So since I never get to join you live, here's my running Raw commentary just as if I was there in real time. In chronological order as I watch.
Hi there Heel Sheamus, you can't touch Big Show, so lets just push this random guy that did nothing to you from a ladder. Sheamus, you're a dick.
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Barrett vs. Truth with Cesaro and Kofi on commentary. No way this match isn't ending with a double run-in.
Oh wait, Barrett is winning the title and Cesaro is retaining, so of course Barrett loses clean. Come on Aiii, you've been watching this shit for year, you know how they book.
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I'm excited too AJ! But we both know you're getting attacked by Tamina to set up a PPV match.
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OMG, Cody is back already? No way. I hope this doesn't end the apprentice search
Heh, a Cody's Moustache chant? Well done crowd, well done indeed. Predictable winners, and rightfully so. Hope they win the belts soon.
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They're making a huge deal about a women's match, you go AJ. Shame it isn't a match with Vickie, it would help the division if they made this big a deal about matches with girls that could work instead of non-wrestler authority figure squash. Still, progress.
Meanwhile, Divas Champion gets no hype at all. Poor Eve, she deserves better.
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No wheelchair? I'm dissapointed
Walrus? Really? Really? Reaaaallyyyy Jerry Lawler?
Okay, so 40 minutes into the show (guess this is around 9PM timeslot), I'm really enjoying Raw so far. Sure, the matches weren't that long, but they were enjoyable for the most part.
Maybe we should get rid of the roman calendar and replace it with a new one that counts the days from Punk's title win.
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Ziggler vs Sheamus is hard to call. I expect both of them to win at the PPV, so who will take the loss in this match? DQ ending?
Yes, Lawler, thank for reminding us how Sheamus hit Big Show with a chair for over 30 times even when the guy was pleading for him to stop. What a stand-up-guy, hang on while I cheer him!
And a DQ finish, what a shock WWE, what a shock. Great match though, Heel Sheamus really does compensate his shitty persona with some great brawling.
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AJ: Pictured while having dinner with Cena. Gets Fired without question.
Vickie: Caught in compromising position with two superstars by the Chairman of the Board himself. Nothing happens.
FOR FUCKS SAKE WWE! *sigh*
I guess I should say ffs Vince, I can't imagine nobody from creative told him this when he thought of this segment.
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Zack Ryder getting squashed in Jersey. Woo Woo Woo, you know it!
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Listen to that pop for AJ, doesn't that just warm your heart? You know I'll be raging by the end of this match.
No ref? Please be McMahon. Please be McMahon!
OMG BRAD MADDOXX! BAH GAWD IT'S BRAD MADDOXX! IT IS BRAD MADDOXX! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? BAH GAWD KING LOOK AT THAT!!!
Meanwhile, in Michael Cole era WWE: "That man is Brad Maddoxx. Brad Maddoxx has been at the center of major controversy..."
Seriously, and you wonder why nobody cares about watching your show?
Still though, it's a decent twist. So kudos for that. Okay, I get Vickie can't sell many moves, but really, another carfight booking and a suprise roll-up win?
Seriously, this company. At least have AJ beat up Maddoxx or something. Book a TLC mixed match between the two McMahon. Do it.
Oh look, it's fucking John Cena ruining the only interesting thing AJ is doing and turning her from bad-ass into crying little girl. Fuck this company.
Told you I'd be raging.
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That last part was "and nothing but the truth" Lawler, learn some German would you.
Cesaro going over cleanly, as it should be. That mid-air catch, so good. Cesaro is gonna be huge, I can't even see a way WWE could muck this guy up.
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CODY'S MOUSTACHE! CODY'S MOUSTACHE! CODY'S MOUSTACHE! This is the return of Dashing Cody Rhodes, isn't it? Not the old gimmick though, but the late 80's cop-show version of it?
D'aaaaawwww, they are best friends now!
Cody's Moustache needs a pipe.
'The Moustache' Cody Rhodes.
New tag-team name: The Moustache Scholars.
From Yo Momma! to Gay-jokes. Face Miz is even worse than Heel Miz. They should stop putting Miz in segments with guys that are better on the mic than him. Which basically means he just shouldn't be on the mic while other people are present, ever.
Cody's Moustache is already more over than 90% of the roster, great move Cody.
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End this storyline WWE, not even AJ will get Cena cheered in Jersey.
Tons of Ziggler on this show, he's winning over Cena and cashing in to win the belt at TLC for sure. I love how he hasn't had a single segment with Vickie either. She doesn't come out to his music either.
Holy fuck, Cheers and a crying girl? Well color me surprised, I guess they love them some Cena in Jersey.
Big Show vs Cena is almost at the top of my list of matches I do not WANT or NEED to see.
Ziggler on commentary saves this match while we wait for SuperCena to engage.
And there he is! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? BAH GAWD IT'S A CHOKE SLAM, THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! ONE, TWO, NOOOOOO!
Meanwhile, in Michael Cole era WWE: "Choke slam! Big Show! Cena survives again."
I just realised I watched two hours of this and haven't once thought about Ryback not being on the show. Or Kane and Bryan. Or the Shield. Don't they have a big match on Sunday? Less than 3 minutes of this? So weird.
ALL OUT BRAWL! ALL OUT BRAWl! Hang on, is this TNA?
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Final thoughts. It was a good Raw, I enjoyed it. Still, even though I hadn't missed him, that Ladder spot by Ryback was brilliant, they're using him as they should. Come in, annihilate opposition, leave. This was one of the best go-home shows they've done in the past year in that it was used to build up the PPV, esp. Ziggler and had very little forgettable bullshit segments aside from the Del Rio - Ryder squash. I hope they add an AJ - Tamina match for the PPV, with a stip, but they won't.
I give it a 7/10.
