Hasn't he been saying that for months though?
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
Hasn't he been saying that for months though?
It's someone else. I'm trying not to announce it publicly as it's speculation at this point. I think there will be plenty of people who will know who it is. I can talk about it in PMs.
I need to talk to someone one-on-one about some pretty important issues concerning someone close to me who is likely depressed and is doing some really dumb shit. If anyone is willing to give me some advice, please send me a PM with your Skype name or something. I would post a thread about it, but I'd be concerned about the person's privacy.
TUROK
Member
Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Makes no sense.
So everything in my life is actually pretty great. I was an upper middle class kid that went to great schools, working at an amazing job and lived up to if not surpassed all of the expectations that were set for me.
I have always had a lot of 'friends', and to be honest on paper, I can't find any reason to be be so depressed with my life.
I can't really begin to pin point where everything just started collapsing around me. Everyday is just such a hassle to wake up and put on the jovial mask that everyone expects from me. I want to go out and meet new people, but there's such a huge disconnect between myself and others that I just can't put into words. I have very few friends that I think are actually real friends rather than only care about me due to the things that I can do for them. I'm immensely jealous of a few of my friends who for some reason, I just know that their lives are going so much better than mine.
I haven't been able to go to a psychiatrist since I graduated last year, and progressively I know that I'm just getting worse. And it's just so frustrating that there isn't anyone that I can really confide in because nobody would actually believe I felt this way, and I'd rather not inconvenience them or ruin the image that they have of me.
Jesus.
I have always had a lot of 'friends', and to be honest on paper, I can't find any reason to be be so depressed with my life.
I can't really begin to pin point where everything just started collapsing around me. Everyday is just such a hassle to wake up and put on the jovial mask that everyone expects from me. I want to go out and meet new people, but there's such a huge disconnect between myself and others that I just can't put into words. I have very few friends that I think are actually real friends rather than only care about me due to the things that I can do for them. I'm immensely jealous of a few of my friends who for some reason, I just know that their lives are going so much better than mine.
I haven't been able to go to a psychiatrist since I graduated last year, and progressively I know that I'm just getting worse. And it's just so frustrating that there isn't anyone that I can really confide in because nobody would actually believe I felt this way, and I'd rather not inconvenience them or ruin the image that they have of me.
Jesus.
Stories of success and happiness makes me vomit.
My parents give me the pamphlets and magazines that I usually toss in the fireplace without even a look, you know the kind they send to people that are about to graduate university ( lol like I'm ever going to succeed with that ) with good looking people on the front and huge titles in embossed font like :
"How to spruce up your CV"
"These ten young people are CEOs at firms you wouldn't believe"
"Only 25 but already Head manager of Ernst & Young Denmark"
"Annual salaries. How much is too much?"
"Maria just got the job of a lifetime at Google! Here are her 10 tips for snagging that dreamjob"
Fuck you, you horrible cunt, I hope you're happy at that fucking job and I hope you die alone you miserable god damn witch. Don't send me this, I don't care for people who "made it", I don't care for how great everything is for everyone out there except me. How EASY they make everything appear.
My parents give me the pamphlets and magazines that I usually toss in the fireplace without even a look, you know the kind they send to people that are about to graduate university ( lol like I'm ever going to succeed with that ) with good looking people on the front and huge titles in embossed font like :
"How to spruce up your CV"
"These ten young people are CEOs at firms you wouldn't believe"
"Only 25 but already Head manager of Ernst & Young Denmark"
"Annual salaries. How much is too much?"
"Maria just got the job of a lifetime at Google! Here are her 10 tips for snagging that dreamjob"
Fuck you, you horrible cunt, I hope you're happy at that fucking job and I hope you die alone you miserable god damn witch. Don't send me this, I don't care for people who "made it", I don't care for how great everything is for everyone out there except me. How EASY they make everything appear.
scar tissue
Banned
Funny, I still feel kinda motivated and I'm actually doing fine in bigger social settings. Granted, I didn't have to talk to anyone I didn't know but not having panic attacks all the time is a nice change.
Going from past experiences, this state will probably last a week or so.
Hope I can use that momentum for something useful before I fall back into the usual shit.
Going from past experiences, this state will probably last a week or so.
Hope I can use that momentum for something useful before I fall back into the usual shit.
I have some very mild back pain so major movement activities hurt a bit, but today i must have spent like two hours just looking at a clock. Just doing nothing... then went to work.
I also didn't get much work done today. Things in my head are so jumbled up. hard to get things done in a step by step manner.
I also didn't get much work done today. Things in my head are so jumbled up. hard to get things done in a step by step manner.
So I lost my job 2 days after my birthday, have had to sell some stuff to pay some bills and my family pretty much forgets about me at christmas and my birthday. I was already waiting for my healthcare to kick in at the end of this year and was rationing my medication till then but i'm just about out of my heart medication so now who knows when. Already 6 months past due on my heart doctor visit and check up on the pacemaker they put for my heart stopping.
I try to really celebrate Christmas each year in memory of my dad since it was his favorite holiday and he always done alot for others at Christmas and made so many happy. This year I just can't do it. Don't even have decorations up or tree. I have already started to feel the effects of rationing my medicine waking up in cold sweats and numb. I'm at the complete apathetic stage, I just don't care anymore. I'm tired of taking a step forward and being pushed 2 back. I'm actually hoping I just go peacefully in my sleep at this point. I can't converse with people anymore and just can't keep the happy face on I used to for people. It's just easier to avoid family who feigns caring if I don't have my happy face on, pepper me with questions then get upset at the notion of me being depressed or having any problems. Everything I do is for others, all my obligations, i have nothing of my own. I just don't care anymore.
I try to really celebrate Christmas each year in memory of my dad since it was his favorite holiday and he always done alot for others at Christmas and made so many happy. This year I just can't do it. Don't even have decorations up or tree. I have already started to feel the effects of rationing my medicine waking up in cold sweats and numb. I'm at the complete apathetic stage, I just don't care anymore. I'm tired of taking a step forward and being pushed 2 back. I'm actually hoping I just go peacefully in my sleep at this point. I can't converse with people anymore and just can't keep the happy face on I used to for people. It's just easier to avoid family who feigns caring if I don't have my happy face on, pepper me with questions then get upset at the notion of me being depressed or having any problems. Everything I do is for others, all my obligations, i have nothing of my own. I just don't care anymore.
Let's talk, Ponn01. gaf.bagels on Skype, or I can put up a tinychat. I feel like you just need someone to listen.
Almost Christmas, I don't really feel like going to the family dinner. I feel disgusting, awful, I don't like anything I do. I'm extremely tired of my life, and I don't think there's something I could do to feel better about myself.
I wrote a super lengthy post, but I don't feel that comfortable posting it...
I wrote a super lengthy post, but I don't feel that comfortable posting it...
Hello GAF,
So I finally took my first step yesterday to what, I hope, will be my recovery from this extremely annoying disorder/disease/whatever, by telling my family doctor about my depression. I should have taken this step many years ago, but it's now at the point where it's severely affecting both my personal and professional life.
A little bit of history, I'm 24 now but I've been dealing with depression probably since grade 9, or probably even before that, I can't remember, on almost a daily basis. Symptoms range from feeling like total shit to suicidal thoughts. The worst was this past summer, when we were on a family vacation, I was looking up information on the most painless way to commit suicide.
I have pretty low self esteem and hate myself constantly, and I get annoyed by the smallest things, which end up replaying in my head and bugging me for months and even years on end. The worst part is that I know it's all irrational and I'm being selfish. I have a great family, a great job(make way more than probably >90% of the people my age here where I live), an attractive gf(soon to be fiance), I have it pretty good but I just don't care.
I never want to go to work in the morning and all I want to do when I get home is lay in bed. I never wanna go out with friends even though they really want me to, I don't like playing games or watching TV/sports anymore, my appetite and sleep is all out of whack. It pretty much sucks.
I even feel really stupid for typing this whole post out.
But anyways, that's my story, and I can't wait until I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I lurk more than I post here now, but I feel like you're all good people who can at least somewhat understand my plight.
So I finally took my first step yesterday to what, I hope, will be my recovery from this extremely annoying disorder/disease/whatever, by telling my family doctor about my depression. I should have taken this step many years ago, but it's now at the point where it's severely affecting both my personal and professional life.
A little bit of history, I'm 24 now but I've been dealing with depression probably since grade 9, or probably even before that, I can't remember, on almost a daily basis. Symptoms range from feeling like total shit to suicidal thoughts. The worst was this past summer, when we were on a family vacation, I was looking up information on the most painless way to commit suicide.
I have pretty low self esteem and hate myself constantly, and I get annoyed by the smallest things, which end up replaying in my head and bugging me for months and even years on end. The worst part is that I know it's all irrational and I'm being selfish. I have a great family, a great job(make way more than probably >90% of the people my age here where I live), an attractive gf(soon to be fiance), I have it pretty good but I just don't care.
I never want to go to work in the morning and all I want to do when I get home is lay in bed. I never wanna go out with friends even though they really want me to, I don't like playing games or watching TV/sports anymore, my appetite and sleep is all out of whack. It pretty much sucks.
I even feel really stupid for typing this whole post out.
But anyways, that's my story, and I can't wait until I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I lurk more than I post here now, but I feel like you're all good people who can at least somewhat understand my plight.
no way man no need, it's helpful to share. i totally do that thing with replaying small things in my head and getting annoyed. i can ruin an afternoon just by remembering something stupid i said or did a few years ago and torturing myself with it, even though it had little noticeable impact on any relationships in my life.
anyway congrats on going and getting help. that's awesome.
RedNumberFive
Banned
I had a dream last night involving a girl that dumped me like 15 years ago when I was in college. I probably haven't even thought about her for more than a second in the last decade, but I woke up, and remain, super depressed. It's crazy how my (douchebag) brain works.
TheApatheticOne
Member
Thats weird, as I did the exact same thing two nights ago. I was with this girl I worked with from Russia about 10 years ago, one of the prettiest, sweetest girls Ive ever been with. Out of my relationships, it was the shortest though. Haven't thought about her in YEARS, at least can't remember a time of thinking about her.
Then out of nowhere, full blown vacation/sex dream all about her. Wake up alone, with my wife Ive been separated from for 2 years fucking someone else, at my mom's house, unemployed. Thanks for the pick-me-up brain.
RedNumberFive
Banned
Yeah, I generally don't have any problems with depression (anxiety is another story) but this one threw me for a loop. I spent the day at work checking up on this girl on Facebook and feeling horrible. I've got a wife and daughter that I love at home, but somehow the random memory of a girl that I dated for a few months in college has really messed me up today. To remedy this, I think I'm going to bail from work early, wash a Xanax down with some eggnog, and watch some Christmas movies with the kiddo.
Yup that's exactly what happens to me too. Depending on what junk my brain manages to dig up, it can ruin a good 3 or 4 days, fucking thing sucks haha
But thanks! Hopefully getting help works out, my doctor thinks I may have dysthymia and SAD and he's going to refer me to a psychologist. Curious to see what happens from here on out, I'll try to post regular updates.
Hanging out in the usual chatroom:
http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf
password: depressionsucks
I'll be in and out, so if I don't answer immediately, don't just leave!
http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf
password: depressionsucks
I'll be in and out, so if I don't answer immediately, don't just leave!
Chat's up for the night owls.
Dr.NoiseWater
Member
Back when I was in my early 20's, I got a DUI. It was so bad and embarrasing, I could hardly look my parents in the face. I fell asleep at the steering wheel at a red light. I woke up and there was this man reaching through my window to take the keys out of the ignition. Minutes later the cops came and arrested me. Thank God I did not hurt anyone.
I was ordered by the court to go to Class II alcohol classes. When I arrived, I looked at everyone around me and you could see people suffering from alcoholism and the depression that is associated with it. There was one lady who was bone thin but had a round little belly and her skin was yellow. She was malnourished and was suffering from Cirrhosis.
Out of that terrible experience the counselors helped and spoke with all of us. They said that accomplishment (no matter if you say your going to apply for 10 jobs today, as long as you set it as your goal and you accomplish it) is the key to tackling issues with your self-esteem. That will in turn help your outlook with your depression.
However, I am not a professional but it did help me. Make small goals and pick battles you can fight and win. The thought of accomplishing these things will help you and then you can set loftier goals and comeplete them. It is battle but it is one you can win.
I was ordered by the court to go to Class II alcohol classes. When I arrived, I looked at everyone around me and you could see people suffering from alcoholism and the depression that is associated with it. There was one lady who was bone thin but had a round little belly and her skin was yellow. She was malnourished and was suffering from Cirrhosis.
Out of that terrible experience the counselors helped and spoke with all of us. They said that accomplishment (no matter if you say your going to apply for 10 jobs today, as long as you set it as your goal and you accomplish it) is the key to tackling issues with your self-esteem. That will in turn help your outlook with your depression.
However, I am not a professional but it did help me. Make small goals and pick battles you can fight and win. The thought of accomplishing these things will help you and then you can set loftier goals and comeplete them. It is battle but it is one you can win.
User 100115
Banned
Why do you feel terrible? Is it because you really wanted to go or because you feel guilty now that you didn't want to go?
http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf
password: depressionsucks
Nightly chat time! Just a warning that it has been oddly erotic the last...every time.
password: depressionsucks
Nightly chat time! Just a warning that it has been oddly erotic the last...every time.
Prax
Member
You can still show up fashionably late maybe?
If not, don't sweat it. Always next year! >_>
That wasn't my fault. EVER.
I will stay quiet this time. lol
And probably be away doodling things instead. But I'll lurk!
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Man I know what some of you meant now when you said you see EVERYONE with a significant somebody during the holidays. Went to the mall a couple times this past week and yeesh, stuff can really put you down in the dumps if your mind drifts to that bad place. There's a saying to just grin and bear it, but with depression it seems sometimes you just frown and bear it. That's all you can really do until the medication/therapy/lifestyle changes/meditation/anything kicks in. I was still able to masquerade a smile for the people I interacted with, though, and I feel better now that all the shopping is done!
Feelings involving girls (or guys too I imagine) who rejected you/let you go can be super harsh. I'm sorry
I don't know if this applies to your situation but I usually try to rationalize whether or not I should go out like this:
If I stay in, there's a 50% chance I will be stable or meh and a 50% chance I will be bored or miserable, which by extension is a 50% chance of feeling regret of not going out there. If I go out there's a 50% chance I will feel bored or alienated from everyone and a 50% chance I will have fun and actually live a little, but ultimately there's no regret to be found since really the only thing at home are books, movies, and videogames that can be enjoyed at any other time. Going out is generally always the better option unless I'm super tired, super broke, or have more important stuffs to do. The good news for you is that there will be more parties! Guess what holiday comes after Christmas
Feelings involving girls (or guys too I imagine) who rejected you/let you go can be super harsh. I'm sorry
I don't know if this applies to your situation but I usually try to rationalize whether or not I should go out like this:
If I stay in, there's a 50% chance I will be stable or meh and a 50% chance I will be bored or miserable, which by extension is a 50% chance of feeling regret of not going out there. If I go out there's a 50% chance I will feel bored or alienated from everyone and a 50% chance I will have fun and actually live a little, but ultimately there's no regret to be found since really the only thing at home are books, movies, and videogames that can be enjoyed at any other time. Going out is generally always the better option unless I'm super tired, super broke, or have more important stuffs to do. The good news for you is that there will be more parties! Guess what holiday comes after Christmas
I was conflicted on whether to go or not.
1. I really wanted to go as many people from work that I really like and get on with were going. I moved from their department a few months ago and haven't spoken much to most of them as much as I would have liked since then. There have been a lot of redundancies at my work lately and it may only be a matter of time before people I like are let go (two have already been let go and a third is leaving). I wanted to go as I was looking forward to talking and catching up with them again in an informal setting, as it may be the last time I had an easy opportunity to do so.
2. On the other hand, in light of all the recent redundancies I've been wondering about which people from work I would like to stay in contact with should one of us leave. I've come to the conclusion that we don't really have much in common, so staying in contact wouldn't work as we are quite different people. I get the feeling that if we were together in a social setting (like the party) conversation would be awkward and I would feel like I was out of place. I also feel like this feeling would amplify as the evening got on and everybody started getting drunk and rowdy (I don't drink). I feel like I would slowly drift away from them as they joined groups of people who they share a lot in common with (including possibly each other). I think that my attempts to interact with them from that point would be seen by them as me 'clinging on' to them. These thoughts are based on past experiences including:
a. I have been to pubs with these co-workers before and usually either make small talk with two of them in a corner or end up contributing nothing to the conversation as they talk about things I don't know about. I guess reading back through this I don't really have much basis for friendship with these people. Maybe I was just struck with how friendly and supportive they have been towards me in the time I've known them and felt that I should have made more of an effort to be friends to them to this point. I've never been with a group of people before where I feel accepted.
b. When I was at university I once went to a club with people from my dorm who were enthusiastic and friendly towards me, but they ended up ditching me by weaving in and out of the crowds on the dance floor so that I lost them. Again, this is because despite getting on well we did not have all that much in common.
http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf
password: depressionsucks
I'm reluctant to keep hosting these as I just got made fun of the entire time last night and it hurt my feewings.
password: depressionsucks
I'm reluctant to keep hosting these as I just got made fun of the entire time last night and it hurt my feewings.
User 100115
Banned
Ah yes, super conflicted then
I hope you feel you made the right decision though, and at least take some time to enjoy your quiet time 
Really oO? By someone regular from here? Oo That's not nice
I was kidding. My feewings can stand up to some good-natured teasing. It's the random sexual advances that really bother me. I'm too nice to name names, except to say it's mainly Prax.
So I'm sitting here, not sleeping, and I was thinking about a nice talk I had with another regular in the thread about how many people have expressed thanks for everything people in this thread have done for them. I was feeling all warm and fuzzy and thinking of something nice to do for Christmas for my depression-GAF friends. So here's what I've come up with: I love writing letters so, if you've come to know me a bit, and you trust me, if you PM me an address, I'll hand write you a personal letter extolling your virtues, giving some depression advice, telling a funny story, maybe even do a horrible sketch.
That obviously takes some trust, and I'm sure many people could give a fuck about a letter from me, but letters mean a lot to me, anyway, so it's a meaningful gift from my perspective.
If anyone takes me up on that, the next level would be a scanned, emailed letter. There's less trust needed, but it loses much of the point (and the potential for pennnn paaaaalllsss!).
I'll come up with something less weird, too, but come on, when was the last time you got an actual letter, written in my distinctive kinda-girly handwriting?
That obviously takes some trust, and I'm sure many people could give a fuck about a letter from me, but letters mean a lot to me, anyway, so it's a meaningful gift from my perspective.
If anyone takes me up on that, the next level would be a scanned, emailed letter. There's less trust needed, but it loses much of the point (and the potential for pennnn paaaaalllsss!).
I'll come up with something less weird, too, but come on, when was the last time you got an actual letter, written in my distinctive kinda-girly handwriting?
I've been so anxious I feel like I'm going to throw up. Just sitting at home. I have a weird fatty tumah in my thigh (it is just fat) that I keep feeling and I start getting super anxious that I have to cut it out and I'll get to the point where I'm for real about to throw up over it. But just in general, I was walking in my kitchen and was so tense that I didn't even realize I was curling my toes and my hands were shaking. Not even thinking of anything. Just general walking around my house.
Feels bad, man. Has nothing to do with the holidays, as my depression and anxiety is always worsened the more I'm around people.
Feels bad, man. Has nothing to do with the holidays, as my depression and anxiety is always worsened the more I'm around people.
Prax
Member
Is the fat tissue actually just fat.. like a random fat deposit from too much consumption of something like fried chicken?? (One of my cousins had that, actually!). I think the solution was just to diet better and exercise.
Other than that, being tense all the time is really a drag and probably hard on your body. Maybe you have made your body get used to tension so it's "normal" for you. I'd say to practice more relaxation stuff. Like sit or lay down. Tense your whole body (making fists, curling toes, squeezing abs and glutes and legs, etc) and kind of take a breath in, and then just totally relax. Let it all flop out and melt, letting your breath escape like a deflated balloon. Helps get you reconnected with feeling relaxed just through the contrast. Try it out at the end of major tasks (like after a meal, coming home from work, even just talking to someone, etc.). Kind of a way to let your body know "okay, it's break time, you can relax".
He flatters himself with all these lies~! Don't believe him!
Though really, I think most of us are being good-natured. xD
Especially me!
Although I probably also hurt my credibility or uhm.. respectability by conveying how random I am. I should talk less. I said I would, but I didn't. I'm sorry everyone!
I try to bring more levity in usually, but I don't want to come off as dismissive, flippant, or making light of people's situations. So if any of you feel that, please tell me. ._. I will try to control myself better.
If anyone's going to be on the chat on Christmas, I might be able to get on depending on the time.
Prax
Member
Yeah, I think besides the addiction and health issue (which is huge in of itself), the aftereffect of the depression or anxiety coming back when the ride is over, but possibly with a vengeance! is good reason to avoid self-medicating with that in the first place.
I don't have much experience with alcohol or recreational drugs though, because I think I always had concerns about not being in control of my judgment and general mental faculties in critical situations (plus general disdain for how my family members behaved when they were drunk or were addicted to cigarettes). Though I suppose sleep deprivation might achieve similar effects..
Just fat. It's a lipoma. I've had it for probably at least a decade. Not a biggie. Runs in families. My mom and sister have a few. I have another one growing on my other leg and have a particularly weird one on my back right above my kidney. They're pretty small, painless, squishy little things. But once in a while I feel the bigger one on my leg until I start thinking about cutting it out and I'll get so bothered by it that I start spazzing out.
But tension. My body is completely used to being tense at all times. I don't think my body can relax. I don't even relax when I'm sleeping.
User 100115
Banned
laptop camera broke
Just so you know, none of us use webcam during the chats, just text
I think I am coming down with the flu.... Wonderful. Physically sick, sick in the head, and love sick.
Ugh. I'm down for the count today as well. Wife and kiddo are visiting family who got into town today, leaving me all by my lonesome, decidedly unpampered.
Help me, depression-GAF!
But, hey, chat's up:
tinychat.com/depressiongaf
password: depressionsucks
I'm going to eat some soup, but then I'll be back because I'm just THAT devoted...to you. You're welcome.
User 100115
Banned
I think I am coming down with the flu.... Wonderful. Physically sick, sick in the head, and love sick.
Ugh. I'm down for the count today as well. Wife and kiddo are visiting family who got into town today, leaving me all by my lonesome, decidedly unpampered.
Help me, depression-GAF!
I wish I could make you both soup. It would be awesome after the rage inducing day I had. /hug
Finaika
Member
I think I am coming down with the flu.... Wonderful. Physically sick, sick in the head, and love sick.
I'm having the flu too
- Status