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[ZackieChan]

Okay, I have never been in a situation like this before. I've been using Tinder and have had more success lately than ever before. There are currently four different girls I'm talking to that are all interested in going on dates in the future. Would you say it's morally wrong to date more than one girl at once, as long as it's in the early stages and not close to becoming a relationship? I want to explore my options, but I don't want to lead anyone on.

It's fine to date them all.. Until you can make a decision, of course weed out the ones that don't suit you. I am sure they are seeing/talking to others as well.

Yep. Date them all and date them fast. Otherwise they'll lose interest and you'll have wasted a lot of time. Like jmxxii said, they're probably talking to others while they're talking to you. Move to and in person date soon as you can.

 

[Tsukumo]

A girl asked me out yesterday. We went chilling in the park, really hot weather, had a few beers, talked a bit. I was also super tired and hung over. I told her in advance that there was a big chance of me being hung over. It went alright, but nothing more than that. I could tell she was really into me, giving me compliments, telling me she was glad I wanted to meet up.

She wanted a second "date" and I agreed. Now, I'm not sure I feel a click. I'm not used to dating at all, I've had problems with a toxic ex and I've been out of the game for quite some time. Should I give this another go? Was it the hangover?

Basically, if there's no immediate click on the first date, should I go on a second one or just call it quits?

Duuude, not funny.

Spoiler

Avatar quote.

ok so I guess this is my first go at this, kinda long I guess, sorry!

Hence the cuts...

Anyways, we basically just talked and caught up for the few years we lost contact. Lots of laughing and stuff, tons of different topics, we talked about how fucked up we are and how horrible school is going, she mentioned she broke up with her HS boyfriend like a year ago and has been dating a bunch of people on and off,

Oh look, hints! Clues!

who all mostly turn out to just be idiots and dicks, and how she is single now (little over a month).

"mostly turn out to be idiots and dicks" can mean a good thing (they didn't met her standard) or a bad thing (every single one of them dumped her and she is resentful). In both cases she still likes them: keep watch for when you two will meet one of them and she will talk to them like they are her best bros.

Bar ended up closing around 12 ish, so we were there for like a good 2 hours and had a few beers. We ended up going to another bar to just continue talking and stuff, had another beer before they closed up around 1 in the morning when we decided it was just time to go home. Didn't kiss her, we just hugged when we got to her car.

Which means that now she is unsure if you like her or if you are teasing her, because you two were alone and you didn't make a move.

So I know you guys probably going, "well why the fuck are you posting here for that sounds like everything went fucking great". Yea, it was a fun night, but I mean I can't tell if she's like actually interested at all. I've never been good with signals. There was a little physical contact, but it wasn't romantic from what I could tell, it was literally me just checking out her arm because she was complaining of a small bug bight and checking her hand because it had a giant black mark which looked like a mole, but turned out to be just a marker mark.

She is clever. I like her. This was a nice way to ask for physical contact. Next time you see her give her a sincere compliment so she'll know you are interested. Assume that she is ok with physical contact from now on. Next time you are alone with her AT LEAST grab her hand.
I'd suggest doing this when you are sitting, since any reaction other than she immediately taking her hand back is a go for a kiss. If you feel like kissing would be too much for now, remember the compliment and the hand grabbing. She is going to loose interest very fast otherwise.

At the other bar we were closer together, side by side on the bench talking, but there was nothing really physical at all. Lots of eye contact, but that's because we were, you know, talking to each other.

I can picture her on the phone right now, asking her friends "do you think he liked me? maybe he just sees me as a friend? I mean: I told him I had no boyfriend and looked him in the eyes the entire night while we were like, sitting this close to each other"...

We're going out again sometime this week, but I don't know how or if I should try and make a move. We hit it off so good, it was just like we never stopped talking and hanging out, it was almost too similar that I feel like she's not interested. I wasn't even calling this thing a date, I'm still not, even though my friend was like "why are you so reluctant to say this is a date, you're getting drinks at night stupid"

[Bites his tongue repeatedly...]

 

[Scotch]

We're going out again sometime this week, but I don't know how or if I should try and make a move. We hit it off so good, it was just like we never stopped talking and hanging out, it was almost too similar that I feel like she's not interested. I wasn't even calling this thing a date, I'm still not, even though my friend was like "why are you so reluctant to say this is a date, you're getting drinks at night stupid"

She's interested.

 

[War Peaceman]

FWB type situation. I value our relationship more than most in my life though. She's a very genuine person that I can tell basically anything to. She has some deep scars from her recent past that are still healing, so i don't want to force her hand and being in a relationship with me. It's the corniest thing ever, but she tells me I'm Paul to her Holly Golightly 😂

BUT I don't sit around and wait for her to be ready for something with me though, so don't worry about me in that regard. I've been on dates/talked with other girls recently.

I would absolutely defy you all again for what it's worth. ❤️

Is there a Paul in Breakfast at Tiffany's? I don't remember one

 

[Ray Wonder]

.....


Oh wow lol

Yeah, it's kinda accurate. Except for the part about Paul telling her that he owns her.
It's a fun situation though.

Is there a Paul in Breakfast at Tiffany's? I don't remember one

Is this a joke about how Holly calls him Fred all the time? Not sure I'm grasping the notion here. lol

 

[Jokab]

I can picture her on the phone right now, asking her friends "do you think he liked me? maybe he just sees me as a friend? I mean: I told him I had no boyfriend and looked him in the eyes the entire night while we were like, sitting this close to each other"...

Lol this is way too true.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

rofl, hey I know this is probably head smashing for you guys, but I have zero experience with dating or girls in general, like the only time anything has ever happened with me and a girl was a few years ago shit faced at a wedding. Thanks for hearing it out, I'll definitely make some more obvious moves to signal my intentions.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Well... Meetup is for meeting just new people. You're not using meetup and going to groups just specifically to get a date, right? Unless it's a group that is straight up a singles group, then you're pretty much setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, making friends with people there can lead to romantic opportunities, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Basically, if you're only looking for a date, just stick with online dating/going to bars. If you're looking for new friends, then Meetup is where it's at.

Yup. I use my dating apps more like meetups. I do meet hoping we could connect and date, but even if it doesn't, it's still fun to meet new people and talk to them. You never know what you can learn while meeting new people. Don't try to force it. When you meet them (dating or otherwise) go with the intention of having a great time and just meeting someone new.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Yup. I use my dating apps more like meetups. I do meet hoping we could connect and date, but even if it doesn't, it's still fun to meet new people and talk to them. You never know what you can learn while meeting new people. Don't try to force it. When you meet them (dating or otherwise) go with the intention of having a great time and just meeting someone new.

I can't even meetup with anyone outside of the actual event for some reason even though I can get their numbers, this is all very encouraging for someone diagnosed with depression :/ I feel like becoming a fucking hermit right now, even though no human contact beyond your parents=bad thing. No idea what I can do to fix this, must have something fundamentally wrong with me to get that many flakers. Not just girls, either.

 

[Cow Mengde]

I can't even meetup with anyone outside of the actual event for some reason even though I can get their numbers, this is all very encouraging for someone diagnosed with depression :/ I feel like becoming a fucking hermit right now, even though no human contact beyond your parents=bad thing. No idea what I can do to fix this, must have something fundamentally wrong with me to get that many flakers. Not just girls, either.

You have to ask. You have to make the effort once you have the numbers. With flakers, you just have to not take it personally. Once I asked someone to meet, the only communication we do over text/phone is to confirm the time and place of the meetup/date. I do the talking when we meet.

Also, have you tried joining GAF meetups? They're a lot of fun. Check to see if there's a Gaf meetup in your city.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

rofl, hey I know this is probably head smashing for you guys, but I have zero experience with dating or girls in general, like the only time anything has ever happened with me and a girl was a few years ago shit faced at a wedding. Thanks for hearing it out, I'll definitely make some more obvious moves to signal my intentions.

Invite her to your place and play her the latest Drake album. You can't get anymore obvious than that man.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

Invite her to your place and play her the latest Drake album. You can't get anymore obvious than that man.

lol

 

[gaiages]

You have to ask. You have to make the effort once you have the numbers. With flakers, you just have to not take it personally. Once I asked someone to meet, the only communication we do over text/phone is to confirm the time and place of the meetup/date. I do the talking when we meet.

Also, have you tried joining GAF meetups? They're a lot of fun. Check to see if there's a Gaf meetup in your city.

Off topic, but how do you find out what GAF meetups there are? I was kind of thinking about setting one up myself in my area (or at least gauge interest) but I can never find any info

 

[Kurtofan]

Its not too brazen at all; in fact, its the right thing to do. Don't ask her what she likes, just take her for coffee. A girl that's into you won't really care where you take her.

so I sent her the message "hi how are you doing? are you doing anything this weekend? If so wanna grab a cup of coffee? Good evening" and she replied "I'm fine and you? Sorry I work all day the weekends, maybe some other time"

did I fuck up?

 

[ZackieChan]

so I sent her the message "hi how are you doing? are you doing anything this weekend? If so wanna grab a cup of coffee? Good evening" and she replied "I'm fine and you? Sorry I work all day the weekends, maybe some other time"

did I fuck up?

It's a pretty long message. But it sounds like she's not interested. Move on, bro.

 

[Salamando]

so I sent her the message "hi how are you doing? are you doing anything this weekend? If so wanna grab a cup of coffee? Good evening" and she replied "I'm fine and you? Sorry I work all day the weekends, maybe some other time"

did I fuck up?

You could have simplified it a little - "I enjoyed <whatever you were doing when you met her>. Would you like to get some coffee on Saturday?" Asking "how are you doing" and "are you doing anything this weekend" aren't the questions you want her to answer, so just ask the one you do.

You could try asking her out for coffee during the week, suggesting two specific days. That'd be a "I have nothing to lose" play. If she answers anything but in the affirmative, nothing's going to happen here.

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

"Maybe some other time" is people's way of saying "actually never". If she was interested she would have suggested another time..."hey sorry I work weekend but Monday's are usually free for me, how about then?" Would have been a response showing she was interested.

 

[ZackieChan]

I agree that one more message is fine, though. Go for broke and don't look back

 

[Oblivion]

So I got a question, and I'd like to get some thoughts from y'all. It's something I mentioned before, but not specifically this problem.

I'm currently attending university, and as you would expect, there are lots and lots of attractive young ladies walking about. The problem is that I'm 31 (gonna be 32 in October), and most of these little chicas are in their early 20s, sometimes even younger. Now, I'm not saying that I have a moral or ethical problem dating someone with such an age gap. As long as it's consensual, and between two legal adults, who cares, right?

However, it's a different matter if both parties aren't aware of how old the other actually is. I've been told by tons of people that I still look like I'm my early to mid 20s, so I can get away with blending into the younger crowd. Some girls have shown interest in me, but I would guess that their interest would plummet if they knew how old I was.

So my question: is it wrong for me to date one of these youngins without disclosing my age?

 

[turtle553]

So I got a question, and I'd like to get some thoughts from y'all. It's something I mentioned before, but not specifically this problem.

I'm currently attending university, and as you would expect, there are lots and lots of attractive young ladies walking about. The problem is that I'm 31 (gonna be 32 in October), and most of these little chicas are in their early 20s, sometimes even younger. Now, I'm not saying that I have a moral or ethical problem dating someone with such an age gap. As long as it's consensual, and between two legal adults, who cares, right?

However, it's a different matter if both parties aren't aware of how old the other actually is. I've been told by tons of people that I still look like I'm my early to mid 20s, so I can get away with blending into the younger crowd. Some girls have shown interest in me, but I would guess that their interest would plummet if they knew how old I was.

So my question: is it wrong for me to date one of these youngins without disclosing my age?

I'm 37 and live in a college town. All the girls I talk to at bars think I'm mid 20s when they ask my age. Some will think your age is a plus and some will think you're too old. Either way, I wouldn't bring it up first. If they ask, don't lie, but don't assume it will be a deal-breaker either.

 

[GK86]

I'm in the same boat (in college, 29, but look 22/23). I bring it up the first date/hangout if it hasn't been brought up already. I'm usually the first to bring it up since I don't date below 21.

Most of the time they don't care and/or are into older guys.

 

[Count Dookkake]

So I got a question, and I'd like to get some thoughts from y'all. It's something I mentioned before, but not specifically this problem.

I'm currently attending university, and as you would expect, there are lots and lots of attractive young ladies walking about. The problem is that I'm 31 (gonna be 32 in October), and most of these little chicas are in their early 20s, sometimes even younger. Now, I'm not saying that I have a moral or ethical problem dating someone with such an age gap. As long as it's consensual, and between two legal adults, who cares, right?

However, it's a different matter if both parties aren't aware of how old the other actually is. I've been told by tons of people that I still look like I'm my early to mid 20s, so I can get away with blending into the younger crowd. Some girls have shown interest in me, but I would guess that their interest would plummet if they knew how old I was.

So my question: is it wrong for me to date one of these youngins without disclosing my age?

You don't have to tell them shit. Age isn't an STD.

If they ask, they're usually impressed if you look so young.

 

[War Peaceman]

The fact that you use the phrase 'little chicas' is likely more harmful than your age.

Just don't lie about it. A fair few people like older men for what it is worth!

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Just popping my head in here to say... it's amazing the influence that power has in the attraction of women. Since I got a promotion, I've noticed literally double-digit amounts of girls -- who barely acknowledged me when I said hello before -- now coming over to talk to me, touch my arm, etc.

Tony Montana really was right. :|

 

[Oblivion]

I'm 37 and live in a college town. All the girls I talk to at bars think I'm mid 20s when they ask my age. Some will think your age is a plus and some will think you're too old. Either way, I wouldn't bring it up first. If they ask, don't lie, but don't assume it will be a deal-breaker either.

I'm in the same boat (in college, 29, but look 22/23). I bring it up the first date/hangout if it hasn't been brought up already. I'm usually the first to bring it up since I don't date below 21.

Most of the time they don't care and/or are into older guys.

You don't have to tell them shit. Age isn't an STD.

If they ask, they're usually impressed if you look so young.

The fact that you use the phrase 'little chicas' is likely more harmful than your age.

Just don't lie about it. A fair few people like older men for what it is worth!

Okay great. Conscience cleared!

 

[Cow Mengde]

Off topic, but how do you find out what GAF meetups there are? I was kind of thinking about setting one up myself in my area (or at least gauge interest) but I can never find any info

What city are you in? You can type your city into the search to find it too.

 

[N.Domixis]

I was walking through the labs at my university and a girl who I briefly talked to the day before smiled at me and I didn't do anything. Did I fuck up?

 

[jdstorm]

So I got a question, and I'd like to get some thoughts from y'all. It's something I mentioned before, but not specifically this problem.

I'm currently attending university, and as you would expect, there are lots and lots of attractive young ladies walking about. The problem is that I'm 31 (gonna be 32 in October), and most of these little chicas are in their early 20s, sometimes even younger. Now, I'm not saying that I have a moral or ethical problem dating someone with such an age gap. As long as it's consensual, and between two legal adults, who cares, right?

However, it's a different matter if both parties aren't aware of how old the other actually is. I've been told by tons of people that I still look like I'm my early to mid 20s, so I can get away with blending into the younger crowd. Some girls have shown interest in me, but I would guess that their interest would plummet if they knew how old I was.

So my question: is it wrong for me to date one of these youngins without disclosing my age?

What's the intention of this "Dating" if you just want to hook up with as many attractive coeds then go for it. However no healthy long term realtionship can be built on lies and lies of omission definitely count. so if you like someone tell them the truth. In 30 years when you're 60 a 10 year age gap will mean practically nothing

 

[Reckoner]

I was walking through the labs at my university and a girl who I briefly talked to the day before smiled at me and I didn't do anything. Did I fuck up?

It's expected of you to at least say Hi and acknowledge her like human beings do.

 

[N.Domixis]

It's expected of you to at least say Hi and acknowledge her like human beings do.

Well it's not easy when it's the first time this has ever happened. I didn't expect it.

 

[Jzero]

it's amazing the influence that power has in the attraction of women. Since I got a promotion, I've noticed literally double-digit amounts of girls -- who barely acknowledged me when I said hello before -- now coming over to talk to me, touch my arm, etc.

Could it be that you're more confident now that you make more?
I currently became unemployed and i'm getting more attention than ever.

 

[War Peaceman]

Well it's not easy when it's the first time this has ever happened. I didn't expect it.

How do you even function?

Greetings and acknowledgement is the first step to human interaction.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Well it's not easy when it's the first time this has ever happened. I didn't expect it.

First time a girl has smiled at you? I mean I wouldn't take it as an invitation, unless the conversation yesterday had evidence in it that she was interested. People smile at people and say hi. That's a normal occurrence.

 

[vern]

Well it's not easy when it's the first time this has ever happened. I didn't expect it.

The first time someone has ever smiled at you?

 

[Makonero]

I just broke things off with a girl I really like. I feel like utter shit, but there are some fundamental incompatibilities that I know will blow up down the road, like the fact that she never wants to get married ever, and I definitely am looking to get married. We'd only been on a few dates and there have been some other red flags, but she was super into me. Like more than any girl for a long, long time.

Reassure me GAF, please. I know there are other women out there but this makes me feel like an ass. The physical attraction and chemistry was through the roof.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

I just broke things off with a girl I really like. I feel like utter shit, but there are some fundamental incompatibilities that I know will blow up down the road, like the fact that she never wants to get married ever, and I definitely am looking to get married. We'd only been on a few dates and there have been some other red flags, but she was super into me. Like more than any girl for a long, long time.

Reassure me GAF, please. I know there are other women out there but this makes me feel like an ass. The physical attraction and chemistry was through the roof.

Depending on her age, I personally would've probably kept dating her despite the marriage thing, as people say they will never get married all the time. Though I'm curious what these other red flags are... You also had only been on a few dates - meaning you barely really knew her. Things shift all the time.

Can't really reassure you of anything other than - yeah, you'll meet other women. But there isn't enough info here to really say whether this was a "great call" or not - that's for you to personally decide based on your ultimate dating goals/desires/needs.

 

[gwailo]

I just broke things off with a girl I really like. I feel like utter shit, but there are some fundamental incompatibilities that I know will blow up down the road, like the fact that she never wants to get married ever, and I definitely am looking to get married. We'd only been on a few dates and there have been some other red flags, but she was super into me. Like more than any girl for a long, long time.

Reassure me GAF, please. I know there are other women out there but this makes me feel like an ass. The physical attraction and chemistry was through the roof.

How long were you dating for? The marriage question shouldn't really be coming up too soon. Also it is not the end all be all of relationships and a lot of young people think they will never be married; I was certainly in that boat and I didn't get married until I was 38. If everything else is good, getting married is more symbolic than anything else.

 

[friday]

I just broke things off with a girl I really like. I feel like utter shit, but there are some fundamental incompatibilities that I know will blow up down the road, like the fact that she never wants to get married ever, and I definitely am looking to get married. We'd only been on a few dates and there have been some other red flags, but she was super into me. Like more than any girl for a long, long time.

Reassure me GAF, please. I know there are other women out there but this makes me feel like an ass. The physical attraction and chemistry was through the roof.

If there were things about her that made you uneasy and not committed then you probably made the right decision. How long had you been dating?

 

[Makonero]

Depending on her age, I personally would've probably kept dating her despite the marriage thing, as people say they will never get married all the time. Though I'm curious what these other red flags are... You also had only been on a few dates - meaning you barely really knew her. Things shift all the time.

Can't really reassure you of anything other than - yeah, you'll meet other women. But there isn't enough info here to really say whether this was a "great call" or not - that's for you to personally decide based on your ultimate dating goals/desires/needs.

How long were you dating for? The marriage question shouldn't really be coming up too soon. Also it is not the end all be all of relationships and a lot of young people think they will never be married; I was certainly in that boat and I didn't get married until I was 38. If everything else is good, getting married is more symbolic than anything else.

If there were things about her that made you uneasy and not committed then you probably made the right decision. How long had you been dating?

Thanks guys for responding. I don't want to go into too much detail, but there were more objections I had than just the marriage thing. She was a single mom, recently divorced (less than a year), 22, and we only went on a few dates. We also have religious differences. If it was just one or two of these things, I wouldn't have broken things off so soon, but it all feels like so much. And I just don't want to get involved with someone seriously who doesn't want the same things I want long term, I don't think that's really fair. I think I got caught up in how much she liked me and how much we texted and how physically attracted we were to one another. Writing all this out makes me feel better actually because I realize that this was always going to end, and it's probably better to end it sooner rather than later.

 

[gaiages]

What city are you in? You can type your city into the search to find it too.

Okay so I apparently had a long term brain fart and never thought about searching anything other than the word "meetup" lol. I'll try my city name and the area/state I live in. Thanks lol

 

[gwailo]

Thanks guys for responding. I don't want to go into too much detail, but there were more objections I had than just the marriage thing. She was a single mom, recently divorced (less than a year), 22, and we only went on a few dates. We also have religious differences. If it was just one or two of these things, I wouldn't have broken things off so soon, but it all feels like so much. And I just don't want to get involved with someone seriously who doesn't want the same things I want long term, I don't think that's really fair. I think I got caught up in how much she liked me and how much we texted and how physically attracted we were to one another. Writing all this out makes me feel better actually because I realize that this was always going to end, and it's probably better to end it sooner rather than later.

She got divorced less than a year ago after getting married at an early age, so it's pretty normal that she would not want to get married again (or at least state that she doesn't wqnt to). TBH she should probably be concentrating more on herself (and her kid) at this point and I don't think this would have turned into anything long-term, especially with the religious differences, which are often a deal breaker in and of itself.

 

[Makonero]

She got divorced less than a year ago after getting married at an early age, so it's pretty normal that she would not want to get married again (or at least state that she doesn't wqnt to). TBH she should probably be concentrating more on herself (and her kid) at this point and I don't think this would have turned into anything long-term, especially with the religious differences, which are often a deal breaker in and of itself.

Yeah, I know. I just feel shitty since she was so into me. And I was blinded by my physical attraction, which makes me feel even shittier.

 

[N.Domixis]

How do you even function?

Greetings and acknowledgement is the first step to human interaction.

I know that, but she's a good looking girl that I had just talked to the day before. I didn't expect it. I froze, just kept walking and ignored her, didn't know what to do. FML.

The first time someone has ever smiled at you?

From someone that is not a friend or family member its the first time I noticed.

 

[ZackieChan]

I know that, but she's a good looking girl that I had just talked to the day before. I didn't expect it. I froze, just kept walking and ignored her, didn't know what to do. FML.




From someone that is not a friend or family member its the first time I noticed.

You can do better. How about saying hi? A wave?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I know that, but she's a good looking girl that I had just talked to the day before. I didn't expect it. I froze, just kept walking and ignored her, didn't know what to do. FML.




From someone that is not a friend or family member its the first time I noticed.

Sometimes when you see someone you vaguely know you gotta just like say fuck it and talk to them. Worst comes to worst its a short convo.

 

[Oxn]

I know that, but she's a good looking girl that I had just talked to the day before. I didn't expect it. I froze, just kept walking and ignored her, didn't know what to do. FML.




From someone that is not a friend or family member its the first time I noticed.

You were able to talk to her before, so why freeze now?

 

[Kurtofan]

"Maybe some other time" is people's way of saying "actually never". If she was interested she would have suggested another time..."hey sorry I work weekend but Monday's are usually free for me, how about then?" Would have been a response showing she was interested.

actually I reread her message (I had been exercising before I received it and was fucking spent) and it seems more positive "hi, kurtofan, I'm fine and you? It would have been a pleasure but I work all day the weekends. Another time why not." (it's a translation by the way)

 

[Salamando]

actually I reread her message (I had been exercising before I received it and was fucking spent) and it seems more positive "hi, kurtofan, I'm fine and you? It would have been a pleasure but I work all day the weekends. Another time why not." (it's a translation by the way)

so you asked her if she wants to get coffee on a weekday, right?

While "too busy" can mean "no", there's a chance it's a girl who's just awkward texting. It takes 30 seconds to text once more, and whatever response you get will more clearly define the situation. Just don't allow yourself to get strung along for repeated denials of a date.

 

[Kurtofan]

so you asked her if she wants to get coffee on a weekday, right?

While "too busy" can mean "no", there's a chance it's a girl who's just awkward texting. It takes 30 seconds to text once more, and whatever response you get will more clearly define the situation. Just don't allow yourself to get strung along for repeated denials of a date.

No I haven't yet, I don't know if I should wait one more day.

 

[Kurtofan]

so I sent her the text... I'm dubious but oh well. She called and told me she's working until the 19th, and later we would be able to meet? I hope she's not pulling my leg...