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[Surface of Me]

Man, fuck my job. Incompetent management can't even keep track of when I call in or how my hours have to be for school. Just adds another layer of stress, even though I need the money. Saps everything out of me though.

 

[flippymittens]

What are the thoughts like - just "I wonder what it would be like if I were dead" or "I'd be better off dead"? that's more suicidal ideation.

With a plan in place, that's more frank suicidality. You might want to talk to someone about either problem, particularly the latter.

If you're just interested in suicide, but have no desire to do so yourself, you're probably okay.

Let me recommend Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide again. It's an excellent book.

How We Die is a classic if you're just curious about what it's like to die.

I have had many plans for a while but I never act on them because I am weak.

LostVoyager, my man, you don't know what is on these people's minds for sure. I too have experienced that sensation, and it always turns out that it is indifference, and not disgust, what most people feels about strangers. When we don't know something ("what is on these people minds?") but we are depressed, we tend to fill the gaps of our knowdegle with the worst assumptions possible ("these people are undoubtly disgusted by my presence"). I bet that no, they are not. I bet that If you talk to any stranger in the street with courtesy, he will treat you politely and not agressively.



We are do bad things sometimes, and that is a pretty normal and humane thing to do. As long as, say, you don't kill or maim people, you are pretty much like the vast majority of humans. We make mistakes and from time to time we act like assholes, too. Your evolutionary instincts are not telling you to kill yourself. Your evolutionary instincs may make you feel bad about some of your actions, but if you are an extremely sensible guy, it may come to a point when you can't stand these feelings: you want to suicide mainly because you want to stop feeling bad like that. But suicide will make you stop feeling everything altogether, both good and bad, and you really, really don't want that. Go seek help inmediately, and remember that we will be cheering you all along the way. Hang in there, man.

Well I know you can not know for sure but usually when the people glare it is unbearable and sometimes feeling suspicious can be correct and it is better to be safe than sorry.

Evolutionary instincts in my view are a role for the thoughts and what I have been reading about collective thoughts and being a loser I recognize that evolution is a harsh concept that punishes those not as adept. Other times accidents happen and what not but in my case I feel as if I am being cast away but society and evolution. I do not think suicide is an abnormal though, I think many think about it even if it is not PC to admit to thinking of it. I do not feel sitting down in some expensive listener is going to solve anything. If I need a listener I can imagine one or make one up like if I need a friend or something. I do not believe in seeing psychologists, some people do and that is fine but it just gives me a head ache thinking about it.

Man, fuck my job. Incompetent management can't even keep track of when I call in or how my hours have to be for school. Just adds another layer of stress, even though I need the money. Saps everything out of me though.

Yeah and it is pretty impressive that you can attend school and have a job (although I do not know if me saying you impress me means much).

 

[KevinCow]

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

shit just makes me depressed

but i can't help it

i see a couple and they look so happy

and i just wish i could have that

but i can't, because i'm such a fuckup

and then i feel lonely

 

[Surface of Me]

Yeah and it is pretty impressive that you can attend school and have a job (although I do not know if me saying you impress me means much).

I envy those who don't have to work during the school year greatly, whether or not it is impressive I don't know.

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

shit just makes me depressed

but i can't help it

i see a couple and they look so happy

and i just wish i could have that

but i can't, because i'm such a fuckup

and then i feel lonely

My confidence swirls around from average to down in the dumps low, and I just hate it. Some days I feel like the only reason people talk to me is out of pure pity.

 

[Sub_Level]

Been exactly two months since I've last tried to contact a girl who broke it off with me earlier this year. Happy that I've kept some dignity and not tried again since then, but getting over her has really not gotten any easier. Was my first love. It's been three months since I last saw her and around four months since she broke it off. Should I not be feeling these things anymore? (what I'm trying to ask is if it's rational or a sign of depression/lack of coping skills)

I think one problem is I have too much free time. Free time = I think about her. Hoping to get a part-time job soon. Spending money and occupied time might be worth the hassle.

 

[flippymittens]

I envy those who don't have to work during the school year greatly, whether or not it is impressive I don't know.

My confidence swirls around from average to down in the dumps low, and I just hate it. Some days I feel like the only reason people talk to me is out of pure pity.

Well I work, just at a minimum wage job and my classes are not amazingly difficult. I do not find that impressive as probably the classes you are taking with your job.

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

shit just makes me depressed

but i can't help it

i see a couple and they look so happy

and i just wish i could have that

but i can't, because i'm such a fuckup

and then i feel lonely

Eh if it makes you feel better I have never had a girlfriend. I am sure you can get a girlfriend (women have different interests and what not like men do) and if not, that is not the worst thing in the world.

I hope things get better for you.

Been exactly two months since I've last tried to contact a girl who broke it off with me earlier this year. Happy that I've kept some dignity and not tried again since then, but getting over her has really not gotten any easier. Was my first love. It's been three months since I last saw her and around four months since she broke it off. Should I not be feeling these things anymore? (what I'm trying to ask is if it's rational or a sign of depression/lack of coping skills)

I think one problem is I have too much free time. Free time = I think about her. Hoping to get a part-time job soon. Spending money and occupied time might be worth the hassle.

Best of luck in your search

 

[SmartBase]

I think travelling is like my personal anti-depressant, it's especially noticeable after about 4 weeks of it. Now that I'm back home though it's back to the same old shit.

 

[neojubei]

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

shit just makes me depressed

but i can't help it

i see a couple and they look so happy

and i just wish i could have that

but i can't, because i'm such a fuckup

and then i feel lonely

Exactly how I feel seeing gay couples

 

[Uchip]

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

I felt that way for many years
and now that ive stopped caring I feel even more empty
hold on to your humanity, seriously.

 

[Yasae]

I envy those who don't have to work during the school year greatly, whether or not it is impressive I don't know.

It's not.

1) They got a scholarship.

2) They're living off loans because their EFC and tuition is low (that's me).

3) Their parents are paying for their expenses.

4) They're a vet and are using the GI bill (though most I knew were still working despite not necessarily having to - it's a generous bill).

Those are the four most common permutations.

 

[Woorloog]

Fuck my life.
Been almost two weeks badly sick, 38 degree fever... It is starting to make me feel badly depressed. The last week i was ok, other than being sick, mentally i felt okay if not great. Now... fuck.
This isn't anything really treatable anyway (probably, i'll visit a doc tomorrow), bedrest and drink enough.

 

[flippymittens]

Fuck my life.
Been almost two weeks badly sick, 38 degree fever... It is starting to make me feel badly depressed. The last week i was ok, other than being sick, mentally i felt okay if not great. Now... fuck.
This isn't anything really treatable anyway (probably, i'll visit a doc tomorrow), bedrest and drink enough.

Hope all is better for you and you get well soon.

 

[Out of Working Order]

i really need to learn to stop thinking about girls

shit just makes me depressed

but i can't help it

i see a couple and they look so happy

and i just wish i could have that

but i can't, because i'm such a fuckup

and then i feel lonely

I feel exactly that.

Every year it's the same. I used to think 'my time's coming' and that it was going to feel so special because I'd had to wait a lot longer.

But this is just too long. Nothing worse than waiting for something for so long, only to start to entertain the possibility that it may never happen.

It's fucking hard. I know.

All I want is to meet a girl and hang out and do what other couples do. But I remain single whilst other people hook up with their next girlfriend.

The funniest thing is it'll probably underwhelm me when I do finally meet someone.

 

[demon]

My job literally makes me want to fucking die. I just wish I had the experience and skills- and energy- to find a better job. Fuck my life.

 

[jorgeton]

I feel exactly that.

Every year it's the same. I used to think 'my time's coming' and that it was going to feel so special because I'd had to wait a lot longer.

But this is just too long. Nothing worse than waiting for something only to feel that it may never happen.

It's fucking hard. I know.

I know that feel bro. This week has been pretty shitty. I'm starting to think I'm not meant to find love, tbh. At least I got my video games and my wine...

 

[neojubei]

My job literally makes me want to fucking die. I just wish I had the experience and skills- and energy- to find a better job. Fuck my life.

you and me both. I hope ECT helps me get my life together and find a new job.

 

[Sub_Level]

Really depressed tonight. Drinkin at a bar alone. Bad idea, stuff makes ya feel worse sometimes

 

[FO-totality]

To those lamenting the lack of romantic companionship, please go check out/read through the datingAGE thread. I know it can be though, I've had the exact same thoughts, but you gotta keep going.

 

[Let me in]

Really depressed tonight. Drinkin at a bar alone. Bad idea, stuff makes ya feel worse sometimes

Alcohol, in more than moderate quantities, always causes me to go into a tail-spin. It provides a fleeting relief and then leaves you worse off for a week. At least in my experience.

 

[Out of Working Order]

I know that feel bro. This week has been pretty shitty. I'm starting to think I'm not meant to find love, tbh. At least I got my video games and my wine...

Same here. Videogames and painting keep me going.

To those lamenting the lack of romantic companionship, please go check out/read through the datingAGE thread. I know it can be though, I've had the exact same thoughts, but you gotta keep going.

I've popped in the thread before, and even recieved advice, but I never find the opportunity to put the advice to practical use.

Without really 100 percent putting my heart and soul into it, I don't feel I'll get anywhere. Most people develop these relationships naturally going about their lives, because they're socially well adjusted and have friends. I, on the other hand, find it hard to converse with people, and have no friends. Fuck, I've barely interacted with women my own age throughout my whole adult life. I am weird and awkward and people just don't 'click' with me. I've been singled out and bullied in the past. The sheer effort I think I'd have to put in to fit in with peers or stand out to women, coupled with the rejection I'd likely face, simply don't feel worth it. It seems like an insurmountable task.

 

[Sub_Level]

Once you reach a strong buzz you really do forget your sorrows. But of course alcohol should not be used as a way to combat depression, at least not consistently.

 

[FO-totality]

Same here. Videogames and painting keep me going.



I've popped in the thread before, and even recieved advice, but I never find the opportunity to put the advice to practical use.

Without really 100 percent putting my heart and soul into it, I don't feel I'll get anywhere. Most people develop these relationships naturally going about their lives, because they're socially well adjusted/have friends. I fall into neither category. I am weird and awkward and people just don't 'click' with me. I've been singled out and bullied in the past. The sheer effort I think I'd have to put in to fit in with peers or stand out to women, coupled with the rejection I'd likely face, simply don't seem worth it.

Nothing happens overnight. Evolution takes time. My story and thoughts don't seem to be much different than yours (from what you said). But nothing just happens overnight. It takes work and time and understanding that you need to fix things and accept the baby steps.

Please just stick to it.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

you and me both. I hope ECT helps me get my life together and find a new job.

Are you really getting ECT?

 

[Uchip]

To those lamenting the lack of romantic companionship, please go check out/read through the datingAGE thread. I know it can be though, I've had the exact same thoughts, but you gotta keep going.

how do I become interested in people again?

 

[Woorloog]

Hope all is better for you and you get well soon.

Thanks.
Visited a doctor. "Maybe pnemoia". Right. Maybe i should really go see a doctor right away if i get this sick in the future.
Prescribed me two different antibiotics and i'm right now staring at the other one, wondering how the hell i'm going to swallow this one.

Maybe i should have asked advice about my depression while there, though it was difficult enough to describe just how i'm sick. Maybe on monday, ordered me to visit again then.

At least i won't feel so bad (mentally) anymore, just knowing there's something to be done helped.

 

[SlowRevolution]

My job literally makes me want to fucking die. I just wish I had the experience and skills- and energy- to find a better job. Fuck my life.

What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Omegasquash]

Really depressed tonight. Drinkin at a bar alone. Bad idea, stuff makes ya feel worse sometimes

Drinking alone (in any quantity that you'd actually feel it) won't help, ever. Speaking from experience, it's just a temporary escape that makes waking up in the morning just that much harder.

Bad timing on my part since hey, you're probably not going to read this post until later, but I hope that there are other things you can turn to.

 

[Sub_Level]

Drinking alone (in any quantity that you'd actually feel it) won't help, ever. Speaking from experience, it's just a temporary escape that makes waking up in the morning just that much harder.

Bad timing on my part since hey, you're probably not going to read this post until later, but I hope that there are other things you can turn to.

What you're saying is correct. Luckily a friend was nearby and stopped by to drinnk with me, so i had a good time overall. Got a burger and drank some water afterwards, went to bed at 2, woke up at 7 for a fiber optics fusion splice cert class and it went off without a hitch. Everything went better than expected *thumbs up*

 

[Wilsongt]

So, I went to my therapist last night and she confirmed that I am in the middle of a depressive episode. Yay, fun. Haven't been in one in a couple of years.

 

[coldvein]

So, I went to my therapist last night and she confirmed that I am in the middle of a depressive episode. Yay, fun. Haven't been in one in a couple of years.

did you not know that before your therapist told you? whenever im depressed as fuck i just know it.

 

[Wilsongt]

did you not know that before your therapist told you? whenever im depressed as fuck i just know it.

Oh, I've known it for weeks. She just sort of confirmed it was an actual episode and not just my normal pessimistic attitude.

 

[Omegasquash]

What you're saying is correct. Luckily a friend was nearby and stopped by to drinnk with me, so i had a good time overall. Got a burger and drank some water afterwards, went to bed at 2, woke up at 7 for a fiber optics fusion splice cert class and it went off without a hitch. Everything went better than expected *thumbs up*

Beautiful, and executed with style to boot. Kudos!

 

[Pai Pai Master]

Hey guys. Never posted here before but I really appreciate all the help you're giving eachother day-in day-out. I've been in a bad place myself for the majority of the year so far since my girlfriend abruptly left me. I've been trying for the longest time to just focus on myself and self-improvement as my friends have advised me, but I've just been stuck in a rut the last few months and I just feel the need to talk it out with someone who maybe has gone through something similar.

I'm 25 and I've been overweight most of my life, which is never good for the old self-esteem. This girl I started dating last year, she was a casual acquaintence in college before, really turned things around for me. I felt amazing when I was with her and all that low self-esteem, social anxiety and all my other problems were a non-issue when she was in the picture. Fast forward to six month's later and she absolutely disappears from the face of the earth, stops calling, texting and hanging out with me. I tried to find out why but she'd never talk, and any time I tried to get her to come out somewhere just to have a conversation about what was going on, she'd agree and later stand me up.

Naturally, that sent everything spiraling back to where I used to be. I've felt like shit about myself, my body and my personality since and I don't think my friends, who've always been there for me (and I'm so thankful for them), really know how hard it's hit me. I go through every day hating myself and it's starting to affect my job and my lifestyle.

Back in May I tried to turn things around, bought a gym membership and started working out a few days a week after work. I started painting again for the first time since I was dating her. Things were looking up for a short while but eventually I just stopped caring for some reason. I haven't been back to the gym in months, and I haven't had the motivation to work on a painting in far too long. I've been eating like shit again, sleeping way too late for having a 8-5 job, and have lost all motivation at work and at home.

I am completely aware of the problems and the steps I can take to fix them. I know I need to lose weight (and I want this more than anything in the world), I know I need to fix my sleep schedule, I know I need to be more socially active, but I just can't find the motivation to do these things. I have zero drive to get it done and I find myself actively avoiding doing these things when I think about it. I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me when the solution is staring me right in the face.

Has anyone else had this problem and can maybe offer some advice on motivating yourself to change your lifestyle? I feel like I could be really happy if I could find the motivation. It's just not there and I don't know why. It's slowly but surely destroying me, especially when I think about how it's already September, I'm almost 26, and I've done nothing of value this year outside of my job, which I don't really care about that much - it's just good money and I like the security.

Edit: Really sorry about the wall of text. I wanted it to be short but I guess I just had to spill it all out. Thanks for listening though.

 

[fierrotlepou]

I suddenly feel like shit and I don't know why. I have everything that I need, but I still feel like crap. Damn it.

 

[NinjaFridge]

So I'm trying to decide if I should go back to Uni. I took a year out because I wanted to get over this shit but i'm not doing as well as I had hoped to be doing at this stage. I honestly don't think like i'm up to it, and think that if I go back I think i'll revert to what I was like last year. I've talked to the University and they said it's fine if I wait another year and I guess the sensible thing would be to take the year out but part of me still wants to go back.
I'll probably take the year out, this was just to vent.

 

[demon]

What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?

Work in the call center at a bank.

 

[half a moon]

Hey guys. Never posted here before but I really appreciate all the help you're giving eachother day-in day-out. I've been in a bad place myself for the majority of the year so far since my girlfriend abruptly left me. I've been trying for the longest time to just focus on myself and self-improvement as my friends have advised me, but I've just been stuck in a rut the last few months and I just feel the need to talk it out with someone who maybe has gone through something similar.

I'm 25 and I've been overweight most of my life, which is never good for the old self-esteem. This girl I started dating last year, she was a casual acquaintence in college before, really turned things around for me. I felt amazing when I was with her and all that low self-esteem, social anxiety and all my other problems were a non-issue when she was in the picture. Fast forward to six month's later and she absolutely disappears from the face of the earth, stops calling, texting and hanging out with me. I tried to find out why but she'd never talk, and any time I tried to get her to come out somewhere just to have a conversation about what was going on, she'd agree and later stand me up.

Naturally, that sent everything spiraling back to where I used to be. I've felt like shit about myself, my body and my personality since and I don't think my friends, who've always been there for me (and I'm so thankful for them), really know how hard it's hit me. I go through every day hating myself and it's starting to affect my job and my lifestyle.

Back in May I tried to turn things around, bought a gym membership and started working out a few days a week after work. I started painting again for the first time since I was dating her. Things were looking up for a short while but eventually I just stopped caring for some reason. I haven't been back to the gym in months, and I haven't had the motivation to work on a painting in far too long. I've been eating like shit again, sleeping way too late for having a 8-5 job, and have lost all motivation at work and at home.

I am completely aware of the problems and the steps I can take to fix them. I know I need to lose weight (and I want this more than anything in the world), I know I need to fix my sleep schedule, I know I need to be more socially active, but I just can't find the motivation to do these things. I have zero drive to get it done and I find myself actively avoiding doing these things when I think about it. I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me when the solution is staring me right in the face.

Has anyone else had this problem and can maybe offer some advice on motivating yourself to change your lifestyle? I feel like I could be really happy if I could find the motivation. It's just not there and I don't know why. It's slowly but surely destroying me, especially when I think about how it's already September, I'm almost 26, and I've done nothing of value this year outside of my job, which I don't really care about that much - it's just good money and I like the security.

Edit: Really sorry about the wall of text. I wanted it to be short but I guess I just had to spill it all out. Thanks for listening though.

I'm in the same place but worse off. Unemployed and spent the last 2 years esentially becoming a hermit.

As far as my ex goes, I realized my social life, weight, and procrastination issues were bad when I wasn't around her and to improve it I wanted to meet new females and date around anyway. And she was moving long distance.

Since you're prone to social anxiety and low self-esteem you probably have issues with constant negative thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good way to help change the way you think since the negative thoughts are a learned behavior or whatever. I haven't done it yet, but it makes sense.

Prozac after a few months and meditating to instrumental music where I just turn off my thoughts seems to help. I go like I don't know, an hour without a negative thought, I just focus on the sounds, and then do whatever task I want with little negative thought resistance. Like... hiking up a quarry the other day. I wanted to do that for a year but I usually sit on the couch.

As far as working out goes, after like 15 minutes it feels good and gets rid of my negative thoughts because I'm focused on my body struggling. There's no reason not to just... run around the house for 15 minutes or something to get that feel back.

I think I'd be better in a better place if I had a decent job. My last job a few months ago was a 12 hour nighttime job that took a physical toll. Couldn't really talk with coworkers because you were monitored with a computer. "You're not at 100%!!"

 

[Xun]

Well, ok, give yourself 4 years. That would mean you can spend 25% less time on each thing so would give you lots more breathing space. If you give yourself 6 years then you can spend half the time on each thing so you would have loads of time...



Yes definitely do this, having everything written down will give you clarity.

Very true.

Thanks for the advice!

I'm going to try and look into getting help when I return from my holiday, since even abroad I have yet to relax. My mind is in overdrive either thinking of all the things I need to do in life, all of the things I wish to do, and worrying myself silly in other areas such as health. All of this is caused by my OCD of course, and I just generally feel like a failure, which is probably also how others view me for not having a job a year after graduating.

My mind is working at 100 miles per hour, and because of this I never get anything done.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

Same here. Videogames and painting keep me going.



I've popped in the thread before, and even recieved advice, but I never find the opportunity to put the advice to practical use.

Without really 100 percent putting my heart and soul into it, I don't feel I'll get anywhere. Most people develop these relationships naturally going about their lives, because they're socially well adjusted and have friends. I, on the other hand, find it hard to converse with people, and have no friends. Fuck, I've barely interacted with women my own age throughout my whole adult life. I am weird and awkward and people just don't 'click' with me. I've been singled out and bullied in the past. The sheer effort I think I'd have to put in to fit in with peers or stand out to women, coupled with the rejection I'd likely face, simply don't feel worth it. It seems like an insurmountable task.

In your case, you want to know where to start first. The worst part (esp if you're the negative type) is that you might overwhelm yourself with a massive to do list, and then not do any of it because it's too much.

And if you're impatient (like I tend to be), you might want to give up early because what you're doing isn't getting you the girl immediately, and the lack of instant gratification makes you give up.

The toughtest aspect is really improving yourself. It's got nothign to do with liking girls and everything to do with liking yourself. If you don't, well, it's time to do it then! You are probably the easiest person to talk yourself into liking yourself. Imagine trying to get someone else to like themselves - it's the same as talking chinese to a duck.

Do it in private and give yourself some positive words of encouragement. Go and do some nice things for people and volunteer, especially spontaneously, so you really can like yourself for helping those people out. Go and start accomplishing things in your spare time - especially joining a sport. Winning competitvely and in a team is an awesome feeling. Your painting is definitely helping, but go a bit further and learn how to help others to paint.

Even as a student - maybe learn something inside out, and learn to help or tutor other people who are having a rough time with their homework.

All of this will build you up, a little bit at a time. Note this has NOTHING to do with picking up chicks - I think for now, you want to pick yourself up first.

Finally, you're going to want to start balancing out your alone time - if you spend 99% of your time alone, then... well it's likely you aren't going to improve socially anytime soon! Slowly decrease that to at least 70% (if you're naturally an introvert, no need to push it any further). The things above will definitely help you shrink it down, but enough to still make you feel at home in your own shoes.

That's my take anyway lol

 

[KevinCow]

Same here. Videogames and painting keep me going.



I've popped in the thread before, and even recieved advice, but I never find the opportunity to put the advice to practical use.

Without really 100 percent putting my heart and soul into it, I don't feel I'll get anywhere. Most people develop these relationships naturally going about their lives, because they're socially well adjusted and have friends. I, on the other hand, find it hard to converse with people, and have no friends. Fuck, I've barely interacted with women my own age throughout my whole adult life. I am weird and awkward and people just don't 'click' with me. I've been singled out and bullied in the past. The sheer effort I think I'd have to put in to fit in with peers or stand out to women, coupled with the rejection I'd likely face, simply don't feel worth it. It seems like an insurmountable task.

Right where I am.

I just don't know how to talk to people. My attempts when I was younger and less aware of my social disabilities often led to me upsetting people by saying something stupid, or made people think I was weird, thus making me their primary target of ridicule. I can't decide which was worse.

So I learned to shut up and smile and nod when interacting with people. It doesn't get me many plus points, but it doesn't get me many minus points either. And when I do have something to say, I always have to go over it in my head, double, triple, quadruple check it to make sure it's not weird or offensive in any way.

And this isn't just women, but people in general.

Fortunately, I have some friends who I can be myself around... but I only get to see them a couple times a month (even less now that I've got a job), and most of them are moving or have moved away.

 

[strobogo]

Things must be getting bad when I 100% identify with NIN songs. I had one of those weird nights where I laid on the bathroom floor for a few hours for no reason.

 

[jorgeton]

Hey guys. Never posted here before but I really appreciate all the help you're giving eachother day-in day-out. I've been in a bad place myself for the majority of the year so far since my girlfriend abruptly left me. I've been trying for the longest time to just focus on myself and self-improvement as my friends have advised me, but I've just been stuck in a rut the last few months and I just feel the need to talk it out with someone who maybe has gone through something similar.

I'm 25 and I've been overweight most of my life, which is never good for the old self-esteem. This girl I started dating last year, she was a casual acquaintence in college before, really turned things around for me. I felt amazing when I was with her and all that low self-esteem, social anxiety and all my other problems were a non-issue when she was in the picture. Fast forward to six month's later and she absolutely disappears from the face of the earth, stops calling, texting and hanging out with me. I tried to find out why but she'd never talk, and any time I tried to get her to come out somewhere just to have a conversation about what was going on, she'd agree and later stand me up.

Naturally, that sent everything spiraling back to where I used to be. I've felt like shit about myself, my body and my personality since and I don't think my friends, who've always been there for me (and I'm so thankful for them), really know how hard it's hit me. I go through every day hating myself and it's starting to affect my job and my lifestyle.

Back in May I tried to turn things around, bought a gym membership and started working out a few days a week after work. I started painting again for the first time since I was dating her. Things were looking up for a short while but eventually I just stopped caring for some reason. I haven't been back to the gym in months, and I haven't had the motivation to work on a painting in far too long. I've been eating like shit again, sleeping way too late for having a 8-5 job, and have lost all motivation at work and at home.

I am completely aware of the problems and the steps I can take to fix them. I know I need to lose weight (and I want this more than anything in the world), I know I need to fix my sleep schedule, I know I need to be more socially active, but I just can't find the motivation to do these things. I have zero drive to get it done and I find myself actively avoiding doing these things when I think about it. I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me when the solution is staring me right in the face.

Has anyone else had this problem and can maybe offer some advice on motivating yourself to change your lifestyle? I feel like I could be really happy if I could find the motivation. It's just not there and I don't know why. It's slowly but surely destroying me, especially when I think about how it's already September, I'm almost 26, and I've done nothing of value this year outside of my job, which I don't really care about that much - it's just good money and I like the security.

Edit: Really sorry about the wall of text. I wanted it to be short but I guess I just had to spill it all out. Thanks for listening though.

First of all, your ex girlfriend sounds like a horrible human being and a coward. You guys dated for six months, she owes you some explanation as to why she's breaking up with you. The "disappearing off the face of the earth" break up method is OK when it's one or two dates, but not ok when the relationship is half a year long. Good riddance to her. You don't need to be with someone who treats you that way. No one does.

Re: the weight loss, have you considered taking a class at the gym? That's a great way to meet people actually. And you lose weight in the process. Also a good playlist helps.

I'm not sure what the key is to motivating yourself. It's different for everyone. What motivates me is saying a big "fuck you" to everyone who's ever pissed me off or broken my heart. But a healthy kind of fuck you, as in "I look fucking good now and you missed your chance to hit this, asshole."

Don't beat yourself up over feeling like you haven't accomplished anything, it is honestly part of the human condition. Everyone I know feels that way sometimes. The key is to embrace whatever makes you happy. It's tough sometimes, but just keep things you like in the back of your head. For example, I've been feeling very down this week, but in a couple of weeks I'm seeing some great concerts and then taking a short vacation with friends. Also, Borderlands 2.

The key is to make yourself happy. It is tough, I know. But really.. that's the way. Hope this helps!

 

[Sadsic]

i hate and love myself right now

 

[Kusagari]

I seriously am just feeling more and more depressed lately. I'm losing the will to care about anything and have been skipping half my lectures because I just don't care anymore. Going to campus and seeing all those people so happy, even if it's a facade, with their friends just makes me want to die.

I'm thinking about finally going to the counseling and wellness center at my school and talking with someone. I've been going through this and social anxiety for years and never wanted to talk to someone, because I thought it would be admitting my failure at overcoming it. But I just can't do it anymore.

 

[Bagels]

I seriously am just feeling more and more depressed lately. I'm losing the will to care about anything and have been skipping half my lectures because I just don't care anymore. Going to campus and seeing all those people so happy, even if it's a facade, with their friends just makes me want to die.

I'm thinking about finally going to the counseling and wellness center at my school and talking with someone. I've been going through this and social anxiety for years and never wanted to talk to someone, because I thought it would be admitting my failure at overcoming it. But I just can't do it anymore.

Being ill does not make you a failure. You need to remind yourself that depression and anxiety are real illnesses. Remind yourself all the time because other people are going to tell you they aren't. You're sick and you need help. There's no shame in that.

Good luck with the wellness center. I hope they can get you some help.

 

[Windam]

I really hate my life right now. The past week just sucked. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all, I have no one I can make plans with or rely on to keep them (aside from maybe two of my cousins), I have basically zero energy all the time, I'm always extremely close to becoming angry (sometimes for no reason). I don't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy for more than a period of a few seconds.

 

[zoukka]

how do I become interested in people again?

Believe me. You need to kill a lot of the stuff that you spend your day on. As impossible as it is for many of us, cutting computer time can be very effective.

 

[Xun]

Well, ok, give yourself 4 years. That would mean you can spend 25% less time on each thing so would give you lots more breathing space. If you give yourself 6 years then you can spend half the time on each thing so you would have loads of time...



Yes definitely do this, having everything written down will give you clarity.

Thanks for the advice! I'll take note of it.

Even on holiday I'm still getting depressed about how college went for me, and how trapped I feel in my current situation. I may potentially have a job coming up soon doing something I do not wish to be doing, and I could potentially be doing long hours. I've admittedly never properly worked (I'm 22), so I'm really starting to panic for my future. It seems to me from here on out it's no more fun, and just work. This saddens me since I do not feel I've ever had the chance to simply enjoy myself socially.

I want to party and enjoy life, but that doesn't look like it'll ever be happen with a full-time job. I know a career is important, but I feel like I've missed out on my youth completely, and I feel a lot of regret because of this.

I'm mentally getting a lot worse, and even being on holiday (where I should be relaxing) has given me time to dwell on all of this and make matters worse.

Fuck my life, seriously.

 

[Uchip]

Believe me. You need to kill a lot of the stuff that you spend your day on. As impossible as it is for many of us, cutting computer time can be very effective.

ive taken plenty of holidays
and I work part time
I just cant bring myself to care

 

[JohnDoe]

I don't think I'm really depressed but in the last year my flaws have gotten more and more appearent to me and all that happens is that I get more demotivated and start hating myself more and more. I am a fairly decent and gifted person but I'm completely squandering my good qualities by doing jack shit. I try to work, even stuff I like, hell, especially stuff I like! But I get this weird fear or some sort of blockade in my brain that keeps me from actually WORKING... I really don't know what to do, the more self aware I am, the more demotivated and "depressed" I get. I seriously CAN'T do shit and feel helpless. This should be the easiest shit ever, because it's not shit like school, working out or chores that I am demotivated about: it's the things I like that I can't start working on.