Honestly, this along with the reaction to the OP should be a lesson to you all on how not to be successful in business. People who get caught up in their meaningless principles and annoyances in office dynamics instead of focusing on what's important. You should be focused on making relationships to further your career advancement, and if that person won't have an impact on your career, ensure you still keep a good impression so that the talk about you that may spread to the people who do have an impact is positive. Keep your eye on the prize people and let this petty shit go. Because that lunch you had to throw out and re-purchase due to your germaphobia and/or principles isn't worth the potential career cost a bad impression gives you.
Actually don't. More people like you, the more the rest of us can be successful as you keep fucking it up
EDIT - This is also more important when you work in IT industry. I've been more successful in my life by in part knowing how to build relationships with socially awkward developers where if I was anal like the OP, I couldn't handle.
Thanks man. I try my best to build relationships and create a name for myself. I know it's hard to believe but while I am introverted, I am also not socially awkward and while what happened was a bit of an overreaction, I think it reads stronger than how it felt (for me).
I'll try to branch out and start conversation with other people at this location, because this location has over 400 people, yet I have only interacted with maybe 6 or 7 at the most, including security. I shouldn't be giving so much mind share to the two coworkers mentioned in the OP when theres so many more people here.
This is probably gonna fall on deaf ears, but OP you were right. I can't believe 100% of the people who finds strangers putting their faces in close proximity to their food is comfortable to eat it afterwards and to think it's acceptable after the fact.
If the coworker thinks you are an asshole for it, he's probably not worth getting chummy with anyhow. Respect people's personal space and their belongings. If you didn't ask for permission, don't assume that it's okay.
I don't think people would have felt comfortable seeing some near-stranger rifle with their food in such a manner either and are speaking from a condescending place because maybe they've never been in that situation. It's not only the gross factor but the fact that I felt violated and it made the meal unappealing to me. In a flash, when he did that the only thing that flashed in my mind was all the gross stuff I ever seen him do. Thanks for the perspective
How effective has this logic been in your case? Seems like you have mostly gravitated to justifying yourself and framed people making a huge deal out of your reaction as unworthy of listening too and becoming dismissive and defensive.
There is an irony and a lesson from that you seem to not be getting.
I do get WHY i'm being criticized, or whatever. Maybe what I did was petty and an overreaction. I'm not dismissing what everyone else is saying but I also don't feel like I was 100% wrong. I just reacted a bit different but it was a private exchange between two people. Thinking about it now I'm a bit more upset he went and blabbed and made it a public exchange between three people, possibly more, and tainting my relationship with other coworkers, but I do accept that I might've possible been 'more wrong' by leaving it on his desk as that could be seen as a sign of pettiness.
Did OP confirm coworkers bare hands on his food? Yes
Did OP confirm unknowing and/or bad personal hygiene? Yes
Did OP confirm his preference for personal space for his food? Yes
He can be an OCD bubble boy tier of germaphobia, but still respect his personal space and the space of his belongings if permission is not granted.
I saw that he admitted to being passive aggressive by putting the food on his desk. I can understand that. But OP also confirmed coworker took it home. He could have wasted the food, but didn't. He said he would apologize. I think it would only be warranted if the coworker did the same.
Thanks. I feel as though if anyone purposefully does something to your food to make it unappealing to you, at the very least you should tell them what they did wrong. In the future, maybe I won't bark at them about boogers or tell them to get me a new one, but I will let them know they made my food unappealing to me. It's like finding a hair that isn't yours in your food. Some people think it's innocuous, and some would take it back and ask for a new one. He didn't exactly 'poke' at the food sort to speak. It was most likely grease or sauce that was outside of the container or maybe on the side when he picked it up. Either way, by picking up the container his hands were adjacent to my food and when he sniffed and breathed on it it made it completely unappealing to me.
Things seem fine in the office anyway. In the coffee area Arnie even spoke to me with a few other coworkers. Even told a joke, and didn't do that elbow jab/side punch thing he does after he tells a joke. Not sure if he is uneasy with me or doesn't know where I stand with him but it does sort of feel like a comfortable distance.
