Guys, if you lived near my city I'd totally take you two for a couple of beers. Or Fernet. I'd seriously do it.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Out of Working Order
Member
I don't have any at all. Maybe one, but he's a work friend that I've never met outside of work.
I've always wanted friends that'd call me up or show up at my door to go somewhere. I think it has played a big part in me never having had a girlfriend too, because that's how people meet women.
Go out >> get chatting >> women become interested >> confidence grows >> snowballs from there.
On my phone now, I'll post it later.
It was only ever her. (When she stopped me from killing myself, it was just the thought of leaving her behind popped up in my head and that made me feel horrible and so I stopped myself.) Now, I don't even have her to do that. We barely talk at all. I'm alone.
But hey, you and I have the same name!
Edit: Holy crap I feel so bad right now that I might just start breaking down in class. I don't want to be here.
ghostofsparta
Member
I don't know you but if I could I would like to get to know you.
I don't have any friends either. I have people to talk to and if you ask them they will say they are my friends but bullshit. They are never there for me when I need them, only when they want to be. I cried a lot this past weekend. I was so damn lonely and I didn't have a single person to talk to.
I have been feeling like shit lately. This past summer was lonely and depression. I left work early to move into my new place thinking it would be a blast to hang out with my housemate (I'm not interesting sexually in her at all) but when I get here I find out she has her boyfriend living here. WTF. They are always together and I'm always alone. I guess I was stupid to think I would have a good time here. I mean since when do good things happen to me?
And Kevin I know how it feels to be rejected and not have a single girlfriend. I know how it feels to be lonely. I know how it feels to just want to be asleep all day because at least in dreams there is a possibility of happiness.
I need help.
Seems we're in the same boat.
I had the same feeling earlier today. I have an appointment with a counselor in two weeks to get evaluated, but in the meantime, there's a class that's setting me off in every possible way and in four weeks time, I've skipped the class twice because I just didn't want to be there. It's completely ridiculous, but as soon as classes end, I sort of immediately flee the school.
I have been awake for almost 2 days and I'm eating my sleeping pills and I still can't sleep. It really doesn't help for depression or any other sicknesses I have...
Does anyone here take a lot of meds? I take a shit ton, sorry if it's been asked...I'm just fucking tired...
I'm seriously considering dropping the class (physics), regardless of whether it may be of help in university. My brain just can't handle it anymore. I had to put my head down and I had to force myself to not cry. l felt and still feel fucking pathetic.
Is it an academic issue? I had to drop a Japanese class and felt like a failure, especially since I had already spent money on the textbook, but I was doing so poorly that there really wasn't a way to salvage my GPA, even a month in. The class I was referring to--my math class--just makes me feel incredibly anxious and I can't stand it. This is my first semester of college though, so I'm trying to tough it out.
Aside from the fact that I'm not exactly the greatest at math/physics, my brain just sort of short circuited in February for some reason (I suppose that's when my depression intensified) and since then I haven't been able to perform so great academically.
One of my friend ended up in the Emergency Room and then Psyc ward twice because she nearly managed to kill herself OD'ing on Sleeping Pills. Please be careful. If they're not working, go see a physisist and inquire about a higher dose or a different drug, please don't increase the dose just because it's not working by yourself. Please.
I get that, and I'm stuck in a science class that I don't understand either, although there's not much use in dropping it since I'm fairly awful at science across the board, and this is at least something I'm vaguely interested in. This past month has been less than brilliant in general though, and I need to pull myself together.
So with all that said, if you ever need somebody to talk to over PMs Windam, I've been told that I'm a fairly decent listener. That offer extends to others in the thread, as speaking to other people here has helped quite a bit.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
It'll be my birthday in 20 minutes.
Lizard with a ladder
learnin' with the blacks!
Not sure if this is the right place to ask but how you do guys deal with thoughts of suicide? I've been struggling with this alot lately. It's been an ongoing issue my whole life. Was baker acted into a hospital for an overdose in my teens. Only survived the overdose due to a friend who called the ambulance just in time.
It's been over a decade since all that happened. Now I feel like I'm going through this cycle again. Last night it kept me up, thinking about all the details on how I'd blow my brains out. Thoughts of my pain I'd cause my family always keep from committing on it. I just want to the thoughts to go away.
I'm considering getting back on medication. Even though I hated myself when I was on them.
It's been over a decade since all that happened. Now I feel like I'm going through this cycle again. Last night it kept me up, thinking about all the details on how I'd blow my brains out. Thoughts of my pain I'd cause my family always keep from committing on it. I just want to the thoughts to go away.
I'm considering getting back on medication. Even though I hated myself when I was on them.
Thank you for the offer.
Two ways I deal with thoughts of suicide:
1) I do not have a gun, and every other way would be extremely painful.
2) If I killed myself now, there are games and movies I'm excited for that I'd never get to play.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
The first reason really is the one that acts as the first road block in my mind.
Go to a gym.
I think about it everyday. You dont do it because there's always someone who loves who and who would die if you ever went through with it. Its selfish and awful. Dont ever put anyone else through the pain they'd have to deal with. If you do, you're a terrible, terrible human being.
Agent Cooper
Member
Does medication help?
Lizard with a ladder
learnin' with the blacks!
I don't own one either. Still the thought of using my last paycheck to buy a gun instead of pay rent. Ride out to the beach at night. Drink a bottle whiskey and pull the trigger right on the beach. I've been dwelling on this too much lately.
As for the games and movies thing. It's hard for me to even care about any of those things when I'm this depressed.
That's my sole reason for holding back on it. I don't want to put my family through that. Still though, it doesn't make the thoughts go away. There's days that are really bad and I just want to make the pain stop. It's these days that I worry about.
Right now I know suicide isn't the right choice but this is rational me saying this.
People have 'thoughts' about things all the time. Its when you act on the bad ones that it becomes serious. You're not happy right now. I get that. But going away isn't an option. You're here now. You've struck the lottery with life, knowing that millions and millions of other sperm/egg combinations could have occured, but YOU were the one that emerged victorious. You fucking live now. You do what you need to do. Things wont always be great, but they wont always be horrible either.
Just dont, whatever you do, hurt anyone else in the process. If you're miserable, I'm sorry, but hurting other people isn't an option. Appreciate what you have in any small way you can. I'm serious about going to the gym by the way. Working out is nature's prozac.
Happy Birthday!
Go out, the local go-kart rink, get a drink at a bar, play MMO's all day, whatever is fun Lizard with a ladder
learnin' with the blacks!
I need to do this. I was in a better state of mind when I worked out in my youth. In my 30s now, it's hard to find time for it. I'll find a way to make it happen.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!
I kind of fucked it already though....
edit:fuckme
You can't fuck up your own birthday 1h in, there's still 23 hours left!
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Too true my man, and I thought about again, just a quick, misjudged panic. Gonna make this a good birthday. =)
Good to hear. Feliz cumpleaños.
That's my man!
A lot of people don't have anyone to talk to in person, or just feel more comfortable online. -insert batman hero GAF needs quote-
I have a lot of issues, but I don't feel comfortable sharing them. It's not about saying things in person or online, I literally can't tell anyone how I feel. Every time I've tried to tell someone they start talking about their day, their problems or something, so I never say a word about mine. When I'm horribly depressed and I'm with others, I try to pretend nothing's happening. I suppose I'm kinda good at this, no one notices when I'm dying inside.
There's no guarantee a gun won't be painful... and worse, no guarantee it'll kill you either. You could end up a vegetable.
I have a difficult life and I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts all the time. Just a few weeks ago, I found myself at the top of a cliff, ready to jump. I decided I was too tired to bother (I know, right?) and went home.
I know I just started posting in here but for me, it's much easier to communicate this way. I go to my weekly therapy and they just ask about drugs. I go to my other doctors weekly and have test run and meds adjusted and after awhile it sucks.
It's hard to find time to even talk to a person and introduce yourself much less develop a relationship in which you can actually share thoughts and emotions with.
I really hope that makes sense...
It's also much easier to speak in an environment where you know you won't be judged, or won't be exposed to any judgement and don't have to fear it (since you might even fear a psychologist's judgement in how they talk and react to you physically). Here the reaction is neither physical, nor immediate, nor does it have a direct impact on your life and you may choose to completely ignore it with no repurcussions. It makes complete sense that opening up in an environment like this is easier.
And it can definitely be a good step into opening up to others in "real life" too.It's also much easier to speak in an environment where you know you won't be judged, or won't be exposed to any judgement and don't have to fear it (since you might even fear a psychologist's judgement in how they talk and react to you physically). Here the reaction is neither physical, nor immediate, nor does it have a direct impact on your life and you may choose to completely ignore it with no repurcussions. It makes complete sense that opening up in an environment like this is easier.
That's a good point. And maybe if I were to open myself up a little more they'd actually do more than stick me with needles and adjust meds...
Oh god this. Once you get into the nitty gritty of 'clean deaths' you realize they aren't so. Death is super scary.
fredrancour
Member
There have probably been a dozen times I've started typing a post to vent inside this thread and just given up in the middle of the first sentence because it feels futile.
I need to lift more, play more guitar, and go talk to a school dean before I kill myself. I imagine myself jumping every time I'm at the top of a stairwell. My writing class has been good for me, once I get started on something it's an easy source of coherent thoughts. I'm even starting to figure out how to write things that don't feel like journals of my past few years of disappointment and failure.
god I still haven't picked a gaf avatar I'm such an indecisive procrastinator. I don't have one on fitocracy either.
I need to lift more, play more guitar, and go talk to a school dean before I kill myself. I imagine myself jumping every time I'm at the top of a stairwell. My writing class has been good for me, once I get started on something it's an easy source of coherent thoughts. I'm even starting to figure out how to write things that don't feel like journals of my past few years of disappointment and failure.
god I still haven't picked a gaf avatar I'm such an indecisive procrastinator. I don't have one on fitocracy either.
Bel Marduk
Banned
I have thoughts of suicide all the time and can only alleviate them through constantly keeping myself busy. Ultimately, I don't believe in any sort of life after death and that people can reinvent themselves. Its a bit of a cliche but suicide really is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Do you still have a problem with drug/alcohol abuse? Certain drugs can make suicidal ideation way way worse.
If you got suicidal thoughts get professional help immediately. Be completely honest and open and don't try to downplay anything when you do.
If you want to speak anonymously to someone in the first instance you can ring a helpline as a first step:
http://www.befrienders.org/support/helplines.asp
In fact in general anyone that in this thread should at least ring a helpline, especially if they are not currently receiving medical help.
See this is an interesting quote. If you can feel excitement and happiness about one thing, then that means you can feel happiness and excitement about other things. In my case and of many others I literally lost the ability to feel any happiness about anything, even listening to music for example was barely pleasureable. It's like a builder without any bricks. It seems almost futile to even try to create anything.
In your case you've got something to work with. If you keep doing the right things then you will get good results. Doing the right things is a skill, it becomes a practical question of application and dedication. Sure you get the odd bit of bad luck and parts of what you build may get knocked down and you have to start that part again. But everyday when you wake up you have another full days energy to build again and over time you can build a lot that's worthwhile.
Collete
Member
Sometimes I do that as well, just so I won't bother anyone, but in the end it does no good.
Well, I think it's a start you're telling Depression GAF at least how you feel; even if you don't feel comfortable talking with anyone about your issues.
(Also, you have been talking to the wrong people who just ignore your issues.)
There are times I feel I lose control of my body completely and another persona takes over.
The moments where I do have some reigns on them, I try to make sure I'm never alone in those cases.
(Even if I feel I'm just being annoying).
Not all medications work the same way if you consider going back.
Get different meds than the ones you were offered last time.
Good, hope you're having a nice birthday
ZackusMaximus
Banned
This is how I feel when people tell me to cheer up.
The Take Out Bandit
Member
I can relate.
I'd love to get out of this city and be around people that are optimistic and energetic.
Instead the drink and draw group I met two months ago already bailed with no fucking notice. That was sort of my group therapy. THE ONE FUCKING THING I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERY MONTH.
No notice.
Nothing.
Job giving me an impacted asshole full of shit and stupid. Motherfuckers don't want to test shit out before hand, so I get fucking thrown immediately under the bus. Stress WAY THE FUCK OUT. Fight the urge to start punching shit. Still feel shit. Go have a couple beers for lunch. Come back and run down the god damn clock.
All I do is work to pay bills. Come home. Sleep. Wake up in the middle of the night multiple times. Wake up late with headaches. Reheat some oatmeal. Shovel it down. Head to work. Repeat the same cycle of shit.
ALl I fucking do anymore is work and sleep. Getting fatter, older, more stressed out, and I really can't see doing this for another 30 years. I just can't.
I miss not needing to take drugs so that my stomach doesn't feel like it's on fire. I miss taking a solid shit.
What the fuck is up with these god damn headaches?
It's close.
Agent Cooper
Member
I'm considering going to talk to my school guidance counselor tomorrow.
But then I'm afraid she'll call my mom and tell her how insane I am and who knows what will happen then.
But then I'm afraid she'll call my mom and tell her how insane I am and who knows what will happen then.
Well... is this college or high school? High school might, but college, they'll be like a normal therapist and keep everything in confidence.
Except if they think you're a danger to yourself or others, then they waive the confidentiality.
But if it's a college counselor, go for it bb <3
Agent Cooper
Member
It's high school unfortunately.
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