Support NeoGAF

[Leeness]

It's high school unfortunately.

Hm... well, I wouldn't want you to stop from getting help. See if they do keep confidence. And I mean, didn't you say your mom was looking around for therapists anyway? So I mean, she knows something isn't going right for you. She wouldn't want you to stop from getting help either.

Like... your mom loves you, and if she does find out, it might hurt her, because parents all have this hope that their kids are always okay, but she will be happy that you're getting somewhere with it, so don't be afraid to go, whether she knows or not.

Also, high school might not have the best therapists anyway, but you can at least vocalize your issues and maybe see if they'll refer you anywhere?

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hm... well, I wouldn't want you to stop from getting help. See if they do keep confidence. And I mean, didn't you say your mom was looking around for therapists anyway? So I mean, she knows something isn't going right for you. She wouldn't want you to stop from getting help either.

Like... your mom loves you, and if she does find out, it might hurt her, because parents all have this hope that their kids are always okay, but she will be happy that you're getting somewhere with it, so don't be afraid to go, whether she knows or not.

Also, high school might not have the best therapists anyway, but you can at least vocalize your issues and maybe see if they'll refer you anywhere?

Yeah. I think i will.

 

[Leeness]

Yeah. I think i will.

<3

 

[Zeouterlimits]

Debating even getting out of bed to go to work. So unhappy.
With myself, my work, my distance from anyone who cares about me.

Fuck dudes, I can't do this. But I have to. Fuck

 

[Windam]

Really don't want to go to school today. Stayed up all night to work on a GROUP presentation by myself so I'm dead tired. Add to the fact that I bombed my physics and math tests yesterday, and well... Let's just say I'm not in a very optimistic mood right now.

Made a doctor's appointment for today at 5. I really hope they don't call my place to confirm. I'd rather not have my parents know. My mom didn't take me seriously when I said "I think may be be depressed." (Ha, "think".) Fuck life.

Edit: Currently waiting at the doctor's office. I don't know why I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack right now. I'm scared.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Really don't want to go to school today. Stayed up all night to work on a GROUP presentation by myself so I'm dead tired. Add to the fact that I bombed my physics and math tests yesterday, and well... Let's just say I'm not in a very optimistic mood right now.

Made a doctor's appointment for today at 5. I really hope they don't call my place to confirm. I'd rather not have my parents know. My mom didn't take me seriously when I said "I think may be be depressed." (Ha, "think".) Fuck life.

Edit: Currently waiting at the doctor's office. I don't know why I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack right now. I'm scared.

I know this was from a bit ago, but I hope things went okay.

Well, as okay as they can go.

...You know what I mean.

 

[Windam]

I know this was from a bit ago, but I hope things went okay.

Well, as okay as they can go.

...You know what I mean.

Well I found out that I'm super fucking uncomfortable opening up to people like the way he made me. I really didn't even know how to respond at some points, it was so bad. I think I spent like 30 minutes with him. Well, in any case, tomorrow morning he'll call me after calling the crisis centre/therapy clinic at a local hospital (they're closed now).

I really just feel super numb right now.

Edit: Are subscriptions not working? :/

 

[AngryMoth]

By virtue of chance I ened up in one of the aticic rooms this year (I'm a student and live with 6 of my friends). I've climed out of he skylight twice tonight and sat out on the roof in the rain. It wasn't actual an attemptnt on my life because I was careful, althought it was a little dangerous because our roof is very steep. But still, I've been thinking about suicide for long time and this was I guess a profound moment.

It annoys me that 'forever alone' has become a meme because it ilillegitimises my greatest insecurity; that I will never have a girlfriend and will always be alone. Today was the first day that we were all back in the house together so we all went for a night out. We wound up in our favorite club, and ended dancing with some beautiful girls (thanks to my amazing dancing!). My friends each got with one of them and I was typically left on my own, so I sneaked off and walked home, where I was feeling awful so I did the aforementioned stupid stunt. I've read that you need to be like 7 stories high or something to guarantee killing yourself, but I figure if I landed on my head it would be enough. I wasn't really even close to actually going for it though and so you needen't worry, and I'll make an appointment with my GP tomorrow to ask her to up my antidepressant dosage.

Still though, this is scary stuff. I've been doing well with CBT so its disappointing that I feel this way tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. If you reply and I don't respond, please don't be offended or worried, I've posted in this thread once before and was never been brave enought to read any responses!

 

[Smiley90]

By virtue of chance I ened up in one of the aticic rooms this year (I'm a student and live with 6 of my friends). I've climed out of he skylight twice tonight and sat out on the roof in the rain. It wasn't actual an attemptnt on my life because I was careful, althought it was a little dangerous because our roof is very steep. But still, I've been thinking about suicide for long time and this was I guess a profound moment.

It annoys me that 'forever alone' has become a meme because it ilillegitimises my greatest insecurity; that I will never have a girlfriend and will always be alone. Today was the first day that we were all back in the house together so we all went for a night out. We wound up in our favorite club, and ended dancing with some beautiful girls (thanks to my amazing dancing!). My friends each got with one of them and I was typically left on my own, so I sneaked off and walked home, where I was feeling awful so I did the aforementioned stupid stunt. I've read that you need to be like 7 stories high or something to guarantee killing yourself, but I figure if I landed on my head it would be enough. I wasn't really even close to actually going for it though and so you needen't worry, and I'll make an appointment with my GP tomorrow to ask her to up my antidepressant dosage.

Still though, this is scary stuff. I've been doing well with CBT so its disappointing that I feel this way tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. If you reply and I don't respond, please don't be offended or worried, I've posted in this thread once before and was never been brave enought to read any responses!

I've felt the same way for a long, long time. Oddly enough, I met my girlfriend (who was the first girl I had EVER asked for her number) in a moment when I was REALLY busy with other stuff in my live and came off a 10 hour shift, in a moment when I was NOT thinking at all, especially not about being alone/trying to find a girilfriend. It just somehow happened.

"Don't worry" is always easier said than done, but my best advice for anyone would be to just, literally, "give up" on trying to find a girlfriend. I don't mean this in a way that you should give up and think you will never find one, but give up on TRYING to find one. Just say, okay, I will purposely take the next few months off this girlfriend thing and just do something completely unrelated. Work more, work out, start a new sport. Keep your mind off of it. And then who knows, maybe suddenly you meet people, and meet a girl without the thought constantly in the back of your head.

If you read it, and answer, perfect. If you read it, don't answer, I'm happy too. If you don't read it, I'll be happy if anyone else reads it.

 

[Leeness]

By virtue of chance I ened up in one of the aticic rooms this year (I'm a student and live with 6 of my friends). I've climed out of he skylight twice tonight and sat out on the roof in the rain. It wasn't actual an attemptnt on my life because I was careful, althought it was a little dangerous because our roof is very steep. But still, I've been thinking about suicide for long time and this was I guess a profound moment.

It annoys me that 'forever alone' has become a meme because it ilillegitimises my greatest insecurity; that I will never have a girlfriend and will always be alone. Today was the first day that we were all back in the house together so we all went for a night out. We wound up in our favorite club, and ended dancing with some beautiful girls (thanks to my amazing dancing!). My friends each got with one of them and I was typically left on my own, so I sneaked off and walked home, where I was feeling awful so I did the aforementioned stupid stunt. I've read that you need to be like 7 stories high or something to guarantee killing yourself, but I figure if I landed on my head it would be enough. I wasn't really even close to actually going for it though and so you needen't worry, and I'll make an appointment with my GP tomorrow to ask her to up my antidepressant dosage.

Still though, this is scary stuff. I've been doing well with CBT so its disappointing that I feel this way tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. If you reply and I don't respond, please don't be offended or worried, I've posted in this thread once before and was never been brave enought to read any responses!

Yeah... I feel that way too, but it's not so much a fear anymore as just a thing that is and will always be, for me.

I know I don't have the emotional capacity to have a boyfriend, I'd probably freak out (in a bad way) if a guy even wanted to go out with me, and if for SOME godless reason I was in the position to have sex with a guy? I'd probably end up in crying hysterics.

So... it's just not an option for me anymore. Alone is best for me.

I agree with Smiley, though, to just be the best you can be and it will happen eventually.

 

[Smiley90]

Yeah... I feel that way too, but it's not so much a fear anymore as just a thing that is and will always be, for me.

I know I don't have the emotional capacity to have a boyfriend, I'd probably freak out (in a bad way) if a guy even wanted to go out with me, and if for SOME godless reason I was in the position to have sex with a guy? I'd probably end up in crying hysterics.

So... it's just not an option for me anymore. Alone is best for me.

I agree with Smiley, though, to just be the best you can be and it will happen eventually.

First part wrong, second part right! It's not even about "be the best you can be", it's about "be yourself". I feel/felt like when I was in that situation where I was sure I would never find someone to be with me, or even just give me a kiss on the cheek or whatnot, I had to change things up. I moved halfway across the world (I'm not saying do that, I'm saying change SOMETHING I didn't move because of it, I just moved which lead to what happened), found a new job, and was just generally busy with trying to find my way in this new place and new job. I was busy. I had no time to be lonely/thinking about it. And then suddenly, I was thinking less about being lonely, and suddenly when I started talking to this girl, it was less awkward. I somehow asked for her number, and MIRACULOUSLY she said yes. Trust me, I'll never know how I got the courage to ask, but I was just SO. TIRED. that day, that my subconscious must've just done it. And no idea how it worked. On our first date then, I was crazy awkward too and was so lucky that she was courageous enough to go in for the kiss. It just somewhat happened.

So... don't "be your best", but "be yourself". Occupy yourself. Then your true self will be the one talking to girls/guys, and they'll like you.

 

[Leeness]

First part wrong, second part right! It's not even about "be the best you can be", it's about "be yourself". I feel/felt like when I was in that situation where I was sure I would never find someone to be with me, or even just give me a kiss on the cheek or whatnot, I had to change things up. I moved halfway across the world (I'm not saying do that, I'm saying change SOMETHING I didn't move because of it, I just moved which lead to what happened), found a new job, and was just generally busy with trying to find my way in this new place and new job. I was busy. I had no time to be lonely/thinking about it. And then suddenly, I was thinking less about being lonely, and suddenly when I started talking to this girl, it was less awkward. I somehow asked for her number, and MIRACULOUSLY she said yes. Trust me, I'll never know how I got the courage to ask, but I was just SO. TIRED. that day, that my subconscious must've just done it. And no idea how it worked. On our first date then, I was crazy awkward too and was so lucky that she was courageous enough to go in for the kiss. It just somewhat happened.

So... don't "be your best", but "be yourself". Occupy yourself. Then your true self will be the one talking to girls/guys, and they'll like you.

Haha I'm content with my situation. It just is. I wouldn't be able to have a boyfriend anyway, like I said, I'd probably be in hysterics/possibly throwing up. Wouldn't work.

You'll be okay, AngryMoth

 

[lunch]

Top of the page again. Why me.

Yeah... I feel that way too, but it's not so much a fear anymore as just a thing that is and will always be, for me.

I know I don't have the emotional capacity to have a boyfriend, I'd probably freak out (in a bad way) if a guy even wanted to go out with me, and if for SOME godless reason I was in the position to have sex with a guy? I'd probably end up in crying hysterics.

Despite wanting a boyfriend, I'm sort of the same way, and I feel like I'd be so incredibly eager that I'd screw everything up, and I'm self-conscious enough as it is without feeling like I need to please somebody.

 

[Smiley90]

Top of the page again. Why me.


Despite wanting a boyfriend, I'm sort of the same way, and I feel like I'd be so incredibly eager that I'd screw everything up, and I'm self-conscious enough as it is without feeling like I need to please somebody.

Bottom of the page!

My girlfriend is extremely self-conscious and has issues with trust and self-respect/appreciation, and we've been together for nearly 3 years. I love her more than anything and try to be there for her whenever she needs me, because it's worth it. Trust me, you will find someone who will love you for who you are.

 

[FilthyLies]

So my suicidally depressed ex-girlfriend killed herself.
And then the doctors brought her back to life.

I told her that's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
She's not of the same mind.

 

[Leeness]

Despite wanting a boyfriend, I'm sort of the same way, and I feel like I'd be so incredibly eager that I'd screw everything up, and I'm self-conscious enough as it is without feeling like I need to please somebody.

Nah, it's way past that for me. I just can't. And I've come to terms with it. I'm okay with being on my own

So my suicidally depressed ex-girlfriend killed herself.
And then the doctors brought her back to life.

I told her that's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
She's not of the same mind.

Oh my god ((( I'm sorry, I hope she recovers.

 

[Nlroh]

I don't know what to do with my life, I've looked at all of my options and I'm on a dead end. I'm unemployed and I don't think I'll ever be able to get a job doing what I like. It's a shame because, even if this makes me look as if I have a big ego, I think I'm pretty good at what I do; but there are no opportunities for me here and I've literally no idea about what should I do. I'm getting sick of this situation, of living. I'm bored, tired and lonely. My social life is practically nonexistent, and even if I've "friends" that are always like "hey, we should do something", I don't want to, my conscience won't let me enjoy anything because I know I should be doing something about my professional life.

If I could forget about all this shit I would live my whole life in a room reading books or something, but, oh no, this is real life and I need job... There's nothing for me and I rather be dead than doing something that doesn't fulfill me. This is the first time I'm genuinely considering killing myself and I would have never imagined it'd be because of this.

 

[nan0]

I don't know what to do with my life, I've looked at all of my options and I'm on a dead end. I'm unemployed and I don't think I'll ever be able to get a job doing what I like. It's a shame because, even if this makes me look as if I have a big ego, I think I'm pretty good at what I do; but there are no opportunities for me here and I've literally no idea about what should I do. I'm getting sick of this situation, of living. I'm bored, tired and lonely. My social life is practically nonexistent, and even if I've "friends" that are always like "hey, we should do something", I don't want to, my conscience won't let me enjoy anything because I know I should be doing something about my professional life.

Can you post it? And there is no need to worry about having a big ego about what you are good in, it's called confidence and being confident in your abilities isn't a bad thing.

 

[Guhnmystro]

In February, my girlfriend of 2 years ended our relationship due to a promise that I had made not being fulfilled. Our long-distance relationship had me in Missouri and her in southern California. My promise was to move out there within two years of me making that promise, which would have been the end of this year.

I wasn't able to fulfill it because my schooling got sidetracked due to my mother being diagnosed with MS and I made the decision to transfer schools to be closer to her in the event that something bad happened (a collapse, severe seizure) occurred. Transferring eradicated almost half of my credit hours, pushing back my degree track considerably.

This girl and I had a fantastic relationship, the only relationship that I've had that I couldn't point out any true problems between us. Her ending it based on a decision I made with my mother at heart destroyed me.

Since then I haven't seen any remote interest thrown my way by any other women and I've spent the last 7 months alone, with her getting in touch with me periodically, which doesn't help my self-esteem since I'm aware she started dating someone a couple weeks after we ended it.

My self-worth is at an all-time low and the only time I get an escape from it all is when I'm working, but even then I'm alone, with me being the "old guy" who still works at an amusement park despite the fact that it's a job to do while I'm still in school. Even with my family I feel as though they've given up on me, rarely calling to catch up, and me essentially having to twist my dad's arm to come out with me for my birthday since he had never been with me on my birthday.

I just feel as though I'm a worthless piece of shit who's only purpose to keep going is because if I do die then people will actually show an emotion that's generated by me.

 

[Windam]

Today I went to the hospital where I had to wait in emergency for hours before someone from the crisis centre talked to me. I've been referred to a clinic which I may start going to from next week. Also, my parents still don't understand what depression is: "Think happy thoughts; find a girlfriend; laugh more," ugh. I felt so emotionally dead today.

 

[lunch]

Today I went to the hospital where I had to wait in emergency for hours before someone from the crisis centre talked to me. I've been referred to a clinic which I may start going to from next week. Also, my parents still don't understand what depression is: "Think happy thoughts; find a girlfriend; laugh more," ugh. I felt so emotionally dead today.

It's good to hear that you're going to receive help at least, and I hope it works out well for you. I have an appointment with a counsellor scheduled for next week.

 

[Windam]

It's good to hear that you're going to receive help at least, and I hope it works out well for you. I have an appointment with a counsellor scheduled for next week.

I guess so. Only really happened because my GP set it up. At this point, I don't know what I want or what's really best. I suppose it's a step-up from thinking that dying is the best route to take, though. I hope you find the help you need, as well.

 

[speedline]

Really don't want to go to school today. Stayed up all night to work on a GROUP presentation by myself so I'm dead tired. Add to the fact that I bombed my physics and math tests yesterday, and well... Let's just say I'm not in a very optimistic mood right now.

Made a doctor's appointment for today at 5. I really hope they don't call my place to confirm. I'd rather not have my parents know. My mom didn't take me seriously when I said "I think may be be depressed." (Ha, "think".) Fuck life.

Edit: Currently waiting at the doctor's office. I don't know why I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack right now. I'm scared.

You may have an anxiety disorder along with some underlying depression issues. That's what I have and am taking some meds and they are working so far.

 

[Windam]

You may have an anxiety disorder along with some underlying depression issues. That's what I have and am taking some meds and they are working so far.

Used to have anxiety attacks all the time from last July to this February. After then, they sort of died down but now they seem to be coming back. The depression I'm sort of sure of, since it's been hard for me to ever feel anything positive for a period of more than 30 seconds since about last October.

 

[SteveWinwood]

Why am I returning? I thought I was out

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I don't know what to do with my life, I've looked at all of my options and I'm on a dead end. I'm unemployed and I don't think I'll ever be able to get a job doing what I like. There are no opportunities for me here and I've literally no idea about what should I do. I'm getting sick of this situation, of living. I'm bored, tired and lonely.

If I could forget about all this shit I would live my whole life in a room reading books or something, but, oh no, this is real life and I need job... There's nothing for me and I rather be dead than doing something that don't fulfills me.

this is me to a t we are one in our misery

 

[speedline]

Used to have anxiety attacks all the time from last July to this February. After then, they sort of died down but now they seem to be coming back. The depression I'm sort of sure of, since it's been hard for me to ever feel anything positive for a period of more than 30 seconds since about last October.

Anxiety is the worst man, i would even get worried about having anxiety and that would escalate things even worse! I've had it for years and years before telling my doctor about it. I was having feelings like I would not live much longer, like something really bad was going to happen to me or I had major heart problems or close to a stroke or something. Come to find out my heart palpitations were directly related to my anxiety disorder and with a slew of other problems I was having.

Once I read through all the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (it was like reading a book about me) and did some research at a few forums it was so great to find people going through the same thing. I also found out the source of my depression is my self esteem.

I had just about all these symptoms by the time I decided to tell my doctor about it. I should have researched this years ago instead of living in a constant state of anxiety.

F41.1 Generalized anxiety disorder
Note: For children different criteria may be applied (see F93.80).

A. A period of at least six months with prominent tension, worry and feelings of apprehension, about every-day events and problems.
B. At least four symptoms out of the following list of items must be present, of which at least one from items (1) to (4).

Autonomic arousal symptoms
(1) Palpitations or pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate.
(2) Sweating.
(3) Trembling or shaking.
(4) Dry mouth (not due to medication or dehydration).
Symptoms concerning chest and abdomen
(5) Difficulty breathing.
(6) Feeling of choking.
(7) Chest pain or discomfort.
(8) Nausea or abdominal distress (e.g. churning in stomach).
Symptoms concerning brain and mind
(9) Feeling dizzy, unsteady, faint or light-headed.
(10) Feelings that objects are unreal (derealization), or that one's self is distant or "not really here" (depersonalization).
(11) Fear of losing control, going crazy, or passing out.
(12) Fear of dying.
General symptoms
(13) Hot flushes or cold chills.
(14) Numbness or tingling sensations.
Symptoms of tension
(15) Muscle tension or aches and pains.
(16) Restlessness and inability to relax.
(17) Feeling keyed up, or on edge, or of mental tension.
(18) A sensation of a lump in the throat, or difficulty with swallowing.
Other non-specific symptoms
(19) Exaggerated response to minor surprises or being startled.
(20) Difficulty in concentrating, or mind going blank, because of worrying or anxiety.
(21) Persistent irritability.
(22) Difficulty getting to sleep because of worrying.

 

[coldvein]

anxiety really is fucking awful.

 

[SteveWinwood]

I don't even have a doctor. Who would I go to?

 

[Razek]

oops haha

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I don't even have a doctor. Who would I go to?

Are there any free clinics in your area?

 

[SteveWinwood]

Are there any free clinics in your area?

I have insurance, I'm worried I'll get someone who thinks I'm trying to pull something by lying. I've dealt with this shit too long.

This shit being anxiety and depression not bad doctors.

 

[speedline]

I have insurance, I'm worried I'll get someone who thinks I'm trying to pull something by lying. I've dealt with this shit too long.

This shit being anxiety and depression not bad doctors.

I felt the same way as if my doctor would just think I'm making shit up to try and score some drugs or something. My doc was awesome and had no worries about my intentions, she knows it's a real and often time debilitating situation. I think a lot of doctors understand this nowadays and are totally willing to help.

I also think your (and my) worrying about the doctor not believing you is another symptom of depression and actually fits the mold of someone with low self esteem. Read up on some of this stuff and it's mindblowing how accurate science and psychology can pinpoint your type of issues. I always felt like I was not worthy of the help, or I was not worth the doctors time, or the money spent on medication. I felt I could live with my problems or get past them myself. I could not, and the reason is that it is a disorder- it's probably not something you can control even if you wanted to. Doctors know this.

 

[brianjones]

I have insurance, I'm worried I'll get someone who thinks I'm trying to pull something by lying. I've dealt with this shit too long.

This shit being anxiety and depression not bad doctors.

i dont really understand your concern

 

[speedline]

i dont really understand your concern

He is concerned because he feels the doctors will not believe him and he will be outed as a fraud. This is a symptom of low self esteem and I understand it because I go through the same thing.

 

[Natetan]

i'm feeling anxious lately, so I can sympathize with the previous poster mentioning.

I don't know what is going on with me. The last couple weeks I've been feeling down on myself. I feel confident at work, but even though I love my job I've been enjoying it less and I don't really know why. I'm feeling really self conscious about some other things. I don't really know why either.

I've never had a depression that wasn't triggered by a reasonably life changing event, so it's odd that i'm feeling this way. I don't get it. I'd like the anxiety to go away, worst feeling ever. I don't have any of those symptoms mentioned, I just feel tense and alert all the time. I wake up super early too, 4,5,6am when I don't need to be doing so. Urgh, I hate this.

 

[Sadsic]

i went through a pretty huge crisis over the summer and tried to kill myself... i almost died but literally this forum saved my life. I'm in a program now and are set to graduate in about a week or two; im also going back to school at the end of this month, and i should be done by next summer.

what im saying here is that depression CAN be managed its not always a losing battle, and this took me a long time to figure out. I was depressed for probably about 8-10 years before I realized it was an illness that could be managed. I'm trying to make myself healthy and hopefully I stick to the right path.

 

[nan0]

I've suffered from mild agoraphobia for several years, until after finishing my Bachelor degree. Then I couldn't even continue my Masters' because of heavy anxiety attacks on my way to the university. Tried it several times, everytime I got there I was shaking, had IBS-symptoms and cold sweat which vanished after I got back home. After two months of waiting time, I got a psychotherapy place where I got diagnosed with agoraphobia and mild depression. I had about 10 sessions until today, and at least I can get to my therapist or going shopping without too much worry or symptoms. Worst thing is, that I thought I would be able to continue my Master in the winter semester, but just thinking about it triggers the anxiety. Now I basically have to sit around half a year until next summer semester and have to hope the therapy takes effect. Which means I wasted one year in university. Great. And I'm not even sure if I want to continue in my field.

 

[Uchip]

i went through a pretty huge crisis over the summer and tried to kill myself... i almost died but literally this forum saved my life. I'm in a program now and are set to graduate in about a week or two; im also going back to school at the end of this month, and i should be done by next summer.

what im saying here is that depression CAN be managed its not always a losing battle, and this took me a long time to figure out. I was depressed for probably about 8-10 years before I realized it was an illness that could be managed. I'm trying to make myself healthy and hopefully I stick to the right path.

I dunno man
its been more than a decade for me and I dont think there is much of a brain left to be recovered

 

[speedline]

I thought I was becoming agoraphobic at one point because I was too anxious to leave the house, but I had to go to work which was hard sometimes. It's so hard to deal with I feel it has truly gotten in the way of me reaching my full potential in life.

I have pretty mild depression, more like low self esteem issues. I really feel for you guys here who are going through major depression. As bad as my anxiety gets I still feel like life is worth living, I couldn't imagine feeling completely hopeless or suicidal.

 

[Trent Strong]

I thought I was becoming agoraphobic at one point because I was too anxious to leave the house, but I had to go to work which was hard sometimes. It's so hard to deal with I feel it has truly gotten in the way of me reaching my full potential in life.

I have pretty mild depression, more like low self esteem issues. I really feel for you guys here who are going through major depression. As bad as my anxiety gets I still feel like life is worth living, I couldn't imagine feeling completely hopeless or suicidal.

That's how I felt when I was in my teens, and through my twenty's. But now I'm 38 and anxiety has just been chipping away and chipping away at my for decades now, not only not improving, even after years of therapy and tons of drugs, but getting worse. I know there's no getting away from my anxiety now, and things are starting to look hopeless. I have nothing to look forward to now but another 30 or 40 years of insomnia, heart palpitations, stomach problems, hypervigilance, derealization, weak knees, shaking, stomach acid in my throat, panic attacks, muscle pain from chronic tension, high blood pressure, social phobia and the social incompetence that it causes, and just plain constant fear, of everything, all the time. I have nothing to show for all my years of battling anxiety but xanax addiction. Anxiety can just be fucking crippling.

 

[hiten]

Just a few days away from my 28th birthday, but I totally feel like a piece of shit.
The only thing that kept me from committing suicide is the thought of how it will cause pain for my family. Really, that's the only thing that keep me alive now.

Maybe in the future, I'll commit suicide after my parents passed away. Well, I have sister, but I think she can manage without her useless brother haha...

 

[speedline]

Just a few days away from my 28th birthday, but I totally feel like a piece of shit.
The only thing that kept me from committing suicide is the thought of how it will cause pain for my family. Really, that's the only thing that keep me alive now.

Maybe in the future, I'll commit suicide after my parents passed away. Well, I have sister, but I think she can manage without her useless brother haha...

I'm a couple years older than you, but speaking as someone has has lost both of my parents while in my 20's already I can tell you that your sister and yourself will need each other more than ever after they are gone. I didn't really appreciate my sister so much until after our parents died, now I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to her. Suicide is so devastating it affects everyone in the worst possible way.

 

[Bel Marduk]

Top of the page again. Why me.


Despite wanting a boyfriend, I'm sort of the same way, and I feel like I'd be so incredibly eager that I'd screw everything up, and I'm self-conscious enough as it is without feeling like I need to please somebody.

and if you do get a boyfriend and screw it up then you can always try again with someone else.. judging by your heroic amount of posts on the gaygaf thread you seem to be pretty outgoing (although people are often different online..) so it shouldn't be too hard for you to meet guys. I know how you feel, though, social anxiety is terrible but the only way (other than lots and lots of alcohol) is to just put yourself out there and to think to yourself "what's the worst that can happen."

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I'm in a program now and are set to graduate in about a week or two; im also going back to school at the end of this month, and i should be done by next summer.

what im saying here is that depression CAN be managed its not always a losing battle, and this took me a long time to figure out. I was depressed for probably about 8-10 years before I realized it was an illness that could be managed. I'm trying to make myself healthy and hopefully I stick to the right path.

That's so great to hear! I'm glad you're doing better.

 

[Nlroh]

Can you post it? And there is no need to worry about having a big ego about what you are good in, it's called confidence and being confident in your abilities isn't a bad thing.

I suppose I could... Maybe I'll post something when I finish the one I'm working on.

this is me to a t we are one in our misery

What are we going to do?? The only good reason I have for not killing myself is that I have to read the end of asoiaf, but I don't think that's happening anytime soon.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

What are we going to do?? The only good reason I have for not killing myself is that I have to read the end of asoiaf, but I don't think that's happening anytime soon.

I don't know!

ASOIAF won't end for at least another 5-6 years! (I'm lowballing and hoping the TV show will act as a fire underneath GRRM's ass, but it could very well be 10+ years)

 

[Windam]

Terrible day so far. I've done nothing, gone nowhere and tried crying myself to sleep but I couldn't. Everything is so underwhelming, and I don't even have expectations for anything. I feel completely worthless and alienated right now. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Terrible day so far. I've done nothing, gone nowhere and tried crying myself to sleep but I couldn't. Everything is so underwhelming, and I don't even have expectations for anything. I feel completely worthless and alienated right now. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

Feels bad man.

We need some god damn rainbows and kitten videos or something.

Thursday went into work and sequestered myself in an unused room. Sat there stewing and feeling bad, with the requisite big baby crying, for about 30 minutes - then pushed it back down, went to work testing some equipment, and finally got up to full speed about an hour in.

I suspect it's just stress from working two jobs, having other side gigs piling up, and dealing with some financial worries.

Plus recently I've been contemplating buying a house here since it's so inexpensive, despite the area going to shit many years ago. I figure it's better to have someone who has lived here as long as I have owning property, taking care of it, and being a good neighbor instead of letting another suburban scumbag buy the property and register it to a P.O.Box so I can't burn their actual house down for undermining the standard of living in the city I live in.

Bills > Stress > No Savings > Would Like to Buy House > No savings > Stress

Blech. . .

And that's what keeps me going.

As much as I'd like to kill myself and have it all over, there are so many motherf*ckers deserving of the blunt end of an axe handle that need to go first.

Something tells me replacing depression with anger probably isn't helping.

 

[Halcyon]

Feeling slightly depressed today. I've been kinda sick so I didn't do the normal routine I have on a Saturday. Just sorta been laying around watching stuff. Had a terrible nightmare last night which has stuck with me today.

Missing my ex-wife. Its been cold and dreary and those were my favorite times to put on sweats be lazy and lay together watching tv shows.


Bleh hoping i get a good nites sleep with no crazy dreams so i wake up in a better mood.