio and in the concerts. Which is puzzling to me.



Not in the past. Rock music basically created MTV

Nah man, mainstream rock is deader'n disco. Dance (to something you found on bandcamp) on its grave. The mainstream only ever talks about like 10 bands anyway, it's bullshit. "And the award for 'Best Old People That We Always Talk About' goes to Metallica, surprise!"

 

[Kintaro]

I am very tired.

When I was dying a couple of years ago (pre-liver transplant) I was actually happy. I was mindful of everyday and even though I was in pain, I was happy with how simple my life had become. Just live for another day and I have a chance. Enjoy moments because I could die the next.

Fast forward post transplant... I'm no longer mindful. I rush through the day with my job (for the company that fired me for getting sick in the first place). I work too many hours. I buy too much nonsense.

It really is exhausting. I was made aware of that yesterday. It's like a snapped out of different trance altogether. I'm more tired now than I was when I was dying. This is really no way to live. At least not for me.

I miss having a simple, minimalistic life (with some geekery thrown in of course). I need to get that back.

 

[Aizo]

I'm scared to move away from Japan next week. I feel like I will go back to the way I was before I started living here, and that scares me.

 

[Piccoro]

It is pathetic how far Rock has fallen out of the mainstream. It is so bad the MTV music awards makes a joke out of the category each year. This year, the winning rock song doesn't even have a guitar playing, or drums for that matter, or anything. The chick wears black lipstick, so I guess that is now the essence of rock music.

If you told me 20 years ago that in the future it would be Country music in the spotlight and Rock would be pushed to the backburner and basically dead, I would of laughed. Back then being a Roper got you ridiculed and people like Garth Brooks were jokes to the kids in our school. It was rock and rap fighting for everyones love. Now?

Its all club music, which is barely music anyway, with lyrics that could be written by an 8 year old. It is women practically stripping on stage for ratings. It is simple beats with no storytelling. It is ... Disco.

Yeah, today is the age of Disco, just without the skates.

Yeah, the music nowadays is the shittier that has ever been in music history. I agree.
Of course the young people nowadays don't find anything wrong with the music because they don't know anything else. But to the people of our age group who grew up with that 80's and 90's rock, for us it's strange that this cheap music is so popular nowadays.
Times change, I guess. Those sweet times when you turned on the radio and listened to Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Deftones, Alice in Chains, Faith no More are nothing but a distant memory...

 

[Audible]

I hate college. I'm only going so that my mommy won't hate me.

I hate my neighbor's kids cause they're loud as fuck. Like TV sitcom levels of annoying.

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

Yeah, the music nowadays is the shittier that has ever been in music history. I agree.
Of course the young people nowadays don't find anything wrong with the music because they don't know anything else. But to the people of our age group who grew up with that 80's and 90's rock, for us it's strange that this cheap music is so popular nowadays.
Times change, I guess. Those sweet times when you turned on the radio and listened to Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Deftones, Alice in Chains, Faith no More are nothing but a distant memory...

No it's not.

The problem is that the media outlets are controlled by a very few people with a vested interest in controlling what is popular.

There is more fantastic music today than any point in history. There is probably more great music being made IN YOUR TOWN than you can comprehend even. We just have to dig for it now. And you know what? It's good for us to have to work for it a bit.

 

[Spanx McFranks]

I am sick of the negativity on the internet. All it is now days is this bad thing is happening, these people are garbage, etc. I wish people would lighten up.

 

[Kid Ska]

I've been a member of gaf for over a year and a half and haven't made a thread.

 

[Pickman]

Thanks for the words of wisdom, that honestly does make me feel better.

 

[MattyG]

I'm worried that I'm never going to get a job or even want to. I'm 18 and need to get a job to start setting money aside for student loans, but I just don't care. At all. There is NO job that I feel I'd be a good fit for, and I don't even want a job.

I'm also getting to the point where I feel that the same thing will happen in terms of my relationships. I've never even had a real girlfriend, and it feels like I'm never going to at this point. Every girl I meet that I'm interested in (a rare occurrence I'm realizing) I either blow it with or there's some reason it can't happen. So between that, the job thing, being worried that I can't handle college, and a bunch of stuff happening at home, I feel pretty shitty lately. Sometimes I just want to move away and start fresh, but that ain't happening.

 

[InfiniteBento]

I'm moving to Portland on my own in less than a month and I absolutely terrified. This will be my first time moving to another state, on my own, to attend college (after finally discovering what I want to do for the rest of my life), and I'm scared out of my mind.

I won't be around family and Horse Detective isn't coming up until a wee bit after I'm gone. I've never done something like this and I'm worried about failure. ;________;

21 years old and venturing out into the world for the first time on my own.....shits scary as hell. Although, I admit, along the way to this point, I am learning and loving the person I am becoming.

I'm worried that I'm never going to get a job or even want to. I'm 18 and need to get a job to start setting money aside for student loans, but I just don't care. At all. There is NO job that I feel I'd be a good fit for, and I don't even want a job.

I'm also getting to the point where I feel that the same thing will happen in terms of my relationships. I've never even had a real girlfriend, and it feels like I'm never going to at this point. Every girl I meet that I'm interested in (a rare occurrence I'm realizing) I either blow it with or there's some reason it can't happen. So between that, the job thing, being worried that I can't handle college, and a bunch of stuff happening at home, I feel pretty shitty lately. Sometimes I just want to move away and start fresh, but that ain't happening.

This reminds me of myself when I was 17. My anxiety and bipolar disorder caused me to drop out high school, lose all of my friends, and basically cling to a VERY toxic and emotionally abusive relationship I was in at the time. I believed I was basically nothing but shit to everyone and myself. I stayed home, didnt do shit, never went out, and only read books or fought with my shitty ass boyfriend. I never believed I would find a job or find love that actually felt like something real rather than just someone occupying a space. I was hollow for a very long time. Depression and smoking + drinking were my way out of thinking about it.

So here is where I can give you a grand scale of advice.

Your self worth is not based off of your life accomplishments. Blaming yourself and wallowing in shame that life will never change is what is causing your life to stay the same. You need to break out of this mindset that life will come to you at some point and that you're always going to fuck it up.

You are going to make mistakes. Fuck tons of them. You're going to lose friends and girls won't work out, you're going to apply for jobs and not get them BUT YOU CANNOT STOP TRYING. Do. Not. Give. Up. The moment you find comfort in doing nothing rather than something is when you will waste time, years will pass, and you'll suddenly realize how much of your life you let go of only to be dormant and find happiness within comfort (which btw is only temporary). You cannot blame yourself to a point of falling into a pit of depression. You can learn to take responsibility for your mistakes, yes, but you need to start living by the golden rule: Fuck it.
And what do I mean by that? By fuck it, I mean let shit go. Girl doesn't like you? Fuck it. Job interview went great but didn't get it? Fuck it. Relationship doesn't work out? Fuck it. You're too young to hold onto petty shit. Give everything your best and if it doesn't work out, move on. Holding onto shit will waste time and create negative influences on your life when you really need nothing but positive ones right now. You cannot gain reward without risk. And trying to calculate everything is not possible. Life is far too random to predict how anything is going to go, so don't live off of "what ifs". Do shit you've never done before. Apply for jobs you don't think you're going to get, go in there and tell them that you will be the very best at whatever they need and if they need you to run a million miles an hour, you'll run a million and one. Ask a girl out even if it seems impossible, coffee dates are the best ways to start. Even if your brain swears something won't work out, go for it any way. Life will surprise you when you least expect it. Learn from your mistakes as you make them. Its the same as any video game, you can't take on bosses and acquire god-tier equipment until you've grinded some shitty monsters to gain exp + you've died a ton & learned from your mistakes to conquer your opponents.
You've gotta risk it all to gain some rewards and if you fail, learn from it + grow from it then let that shit go and keep pushing forward. You can accomplish far more than what you believe you are capable of. I may not know you but everyone needs to hear this: I believe in you and you will accomplish fantastic things. You are great and will achieve greatness in time. Rome was not built in a day, ya know?


As for college:

College is going to kick your ass but you need to kick its ass right back. I have yet to start college for what I love but I wasted two whole semesters under two different majors trying to figure out what I wanted out of life. I didn't believe I was great at school considering my track record but I kicked ass my first art semester. I got a B+ in drawing, when I swore I blew ass at it. I got A's in sociology and was doing better in math than what I ever believed possible. When under pressure, your brain can surprise you. But grades won't come easy. Study shit. Take a fuck ton of notes. Don't look at your phone or draw or jerk off. The internet doesn't exist when you're in class. Focus on being the very best you can be. Even if topics being discussed are absolutely boring as shit, take notes. Taking notes is your best friend because even if you shit out those notes, later on when the test comes, you'll have those shitty notes to fall back on when you need them most (even if you didn't give a shit about writing them to begin with). Talk to people. Studying with people helps a lot because everyone has a different perspective so outside perspectives are great for school. You may not end up being best friends but you will assist each other in not fucking up, and thats a good enough point to build a decent friendship off of.
Student loans are a heavy burden to carry so nows the time to avoid them getting heavier. Look up grants and awards you can apply for (Ones that require essays or simple things of the sort). Apply for jobs that don't suck (coffee shops are the best thing for students, imo. chill atmosphere, easy drinks, opportunities to make connections with customers who work in different businesses) or even retail because that shit can be stressful but its really not hard if you don't treat customers like pests. Do something about your debt now so later on, it won't just be there waiting for you to drown in. The decisions you make now will alter your future, so why not make your future as easy & bright as possible? College is going to be hard but you will have all the necessary tools before you to help you, including GAF. Don't give up on school. Grab it by the balls and make it your bitch. You can do this.

As for shit at home:

I don't know what you're dealing with but I imagine its enough to hurt you emotionally and be the cherry on top of your shit sundae. I've gone through a ton at home, from abuse to drugs to family members leaving to family members doing drugs to family members doing porn to being homeless to being evicted to being poor to being beyond desperate and selling my things to live. I understand it all. The one thing you have to do to get through all of this, no matter how hard, is to find something to make your own. Whether its gaming or reading or drawing or music.....Find that one thing that makes it all disappear, even if its only for a moment. Hang onto it. No matter how hard things will get, that one thing will get you through it. When life is nothing but sheer chaos, create a safe haven for yourself because although we love our families and want to save them, we must also learn to save ourselves. You cannot carry the weight of everyone around you always. Also, talking to someone helps. Talk to your friends about every single fucked up thing. Don't hold back because of your fear of judgement. Tell someone about it. If you're comfortable, you can tell me about it. I lived a life of being alone without a single soul to help me carry my burdens or even understand them and now I am no longer alone but I have learned that absolutely no one deserves to feel that way. If you are willing to talk, I will happily listen. But if not, thats also cool. Just remember that pain is only temporary no matter what form. Family troubles are hard but you cannot let them define you. Work through what you have the best you can. Do your very best with what you have because thats all anyone can ask for. Just whatever you do, do not give up. You have to stay strong.



I know this is long and very......wisdom-y but sometimes, all it takes is one person caring in a way you've never felt cared about before. Sometimes that one thing is all it takes to change everything and any time there is a chance I can help someone, no matter how little or big the issue, I will always help or give advice. I cant tell you how to live your life but I can only tell you that this will get better. You can and will do better. Pain, sadness, anger, depression....It is all only temporary. There is always a silver lining, even if you don't believe there to be. I know when my life was completely shattered that I would've killed for someone to tell me what I'm telling you now, so I do this for that reason. Don't give up. Go out there and punch life in the dick.