Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Care to share?
Oh no, I'm fine. Just saying, haha. Sucks to not believe in an afterlife. I suppose I'm up right now over it, but it'll pass.
No need for one. Eternal sleep sounds good to me.
Maybe if it was indeed eternal sleep - I just have a problem with nothingness. How boring and sad for something that had a conscious to suddenly forever disappear.
Though, yeah, it's an interesting thing, haha.
When you think of other peoples lives, sure, but for your own, it's not like you know you're dead; you don't know you're missing anything. I just don't have a problem with it. Not dying quickly and painlessly is what I'm scared about. I made an attempt in January; I didn't think about how I wouldn't be having fun anymore and experiencing new things; I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Sounds nice.
Damn, man. It's good that you know that life is worth living, though - yeah, a slow death would be terrible, but I guess we got opposite worries. Living life in itself is a good thing; the new and great experiences only makes it better.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Heh, let's just say it was slow and became unbearable so I had to stop.
What did you try?
One night when it was 20-something degrees; I went out on my porch in just my underwear and lied down. Non-stop shivering for like an hour, then I felt light headed and the shaking stopped; I thought I was finally going to fall asleep, and then minutes later the shaking returned. I lasted two hours until I couldn't take the cold; I went to bed to get sleepy, woke up, tried again; couldn't fall asleep out there.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
That's a unique way to do it. I never thought of that.
I just mean being unconscious; not having to feel or think anymore.
I thought about taking a cold shower beforehand, but then I was worried that maybe I wouldn't die and I'd just get frostbite.
Working out isn't a solution, lol. But it helps being (a lot, actually) less stressed out so you have a better mind after that... And that is the purpose.
I've seen a lot of people developping a dependence on gyms when they were trying to recover from depression or any mental disease. It can be dangerous because you don't fix the problem at all. You just put it somewhere else.
I've seen a lot of people developping a dependence on gyms when they were trying to recover from depression or any mental disease. It can be dangerous because you don't fix the problem at all. You just put it somewhere else.
thinking is a privilege, and you only get to do it this one time
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
lol that would have been really shitty.
I know that life can be wonderful; I've experienced times of happiness that I thought were out of reach for me. I've hit rock bottom a few times, and something happened about six months ago that just, was unlike anything that came before. My energy, my will to live, it's just not there. I like to tell myself there's nothing left for me to experience; I know that's a lie, but it makes it easier to give up.
That's why I kept the underwear on.
God damn, this thread is gettin heavy. Thought I'd come in here to say my two cents, but y'all make me look like a regular optimist.
Edit: Just realized that being sad about something doesn't necessarily classify it as depression. Will be sure to check back in after I move home when I'll surely have lost all hope!!!
Got a couple C's this semester, might lose scholarship, probably gonna have to return home to live with the mom to finish out school at a shitty local college 
Edit: Just realized that being sad about something doesn't necessarily classify it as depression. Will be sure to check back in after I move home when I'll surely have lost all hope!!!
Got a couple C's this semester, might lose scholarship, probably gonna have to return home to live with the mom to finish out school at a shitty local college
Heh, that doesn't qualify for this thread, get outta here, man. What caused you to get the C's?
Lol wow, added the edit before I even saw your reply. And organic chem and microbio. Both were due to apathy and thinking everything would just fall into place as I'd never gotten below a B before in anything *sigh*.
I actually really have struggled with depression though for the past few years due to unrelated social anxiety crap, and I kinda want to talk but I've got a physics final in about 7 hours and I still have to get up and study more :L
Another stealth edit: Trigunner, I agree with the whole death not being bad in itself statement you made, as you're not aware of it, but are you ever scared to imagine what true nothingness means? No sound, no light, no images in your head, you sense nothing because you are nothing. o_o
Guess that's why I'm afraid to die...
Think my weight is a huge factor in my depression. I haven't really looked at myself until today when a friend sent me some pics we took kasekage. I looked huge. Not just obese but way past that. I've totally let myself go. I'll try and get back to the gym when I come back to America. Cannot believe I am a size 46 in pants too. I wish I wasnt in Japan feeling this way. No wonder no one wants to be with me. I look and feel like a monster. I wish I could just start another life different from this one. It hurts that others can have great bodies friends life everything without doing much. Just thinking about all of this makes me want to jump off a bridge or something. Seems like my mind body and soul are against me. Just wish I had something going for me.
I've already deleted all the photos of myself here in Japan. Just looking at them makes me feel worse. I think I will ride out the remainder of this trip in my friends place. Too ashamed to even go out side now.
I've already deleted all the photos of myself here in Japan. Just looking at them makes me feel worse. I think I will ride out the remainder of this trip in my friends place. Too ashamed to even go out side now.
You know I was kidding.
I had social issues too. I was such a loner, I couldn't handle so many people around me. I didn't even last a month in freshman year before running off on foot without telling anyone.
Good luck with your final.
When I was trying to get hypothermia; those moments before I thought I was going to collapse; I wasn't scared, I felt relief; but considering how desperate I was that night; it might have been different if I wasn't suicidal. It's like you said though, you aren't aware that there's nothingness; just like before you're born so I don't find that scary. That scary thing is, a few months ago I thought of what if there really was a hell.
I had social issues too. I was such a loner, I couldn't handle so many people around me. I didn't even last a month in freshman year before running off on foot without telling anyone.
Good luck with your final.
When I was trying to get hypothermia; those moments before I thought I was going to collapse; I wasn't scared, I felt relief; but considering how desperate I was that night; it might have been different if I wasn't suicidal. It's like you said though, you aren't aware that there's nothingness; just like before you're born so I don't find that scary. That scary thing is, a few months ago I thought of what if there really was a hell.
and if you were born in a different country, then a different, equally nonsensical belief of eternal punishment would have been implanted into your mind
its not worth giving such insanity a second of plausability
In my mind death would feel so much better in life. I don't even want an after life. I do not want any part of being me when I die. I am the thing I hate the most in this world.
Thinking about death in this lonely room. There really isn't anything I would miss being dead. Love? It's never goin to happen to me it hasnt for the past 20 years and it wont for the next 20 years. No one will miss me that I would miss. The farthest away from my mother the better even it I am 9 feet buired in the ground. I have no kids or dependents and bein gay I probably never have a family. Who would want to be with a fat pathetic awful guy like myself. I don't and I have to wake up each morning to be that guy. Maybe I should just end it when I return home. I'm not worth anything at all.
A few years ago I was really struggling with my faith, coming to terms with being atheist, all that, and what bothered me most about the thought of no afterlife was not losing my loved ones, but losing myself, as selfish as that may sound. One night I was super baked,
lol sorry I added this, I just used to do a lot of philosophizing this way
And the whole you being afraid of hell thing: while my two cents may be biased as I'm atheist, if there really is an afterlife of any shape or form, there just can't be a way that people/souls/energy/whatever state we're in can be segregated into a "good people" and "bad people" realm. I don't mean to offend anyone reading this even though I will and for that I'm sorry, but grow up. Life isn't a fairytale, there's no happy ending. Luckily there's no sad ending either...
I guess that makes death the better option. I'm thinking what really ties me to living in this awful world and nothing does. Why does anyone have to live if all there is suffering
You don't know that; and even if it's true, that doesn't mean they're happy. Look at celebs who have everything but end up depressed and killing themselves. I get shit from people; they think I have no reason to be depressed and want to end it all, because I come from a well off family so I don't have to work, and I'm considered attractive, but that doesn't mean I don't have a terrible self image.
It's hard to appreciate things when they come easy; they don't give you satisfaction; at least that's my case. If you want that dream body of yours; if you work for it, you'll feel like a changed man. You'll have pride in yourself. You just have to start with little steps, and you'll get there, and I'm not talking bullshit; I've done it before.
I'm an atheist but Jewish by ethnicity, so we don't believe in Hell, but if there was one, I know I'd go there.
Yeah, that's what it all comes down to and why I see no reason to fear death. It'll suck to not be able to enjoy your life anymore, but the actual state of being dead doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
What made you question your faith?
Sometimes I feel like there should be suicide clinics for people like me that life does not get better only worse. Why would anyone want to wake up being me. Im going to take down my mycupid account. I hate having it since it is like having a false feeling of hope of meeting someone which will never happen to me. I regret not killin myself in high school. My life is nothing but worthlessness. Sometimes I think it would be best to die somewhere remote so my family won't find my body. I don't want a funeral or even a grave.
Dr. Kevorkian was a true hero.
Your life is only worthless because that's what you choose. If you wanted even a little bit of joy, you'd take the necessary steps; you're either too lazy to do anything about it, and/or you're comfortable with your misery. I'm speaking as someone who is guilty of both.
So easy for you to say. You don't know my life. Every choice path decision has been an awful. I can not stand being me. I hate the fact my parents selfishly brought me into this world. If I could go back in time I would just kill myself and save trouble of existing. High school collee work everything before inbetween and even now has been for nothing. Maybe me dying will be the best thing for my family. It will show my mother how much I hate her and the life I had to live.
[Clark Gable]
Banned
I vehemently disagree. Under the many circumstances that other humans live with, you cannot just chalk up their problems to "not trying hard enough" or "giving up". Somethings are just regulated to chance or fate, it's not always what you make it. So yes, there should be clinics where people could commit assisted suicide. It would be wrong to judge someone who commits suicide as a cowardice action. It takes a lot of strength and resolve to actually go through with it. Sometimes there isn't any hope, and I blame society for that. For not doing enough to help people who are struggling, or just need a genuine friend. We are all so egocentric, only understanding what we believe in, or what we think other should do or be like. This is all subjective, and this is only my opinion. I do really believe if we were actually concerned with the welfare of others, and we weren't so "fake", people who suffer from various mental disorders would actually have a better chance at combating it. It's not like that though, this is the reality we live in.
( Don't take this as being pro suicide, I think every human life actually has value. In the end it's their choice, and if the pain is too unbearable, and they thought of every perceivable thing, then let them have the option of assisted suicide.)
Likewise you don't know everyone elses lives.
Showing someone how much you hate them is irrelevant because concepts such as hate don't exist after the deed is done.
Think of it this way, science is always expanding, and in your lifetime there will undoubtedly be better ways of helping people with mental illness, especially depression.
For me, my brain is a complete mess so i don't have much hope for science, but it what is bothering you is the chemical imbalance then you have a pretty good chance of recovering.
airmangataosenai
Member
I've been there bro, I dunno. I try to stay goal oriented to avoid those thoughts but I know that most likely if/when I reach all of them I'll still feel the same. It's worth a shot to tr y though.
Science cannot stop fate if your fate is just suffering. Nothing has helped so far doubt anything can help.
fate is a load of crap, as is predicting the future based on the past
I've been through my fair share of things. Physical abuse, starvation, living on the street, crippling OCD, no contact with anyone and no going out of my house for six months multiple times in the last ten years. There are people who have it way worse than me, yet they do something about it; they fight, because they want a better life. I do nothing because it's easier to quit and not put in the effort and I accept all the decisions I've made. I have no one to blame but myself for choosing how I live.
Why are you so miserable? Because you're fat and think you're ugly and hate that you don't have friends and women don't find you attractive? Is that all there is in life? Is it any surprise no one wants to be around you when you're negative about everything? How can anyone like you if you don't like yourself? If you put all the energy you spend on sob-story bullshit, into something to better yourself, you'd be much happier. Unless you have no control over your life, and everyone makes every decision for you; you have the power to make positive changes. I'm not trying to be an asshole; I'm just sharing what I think you need to hear and because I've gone through the same thing and discovered it's not just bullshit. It's up for you to decide if you want to put in the hard work it'll take to bring some comfort to your life, or just keep feeling sorry for yourself and blame your mother for your misery.
[Clark Gable];37490352 said:
I wasn't making generalizations of the entire population; I know there are things beyond our control. I was talking about Neo, based on the posts I've read of his in this thread.
I'm suicidal; I know how much strength it takes to make serious attempts. People are free to do what they want with their lives.
When I was depressed, kept my thoughts and feelings locked behind a door, not going anywhere in life, I thought, how much easier it would be to just end it. No one would have to worry about me, friends, family, I wouldn't have to worry about myself. I didn't have the "strength" to end it, causing even more pain. But I always thought about how much easier life would be. People would think "good riddance, he was worthless anyway, scum".
But in reality, it's paradoxical. That would make everyone who knew me (close friends, family) miserable. It would end my own sadness, but it would spawn immeasurable, lifetime pain for them. Is that worth it?
ShipTheCheese
Member
My job is pretty depressing, does that count?
You could also look at it the other way; they're selfish for wanting to keep you here when you're suffering so much.
My mom knows I want to die; I've told her myself; I said the whole "it'll be better for you because you won't have to worry about me anymore" thing. She said I'd be killing her if I went through with it.
Mercury Fred
Banned
A gentle reminder for everyone here, ESPECIALLY neojubei:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=35133404&postcount=1
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=35133404&postcount=1
In high school I started becoming skeptical just because of how implausible it all seemed and told my friends I was agnostic, which is a pretty big deal growing up in the bible belt, and an uneducated part at that.
Went to college and found out that literally every professor I've had is atheist and that it's not considered taboo everywhere to not be religious. Took a darwinism philosophy class, evolution, cell bio, gen chem, organic chem, an atheism philosophy class, and a bunch of other really interesting stuff, and it seemed the more I learned about how complex and awesome everything is, the more I realized I know a hell of a lot more about the scientific world than most people that were cramming religion down my throat as a kid. I just see religion as a comforting lie everyone buys into to help them sleep at night and put up with their shitty marriages/lives etc. lol
Btw, aced my physics exam
Yeah, I always thought if people believed in a god, then they must also believe in Bigfoot, ghosts, and what have you.
Whenever I visit my grandfather in Israel, I have to pretend I believe. He wouldn't understand.
Or as a way to scare them into living the life outlined by a group of people.
Congrats on the grade.
Whenever I'm around family I pretend to be religious still, just to not upset them. Been to a Christmas church service every year since I was born.
And thanks! Just one more exam then I'm done for the summer
arts&crafts
Member
I have been on medication for about 6 years now. It all began when I started fainting randomly in my last year of high school. I was diagnosed with an "Anxiety Disorder" and have been on anti-depressants (this one is treated for both illnesses) ever since. Since then, clearly the depressive symptoms of the disorder have worsened. Just yesterday I woke up at 10am thinking, should I go back to sleep? The more I sleep, the shorter I will have to be awake tomorrow.
As the years pass, I figure things will eventually get better and life will go back to the norm it was pre-drugs but that doesn't seem to be the case. I have gone to therapy and such throughout the years but I didn't find it helps that much. I know that for things to change and become better, I have to be the one to change my personality and start making moves in starting friendships/ relationships but I just can't seem to do it. Anyways I am not suicidal, at least I won't kill myself because my parents tried their hardest to raise me as one of six kids and they did a good job. I was just maybe looking for advice from someone who had depression and successfully changed their social/romantic life drastically and became a new man so to speak. I am almost 23, since that is probably important.
As the years pass, I figure things will eventually get better and life will go back to the norm it was pre-drugs but that doesn't seem to be the case. I have gone to therapy and such throughout the years but I didn't find it helps that much. I know that for things to change and become better, I have to be the one to change my personality and start making moves in starting friendships/ relationships but I just can't seem to do it. Anyways I am not suicidal, at least I won't kill myself because my parents tried their hardest to raise me as one of six kids and they did a good job. I was just maybe looking for advice from someone who had depression and successfully changed their social/romantic life drastically and became a new man so to speak. I am almost 23, since that is probably important.
BruiserBear
Banned
Do you still suffer from anxiety?
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