Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
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awww that's a shame.
at least you were pro-active about getting help and investigated it though. you did well
Life is funny. Things are going okay, then it all goes to hell. I have some stuff to work through so I'm not going to be online for a little while. I apologize for that, but you all know how it is.
I really do appreciate all the birthday wishes. It means the world to me and it gives me some balance to this crap. See you guys in a bit. Take care of yourselves.
I really do appreciate all the birthday wishes. It means the world to me and it gives me some balance to this crap. See you guys in a bit. Take care of yourselves.
I hope it turns out okay!Personally, it takes me way too much effort right now to get anything done and not just lie in bed, skip all my assignments and sleep. -sigh-
Collete
Member
I hope it at least goes better than mine, Bagels...
I OD'd on valerian again but it no longer has an effect...so next time you think of ODing on something, I took the hit for you. But it sucks now, now when i need valerian to calm down, it will no longer have an effect on me...
There was a scare today that our campus was about to have a mass shooting in the English hall...All I kept thinking about was..."If i just didn't have online classes, I would have finally died"...But no one got shot because apparently there was never a gun in the first place...Go figure.
On another note,
I'm sorry for random blabbering on amazon but, I'm surprised by the amount of stuff that is on Amazon. I don't really browse it because I never had money to spend anything on...It's mind blowing to me (maybe not to you all but to me it is)...You can buy ladybugs on there....I still don't know what to do with the rest of the money though, but I guess I'll find something.
I feel like crap since the weekend again. I'm not in the mood for anything, even the littlest things annoy me and I'm pretty much depressed all day long.
It's really weird to feel like this (again), since I was doing OK lately. Depression/anxiety still bothered me, but I had the strength to ignore it somehow.
Thing is, the depression isn't caused by me hating life or having trouble finding a job or feeling lonely, it's a very specific thought every time. I've been able to forget about it before, but now it's back in full force.
Because of this, I don't think I have regular depression. I seem to have some kind of obsession with specific thoughts, which (in turn) make me depressed and give me anxiety. It's like, when the thoughts start spreading, my stomach begins to feel really weird. As if my body knows these thoughts will never disappear and I'll always feel bad like this. Then I only begin to think about negative things, like "I will always live with this" "why can't I be normal?" and before you know it, I'm depressed as fuck.
I'm starting to think epilepsy (which I had when I was younger) messed up a certain part of my brain, and that's why I am what I am right now. It doesn't help that my thoughts/triggers aren't common either. It makes me feel like I'm crazy or something, that I'm noticing things which no other human seems to notice. It's a depressing feeling and I certainly don't like it.
It's like I'm too self aware, I notice way too much details. You could say, right now, I'd rather be dead... BUT... I've been here before. I've had these same thoughts before for 1-2 (max. 3 maybe) weeks and then I'd be "ok" again. The thoughts would still be there, but not as much and I'd feel much better again. So yeah, I'm hoping it'll be over soon...but at the same time I'm tired of switching between "ok" and "please kill me" mode, I don't have the strength to live like this forever I try to stay positive though, as I'd like to believe things will turn out better in the end.
It's really weird to feel like this (again), since I was doing OK lately. Depression/anxiety still bothered me, but I had the strength to ignore it somehow.
Thing is, the depression isn't caused by me hating life or having trouble finding a job or feeling lonely, it's a very specific thought every time. I've been able to forget about it before, but now it's back in full force.
Because of this, I don't think I have regular depression. I seem to have some kind of obsession with specific thoughts, which (in turn) make me depressed and give me anxiety. It's like, when the thoughts start spreading, my stomach begins to feel really weird. As if my body knows these thoughts will never disappear and I'll always feel bad like this. Then I only begin to think about negative things, like "I will always live with this" "why can't I be normal?" and before you know it, I'm depressed as fuck.
I'm starting to think epilepsy (which I had when I was younger) messed up a certain part of my brain, and that's why I am what I am right now. It doesn't help that my thoughts/triggers aren't common either. It makes me feel like I'm crazy or something, that I'm noticing things which no other human seems to notice. It's a depressing feeling and I certainly don't like it.
It's like I'm too self aware, I notice way too much details. You could say, right now, I'd rather be dead... BUT... I've been here before. I've had these same thoughts before for 1-2 (max. 3 maybe) weeks and then I'd be "ok" again. The thoughts would still be there, but not as much and I'd feel much better again. So yeah, I'm hoping it'll be over soon...but at the same time I'm tired of switching between "ok" and "please kill me" mode, I don't have the strength to live like this forever
I try to stay positive though, as I'd like to believe things will turn out better in the end.Good luck with whatever it is that you have to do. I'm here if you need someone to talk to, and that goes for everyone else. I may not have any good advice, but I'm willing to try, or at least to listen to you.
Oh no, please don't say that. I'm glad it didn't happened, and I still think death is no valid solution to anything. It may seem so, but it really isn't.
And yes, Amazon is Amazin' (sorry for the bad pun!). I swear, if I lived in the US (or UK, or any other country where there are local Amazon offices and you don't have to pay for international shipping and risk your stuff being retained at customs or not even arriving to your country) I'd become poor in a week or 2, after spending all my salary on music CD's and random electronic things.
I don't think anyone with depression sees suicide as a valid solution. I think it's more of an escape. Killing yourself destroys your brains, the source of your thoughts. Finally some peace and quiet.
Thing is, we don't live forever anyway. No matter what happens, we'll still die some day. This is one of the thoughts that usually makes me keep going. Why not stick around and see if things get better? And if by some reason they do not, we'll die some day anyway and then we'll see if death is truly better than living... I guess.
Thing is, we don't live forever anyway. No matter what happens, we'll still die some day. This is one of the thoughts that usually makes me keep going. Why not stick around and see if things get better? And if by some reason they do not, we'll die some day anyway and then we'll see if death is truly better than living... I guess.
Things don't get better
I think its crossed all our minds here at one point or another. I don't think I'd ever attempt it as I always remind myself it would effect others around me in a negative way, even if it doesn't feel that way at my lowest points. Its like watching a bad movie, putting up with a lot of crap in the hopes that a good bit is coming any minute now.
Given that death is the shutdown of the brain and organs and decay of the body, and nothing more, I don't think it could be better than living. At least not as an experience, as it isn't one. Though someone may think he'd rather "live" through that than his own life.
And I've thought it too, several times. If life isn't going to get better, why postpone death any further? But the fact is that we don't know that. We don't know if it will get better. It may, and it may not. The only way to find out is by living. And there are many things to discover: new games, new music, new books, new movies, new people (though I totally suck at this, lol). I really mean it when I say that music saved my life, or at least prevented me from doing something really stupid. Whenever I felt like I couldn't take it any more, I'd put a Creedence album, lay down in bed and slowly calm down. I still hated myself, my life and everything, but I was able to avoid focusing on the suicidal thoughts for a while. As long as "Have you ever seen the rain?" kept playing, I didn't care if my life was shit. I only cared about hearing it again and again and again.
So yeah, I still think suicide isn't worth it, and I hope I never go ahead and actually attempt it, which luckily hasn't happened yet (not counting that time last year when I was home alone, got drunk and hung half my body out of the window, deciding whether I wanted to jump and die or not, though that's kinda funny now in retrospective.)
I totally feel you there. For me, books are my escape right now. Once I'm really reading a book, I just tend to forget about... anything? For a moment, I'm in a different world, experiencing a different story with different people. Same things with series and movies.
And I too hope I will never attempt suicide. I've gotta admit there have been certain lowpoints in my life where I've considered it, but I kept telling myself that it wasn't me contemplating suicide, it were the negative thoughts trying to get control of me. It's just part of my brain trying to make me do this... I don't actually want to do it. And how strange/stupid that thought may seem, it's things like that which keep me from doing it. (that, and not wanting to kill myself while my parents are still alive etc lol)
That last part is so true (not saying that the rest of your post isn't, only that I want to focus on that now
). One probably doesn't want to be dead, only to stop living their current life. So suicide would help with the latter, but not the former. Being dead doesn't do anyone any good, while having a good life does. Be it from guilt, hope for the future, fear of death, not daring to kill oneself, whatever it is, those things keep us going. That's the survival instinct fighting depression and suicidal thoughts, I guess.I hope everyone on this thread (and everywhere in the world, really) has some reason to live, I don't care which one, and that it stops them from putting an end to their lives. Because once it's done, it's done. As Revolver Ocelot once said in Metal Gear Solid: "There are no continues, my friend." No extra lives, no quicksaves, no checkpoints, nothing. It's a one way trip to nowhere. And one we'd rather not take.
Collete
Member
That last part is so true (not saying that the rest of your post isn't, only that I want to focus on that now
But none of that keep me from killing myself...I'm just not succeeding properly...
Just nothing is keeping me here any longer...
I'm getting some weird side effects from something I've been taking but I can't figure out what the problem is. I'm real restless/fidgety, kinda feel like throwing up and my body temp keeps fluctuating. I swear it's from my Effexor, I've had so many weird issues with this drug. When I got it refilled a week or so ago it came in a different type of bottle, but all the information on it is the same. It usually comes in an orange/clear bottle but this time it was a solid white bottle with blue labels. I'm only on the 75mg dosage for it but something isn't right and I feel terrible.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
My depression is really hitting me hard lately.
I just broke up with my girlfriend, which was a solid move, but I feel basically nothing at the moment.
I stopped exercising, eating right, dropped a couple classes, and my head hurts constantly.
I'm on 40MG of Prozac, and I'm just not feeling the effects anymore.
Edit: Yesterday I was having pretty real thoughts of suicide. I don't feel I'm at rock bottom, or honestly even close to hitting bottom, but I feel an intense apathy in everything I do.
I just broke up with my girlfriend, which was a solid move, but I feel basically nothing at the moment.
I stopped exercising, eating right, dropped a couple classes, and my head hurts constantly.
I'm on 40MG of Prozac, and I'm just not feeling the effects anymore.
Edit: Yesterday I was having pretty real thoughts of suicide. I don't feel I'm at rock bottom, or honestly even close to hitting bottom, but I feel an intense apathy in everything I do.
I'm tired of this fight, and right now my thoughts are drifting to me just ending it.
Been feeling down and out over the past few days, and right now is one of the times where it's worse than usual. I can't organize my thoughts properly right now, so I'll just keep this one short. I don't post here as often as I used to anymore, but I'm going to take a break from GAF. Don't know for how long. I hope you fare better than me.
Been feeling down and out over the past few days, and right now is one of the times where it's worse than usual. I can't organize my thoughts properly right now, so I'll just keep this one short. I don't post here as often as I used to anymore, but I'm going to take a break from GAF. Don't know for how long. I hope you fare better than me.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
sorry to hear that
I was suicide before.. Do your best to not think like that( its pointless of me to say don't cause you will, personally experiences) alot of people will be sad, I know I would be :/ life is precise and shouldn't be toss away like that.
Collete
Member
I hate feeling lonely and realizing every thing in life I ever did was just a huge mistake...
I wish you didn't take a break.
However, I don't think it does you any good to shun yourself from GAF. It has helped you, has it not?
I don't want you to go, but if it is needed for you to recollect yourself, just don't do anything stupid like I might.
I wish you didn't take a break.
However, I don't think it does you any good to shun yourself from GAF. It has helped you, has it not?
I don't want you to go, but if it is needed for you to recollect yourself, just don't do anything stupid like I might.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
sometimes I wake up and I just don't want to be here
I totally know what you mean. Even more so because I often have these dreams where I'm living in a different reality and I'm happy and stuff and then I wake up.
Come to think about it, I've never been depressed in my dreams I think.
Diseased Yak
Gold Member
sigh
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
Hey does anyone attempt to improve thier lives but when you are in the processing of doing it, suddenly realize you don't want to.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Yeah.. There seems no point because everything is always on a steady decline..
I missed seeing your posts in the gay thread; I'm glad you're alive.
i always want to improve my life but i constantly get overwhelmed by wondering why it's even worth the struggle and fall backwards.
It's a shame relationships can bring such strong depression in some people. It truly isn't the end of the world, but if that's all you've known then I can see how it is hard to snap out of it.
I remember when I used to get " depressed" about girls. Looking back it was all kind of silly. So much time wasted. I think it just takes time to learn not to let things that don't matter in the over all scheme of things to bother you.
I know they say you can't just "snap out of it". But at least for me new and different experiences really helped. One day you're just like. "Why did I even get myself down about that?" Save the blues for serious shit (and I know for some it is.)
Everyone hang in there.
I remember when I used to get " depressed" about girls. Looking back it was all kind of silly. So much time wasted. I think it just takes time to learn not to let things that don't matter in the over all scheme of things to bother you.
I know they say you can't just "snap out of it". But at least for me new and different experiences really helped. One day you're just like. "Why did I even get myself down about that?" Save the blues for serious shit (and I know for some it is.)
Everyone hang in there.
Story of my life.
Collete
Member
Yup, I've been trying to do it recently but realize there's no point....
I guess it can work both ways. For me, being that we are only here for so long, it's a waste of time being down about stuff. It truly is. I know no one wants to feel down, but sometimes we do make it harder on ourselves than it has to be. It's true, at least for me.
A)I'm going to die either way, might as well be miserable till the end.
B)I'm going to die either way, why waste my time being miserable.
It's not always easy changing A to B. No one wants to be miserable in the first place.
But personally I know I have habits and things I knowingly do that make things worse.
With a little more diligence I CAN avoid them.
A)I'm going to die either way, might as well be miserable till the end.
B)I'm going to die either way, why waste my time being miserable.
It's not always easy changing A to B. No one wants to be miserable in the first place.
But personally I know I have habits and things I knowingly do that make things worse.
With a little more diligence I CAN avoid them.
Sometimes it's good to take a break but I'm worried you might hurt yourself. If you need someone to talk to lot of good people here to support you. Good luck.
It's not that I don't want to. I do. It feels like I can't. I feel weak and tired and I just want to quit. Requires a tremendous amount of willpower to claw myself out of those holes but in the end I know it's worth it.
There is a point. The point is to try to make your life better. To try to find some glimpse of happiness. Do you honestly feel you will be unhappy for all eternity? Highly unlikely. Things can and will get better. Can they get worst? Yeah, of course they can but they can get better too. If you keep trying to improve yourself you will see a benefit, a sense of accomplishment and positivity.
The depressed mind makes us weak, fearful, hopeless. There is hope. I want nothing more than to believe this to be true.
Nah, not that I don't want to. I realise that I can't. And I don't even know how to do it.
I'm feeling like the gym won't help me to be more comfortable with my body, and even if it did, it won't make me overcome my shyness, social awkwardness and become an interesting, extrovert and fun person. Playing bass also doesn't, as I totally suck and never seem to get better. Besides I can't sing shit, and listening to the recordings when I try to do it makes me wanna rip my ears off.
I wish I had a relationship I could feel bad about. Being forever alone is much worse, at least for me. But whatever, I guess I need to accept that and stop thinking about it, it's never gonna happen, no matter how bad I feel about it. So it'd be better to try and stop thinking, however hard it is.
User 100115
Banned
If you need to talk, lots of us are around to confide in. I know it's not as good as having someone's shoulder IRL, but it can still help.
My only advice for being overwhelmed is to just try and focus on one task at a time. Push everything else away. Triage that shit, and usually you find you have enough time after all.
That's pretty much what I'm trying to do atm too. I'm DESPERATELY trying to get SOME studying done, because I really, REALLY have to. It's hard. I have no motivation and just want to sleep.
On another note, all I ate for dinner was a peach, he.
My OCD meds are making me sleep way too much, do you guys go through the same thing for people on the same type of drugs as me? I slept over 23 hours the other day, with only a 20 minute gap where I got up to eat. I had a lot of homework to do too so that was pretty terrible.
I've also read that since the known cause so far for OCD and depression is similar (serotonin issues) that about 2/3 of OCD patients will have an episode of major depression in their lifetime. This terrifies me
What topic are you studying?
I've also read that since the known cause so far for OCD and depression is similar (serotonin issues) that about 2/3 of OCD patients will have an episode of major depression in their lifetime. This terrifies me
What topic are you studying?
My OCD meds are making me sleep way too much, do you guys go through the same thing for people on the same type of drugs as me? I slept over 23 hours the other day, with only a 20 minute gap where I got up to eat. I had a lot of homework to do too so that was pretty terrible.
I've also read that since the known cause so far for OCD and depression is similar (serotonin issues) that about 2/3 of OCD patients will have an episode of major depression in their lifetime. This terrifies me
What topic are you studying?
Right now? Intermediary Metabolism. (aka... Anything from Glycolysis, Citric Acid Cycle, Pentose Pathway, Vitamins, Lipid Synthesis, etc.)
I have 3 exams next week though. I went to like 4 lectures of this course all semester, because I can't get myself out of bed for an 830am class.
Ouch, good luck on those exams. The material sounds interesting though! Do you find learning that type of information changes your own eating/nutritional habits?
Uh... no, not really. That's unrelated, I've never been a big eater. I'm really good at ignoring my hunger. It's a mix between having a medical condition that punishes me for eating too much and me punishing myself for being sad by not eating. Like how people eat too much unhealthy food when they're sad, but I do the opposite and stop eating. But thanks, two of my exams have really interesting material and it's somewhat easier to study for. It's just this one that's such a pain to motivate myself for.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Severe depression flare-ups for the last month or so, lots of hatred and suicidal thoughts.
Get a letter today from the IRS saying that I fucked up on my tax return two years ago and now owe $2,000. That's all the money I have. I'm practically living paycheck to paycheck as it is, with student loans that will have to be paid soon and now this. I'm at the end. I give up.
Get a letter today from the IRS saying that I fucked up on my tax return two years ago and now owe $2,000. That's all the money I have. I'm practically living paycheck to paycheck as it is, with student loans that will have to be paid soon and now this. I'm at the end. I give up.
Prax
Member
Hey guys~! I am still procrastinating on stuff, but I got like.. 2 things done, so I thought I should pop in to respond to stuff.
Do you find that it's almost like being stuck in a nightmare/dream? Maybe the trick to gaining more control is like how a person can use some strategies to start lucid dreaming. Try finding something to focus on, even if it's "maybe I want some tea/candy instead". Even in regular life, you have a weird moment, you ask yourself "maybe I want some tea or candy instead". When a bad wave comes over you and you are tempted to overdose, you think "maybe I want some tea or candy instead" and hopefully that snaps your mindset over.
--And you will also remember that Prax told you this every time you think it and you will think "Oh, Prax will be so proud of me~!" and I will be and you can feel smug about it! XD
As for Amazon... How about them teas? xD Did you end up getting a teapot? What about buying stuff to plant? Even if you don't have a green thumb, you can have fun experimenting, and looking forward to growing things is always kind of fun.You can even by something that is a no brainer to grow, like ferns or one of those climbing vine plants..
Maybe one of these guys: http://www.bhg.com/gardening/houseplants/no-fuss/easiest-houseplants-you-can-grow/
Or what about a magazine subscription? Those are cool too. Maybe I just like receiving things in the mail though. lol
I am not suicidal, but I do have moments of existential angst or confusion, and it always makes me feel better that in the end, even if it doesn't amount to much, I gave it a good meandering.
I am glad you are somehow using your stubborness to your advantage as well though: you've managed to continue living and toughing it out despite how awful your experiences have been for you and I think that's pretty admirable.
There are other days ahead to prove that wrong or prove something else, or not have to prove anything at all. Just keep plodding along and let your motivation slowly rebuild itself.
Relationship stuff hits everybody hard though, especially if it's been a long-term thing for a while.
Hopefully the pain or apathy eases as time goes on, but why do you think you did all that other stuff (stopping exercise, dropping classes, etc)? Was it something that happened due to the breakup or the stress from the family illness?
You have family that cares about you and need your support, so think on that too and take care of yourself for their sake and for your own sake. It's about time you stand for your own needs and feel no guilt about it. Indulge in good food and comfort.
Take care of yourself and focus on your health (physical and mental). Eat well, be active (walk or exercise), and watch documentaries or read or play, build things. Just try to absorb whatever goodness you can and recuperate.
Really though, I don't think it's the "pointlessness of it all" that is the problem. The problem for me more than anything is the fear of failure. "What if I do try and I still end up nowhere or regress?". You see, as much as not doing anything will lead to the same result, at least I wouldn't be actively proving my own failure.
But of course, that is a flaw in thinking. I should strive despite of the possibility of failure. Perhaps IN spite of that possibility. That is an admirable thing, to fight against odds, and chip away at obstacles, and make small achievements. I admire everyone that does such a thing, so why do I think it's bad if I do it? Of course it isn't bad, and I should do it. I should be doing things that make me the type of person that *I* admire.
A lot of it is jumbled up with self-esteem and fear of failure, but the only solution seems to be to convince yourself that failure doesn't matter and whether it's pointless or not doesn't matter. You just do what you need to do to become the person you want to admire in the end. And that's reason enough.
(Example: I always think I come off as overly self-righteous and maybe pretentious or stupid, but I post my opinions anyway, because I admire the type of person that isn't afraid to speak their mind and that tries to help others even if they don't know whether they can.
I am still afraid, and I still don't know if I'm actually helping anyone, but it's a process of becoming so I don't have to be perfect at it, and maybe it will take forever, but oh well.. the trying is admirable too!
I know I'm going on tangents lol )
Don't give up, there's always a way people make it through these things, even if it takes a little bit of floundering or begging. Same for the student loans for when they come up. Ask about the minimum payments, if you can get more interest free grace periods, etc.
Frankly, I don't even really know how my own family is getting through all of this financial floundering ourselves (some of it ALSO income-tax return related!), but it's been years and we're still going so... it's working out somehow some way!
Keep strong, everyone. We can all do this somehow, one day at a time.
Hopefully things work our for you Bagels. Life is nuts, but somehow you make it through anyway. Use some of the awesome karma you've built up with us to power through whatever it is that's happening.
Wah, you need to somehow trick yourself into not doing that. Like maybe even if that happens, you grab a bunch of candy to eat instead and just placebo effect yourself and lay in bed for a while until that wave subsides.
Do you find that it's almost like being stuck in a nightmare/dream? Maybe the trick to gaining more control is like how a person can use some strategies to start lucid dreaming. Try finding something to focus on, even if it's "maybe I want some tea/candy instead". Even in regular life, you have a weird moment, you ask yourself "maybe I want some tea or candy instead". When a bad wave comes over you and you are tempted to overdose, you think "maybe I want some tea or candy instead" and hopefully that snaps your mindset over.
--And you will also remember that Prax told you this every time you think it and you will think "Oh, Prax will be so proud of me~!" and I will be and you can feel smug about it! XD
As for Amazon... How about them teas? xD Did you end up getting a teapot? What about buying stuff to plant? Even if you don't have a green thumb, you can have fun experimenting, and looking forward to growing things is always kind of fun.You can even by something that is a no brainer to grow, like ferns or one of those climbing vine plants..
Maybe one of these guys: http://www.bhg.com/gardening/houseplants/no-fuss/easiest-houseplants-you-can-grow/
Or what about a magazine subscription? Those are cool too. Maybe I just like receiving things in the mail though. lol
I like this line of thought and I usually rationalize to it too. "Might as well live and see what's up."
I am not suicidal, but I do have moments of existential angst or confusion, and it always makes me feel better that in the end, even if it doesn't amount to much, I gave it a good meandering.
I know this is your mindset and prediction for yourself, but I hope you realize you don't have to be so stubborn about it.
I am glad you are somehow using your stubborness to your advantage as well though: you've managed to continue living and toughing it out despite how awful your experiences have been for you and I think that's pretty admirable.
Well, I don't know what it is, but it's just one day or something, right?Well, today I proved to be an idiot and mediocre person. I hate myself and I have no real motivation to go forward
There are other days ahead to prove that wrong or prove something else, or not have to prove anything at all. Just keep plodding along and let your motivation slowly rebuild itself.
Ah, I've been hearing a bit from other threads, I think?
Relationship stuff hits everybody hard though, especially if it's been a long-term thing for a while.
Hopefully the pain or apathy eases as time goes on, but why do you think you did all that other stuff (stopping exercise, dropping classes, etc)? Was it something that happened due to the breakup or the stress from the family illness?
You have family that cares about you and need your support, so think on that too and take care of yourself for their sake and for your own sake. It's about time you stand for your own needs and feel no guilt about it. Indulge in good food and comfort.
Hope you will fare better too! You can be tired of fighting and just retreat to fight another day, as they say.
Take care of yourself and focus on your health (physical and mental). Eat well, be active (walk or exercise), and watch documentaries or read or play, build things. Just try to absorb whatever goodness you can and recuperate.
I think I want to all the time, but all that energy and motivation that is needed... lol
Really though, I don't think it's the "pointlessness of it all" that is the problem. The problem for me more than anything is the fear of failure. "What if I do try and I still end up nowhere or regress?". You see, as much as not doing anything will lead to the same result, at least I wouldn't be actively proving my own failure.
But of course, that is a flaw in thinking. I should strive despite of the possibility of failure. Perhaps IN spite of that possibility. That is an admirable thing, to fight against odds, and chip away at obstacles, and make small achievements. I admire everyone that does such a thing, so why do I think it's bad if I do it? Of course it isn't bad, and I should do it. I should be doing things that make me the type of person that *I* admire.
A lot of it is jumbled up with self-esteem and fear of failure, but the only solution seems to be to convince yourself that failure doesn't matter and whether it's pointless or not doesn't matter. You just do what you need to do to become the person you want to admire in the end. And that's reason enough.
(Example: I always think I come off as overly self-righteous and maybe pretentious or stupid, but I post my opinions anyway, because I admire the type of person that isn't afraid to speak their mind and that tries to help others even if they don't know whether they can.
I am still afraid, and I still don't know if I'm actually helping anyone, but it's a process of becoming so I don't have to be perfect at it, and maybe it will take forever, but oh well.. the trying is admirable too!
I know I'm going on tangents lol )
Maybe you are a good crammer though. Just cram study the thing you hate! Set aside two 4-hour blocks and just DO IT (when I cram, it's usually the 8 hours right before the exam lol)
Any way you can dispute it our just contact them and say "I can give you this money in installments, not a lump sum"? Just try to give them a call and ask what you did wrong and if that can be corrected. Worth a try!
Don't give up, there's always a way people make it through these things, even if it takes a little bit of floundering or begging. Same for the student loans for when they come up. Ask about the minimum payments, if you can get more interest free grace periods, etc.
Frankly, I don't even really know how my own family is getting through all of this financial floundering ourselves (some of it ALSO income-tax return related!), but it's been years and we're still going so... it's working out somehow some way!
Keep strong, everyone. We can all do this somehow, one day at a time.
I hope you find someone. Sometimes we just look in the wrong places. I hope one day you find the person right for you and not just the person you THINK is right for you.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I had to have stopped due to stress, but the headaches keep me from starting again. I'm in constant pain lately. I know I do have people who care about me so that should be motivation enough, but my brain is a master of terrible logic, and will often simply disregard the correct way to view situations.
Here's a weird question, do you guys ever "purge" your life when you're depressed? Over a year or so I've basically sold everything I don't use daily, and have minimized my possessions to a rather miniscule amount of things.
Collete
Member
Yes, I honestly believe I will be like this for eternity. I'll never get the help I need in the end. So far things just been getting worse and worse...Not necessarily better. I have been trying to improve myself by focusing on the writing but all I can think of how a bunch of garbage it is, which makes me unable to even try further.
Trust me...
You don't want a relationship to feel bad about...
Just because people have someone doesn't mean they aren't suffering being with them...and rather be separated.
I know but candy/tea won't cause me death ya know?...
Yeah I do use that strategy sometimes and say "I just want some chocolate"...It rarely works unfortunately. I'm lucky if it even does.
Teapots...I dunno I tried the blooming tea I ordered, not a fan of the taste or maybe I should try another blossom...
I'm not exactly allowed to grow anything in my garden either...
*sigh*
I don't know if any of you remember me trying to talk to my dad to teach me about the stock market...But to do that we both have to get along and lately it's just debatable ...We were fine just yesterday and now we're back to just hating each other and him accusing me of being a lazy procrastinator....
I just don't know why I try anymore...
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
There's nothing to dispute. I looked up the old return and forms. It was my fault. I'm responsible for this. Installments or not, this is just more money being sucked away from my pathetic income and I'm never going to be able to recover from it.
I've spent two hours this morning between the fucking IRS site and on the phone getting so many errors, so much runaround, bullshit answers, it's such a goddamn frustrating experience. I blew up on the phone at the stupid cunt that was "helping" me, smashed a bunch of stuff in my apartment, and I'm sitting here shaking with anger and helplessness over the whole stupid situation. Why do all these fucking things keep happening to me?! My whole life has been shit and it keeps getting worse.
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