Depression

Status
Not open for further replies.
I meant right now. Instead of at an allotted time with a therapist. Don't you have a their number or something?

It's not to be patronising but our bodies don't work according to the work day patterns.

im not sure if you checked the time stamp
that event was last night and its now mid day

Have you tried medication? Xanax?

im just going to ignore people that refuse to read

First of all you don't know that. There might be some kind of 'afterlife' at which point you might regret it big time.

Secondly, you're not dead yet so it's not relevent. Right now you are alive, the decisions you make are as a living human being. So right now, are you saying you don't care if other people suffer the way you do right now? Are you saying you don't have any sense of morality?

there also might be a reward for ending your own life! certain religious extremists see it that way
see how pointless it is to speculate? implying that you can regret anything without a brain is nonsensical

id never go out of my way to hurt somebody, thats the last thing on my mind
but if i decided that it was time to jump ship, then I wouldnt think twice about anything that gets caught in the wake
 
im not sure if you checked the time stamp
that event was last night and its now mid day

Oh I see. So you feel differently now?


edit: I'm confused. I am reading through the posts, but it's my lack of understanding in this area that is probably to blame rather than comprehension.
 
That actually sounds pretty good. I wonder if the stuff is applicable to someone with SA though.

While it doesn't mention social anxiety, in my experience it is very applicable. I have pretty bad social anxiety and it has helped me to get closer to people. Here's another quote:

We get lost in our minds and lose touch with our experience when we begin to feel something that we are afraid is too much for us to feel, or something we think we are not supposed to feel. We are all afraid of having our excitement run away with us, of losing control. When we try to avoid fully experiencing the dreaded sensation or emotion, we get trapped in the frenetic babbling of our minds. Have you ever noticed that after you have had an uncomfortable encounter with someone in which you didn't fully express how you felt at the time, your mind talks to you incessantly? It keeps reviewing the conversation, trying to insert things you wished you had said. Our minds get energy to babble on like this from our fear of experiencing dreaded emotions, and they work overtime to keep our attention away from what we're afraid to feel. Recapturing control of your own attention is thus the first step to overcoming neurosis.
 
see how pointless it is to speculate?

That's kinda my point. Saying the dead have no regrets is speculation. You might believe there is nothing after death, but that is not a fact. Scientific method is based on obeservation of repeatable experiments. Since we can't observe what happens to a persons 'awareness' after death anything about what happens after death is speculation. Hence why I make the point that your decisions should be based on being a living human being.

You still haven't answered my question, do you have no sense of morality?
 
That's kinda my point. Saying the dead have no regrets is speculation. You might believe there is nothing after death, but that is not a fact. Scientific method is based on obeservation of repeatable experiments. Since we can't observe what happens to a persons 'awareness' after death anything about what happens after death is speculation. Hence why I make the point that your decisions should be based on being a living human being.

You still haven't answered my question, do you have no sense of morality?

we observe the body and brain to cease functioning and start to decay
since the brain is the very tool for perception we can safely assume that there is nothing left post death

I understand that my morality is slightly different from what is accepted as the norm for western societies
but at the same time, I dont go out of my way to hurt people out of spite like ive noticed so often
 
That's kinda my point. Saying the dead have no regrets is speculation. You might believe there is nothing after death, but that is not a fact. Scientific method is based on obeservation of repeatable experiments. Since we can't observe what happens to a persons 'awareness' after death anything about what happens after death is speculation.

lol please

Everything we know about consciousness and the brain suggests that there is no soul that is separate from the brain. If your brain dies, you cease to exist.
And thank fuck for that. I'd hate to know that if I choose to off myself, I'll wake up getting bumfucked by satan.
 
When it comes to relationships, I find myself going after people I cannot have... I am currently doing that right now and it is tearing me to pieces inside.

Edit: I have found a good book I am reading right now that applies well to me. It's called "Journey from Abandonment to Recovery" by Susan Anderson... A lot of it deals with break up of marriages and stuff, but it can apply to people with abandonment issues.


I kind of came in here to post something like this. I have suddenly started crushing g on a friend and it is making me absolutely miserable. He's going through some issues too I think, and his behavior has completely changed from being a really patient friendly generally good person to almost an evil rude bully. We've been doing a lot of stuff together lately yet we barely talk about anything and he's super closed off about anything personal.

I was always a little interested in him but when I found out he was straight I just shut that door. The more I get to know him the more I like him, and all those things have become so heavy I can't control my feelings anymore. He's quite vague about his romantic life and secretive which makes me think some part of him is interested in guys too.

Plus things in my real relationship aren't so hot. I basically picked someone I knew wouldn't abandon me but I don't have any strong feeling if love for. I tried to build something from it hoping love would come eventually, and maybe it was on its way. This crushing has been eating me up inside.

I haven't felt depressed and anxious like this in years, and knowing the way I crush and attatch to people I'm afraid this might go on for many many years. :(
 
I kind of came in here to post something like this. I have suddenly started crushing g on a friend and it is making me absolutely miserable. He's going through some issues too I think, and his behavior has completely changed from being a really patient friendly generally good person to almost an evil rude bully. We've been doing a lot of stuff together lately yet we barely talk about anything and he's super closed off about anything personal.

I was always a little interested in him but when I found out he was straight I just shut that door. The more I get to know him the more I like him, and all those things have become so heavy I can't control my feelings anymore. He's quite vague about his romantic life and secretive which makes me think some part of him is interested in guys too.

Plus things in my real relationship aren't so hot. I basically picked someone I knew wouldn't abandon me but I don't have any strong feeling if love for. I tried to build something from it hoping love would come eventually, and maybe it was on its way. This crushing has been eating me up inside.

I haven't felt depressed and anxious like this in years, and knowing the way I crush and attatch to people I'm afraid this might go on for many many years. :(

I really know your pain... I am someone who craves affection and all... This person I am crushing on cannot form a relationship with me for various reasons, but here I am super depressed and hurting when I don't hear from him... Or knowing that he likes to play around a lot with other people... He talks about it a bit, and I just sit there and listen even though it hurts.

I am in a quasi-relationship right now, while not really being in one. The person is great, but when I need emotional support, or even to be held like I do tonight, he isn't available.

Logically I know I am in a bad situation and it is ripping me apart... But I don't leave it. I am afraid I won't find another nice person who accepts me.
 
im just going to ignore people that refuse to read

I'm not on my way to attack you or anything so please keep in mind.
However I do want to note, not everyone reads every post in this thread.
So there can be sometimes where people might need to reiterate stuff, it happens in any big thread.
 
I'm not on my way to attack you or anything so please keep in mind.
However I do want to note, not everyone reads every post in this thread.
So there can be sometimes where people might need to reiterate stuff, it happens in any big thread.

yes
but its on the same page, not lost in the hundreds of others :/
 
I really know your pain... I am someone who craves affection and all... This person I am crushing on cannot form a relationship with me for various reasons, but here I am super depressed and hurting when I don't hear from him... Or knowing that he likes to play around a lot with other people... He talks about it a bit, and I just sit there and listen even though it hurts.

I am in a quasi-relationship right now, while not really being in one. The person is great, but when I need emotional support, or even to be held like I do tonight, he isn't available.

Logically I know I am in a bad situation and it is ripping me apart... But I don't leave it. I am afraid I won't find another nice person who accepts me.

Yeah he works with me. It's funny we do more and more stuff together yet I enjoy it less and less. He and I used to get lunch together alone and now it's always in big groups and we barely talk. I found out he goes to lunch alone with another male coworker that we both know and I found myself feeling jealous. Which is just stupid. I bumped into them in the street when they were heading back to the office. He also IMs me at work a lot and I find myself hoping here is an IM from me whenever I'm at my computer. I never used to do that. I also try and make his name not visible on the online user iM list, and when I see him at the office I feel anxious when we used to just smile and chat like good friends.

Part of me wants to believe that if he would just be open and friendly like he was before I would stop feeling this way. If he was dating someone or more openly talked about the types of girls he likes or some other stuff that would show how straight he is I would stop feeling this way.

The thing is I had built up our friendship so this wouldn't happen. He was and is the one that reaches out to me generally. I'm still afraid to contact him because I'm horribly afraid of rejection mostly because I've been rejected a lot.


I approached him about acting differently lately and he doesn't think he acts any differently. But what else would be say.

Deep down he's the only person at the office I really want to be friends with. I generally make one good friend I stay in touch with at each sort of work place or school etc I go through in life. I hope it can stay that way. I sometimes remind myself what a disaster it would be even if we could be together. The person I am with right now is the most selfless and caring person I know, there just is no spark or love involved (which I'm afraid of anyway)

Anyway thanks for listening, nice to vent this somewhere.
 
yes
but its on the same page, not lost in the hundreds of others :/

Is it?
I'm not sure if it's my memory loss or short attention span , but I couldn't find it.

I'll take your word that it was in this page that you said that.
That said, even on the last page people might not read the whole thing.
(I'm guilty of this every now and then, I won't lie).
It's normal however, sometimes it's too long or just not enough time and people just want to try and help.
 
Is it?
I'm not sure if it's my memory loss or short attention span , but I couldn't find it.

I'll take your word that it was in this page that you said that.
That said, even on the last page people might not read the whole thing.
(I'm guilty of this every now and then, I won't lie).
It's normal however, sometimes it's too long or just not enough time and people just want to try and help.

well im sorry for sounding like an ass
but it is very frustrating being reccomended something over and over when ive spent most of my life doped up on pills
 
Yeah he works with me. It's funny we do more and more stuff together yet I enjoy it less and less. He and I used to get lunch together alone and now it's always in big groups and we barely talk. I found out he goes to lunch alone with another male coworker that we both know and I found myself feeling jealous. Which is just stupid. I bumped into them in the street when they were heading back to the office. He also IMs me at work a lot and I find myself hoping here is an IM from me whenever I'm at my computer. I never used to do that. I also try and make his name not visible on the online user iM list, and when I see him at the office I feel anxious when we used to just smile and chat like good friends.

Part of me wants to believe that if he would just be open and friendly like he was before I would stop feeling this way. If he was dating someone or more openly talked about the types of girls he likes or some other stuff that would show how straight he is I would stop feeling this way.

The thing is I had built up our friendship so this wouldn't happen. He was and is the one that reaches out to me generally. I'm still afraid to contact him because I'm horribly afraid of rejection mostly because I've been rejected a lot.


Anyway thanks for listening, nice to vent this somewhere.

I know exactly how that is... It's a reason that keeps me from meeting people. I've been rejected by so many people that I feel it's going to happen always. It is probably why I feel so upset when I don't hear from someone I am crushing on. I feel like I am being rejected and I do not know why... I am a good person, I have a lot to offer, but for some reason people stop talking to me and I don't know why... I turn into this depressed, anxious idiot and all I do is sit there and wonder what I did wrong to make someone dislike me.
 
well im sorry for sounding like an ass
but it is very frustrating being reccomended something over and over when ive spent most of my life doped up on pills

If it's any condolences I know that feel as well. People keep telling me to get therapy and I have to explain my situation a 100 times to people.

I guess the peace of explaining it that many times there's a chance someone will understand in the end and makes people more aware.
 
we observe the body and brain to cease functioning and start to decay
since the brain is the very tool for perception we can safely assume that there is nothing left post death

I understand that my morality is slightly different from what is accepted as the norm for western societies
but at the same time, I dont go out of my way to hurt people out of spite like ive noticed so often

Morality isn't a fixed thing neither. People can change stances once educated or through experience, age, or other seminal event.

Brain research is it's infancy, and it brings up a lot of philosophical quandaries, especially in the area of free will (deterministic or otherwise) and moral responsibility.
 
I know exactly how that is... It's a reason that keeps me from meeting people. I've been rejected by so many people that I feel it's going to happen always. It is probably why I feel so upset when I don't hear from someone I am crushing on. I feel like I am being rejected and I do not know why... I am a good person, I have a lot to offer, but for some reason people stop talking to me and I don't know why... I turn into this depressed, anxious idiot and all I do is sit there and wonder what I did wrong to make someone dislike me.

Yeah this has happened to me a lot at work lately for some reason, lots of people I talked to stopped taking to me and I don't know why. My 'best friend' didn't contact me for a year and a half. He had a kid but how hard is it to reach out to someone you've known since elementsry school? So that hasn't helped.

I just don't know what to do now. Part of me thinks I should just pull out and stop taking to him. We've got tons of stuff planned together for the next two months though that I want to go to. Ski trips and some volunteer work stuff.Frankly I want to do those things alone with him, and not even in a sexual way. I usually build up very strong individual friendships, but with the large groups we never get to have any real good discussion. I just came from a volunteer trip for the entire weekend and I feel exhausted. We were randomly placed in the same volunteer group and I chatted away most of the weekend with another friend of ours who was also in the group and he just said almost nothing most of the time. I just want to see him smile laugh and talk like we used to. I don't know if it makes sense but I feel like that would stop the feelings I have. We also have been running alot with other office people lately and when he's in a good mood I come home on cloud 9 feeling infatuated so maybe that's not the answer either.

I just don't understand why he wants to spend so much time with me and other people when he doesn't seem to particularly enjoy hanging out with us.

A couple weekends ago he came on another trip with us and he slept near me. I try and stop myself from imaging myself lying next to him. It's not going to do me any good...
 
thats why I said it varies from what is accepted
fixed morality is nonsense and its observable simply by researching cultural and historical differences

Oh I wouldn't say that either. Not the nonsense part at least. But again, we're driving away from the point of thread. There was a philosophy thread somewhere on gaf.
 
You'll like Radical Honesty then. Here's a quote:
But you do what you think is the right thing, the correct choice. Many choices are completely intentional and directly impacted by the control one person had over them. Their morality is subjective but their motivation is not.

He's a bit off the mark there.
 
I wish I could know what being in a relationship is like. Sigh. I have major crushes on straight guys. My therapist from the cbt group thinks I attracted to straight guys because I know they will reject me and I won't be hurt from it unlike being rejected from another gay male.
 
I wish I could know what being in a relationship is like. Sigh. I have major crushes on straight guys. My therapist from the cbt group thinks I attracted to straight guys because I know they will reject me and I won't be hurt from it unlike being rejected from another gay male.
If you're exclusively attracted then maybe. It's a lot easier when you find out and realize there's literally NO chance - 100% rejection rate (ok 99.89% but close enough to be effectively barking up the wrong tree).

Straight people basically never have this problem because most people are straight. They hardly ever crush on random homos. It's one of the many unfortunate realities of gay living, but it can be dealt with.
 
I wish I could know what being in a relationship is like. Sigh. I have major crushes on straight guys. My therapist from the cbt group thinks I attracted to straight guys because I know they will reject me and I won't be hurt from it unlike being rejected from another gay male.

are you attracted to their appearance or the personality?
 
I wish I could know what being in a relationship is like. Sigh. I have major crushes on straight guys. My therapist from the cbt group thinks I attracted to straight guys because I know they will reject me and I won't be hurt from it unlike being rejected from another gay male.

Do you have crushes only on straight guys? Couldn't it just be a matter of chance?

Try going to gay friendly clubs, perhaps?
 
Sounds like the first class was ok for you. If you follow my lessons the synesthesia might not even be an issue. Can you tell me more about the synesthesia? I'm not really familiar with it, I'll try to think of ways to help you.



Yeah, I'm making it super super easy on purpose so anyone can do it, I think everyone in this thread should do follow along. Even if you already meditate, I'm going to do a lot of cool stuff that you haven't done before. And it will all fit into 2 minute meditations so you can definitely make time for it. If you're lazy(as depression often makes you) you can do it standing, sitting or even lying down. If Miyamoto was going to make a meditation program, this is what he would come up with ;)

Also, if you are participating, can you please post saying so, it'll encourage others to take part and making a public statement will help keep you motivated. Any other feedback or reviews of how you are getting along are also appreciated(you can post or even pm me if you like)

Lesson 2 (30 seconds of meditation)
The first class was an introduction to correct breathing. This will build on that but first as preparation I want you to first tense up your entire body. You don't need to tense it too much(doesn't have to be painful) but the key is to tense all of it. Quickly scan your body, scan your legs and feet(and toes) make sure they're tensed, scan you torso and back and make sure it's tensed, scan your arms and hands make sure they're tensed, scan your neck and head make your it's tensed. Close your eyes and squeeze them a little and also tense your face a little. Tense everything for say 5 seconds and then release and relax your body.

Then you're gonna start your breathing. Breathing is a skill and we're working to improve it. In the first class you learned to breath deeply and fully by breathing all the way into your belly. This time we're gonna focus on breathing as smoothly as possible. When you finish running a sprint your body is starved of oxygen, it goes into panic mode, you breathe in sharply and start panting, you push each breath out rapidly. We're trying to achieve the opposite, we're trying to be relaxed. When you breath in there's not a sudden intake of breath, there's a smooth acceleration in your breathing in.

After you have filled your lungs you then start to breath out. I want you to make the transition as smooth as possible. When you start to breath out, it's not like you push your breath out, it's more like you are letting your breath out. Breathing in takes effort, breathing out is more a release. When you breathe out, I want you to breathe out for twice as long as you breathed in. So the rate of the airflow is half of the inbreath. This requires some conscious control and slowing it down and keeping it smooth. At the same time with each outbreath also try to relax your body a little more.

Do 3 or 4 breaths, try to make each breath a little longer and smoother than the last. And each time you breath out relax your body a little more. That's it. Long explanation, but it all fits into 30 seconds or so :)

I am going to try this tonight, thank you :)

And synesthesia, at least the version I have, is basically that sounds tend to translate into visuals for me, shape and color.
 
I am going to try this tonight, thank you :)

And synesthesia, at least the version I have, is basically that sounds tend to translate into visuals for me, shape and color.

so if somebody farts in your ear, it would have a visual representation? i wonder what itd look like
 
Oh well, I'm just gonna write this down since no one could care less either way.

I have zero motivation. None. I'm not capable to care. I lost my past 4 jobs because I couldn't care less if I lived or died, much less get to to work the fucking morning. Why the fuck would I go to work then?

I don't know how people can struggle to stay alive. It baffles me.

Because of that, you would think I'm a pretty passive person..... but no...Someone insult me and I just want to rip their head off. I keep imagining their death for hours and hours and hours.

Tried anti-depressant before, didn't do much except turn me into a zombie..

Anyone got any solution beside blowing my head off?
 
For people who have tried and failed multiple antidepressants, you may be a candidate for a research study looking into experimental treatments. PM me and we can see what's cooking in your area.
 
without going into too many disgusting details ..

i've been on some sort of antidepressent or anti anxiety medication for most of my adult life (i'm 28). i've been off of them for about a month now and i'm doing fine. boom
 
My chronic back pain has been killing me in the last few days. Only metaphorically and not literally, unfortunately.

Seriously, as if SA, depression and ADD weren't enough. I just want to ly dow in a corner and die. But even lying down hurts. There is no position where my spine doesn't hurt.
Seems like I'll have to add physiotherapy to my psychotherapy. Fun times.
 
Seems like I'll have to add physiotherapy to my psychotherapy. Fun times.

as someone thats had so many injuries i cant even remember, physio is something that actually really works. Its a much more reliable fix than any mental problems.
of course, it helps if you get it subsidized and im not sure how it works where you are
 
as someone thats had so many injuries i cant even remember, physio is something that actually really works. Its a much more reliable fix than any mental problems.
of course, it helps if you get it subsidized and im not sure how it works where you are

in the glorious european union, health care is free and universal!

it's more of a motivational thing for me, I've got a bazillion things to do for uni, work and just general misc household stuff and I lack the motivation to do them all adequately.
I actually did some physiotherapy years ago. Couldnt bring myself to keep up the training after therapy ceased.

this time, the pain is 10x worse, so I should be motivated enough.

Edit: gonna try sleeping, not sure if I'm tired enough to blot out the pain. night, folks!
 
For people who have tried and failed multiple antidepressants, you may be a candidate for a research study looking into experimental treatments. PM me and we can see what's cooking in your area.

Is it possible for my current anti-depressant, that has worked for years, to stop working?
 
Is it possible for my current anti-depressant, that has worked for years, to stop working?

Yes. Yes yes yes. Your personality and brain chemistry change tremendously throughout the years, in turn changing the nature of your issues completely.
 
so if somebody farts in your ear, it would have a visual representation? i wonder what itd look like

It's usually stuff that has a tone or musical quality that triggers it. Some normal voices do as well, along with loud jarring noises.

And yes, it likely would, and would likely be something akin to what I see when I hear drums.
 
Yes. Yes yes yes. Your personality and brain chemistry change tremendously throughout the years, in turn changing the nature of your issues completely.

I know for me its become extremely common to have some kind of relapse effect being off them, and its more nasty than it used to be
 
I studied as much as i could but practice tests still says i'm going to fail...
Dealing with stress again...Feeling I'm about to vomit,but I can't sleep yet. I have to be awake. Oh fuck why.

I can't do this test who am I kidding.Going to fucking fail, and still have parents treat me like shit thinking I don't work hard, still living with shitty depression. Not like anything will stop.
 
Speaking of studying...

I feel like, realistically, there's only one way out of this shithole my life currently is and that's going to school (I have a bachelors) for something I'm interested in and try for a career that pays decently and that I can be at least quasi-passionate about. I just don't know what that would be, and I have very low self-confidence in my ability to succeed academically (or in any challenging or competitive career field). I did manage to graduate from college, but just barely (and with the shitty gpa to go along with it). I'm a slow reader, haven't written a paper in 8 years, definitely do not want the stress of school (particularly grad school) and working a job if it came to that, and I hate class discussions. But I have no idea what other path I can take. My current job makes me want to blow my head off, but I don't exactly have skills/experience that would open up better opportunities for me. I have a very difficult time motivating myself for and doing well at things I'm not interested in, and I usually have little to no life outside my work, so I can only picturing myself being happy with and succeeding at a career that interests me. And to top it off I have a host of personal problems, including depression, that keep me from pursuing anything. I feel hopelessly stuck and it's agony.
 
is there any study on why men commit suicide at a much higher rate than women?

I don't know the statistics for adults, but for adolescents, girls actually attempt suicide more often. They just tend to use pills or other less reliable methods so the suicide isn't "successful." Boys tend to shoot themselves and that's kind of hard to fuck up so the suicide rate is higher even though the attempt rate is lower.
 
is there any study on why men commit suicide at a much higher rate than women?

I don't know any specifically,but psych classes taught me that men are more likely to succeed because they have "guts" to pull it off.
And girls are more likely to do it as a cry of help.

Which makes sense since my earlier stages were cry of help. Now that I'm getting into the latter portions, it's a matter of having guts.
 
I don't know any specifically,but psych classes taught me that men are more likely to succeed because they have "guts" to pull it off.
And girls are more likely to do it as a cry of help.

Which makes sense since my earlier stages were cry of help. Now that I'm getting into the latter portions, it's a matter of having guts.

http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/177/6/484.full

"The excess rate of DSH in females, plus the stronger association between DSH and suicide in males (Hawton & Fagg, 1988; Hawton et al, 1998), suggest that acts of DSH by females are more often based on non-suicidal motivation. In females, the appeal function of DSH, whereby DSH is used to communicate distress or to modify the behaviour and reactions of other people, seems more common. In males, DSH is more often associated with greater suicidal intent. It is interesting that in community samples, suicidal ideation is reported far more often by females than males (e.g. Paykel et al, 1974).

It is well recognised that males tend to use violent means of both suicide and DSH more often than do females. Greater suicidal intent, aggression, knowledge regarding violent means and less concern about bodily disfigurement, are all likely explanations for the excess of violent suicide in males."

Bottom line: There is no "middle ground" for men (hurting yourself to call for attention is not an option), so they tend to just go straight for suicide (as they are more "hopeless" in trying to find help, while women tend to first hurt themselves and then hopefully get helped. Given male suicide rate IS higher, it seems like oftentimes women DO get helped.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom