had a patient who owns a feed store look at me surprised when I gave him 29 ivermectin pills a few of days ago. he told me he's already been taking ivermectin (presumably sells it at his store?) and told me he didn't think hospitals gave it to covid patients (common misconception that people lie about, for whatever reason). I could tell this guy was highly suspicious so I thought this would help us establish a therapeutic relationship and build some trust. I told him we are trying everything we possibly can with one goal in mind: send him back to his family in one piece. I didn't lecture him because I know it comes off as patronizing, I just wanted him to know I'll do everything I possibly can to help him fight this thing, that our goals are aligned and that I'm on his team no matter what.
anyway long story short, he didn't get better, his shortness of air made him more and more anxious despite the anxiolytics, became more paranoid due to hypoxia, taking off his oxygen in fits of frustration, and when I couldn't be there to calm him down and a shitty nurse just rubbed him the wrong way, he became convinced we were the ones making him feel this way and not the progressively worsening pneumonia. He became belligerent. Blue in the face he was still able to throw a staff member across the room. is now in restraints and intubated and showing no signs of improvement at this time. I had 5 ICU patients that day and still made time to sit down and guide him through the darkness and some shitty nurse comes in and carelessly throws away any progress we've made in an instant. I don't know where I'm going with this, just trying to make sense of what happened. then yesterday, 3 of my patients died. every phone call you have to make is the worst experience of your life. one of them called me back a few hours after I had to tell her that her husband died to ask me how he was doing....I slept 18 hours last night and wanted to sleep more. people like to cherry pick their talking points they ultimately understand nothing about; "not enough studies" the morbidly obese woman will tell you with a straight face about the vaccines while sits on a non rebreather while we give her tons of meds that have very barely been studied, like she even understands the first thing about how trials work. its fucking absurd. We are figuring things out as we go along, and to hyperfocus and cherry pick trivial discrepancies along the way in an attempt to undermine everything else they say is straight up disgraceful and only ends up hurting causes you claim to defend. it's self sabotage in my eyes.
at this point I wouldn't be surprised if those most resistant to vaccine efforts have already experienced first hand the pain and suffering of the people they love most , and the only thing to avoid the painful realization that you contributed to the miserable asphyxiating death of the people you love most is to just double down in order to avoid the cognitive dissonance. I'm rambling