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WCW Monday Nitro 3/27/2000
This is the last Nitro before the reboot. So anything that happens on Nitro and Thunder this week is more meaningless than usual. Also, this is the Spring Breakout Show!
Mean Gene is in the ring and thanks a yak for flashing him. Fuck me. It's Kim. Looking hot as fuck.
She brings out a returning DDP. Madden is surprised to see DDP here since there aren't any trailer parks on South Padre Island. When DDP comes back, his back is gonna be JACKED! He shills Ready to Rumble. Wayne's World meets wrestling. This is awkward. Oh my. Out comes Jeff Jarrett to put DDP in his place. I love the spring break shows when guys wear weird shorts and outfits. Like Jeff wearing black jorts with combat boots. Jeff says he's going to crash the Ready to Rumble opening. This whole thing was awkward. DDP seemed out of it, cornier than usual, and the whole thing was just to promote Ready to Rumble.
Show rundown. Sting/Vampiro vs Team Package in Texas Tornado rules. Which means tassles and drugs I think. They talk about Eric Bischoff being brought back in as head of creative. Also, you may have heard rumors about Vince Russo being offered the same deal to work with Eric, but he is iffy on it. We'll be updated on Vince Russo's decision to head up creative with Eric Bischoff by the end of the show! How fucking weird is this? They make a big deal on screen about who is going to be not the booker or match maker, but head of creative?
TO EARLIER TODAY. Hogan and Jimmy Hart go on the radio with Mancow, who got into a fight with Jimmy. Mancow wants a match with Jimmy Hart.
TO THE BACK. Some jobbers are in the back talking about if they've hit the beach when Paisley and TAFKAPI stop in to pick his opponent. The three men were Air Paris, Mike Modest, and a dude who I know was in TNA in the early days, but I can't put a name to his squishy face.
EARLIER TODAY. The NWO were hanging by the pool.
TO THE BACK. Gene asks Booker what he thinks about the Harris Brothers claiming to be injured and can't defend the titles. He's going to fuck up the one who isn't hurt.
Mike Modest vs TAFKAPI
Chris Candido's music played, but he never came out. EXPLOOODDAAAAA!!! Modest is firmly in control. Skip finally comes out about 2 minutes after his music stopped. Someone missed a cue. Sid has placed a $500,000 bounty on Hulk Hogan. Chavo and Paisley get into it on the outside. I didn't know Chavo was out there. Modest hits his running DVD and almost gets the win. Modest takes Chavo off the apron, Prince gets bumped into Paisley who then falls into Chavo and Candido. Modest hits the Kryptonite Crunch for the win!
TO THE BACK. Gene talks to the Harris Brothers. Heavy D claims he hurt his shoulder pressing Madajah at the hotel after Thunder.
A highlight video of WCW stars hanging out on the beach with fans. I think Santino was dancing out there. God, this goes on forever.
TO THE BACK. Hogan and Jimmy Hart come in, but Vampiro stops them and says they need to talk.
Booker vs Ron Harris
Ron is wearing some Austin level tight and short jorts with all white shoes. "Don't put a cripple on the apron of the ring!" Jeff comes out with the guitar and the Harris Brothers hit the H-Bomb while Jeff has Nick Patrick distracted. Out runs Harlem Heat 2K INC. Big T appears to be wearing camo Zubaz with matching fanny pack. It's too hard to get a picture of it, though. But it is great, I promise.
TO THE BACK. Vamp tells Hogan about the bounty on his head. What a weird duo.
Mean Gene brings out Hulk Hogan. There is a simulcast at tnt.tuner.com with happenings backstage that aren't shown on TV. It's like Raw Active! Jimmy Hart would be there, but he's getting rubbed down by some yaks. Hulk says he's not leaving until he gets a piece of Sid. Hulk puts over Vampiro. He says Vampiro is going to be the man. Sting is his bro. Flair and Luger are scared of him. Finlay respects him. It's such a shame that it will all be ended a week later. Hulk actually says that Vamp reminds him of himself when Hulkamania started running wild. Wall's music plays and he's on top of the hotel! Does Wall want to chokeslam Hogan from the top of the hotel?
TO THE BACK. Tenay is with The Mamalukes and Disco. They are giving Disco the stare down. Vito calls the Harris Brother "fugazi", which they took offense to and left their cabana room.
The Jung Dragons are out cosplaying as 3 Count. It's actually a Japanese dub of Can't Get You Out of My Heart. Holy fuck. That's amazing.
The Mamalukes vs The Jung Dragons.
Disco is supposed to be in the match, but he's just going to manage, I guess. I lol for the Steve Gomez sign. What the fuck was Gomie doing at Nitro? Holy fuck. JTB and Jaime have an awkward spot and JTB just grabs that little red neck like he was a fucking baby. It is now official: VINCE RUSSO HAS AGREED TO RETURN TO WCW AND HEAD UP CREATIVE WITH ERIC BISCHOFF! Tony says this is the biggest single thing to happen to WCW all year, maybe the past few years. Seriously? lol. Oh, Tony. JTB press slammed Jamie to the floor during this, which was completely ignored because VINCE RUSSO IS RETURNING!!!!!!! They're completely ignoring the match to talk about the inner workings of how demanding both Eric and Vince are to work for. Disco gets tagged in. The Harris Brothers brawl with The Mamalukes on the floor, so they can't save Disco when the Jung Dragons hit a combo top rope splash/leg drop for the win. Harris Bros lay out the Dragons post match.
TO THE BACK. Team Package and Sting/Vamp head to the arena. The humidity is not being fair to Flair's hair. Nitro Girls dance.
Team Package vs The Brothers In Paint.
This is so dumb. Madden and Tony are talking about the different booking styles of Eric and Russo. Particularly how they use women and Hogan. BIP attack while Lex is posing. Sting and Lex are on the stage, Flair is getting hammered by Vamp in the ring. Sting and Lex are fighting on the the pool deck. Oh man. This is great. Lex went for a piledriver and for some reason Liz throws a cup of ice at Sting's asshole and throws her hands up and has a "oh fuck it" look on her face when she fucked whatever that spot was supposed to be. Sting backdrops Lex into the pool.
On the way out, Lex grabs a serving tray and pushes the server into the pool. Liz AGAIN throws ice at Sting and fucks up before Lex gets his face slammed into SALSA SALSA SALSA. I don't think it was salsa, though. It looks like chocolate and marshmallow. Sting and Lex are now out on the beach. Lex is beating on Sting with a surfboard while he's covered in salsa/chilli/chocolate. And ketchup and mustard. They're in the ocean! Lex gets back dropped INTO THE OCEAN! PILEDRIVER INTO THE OCEAN!!!! Sting pins Lex Luger under water. This was pretty wild and fun, though completely ignored Flair and Vamp in the ring. I'd have more pictures of Lex and Sting, but most of it was pretty dark with just he light from one camera.
TO THE BACK. Booker is asked about the returns of Vince and Eric. Book just wants them to do their jobs.
Another highlight package of WCW and fans on the beach doing beach stuff. I think Frank Mir was there doing a backflip. There was a Tanactin tug of war.
TO THE BACK. Mean Gene is with Terry Funk. Funk has Humorous tonight.
Meng vs La Parka!
FUCK YES! This is the best WCW can offer. I only wish La Parka was wearing his mask with a bathing suit. JYD is probably going to get his ass kicked again. "You don't need the 411 when you've got the 1414: One for me and one for my homies!" JYD calls Meng "Jungle Jim" and that he's going to "knock the kinks out of the Angela Davis lookin' natural you've got going". Well, that's not offensive at all. Meng didn't take this well. "Meng always struck me as a very angry Lionel Richie." Meng gets drilled with a chair. He tried another chair shot and got put in the Tongan Death Grip. Oh shit. Tank is out. Oh fuck. Finlay attacks Tank!
TO THE KID CAM. Same thing as Thunder where we see a promo from earlier and Buff comes in after they hit cut to hit on girls. This time, the NWO YAKS. The NWO were watching this. Steiner is going out to fucking kill Buff. Finlay is asked about Russo/Bischoff. He thinks they can get WCW on track, but he's a team player and backs whoever is in charge.
The video for Bif Naked's cover of We're Not Gonna Take It made for Ready to Rumble is shown. The whole thing. Nightmare fuel of Oliver Plat ripping his skin off to be a hotish chick. The Shermanator! I feel like this is going to turn into Chyna's porn when the singer gets in the ring with 5 dudes, including Kanyon, Crowbar, and Sonny Siaki. DDP SWERVED the lead singer with a chair shot. Then she is squashed by all of the roster jumping on her at the same time. I believe David Arquette hip tossed Kanyon. Really awkward editing of this girl into scenes from the movie with a hilariously bad stunt double for DDP where they couldn't get him to shoot specific shots with her. What a waste of time. The lack of enthusiasm from Tony after this was excellent.
Humorous vs Terry Funk.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Did you ever see what Terry Funk does to a chicken? The pre match promo. Next week will be a best of Nitro and Thunder to show how WCW can book things better. The fuck. "Okay, I've been told in the back to sell these two beating each other up. I'm sorry, I can't do that right now." Holy shit. Funk misses a moonsault, but Tony can't talk about that right now. WCW is going to take two weeks off for Vince and Eric to figure out what the fuck they can do to the company. Hugh hits a sit out powerbomb, but misses a top rope elbow. Funk got high angled powerbombed on the beach area past the mats, which is just a riser with sand on it. It sounded disgusting. Somehow Funk is fighting back. Hugh misses a Cactus elbow off the apron. Funk drills Hugh with a chair and then hits a sneaking Dustin Rhodes as well. He should have worn his sneaking suit. Hugh hits the moonsault, but Dustin hits him with a chair to break up the pin. Then hits Funk. Then hits Mickie Jay. I don't know why this was a DQ, but Funk drilling Hugh with a chair wasn't. Funk no sells both and punches Dustin RIGHT IN THE MOUTH. Hugh then moonsaults Mickie Jay. Shitty Spring Break for him.
TO THE BACK. Steiner, YAKS, and Jarrett head to the arena. Gene is with Hogan and Jimmy Hart. Hogan has matched the bounty, so if someone puts him out, they'll get $1 Million. He's gonna tear that wall down. If Wall tries to get into his boat and go to China, Vampiro will sick the hammer head sharks on him.
Steiner is terrifyingly muscular. Jeff stumbles over his words more than Steiner. Jeff will let the girls stay tonight since there is a sea of skanks and they men need something better to look at.
TO THE BACK. Curt Hennig tells Buff to get his head in the game. TAFKAPI is asked about Vince/Eric. He's out of character, says it sucks and thinks that they're going to run the company in to the ground. SIKE. That's just what some of the boys wanted him to say. He feels that they've both done great things and Vince gave him an opportunity the last time he was here, so he thinks they both deserve a shot.
Another on the beach highly package. Brought to you by Tracfone.
Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs Curt Hennig/Buff Bagwell
Don't worry about this match. Tony and Mark aren't. Because VINCE RUSSO AND ERIC BISCHOFF! Buff hit the blockbuster on Jeff, but YAKs had Nick Patrick distracted. Guitar shot followed by the recliner for the win. Buff is having the girls give him a massage on the floor. That seems like a bad idea with Scott Steiner right there. He luckily didn't see this.
TO THE BACK. Vito's response to Eric and Vince. He thinks it is a good thing for the company and good for ratings.
The Wall vs Hulk Hogan.
I see this bringing Wall's push to a grinding halt. They're still talking about booking philosophies. Even Hulk Hogan can't completely over shadow Eric and Russo. Hogan is CRUSHING Wall with a chair. Jesus. Chokeslam on Hogan...and it is no sold so Hulk can Hulk up. The same move that has been breaking necks for the past month, Hogan no sells and hits the boot and leg drop. But he doesn't cover Wall, and Wall is standing up! He'll no sell your finish, too, brother. The fuck, Vampiro is out causing a DQ. Hogan and Vamp do a double AXE BOMMMMAAAA to Wall off the apron through a table. Which he also no sells. Tony says "He fears no man, feels no pain". I wish Vader had popped up just to smack Tony in the face for that.
Big news, I don't know if you guys heard this or not, but ERIC BISCHOFF AND VINCE RUSSO ARE GOING TO BE RUNNING WCW CREATIVE TOGETHER!!!