Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Just so you know, none of us use webcam during the chats, just text
oh that is a lot better.
I still can't get over how uneventful these past few years have been, and life is starting to go by faster.
It's really upsetting, and I really do need to reset my life next year somehow.
I'd have hoped I'd have started all the things I wanted to do, break out of my shell in confidence, gotten a girlfriend, and started my career in animation/art.
It's just a downward spiral, and I'm not sure what to do.
It's really upsetting, and I really do need to reset my life next year somehow.
I'd have hoped I'd have started all the things I wanted to do, break out of my shell in confidence, gotten a girlfriend, and started my career in animation/art.
It's just a downward spiral, and I'm not sure what to do.
Christmas Eve and my parents are arguing over nothing. Heard the word "divorce" get thrown out there. Mom came up to me and I flatly told her, "You guys do whatever the fuck you want." I'm beyond the realm of caring anymore. I'm fucking exhausted. Was thinking of how to off myself earlier. No one would notice my absence. Doubt any of you will even see this for a while. Happy holidays.
User 100115
Banned
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Femmeworth
Banned
Welp, I screwed up. I run out of my anxiety medication (Buspar) today and Walgreens closed early and won't be open until Wednesday. :| Oh well, a day without shouldn't be too bad, since I wasn't able to take it for a day when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out two weeks ago.
Sidewinder
Member
MightyHealthy
Banned
My favorite time of the year.
Not only do I have to battle depression, I have to battle the people who get upset because I'm not putting on a coat of saccharine.
Not only do I have to battle depression, I have to battle the people who get upset because I'm not putting on a coat of saccharine.
Prax
Member
Merry New Years and Happy Solstice and Rocking Holidays, everyone.
I think that even though most of these recent years for me haven't exactly been amazing, and there have in fact been low or stupid mess ups on my part, I don't really have a deep regret or guilt for it anymore. I've been feeling pretty neutral about those things in a "so what" kind of way, which is pretty good.
Hope you guys take care of yourselves in a loving and compassionate way. A little charity to yourself can go a long way.
I need to reach out and contact a few of my friends now, which I'm always a little hesitant to do, which is kind of silly and I shouldn't be so stupid about it. A goal's a goal. Gotta do what I can!
I think that even though most of these recent years for me haven't exactly been amazing, and there have in fact been low or stupid mess ups on my part, I don't really have a deep regret or guilt for it anymore. I've been feeling pretty neutral about those things in a "so what" kind of way, which is pretty good.
Hope you guys take care of yourselves in a loving and compassionate way. A little charity to yourself can go a long way.
I need to reach out and contact a few of my friends now, which I'm always a little hesitant to do, which is kind of silly and I shouldn't be so stupid about it. A goal's a goal. Gotta do what I can!
I'm in the same boat. I'm so jaded and down that I can't even fool myself into thinking next year will be different.I know exactly where you're coming from, except for the animation/art part, I suck at drawingThe past five/six years of my life could fit on a post-it and the most important part of it will be meaningless soon. "Happy New Year" wishes will feel more hollow than ever before.
I actually used to be huge into the Christmas season. Now I'm just waiting for it to be over. Not that going back to work/real world will be any better, but at least I won't feel the pressure of being happy during the holidays.
The Atticus
Member
Anyone else here have BPD and OCD?
It's hellish.
Nothing ever changes in the end.
It's hellish.
Nothing ever changes in the end.
SpartanForce
Member
I do.
Meds and gym changes.
First time poster in here. I've been developing a crushing depression over the years. I get pretty bad anxiety when trying to find something to talk about with my coworkers, especially some who never talk about themselves or talk to me very much at all, so I can't even build up the enthusiasm to speak to them. It's horrible.
What also sucks is because I don't speak to people as much, they interpret that as me not liking them, (or at least I think they do) which is not true at all.
I have an extreme OCD. It's gotten better for me, but yes, it's a daily battle with your brain.
What also sucks is because I don't speak to people as much, they interpret that as me not liking them, (or at least I think they do) which is not true at all.
I have an extreme OCD. It's gotten better for me, but yes, it's a daily battle with your brain.
airmangataosenai
Member
I was diagnosed with OCD as a kid, never officially with BPD or regular depression though. I haven't seen a psych in a long long time, probably well over 15 years now.
Bel Marduk
Banned
No wonder you're depressed. Why would someone have a Rick Scott avatar?
TheApatheticOne
Member
My wife whom Im separated with has BPD, General Anxiety Disorder, along with a few other things. Its an incredibly complex monster, I feel so bad for people that go through every day with all that.
Today, my sister's car runs out of gas (how does this actually happen?), and per usual, Im the only one that she can get ahold of. So, in the cold, pouring rain, I drive over an hour to get her gas. On the way back, my mom calls and ask if I can pick up a list of things from the store. While this is one of my least favorite things, its XMas and my mom asking, so I do it with a smile. There's a bajillion people at the store, the entire time Im there I feel I could either destroy a planet or sit down and cry. Was there for 40 minutes. Then, my sister and I in the evening go to my dad's new house with his new woman, 45 minute drive both ways, while her family is all there. Despite not being hungry or thirsty, Im pretty much forced to eat and drink as I couldn't muster a 47th "no thank you". Dad was hammered, which makes things super fun.
So now Im at home, 2-3 hours before I can realistically think about trying for sleep, focused that my wife, who while Im separated for two years and still love and adore (our relationship is complicated and unusual at best), has another guy in her apartment right now, still haven't heard from my old employer about bringing me back (which I know is due to stupid XMas), and between everything, I feel like I have no idea whats keeping the bits and pieces together right now. Almost vibrating and hyperventilating.
That's really frustrating...though of all medications to run out of, Buspar definitely isn't the worst. Do you have any left that you can sort of 'portion out' in starvation mode? I've had to do that a few times when my insurance fucks up my prescriptions.
I <3 Buspar. No anxiety, few side effects, almost no withdrawals.
Are there really no pharmacies open on Christmas Day? Seems like that is a somewhat necessary service...
That's rough. Sometimes you can identify triggers. Sometimes it's either completely random or so deeply repressed that it seems that way.
Personally, I broke down last night because of the stress of travelling home. I don't fly home until tomorrow morning...but somehow two nights ahead of time was much worse than the night before. Who knows why it works like that.
airmangataosenai
Member
He's the hero of the common man, what's not to love and admire?
Femmeworth
Banned
I only have one dose left. Even if a pharmacy is open tomorrow, I won't be able to transfer my prescription.
I think I have OCD, haven't been actually diagnosed as such.
Got off my anti-depressants at the end of the summer before my 2nd year of university started. I was on cipralex for a year, and then pristiq for the rest until I stopped. I find pristiq helped me a lot, and I didn't notice any withdrawal/side effects effects when I stopped. It was also a lot of work on my part getting over certain aspects of my life/accepting things about myself/forgiving other people/myself.
I always tend to get more depressed during the holidays when I'm at home, as opposed to the town my uni is in. I find my depression stems from me over thinking every detail of my life and the anxiety that comes from that. When I'm at home I have more time to think. When I'm at school there's always lots of work to do, and always lots of people around my house when I do have free time.
Maybe I should brush up on my cognitive behavioural therapy methods again, so that when I am thinking, its a little more rationally. I'm also going to schedule an appointment to have someone to talk to with a school counsellor every other week, just to be preventative. So hopefully that should help.
I've definitely become a more relaxed and happy person over the past year. It took a lot of work, but it was worth it. Of course there are still those days sometimes though. I just need to make sure they aren't that bad, and don't occur as often.
I always tend to get more depressed during the holidays when I'm at home, as opposed to the town my uni is in. I find my depression stems from me over thinking every detail of my life and the anxiety that comes from that. When I'm at home I have more time to think. When I'm at school there's always lots of work to do, and always lots of people around my house when I do have free time.
Maybe I should brush up on my cognitive behavioural therapy methods again, so that when I am thinking, its a little more rationally. I'm also going to schedule an appointment to have someone to talk to with a school counsellor every other week, just to be preventative. So hopefully that should help.
I've definitely become a more relaxed and happy person over the past year. It took a lot of work, but it was worth it. Of course there are still those days sometimes though. I just need to make sure they aren't that bad, and don't occur as often.
It doesn't bother me but I still hate the Facebook UI.
Just had my first round of family visits/whatever this is. It wasn't bad, what was on TV was the topic of conversation some show called Missing or whatever; it's about missing person cases. So no real talk about my work status in the world, my cousins came over and they did n't care to talk about their own situations as well, it was pretty chill overall.
My depression situation (I don't know what to call it really) is that when I try to start something/ ponder on something, contextualize anything I get an overwhelming feeling and it just drags me down. I use to be so good at analyzing a situation and now it is just a blank.
I did a smaller list last week at the suggestion of a friend, so I decided to make a big one in real life and write out my entire year's plan. Maybe I'll take a picture later and while I can't say its the key. In the pass week alone, I've been more social than ever. And it really does seem to be working. So a list of small goals, middle goals, and long term goals. With all of them being about improving myself. Doing the hobbies I love and trying to experience more.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Congrats! I feel like I'm in the same boat as you except I still live at home (I go to a commuter college) and yeah you really need to find ways to occupy your mind because staying at home gets sooooo dreadfully boring and mundane. 13 more months before I graduate and move out to another city. I cannot wait! Just typing out "13 months" instead of "1" year makes it sound so soon.
Two good rules when dealing with people socially I have found are to not have expectation (give everyone a clean slate, don't approach them with an overly positive or negative predisposition) and to not take every interaction too personally (if someone blows you off, it's not a reflection of your life's value...it just means that person in that situation blew you off lol). The more you talk with people, the less alienated you'll feel and the more comfortable you'll be approaching people or making small-talk. That in turn will boost confidence which can help with depression.
Experiencing more is a huge factor as well. If you haven't gone bowling or ice skating (as examples), go. Feel uncomfortable about going with friends to the bar, house party, or club? Go anyway. You'll do things you won't end up liking and spend time in places you'll end up hating but you might also find things (or people) you like. As far as your list goes, one thing I've done before is make a big list but then specify that "you must do at least 60%" or whatever of the list to consider the day a success. Doesn't always work out as sometimes I get lazy but I do feel it helps.
Somehow made it through the day alive. Still feeling super shitty, and it's increased by the fact that it was a very dreary Christmas this year. No excitement, no big party, nothing. Spent most of the time wishing I could just lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. Bahumbug.
IISANDERII
Member
I'm usually a happy and positive person but fucking Christmas blows ass. I hope tomorrow goes by in a flash, for everybody's sake. Things are bad or just seem that way and Christmas amplifies this so let's just get through this hump in one piece.
Sidewinder
Member
Last week I heard this Peter Gabriel song again on the radio for the first time in maybe 15 years. Back then I must've thought that it's some kind of cheesy love song or whatever, but this time it touched my soul. I'm just like this guy, except there is no us for me.
It's a beautiful song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
It's a beautiful song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
Prax
Member
Aw, don't say that.
That puts a lot of pressure one just one person, you know. XD
(Or at the very least, it would make ME run away in fear due to my.. aversion to responsibility.)
And before deciding to sleep, I decided to make this to illustrate my usual thought process these days. Wasting time is quite a privilege, I must admit. I don't live a glamorous life. But it is.. okay~
I even make a typo while spelling in the comic. Oh gosh. Help me.. .__.
Prax that umm sums me up in a nutshell.
Listening to this to to keep me chill right now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F0V48soM1I
Listening to this to to keep me chill right now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F0V48soM1I
To everybody in this thread - you are all super beautiful and you all get cuddles and love from me - I would literally hug everyone of you if I could right now. Stay strong and find things that bring happiness in your life. Merry Christmas to all and merry respective-holiday-or-not to those who don't celebrate Christmas.
I'm celebrating Christmas lying in bed trying to sleep it away, my family have been up for 7 hours and haven't been wished a merry Christmas by any of them yet .
I'm celebrating Christmas lying in bed trying to sleep it away, my family have been up for 7 hours and haven't been wished a merry Christmas by any of them yet .
Ken Masters
Banned
breh, we at the coli got you if you need help
Don't pump up my ego like that!
I talked to Pau and Piano last night and they cheered me up! See? You don't need me at all - there are so many great people in this thread to talk to.
This thread needs more Prax comics!!!
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
I know many of you/us don't like to hear this, but merry Christmass depressed gaf, however difficult it may be. Take care!
Feliz Navidad, tico!
Many, many thanks to everyone who has participated in this thread, lurked, joined in the tinychat, sent PMs, or jumped on Skype. It was a very rough year but talking to and meeting you all was a real highlight. Much love to you all.
I feel bad asking this, im currently seeing someone with depression, she takes meds for it and seems fine most of the time. What im wanting to know is what is the best way to give support? I listen and help when I can but sometimes I feel totally helpless and I hate not being able to make her feel better when she's in a rut. Any advice?
IISANDERII
Member
wow excellent, genuinely uplifting!Aw, don't say that.
That puts a lot of pressure one just one person, you know. XD
(Or at the very least, it would make ME run away in fear due to my.. aversion to responsibility.)
And before deciding to sleep, I decided to make this to illustrate my usual thought process these days. Wasting time is quite a privilege, I must admit. I don't live a glamorous life. But it is.. okay~
I even make a typo while spelling in the comic. Oh gosh. Help me.. .__.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
I couldn't really say. I think some of us are different with our depression. There's not much you can do anyways, being there and listening are things that help some of us. Maybe try to spend time on some hobbies, trying to encourage her to go out if that's difficult for her (without being pushy). I'm not entirely sure, sorry, just rambling.
man christmas was going quite well, i was even enjoying my uncle's awful puns, then i fucked up the lunch for everyone with my terrible cooking. burned the parsnips, the roast potatoes were terrible, carrots cold by the time we ate, even the stuffing that i laboured over for ages wasn't that good. eurgh, i'm so hopeless and now i feel shit about everything. oh well, at least the dr who christmas special is on in a bit and hopefully that'll raise my mood.
awesome comic prax.
awesome comic prax.
Collete
Member
Glad you're feeling bit better.
Hope Christmas is better for you than yesterday, was worried.
Also Prax, what software do you use to create your art/comics? Also what tablet if any do you use?
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