The Take Out Bandit
Member
*sniff sniff* OK, ill actually put up an image and not just a link
Click image to read the comic
Okay, sat down and read it today.
I'm more of a visual guy, so I'll comment on that.
Use more blacks. To better indicate volume on figures, shadow, and just to fill in negative spaces. Big empty spaces stick out like a sore thumb.
I’d like to see more rendering in the illustration instead of just computer coloring fill ins. Solid line art should stand on its own. If you have a wooden box, add some texture in the inking.
Action needs more exaggeration. There is a realistic style here, but Ong Bak is full of real people and those wonderful martial artists and stuntmen sell the action. This is why Blade 2 is one of the best comic book movies out there. Action! See also Will Eisner's Comics and Sequential Art for a master course on using gesture and body language to help tell your story.
Panel flow is confusing on some pages. Large black spaces or asymmetrical panel layouts make me question which panel to read next. A well laid out comic page will read in a Z pattern.
Visual storytelling is a bit weak. Particularly in the fight scenes. They're framed poorly, establishing shots only need be done once, and when done right the rest of the fight will fall into place.
The scene with the super powered guy and the weirdo going after the guy hiding under the desk is a good example. I don't recall the two antagonists being foreshadowed or staged at any point prior to the action, so when the security detail leaves it's unclear if they beat him up, or if he was in on it with them? Plus there's no tension / suspense in the scene despite the use of the Big Bad Wolf reference. Perhaps it was the way it was written, but as the artist you should advise the writer on how to better sell the story.
The Film Director has some good advice for cartoonists on how to use looks and eye contact to transition between panels.
Also look into P. Craig Russell's master new video series Guide to Graphic Storytelling. $62 to kickstarter will get you both DVD's shipped!
Word balloons should flow left to right. Moving right to left in the middle of a page in unnatural for the reader. If you can’t get the dialogue to flow left to right, reconsider the page layout so you can make it work, or use “...” to carry over the dialogue to the next panel.
It's a solid start and you're about at the level that bell-end Kevin Mellon was at when I first saw his work, but keep at it to hone your craft and you'll lap that dude in no time.
