Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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"I don't want all up in your vajayjay, but can we just snuggle?"
Feeling pretty low tonight... Another Friday at home. Alone.
dead inside implies not caring about getting close to people
not interested in "snuggling"
Same here
I just feel like im supposed to like it but im a broken human
I feel the same. I feel that fate has in store for me that I am to die old and alone with a cold, dead heart... That I'll become an old troll that GayGAF talks about all the time and thinks are pretty groddy and whatnot...
but you just said you would like it and couldn't live without it?
how about how man up and get out of this thread with that mentality?
I hate when I think like this, I hate that the only "solace" I find in my own self perceived shitty situation is that there are people out there that have it even worse.
I wouldn't like it, and I couldn't live with out, but deep down I feel that I am meant to die old and alone no matter how hard I try.
I feel incredibly guilty about being depressed simply for this reason... I keep telling myself "My problems aren't nearly as bad as other peoples. I have it good." It's like I downplay my own depression... I try to suppress it... All that does is lead to even more problems in the long run...
Collete
Member
Yey, glad you're considering it more and more!
Small incentives like that can help people make big leaps later.
I hope you enjoy those snacks
Agreed. Ignorance is not bliss, as I stated for the 10th time.
Please educate yourself the nature of mental illnesses.
Guys, do ignore him.
It doesn't matter if our problems are lesser/greater than others or not. We are suffering from problems,that's enough in itself to be taken as serious as I said in the past.
Sure, even my problems of being unsure of the future seems insignificant,but it's a big deal to me.
I cry over it nearly every week and slash myself feeling worthless and unsure of myself.
Is that problem not serious now? No, it's still serious and needs to be taken as such.
Ignore him.
This is irrelevant to the suffering caused by mental illness. Apples and oranges.
And that mindset only makes things worse. It's not worth agonizing over.
TUROK
Member
Cut the self-righteous bullshit. I'm obviously not the only one who feels guilty about my problems in the grand scope of things. Ignoring me isn't going to make other people that feel the same way all of a sudden feel better about themselves. Hell, isn't what we're doing here manning up? Actually talking about our problems for a change instead of keeping them bottled up?
It's very relevant. This sort of mindset can be considered mental illness in and of itself. Of course, I take solace in this mindset, so I don't consider it to be that bad.
it would help if you didn't use the term "man up" because of obvious reasons
Collete
Member
But it's not OK to feel guilty over them though. It creates a spiral downward into depression if we all feel guilty of our problems. If we do that, we'll never make any progress on ourselves.
Unless you can all of a sudden feel better if you compare your problems to dying children in Africa,by all means go for it.
It may not make others feel automatically better, but at least I'm trying to put some other way of thinking of it.
I don't expect anything I say to all of a sudden make things better to anyone. But I should at least try.
I'm not sure if we have the same definitions of "manning up".
We are trying to "cope" and be "constructive" on our thought processes is kind of different than keeping it bottled up and "manning up".
(At least my definition of "toughening out" or what ever, is to ignore a negativity and put your chin up without any reasoning or support for it....Which I don't think is healthy in any way if you experience a mental illness.)
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
This is neither a solution nor always in ones control. Would you tell a person to "buck up" and just get over their cancer? Many things in life, including many forms of depression, are of a similar nature. The very America-favored trope of overcoming all by way of pure gusto is not a magic answer. It often fails.
TUROK
Member
I'm well aware it's not okay. I just don't have any other recourse, aside from talking about it. I have no health insurance nor a job that supplies a lot of income. I can't seek therapy, so I cope with it the best I can.
I meant it more along the lines of powering through adversity, rather than trying to ignore the negatives. I have a habit of wallowing in self-pity, so for me to break out of that would be to "toughen up." Of course, it's not exactly easy.
Sorry if I came across as an asshole. I can definitely be one at times.
Of course not. I was speaking purely about myself. Like I said, I have no other recourse, so I cope the only way I can. If I tell myself that my problems aren't that bad and that helps me forget about them for a while, that's a victory in my mind.
Collete
Member
Hey, you described me as well!
My health insurance doesn't cover psychiatry visits or hospitals.
I'm unemployed myself to supply a steady income for psychiatry visits either. Not enough for therapy either.
So I pretty much "self treat" myself (which obviously hasn't been great doing that).
I don't know of any means to do it healthily though, since I'm struggling with it myself.
Only possible way I do it without trying to "toughen up" is try to take care of oneself rather than put it up like that.
Even if it's insignificant it still brings out some signs of healing.
It's fine, I apologize if I came across as arrogant or something.
Frustration and sadness can get the best of us.
Cameron122
Member
Should I stay home for the millionth friday, or go see the hobbit alone?
Go see it. I've gone to a lot of movies by myself...
Collete
Member
I want to see it but depression already got the best of me.
Go see it and enjoy it for yourself!
I know, I've been thinking that I should just give up.
Gotta vent, forgive me if I'm in the wrong topic and how (really really) scattered it all is. My thoughts are everywhere. Fuck my life is all I can say right now. I never felt so low and useless in my entire life. I feel like I let everyone down.
You most likely don't know me, as I hardly post anything worthwhile. I'm 26, single, living at home with my parents (though that doesn't bother me as much), gaining weight, GPA is dropping every semester, unemployed. I have two siblings both younger than I, both graduating from high-prestige colleges (UGA & Agnes Scott) with promising degrees. Just got back from attending one of their graduations today. It was grandiose and flashy, huge campus, we hung out at his place for a bit and went to dinner. I started thinking about all his future vs mine. I don't see myself improving, ever. He's graduating with a business degree in risk insurance. More importantly he has a social life that I could only dream of. My sister is graduating with a bachelors of science in astrophysics. She's also living away from home, and has tons of friends. I'll be lucky to get by with a CIST programming degree.
As the school year drew to the end I stopped giving a shit about it. I just failed 2/3 classes because I started feeling like I had no chance, no matter what. And I do still kind of feel that way. Especially now. I feel like I'm unprepared when I do leave home for real, and get out there on my own. I stopped pushing myself and I started to not care, I guess. It was stupid but I couldn't bring myself to even try. I'm currently on break now and thinking back on it and growing even more depressed.
This happened last year as well, but I managed to bring myself back around by composing music, which I love doing. I've managed to do some music in past few months but I don't even feel that anymore. My goal was to sell some work, got a website and everything set up, but I lost motivation for that too.
Actually, if I had to sum it up: I guess I lost motivation for life. If I were given the chance there is so much I would go back in time and change. But that ain't happening and now I'm at a loss as to what to do. Every thought I have now is where I could have been and how I could have handled each thing in the past. I nap two to three times a day to "reset" my thoughts.
Parents give me encouragement, but it's not enough. My mother, I know, she wants grandkids and my dad wants someone to carry down the family name. At 26 I feel like I should have met someone by now. I feel like I should have someone in my life. But I don't. My grandmother (who was also looking forward to being a great-grandmother) used to tell me to graduate and get a well paying job so I could take care of her so she wouldn't have to go to a nursing home. While she's not in a nursing home she's struggling. And we're struggling, as we have to drive to her place everyday to feed/change/shower her. It's not where I wanted her to be.
I'm out of christmas spirit. I don't feel any of it right now, and I feel like I'm not going to feel it at all this year. Glad I got the decorations out when I did I guess.
You most likely don't know me, as I hardly post anything worthwhile. I'm 26, single, living at home with my parents (though that doesn't bother me as much), gaining weight, GPA is dropping every semester, unemployed. I have two siblings both younger than I, both graduating from high-prestige colleges (UGA & Agnes Scott) with promising degrees. Just got back from attending one of their graduations today. It was grandiose and flashy, huge campus, we hung out at his place for a bit and went to dinner. I started thinking about all his future vs mine. I don't see myself improving, ever. He's graduating with a business degree in risk insurance. More importantly he has a social life that I could only dream of. My sister is graduating with a bachelors of science in astrophysics. She's also living away from home, and has tons of friends. I'll be lucky to get by with a CIST programming degree.
As the school year drew to the end I stopped giving a shit about it. I just failed 2/3 classes because I started feeling like I had no chance, no matter what. And I do still kind of feel that way. Especially now. I feel like I'm unprepared when I do leave home for real, and get out there on my own. I stopped pushing myself and I started to not care, I guess. It was stupid but I couldn't bring myself to even try. I'm currently on break now and thinking back on it and growing even more depressed.
This happened last year as well, but I managed to bring myself back around by composing music, which I love doing. I've managed to do some music in past few months but I don't even feel that anymore. My goal was to sell some work, got a website and everything set up, but I lost motivation for that too.
Actually, if I had to sum it up: I guess I lost motivation for life. If I were given the chance there is so much I would go back in time and change. But that ain't happening and now I'm at a loss as to what to do. Every thought I have now is where I could have been and how I could have handled each thing in the past. I nap two to three times a day to "reset" my thoughts.
Parents give me encouragement, but it's not enough. My mother, I know, she wants grandkids and my dad wants someone to carry down the family name. At 26 I feel like I should have met someone by now. I feel like I should have someone in my life. But I don't. My grandmother (who was also looking forward to being a great-grandmother) used to tell me to graduate and get a well paying job so I could take care of her so she wouldn't have to go to a nursing home. While she's not in a nursing home she's struggling. And we're struggling, as we have to drive to her place everyday to feed/change/shower her. It's not where I wanted her to be.
I'm out of christmas spirit. I don't feel any of it right now, and I feel like I'm not going to feel it at all this year. Glad I got the decorations out when I did I guess.
TUROK
Member
Yeah, it really can. Best of luck with your troubles. Hope you find that happiness we all strive to gain someday.
Same... I want to will my body to shut down...
User 100115
Banned
Losing motivation is a very common thing with depression. Have you talked to anyone, thought about seeing a professional?
How do you guys cope with the fact that it can very realistically go worse? "It" as in your life/situation, and by go "worse" I mean stuff like getting cancer for example. The mere thought scares the shit out of me, I'm straddling a thin line with my life and I'm for the most part physically healthy. If I would be diagnosed with something terrible I'd probably just lay down and die considering the total lack of will and power to fight anything like that.
Hey guys, I haven't posted here in a while, but I figured I'd create some context with my situation, and maybe ask you all for opinions.
For the last few years I've been trying to figure out what I want to do, and as a result, much of my depression comes from this. For example, not really having an idea of where I wanted to go and where to apply myself, I actually have no paying work experience at 23 years of age (my father pays for tuition, which has contributed on my depression, making it even more of a "why bother" scenario for paying work). However, these past few months I feel like I'm getting on a more honed direction; I want to go into the mental health field (I was previously doing computer stuff, but I felt like a hamster on a wheel) and help people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses. This is all well and good, and it seems the education I get will actually be practical in the 'real world', so it's much better than what I've felt I've been getting. The issue, is like I said earlier, for someone my age, I lack a lot of experience. At best I have about four months of freelance writing for two places, and that is IT. And that's what I wanted some opinions on here; I'm not looking to be ranking in money, or even fame, as I want to make a living just helping others. My only need in life is that ideal, anything else is and should be icing on the cake.
I know in this type of economy that just having a degree isn't enough, and I'm personally fed up that I don't have any practical experience with things. So, what I wanted to ask was what is the honest likelyhood that someone of my general position would even be considered for volunteer or internship work? I plan on moving with my family to Pennsylvania by the start of the next year, and I want to blitzkrieg myself: I want to be moving along with my education and finding channels to apply myself, figure out with actual experience if this is what I want to do, and feel like less of a failure for lacking such experience. The thing I felt with out-of-high school work is it doesn't really train you for niches of work, like the type of thing I want to do. You can argue that listening and dealing with people is a trait you can learn in work, but you can just as easily learn that with family, siblings, and strangers on the street.
I often wonder and fear if it's too late for me, but that's why I'm asking you guys, maybe you guys would have a more critical look on things than I would. There have been some factors as to why I never pursued work, or how it failed to reach my hands so it's not like I sat at home all day and ate Cheetos. I want to work to help others and knowing my efforts are making someone else better, so being in a position where work would just be for me is something I really hate, and I want to find and create channels for myself and my values. Sorry for the rant, GAF, but I wanted your opinion on things. Hope I don't seem like a huge loser.
For the last few years I've been trying to figure out what I want to do, and as a result, much of my depression comes from this. For example, not really having an idea of where I wanted to go and where to apply myself, I actually have no paying work experience at 23 years of age (my father pays for tuition, which has contributed on my depression, making it even more of a "why bother" scenario for paying work). However, these past few months I feel like I'm getting on a more honed direction; I want to go into the mental health field (I was previously doing computer stuff, but I felt like a hamster on a wheel) and help people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses. This is all well and good, and it seems the education I get will actually be practical in the 'real world', so it's much better than what I've felt I've been getting. The issue, is like I said earlier, for someone my age, I lack a lot of experience. At best I have about four months of freelance writing for two places, and that is IT. And that's what I wanted some opinions on here; I'm not looking to be ranking in money, or even fame, as I want to make a living just helping others. My only need in life is that ideal, anything else is and should be icing on the cake.
I know in this type of economy that just having a degree isn't enough, and I'm personally fed up that I don't have any practical experience with things. So, what I wanted to ask was what is the honest likelyhood that someone of my general position would even be considered for volunteer or internship work? I plan on moving with my family to Pennsylvania by the start of the next year, and I want to blitzkrieg myself: I want to be moving along with my education and finding channels to apply myself, figure out with actual experience if this is what I want to do, and feel like less of a failure for lacking such experience. The thing I felt with out-of-high school work is it doesn't really train you for niches of work, like the type of thing I want to do. You can argue that listening and dealing with people is a trait you can learn in work, but you can just as easily learn that with family, siblings, and strangers on the street.
I often wonder and fear if it's too late for me, but that's why I'm asking you guys, maybe you guys would have a more critical look on things than I would. There have been some factors as to why I never pursued work, or how it failed to reach my hands so it's not like I sat at home all day and ate Cheetos. I want to work to help others and knowing my efforts are making someone else better, so being in a position where work would just be for me is something I really hate, and I want to find and create channels for myself and my values. Sorry for the rant, GAF, but I wanted your opinion on things. Hope I don't seem like a huge loser.
Yes. It's difficult to find a job right after graduation with no experience, that's true, but not even that is impossible. Internships, and especially volunteering positions in relevant places are definitely possible and welcome in most places though. Try contact your (ex-)profs if they know places you could volunteer at, maybe in their own research?
Update.
Well, the student put a formal complain with the titular of the course before I submitted the grades. Which means that his grade will stand unless he can prove that there was wrongdoing on my part. On his email, he mostly said that the grade didn't reflect his attendance record and overall effort put into the course. The titular responded something in the lines of "we don't give points for attendance or effort". A bad move from his part, I can no longer do a thing to help him.
OG post.
Well, the student put a formal complain with the titular of the course before I submitted the grades. Which means that his grade will stand unless he can prove that there was wrongdoing on my part. On his email, he mostly said that the grade didn't reflect his attendance record and overall effort put into the course. The titular responded something in the lines of "we don't give points for attendance or effort". A bad move from his part, I can no longer do a thing to help him.
OG post.
scar tissue
Banned
What a dumbass. He deserves what's coming to him.
scar tissue
Banned
Yeah, it feels pathetic the first time but you get over it, and in the end there's good times to be had.
Only time it was really weird was when I watched Iron Man 2, and there was only one guy in the cinema apart from me, like 3 seats next to me.
.. So you saw his grade, were considering helping him, then he goes IGNORING YOU and went straight for a formal complaint, pretty much guaranteeing he will fail? What a dumbass indeed. Did he even bother talking to you oO. Wow. Yeah no, don't feel bad about him after that.
Only my parents who assure me that they are proud of me, don't worry, you're doing fine etc., every time. They haven't been in my shoes though. I don't bring it up anymore, and tell them I'm fine every time they ask, because I don't feel like getting into it, and I don't want to bring it up now because I don't want to ruin their holiday spirit.
Last night I looked for a professional around me but I don't know how much they can cost yet.
Like with everything else in my life, looks like that's the way to go.
It makes it easier sometimes...
However, if you're like me, I constantly dwell on things like that. Scumbag brain, indeed.
Oh same here, no doubt that me not being able to sleep at nights is roughly 99% due to those nagging thoughts eating away my brain during the quiet nights I'm trying to go to bed. I haven't been able to sleep without a podcast for 4-5 years. Without some external sound all I hear is the god damn things that I need to fix with myself and my life. Of course I repress them all thinking : "Tomorrow, tomorrow"
GasProblem
Member
Studies are getting me down. Started a criminal law master last year, but quit because I couldn't focus because of my coming out. Started again in september, but I think I'm coming to the conclusion that criminal law just isn't my thing. It's not the path I want to take with my life. Too depressing and morally difficult. I think the emphasis on dispute resolution in civil law suits me more and in the end will be the better decision.
I can't quit again though. Such a waste of money and time, I'd be dissapointed in myself and my parents will be pissed as well. I want to try to finish this master then start a civil law master next september. Studying isn't going well though. Have an exam on tuesday, and still so much to read, but everytime I read something my eyes just glaze over. Can't store anything I read. It's like there's a fog in my brain. It's a retry though, so if I don't pass this exam I have to do it again next year if I want to pass my criminal law master. And I do. But I feel unmotivated, bored, annoyed. What I want and how I feel clash and it's bugging me.
Isn't really going that well besides my study either. Can't find a job on the sides. My self-esteem is pretty low wich makes me unable to get to a spot where I feel comfortable in the 'gay world'. Annoying small medical problems as well wich I'm a bit ashamed of that aren't doing my self-esteem any good. Really want to move out of my parents house, share a house with a couple of people, stand on my own two feet. Need money for that though.
Having someone who gives you a hug, a kiss and tells you it's all going to be fine would go such a long way. Or just someone to talk to when you feel shit instead of having those conversations with yourself. I do have friends, well, yeah. Met them in a coming out group. But they all have groups of friends they've known longer then me. It's stupid, but I feel like they're their A-friends, and I'm a B-friend. And never had a real personal conversation with any of them, besides telling my coming out story. So suddenly talking about my feelings with them would be weird.
What I want is to go away for a couple of days, collect my thoughts and have a really long, personal conversation with someone, then tackle everything one by one.
And this thread is getting me down as well.
. We need a puppy + kittens + happy music thread.
I can't quit again though. Such a waste of money and time, I'd be dissapointed in myself and my parents will be pissed as well. I want to try to finish this master then start a civil law master next september. Studying isn't going well though. Have an exam on tuesday, and still so much to read, but everytime I read something my eyes just glaze over. Can't store anything I read. It's like there's a fog in my brain. It's a retry though, so if I don't pass this exam I have to do it again next year if I want to pass my criminal law master. And I do. But I feel unmotivated, bored, annoyed. What I want and how I feel clash and it's bugging me.
Isn't really going that well besides my study either. Can't find a job on the sides. My self-esteem is pretty low wich makes me unable to get to a spot where I feel comfortable in the 'gay world'. Annoying small medical problems as well wich I'm a bit ashamed of that aren't doing my self-esteem any good. Really want to move out of my parents house, share a house with a couple of people, stand on my own two feet. Need money for that though.
Having someone who gives you a hug, a kiss and tells you it's all going to be fine would go such a long way. Or just someone to talk to when you feel shit instead of having those conversations with yourself. I do have friends, well, yeah. Met them in a coming out group. But they all have groups of friends they've known longer then me. It's stupid, but I feel like they're their A-friends, and I'm a B-friend. And never had a real personal conversation with any of them, besides telling my coming out story. So suddenly talking about my feelings with them would be weird.
What I want is to go away for a couple of days, collect my thoughts and have a really long, personal conversation with someone, then tackle everything one by one.
And this thread is getting me down as well.
. We need a puppy + kittens + happy music thread.Yeah... I have the hardest time falling asleep at night because my brain keeps going at miles a minute. Finally, though, I just have to tell it to shut the fuck up and I finally fall to sleep.
Unfortunately, that leads to me not wanting to wake up in the morning to face the day... I used to be able to wake up at 7 o clock no problem... Now I find myself sleeping in later and later.
It's never too late. People in their 40s change career to something completely different. You don't have experience, but everyone had a point with no experience. Experience is something you gain with time, so just use your time productively, whether it's studying/jobhunting/volunteering etc. Whatever you spend your time on, you gain experience on and will improve on.
Anyways here's the next meditation class for anyone that wants to gain experience in meditation
Lesson 8(90 seconds of meditation)
Yeah I know, 90 seconds; "That more than a minute!" I hear you all scream in horror. Things are getting more challenging. 90 seconds is a good number though, because supposedly emotional states last 90 seconds. Unless you top them up with more negative thoughts in which case you can keep the state going for longer. So meditating for 90 seconds can in theory clear out the negative state inside you, that doesn't mean you can't bring negative thoughts back again straight after, but you are creating space for yourself to start pushing in a more positive direction. That resetting to zero is also good in giving you a reference point to gain a clear perspective.
In the last lesson you consciously used your brain in a different way by focusing on your breath in precision. Focusing in precision is an underused skill which we all have. You can fairly easily focus on something with a short boost of mental energy and you can develop this skill fairly rapidly even if you have difficulty. The hard part is maintaining that focus.
When you focus on something, parts of your brain continue to operate and distractions naturally occur. Everyone has that inner conversation, the thoughts that appear in your head one after another. This can be magnified in people with mental illness, where depressed thoughts are more incessant and more powerful, or there may be other voices in there, or you may synesthete imagery because of the sounds you hear. The distraction can succeed in gaining your attention and you losing your focus.
So the second key skill in meditation is maintaining your focus and in the extreme case returning your focus once it is lost. When meditating you aim to be in a relaxed state for the time you are meditating. When you focus and you have these other distractions fighting for your attention, you can't fight them. Fighting and relaxed contradict so as soon as you fight the distractions you break your meditative state. You don't put energy into trying to NOT focus on distractions. You only put energy into trying to focus on your target, so it's only positive energy.
"But I'll lose focus and can't meditate!" I hear you cry. It doesn't matter too much if you do lose your focus. It's not "I lost my focus now I have to start again." The aim is to be in a calm state of mind. When you lose your focus it's fine, you just need to return your focus to your meditation. However the key is that you need to GENTLY return your focus. You don't get upset that you lost your focus, that breaks your meditative state. You don't rush to return your focus, that also breaks your meditative state. You let it come, don't put importance on it, it will naturally fade away. You just gently continue trying to focus on your target. In essence you want to deal with the distraction in a meditative state.
So this lesson is simple just like the last(but even more challenging). You can be sitting, standing or lying down. Then you will start your Ujjayi breathing. Close your eyes and keep your mouth closed. Start with your throat slightly contracted and push the breath along the back of the throat. Start breathing by filling your stomach and then filling your lungs. If you put your hand in front of your mouth you should feel the breath coming and going from your nose without even trying to just breathe from your nose.
Really focus on your breathing. Make yourself more relaxed each time you breathe out. Make your throat a bit more relaxed with each breath. Focus on the whole process of breathing and try to regulate everything so that it all in sync and all as smooth as possible. Try to feel everything in as much detail as possible.
Try to do this for around 90 seconds. 3+6+3= 12 seconds for each breathing cycle. So 90 seconds = 7.5 breaths. You first breath should be getting longer by now so try to do 8 breaths. As soon as you start feeling distractions, keep calm and diligently continue to focus on your breathing. Anytime your mind wanders again calmly and gently return your focus to the rise and fall of your belly and then continue to regulate your breathing.
Even if the thought is quite powerful and negative, don't react to it, stay calm and relaxed. The thought's there, it's fine, accept it, it's not important right now. Just focus on your belly and making your breath smoother.
The last hope left in my life is not waking up next morning. I don't have anything to look forward to. Every week is just job (which I've been going to for 2 months and still hasn't gotten paid even once yet), but what do I look forward to during the week? Horrible weekends which I will spend alone? Then during the weekend I look forward to going to job, where everyone just told me they initially thought I was the shooter in CT, because I'm "sad and quiet". I don't know what to do anymore.
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