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[Xun]

Ugh I know this too. Some friends recently came into town and talked about all the shit they've done in college and with their lives and I really have nothing to talk about in regards to that. I fucking hate it. I hate the holidays right now too, just want them to be over with.

It sucks doesn't it? I do however like the holiday season, so in contrast to what you said I'll be upset when it's over.

I like the slight break from reality.

I know exactly where you're coming from, except for the animation/art part, I suck at drawing The past five/six years of my life could fit on a post-it and the most important part of it will be meaningless soon. "Happy New Year" wishes will feel more hollow than ever before.

It really does feel like yesterday it was 2010, a year when I had somehow managed to gain a lot of happiness in life.

My sadness at the moment is mostly related to my career, and the lack of a love life. I'm just fed up being this lonely.

I was relatively happy in 2010 because I managed to gain a lot of confidence, and I (very briefly) had a girlfriend. I ended it (regrettably) because she was a good friend of mine, and at that time (and still today I guess) I don't want anything too serious.

This year out of any has gone the quickest I've ever known, and I really want to ensure next year is somehow planned out better.

I'm somehow going to 'reset' my life next year, I'll just need to work out how first. Although I don't have the money for traveling yet, I think I'll go on a few short breaks either by myself or with other people. I also need to ensure I get my animation/art career started, and get out of my current job. The band I'm in is at least starting to take shape now, so at least that's something positive to begin the new year I guess.

Anyone else here have BPD and OCD?

It's hellish.
Nothing ever changes in the end.

I suffer with OCD, and it's the route of my problems.

Too many people I know just assume they have it, and it's a term which is thrown around far too easily. As someone who actually suffers with it, people don't realise the living hell you have to live with.

Luckily one of my good friends is much more in the know now, but he once said:

"I used to have OCD when I was a kid, but I realised it was stupid so I stopped doing all of the rituals."

If only it was that simple.

 

[Wilsongt]

Screw Christmas. Christmas is for happy people... =/

 

[Einhander]

I suffer with OCD, and it's the route of my problems.

Too many people I know just assume they have it, and it's a term which is thrown around far too easily. As someone who actually suffers with it, people don't realise the living hell you have to live with.

Luckily one of my good friends is much more in the know now, but he once said:

"I used to have OCD when I was a kid, but I realised it was stupid so I stopped doing all of the rituals."

If only it was that simple.

OCD isn't only performing rituals. There is also a thought-based OCD where you get constant intrusive thoughts, and they make you believe those thoughts are real, meaning you did them or you will act on them. That's what I have.

Here's a memorable quote I read from a Men's Health article:

"I had a 17-year-old who had kidney cancer that was going to kill him in 5 or 6 months. He also had a bad case of OCD. He said he'd rather get rid of his OCD and live only 6 months, than get rid of the cancer and live with the OCD. That's when it first hit me: This is some serious stuff."

That hits me on the inside every time I read it.

 

[Xun]

OCD isn't only performing rituals. There is also a thought-based OCD where you get constant intrusive thoughts, and they make you believe those thoughts are real, meaning you did them or you will act on them. That's what I have.

Here's a memorable quote I read from a Men's Health article:



That hits me on the inside every time I read it.

Oh I know, but as I said people have this weird perception as to what it actually is.

"Yeah I have it too! I have to touch a doorknob 5 times or else I feel a bit weird."

For most people OCD = little quirks that doesn't impact their life

Very sad quote by the way, wow.

 

[neojubei]

Screw Christmas. Christmas is for happy people... =/

Ain't that the truth. It's for couples as well

 

[Bagels]

Christmas chat?

tinychat.com/depressiongaf

depressionsucks

 

[Einhander]

Oh I know, but as I said people have this weird perception as to what it actually is.

"Yeah I have it too! I have to touch a doorknob 5 times or else I feel a bit weird."

For most people OCD = little quirks that doesn't impact their life

Very sad quote by the way, wow.

Totally agreed with you. It's a very common misdiagnosed disorder. Many don't completely understand what the disorder is about, and hell, some don't even know what the acronym stands for. They just hear about the letters being spoken in their lives and mimic that sentiment.

To weave this on topic, OCD and depression can go hand-in-hand. With OCD, comes depression, which'll throw you into a terrible slump.

All these bad things started for me when I was 12 and I choked on a whole hot dog with the fries in my mouth. My dad did the Heimlich maneuver and saved my life. Had he not done that, there's no question that I would've died. I couldn't breath at all. After that, I developed a fear of choking on food and the mental scars were ingrained in my brain so badly that I would (and still do, but I'm better than back then) chew my food a lot of times before I was comfortable with swallowing. Even though it's a phobia, I think that can be classified as OCD, but I'm not certain about that. If that's the case, then my OCD changed over the years to having other intrusive thoughts.

 

[Windam]

That is one nice comic you've drawn there. I really am jealous of your artistic ability! It also sums me up in a nutshell.

 

[Einhander]

Yeah, that comic is great. Well done.

 

[Noaloha]

Christmas chat?

tinychat.com/depressiongaf

depressionsucks

Aloha.

Festive bump.

 

[Surface of Me]

merry fucking christmas

anyone else feel like eating shit and dying?

 

[Agent Cooper]

My entire family makes me feel like shit constantly.

Get them all in one house, and it's unbearable.

 

[Wilsongt]

My entire family makes me feel like shit constantly.

Get them all in one house, and it's unbearable.

My grandfather does this to me... Get him in the company of anyone, and he goes asshole on me in a heart beat and puts me down and everything.

 

[Movement]

I'm feeling terrible. A week ago things weren't bad. I met a really awesome girl, things were going awesome, and lo and behold somehow I think I fucked it up. She's out of town for a week and hasn't texted me back for 3 days. I just wanted a relationship and I think having sex too early may have thrown it for a loop.
Now my obsessive personally it coming full force and it sucks. I can't focus on anything else. My negative mindset from depression is starting to return, and usually it takes me a really long time to return to normal.

 

[Wilsongt]

I'm feeling terrible. A week ago things weren't bad. I met a really awesome girl, things were going awesome, and lo and behold somehow I think I fucked it up. She's out of town for a week and hasn't texted me back for 3 days. I just wanted a relationship and I think having g sex too early May have thrown it for a loop.
Now my obsessive personally it coming full force and it sucks. I can't focus on anything else. My negative mindset from depression is starting to return, and usually it takes me a really long time to return to normal.

You just described the EXACT thing I am going through right now. Haven't gotten a text in a week except for today. I sent one first to say merry christmas and the only response I got back was "Merry Christmas" in return. Nothing else.

 

[Movement]

It's really hard on me when someone stops talking to me without an explanation. My mind starts racing to all possibilities as to what I could've done, or do differently. Then I send or say something stupid to try to talk to them. It's a mess.

What happened in your situation?

 

[Wilsongt]

It's really hard on me when someone stops talking to me without an explanation. My mind starts racing to all possibilities as to what I could've done, or do differently. Then I send or say something stupid to try to talk to them. It's a mess.

What happened in your situation?

Yep, yep, yep. I am the same way.

I am still hurting from the rejection and being ignored. It's putting a real damper on me. I know he is an asshole for doing this, but I am standing my ground on it... I hate being the one who always sends the first text. If he were really interested in me, then he'd try to make some more contact either. His words say one thing, but his actions stay something different.

Also, if your girl is out of town, that could explain why you haven't gotten text...

 

[Movement]

Yep, yep, yep. I am the same way.

I am still hurting from the rejection and being ignored. It's putting a real damper on me. I know he is an asshole for doing this, but I am standing my ground on it... I hate being the one who always sends the first text. If he were really interested in me, then he'd try to make some more contact either. His words say one thing, but his actions stay something different.

Also, if your girl is out of town, that could explain why you haven't gotten text...

I understand. When I feel like I'm always taking the initiative it gets old quickly, just a nice "good morning" text every once in a while would make me ecstatic.
She has Internet, I don't see why she couldn't text me while she's out there. One of my coworkers told me she's probably bored now since there's no longer a "chase". What good is a chase? If you find someone you get along with I want to spend a more time with that person. Oh well, the most I can do is call her when she gets in town and maybe talk to figure out the issue. It's probably the last thing she wants to do though.

 

[Blood Diamonds]

Haha, holy shit Depression Time arrived on Christmas. : /

Goddamit how do you guys deal with this shit.

 

[Movement]

Drinking a lot, sleep a lot, and hate life. Avoid the malls.

 

[Wilsongt]

I understand. When I feel like I'm always taking the initiative it gets old quickly, just a nice "good morning" text every once in a while would make me ecstatic.
She has Internet, I don't see why she couldn't text me while she's out there. One of my coworkers told me she's probably bored now since there's no longer a "chase". What good is a chase? If you find someone you get along with I want to spend a more time with that person. Oh well, the most I can do is call her when she gets in town and maybe talk to figure out the issue. It's probably the last thing she wants to do though.

Oh, yes. I feel the same. It doesn't take a lot to send a text that just says "Good morning". At least it shows they acknowledge you still exist and have feelings. But, yeah... Not a lot of people are strong enough to come out and plainly say that they wish not to talk again. They just become passive aggressive about it.

 

[heidern]

Merry Christmas all.

All these bad things started for me when I was 12 and I choked on a whole hot dog with the fries in my mouth. My dad did the Heimlich maneuver and saved my life. Had he not done that, there's no question that I would've died. I couldn't breath at all. After that, I developed a fear of choking on food and the mental scars were ingrained in my brain so badly that I would (and still do, but I'm better than back then) chew my food a lot of times before I was comfortable with swallowing. Even though it's a phobia, I think that can be classified as OCD, but I'm not certain about that. If that's the case, then my OCD changed over the years to having other intrusive thoughts.

Interesting, so it's like your brains developed negative thought patterns which have become ingrained. In the case of a phobia like this, this is the exact kind of thing pstec is designed to deal with, you should check it out.

 

[Bagels]

Haha, holy shit Depression Time arrived on Christmas. : /

Goddamit how do you guys deal with this shit.

Hang in there, guys. I took a real dive yesterday, really feeling miserable by midnight. Fortunately, I have people from this thread I can count on to listen and talk to me. It's not like I was given a magic solution, but just getting to vent to a sympathetic audience did me a world of good. I'll try to keep tossing up chats, I make myself available on Skype and via PM. Take advantage of the amazing people in this thread. We're all holding each other up at times. Don't worry about bothering people - odds are the person helping you will need your help down the road.

Keep engaged, don't isolate yourself. The community can lend you that little extra bit of strength you might not otherwise have.

 

[GavinGT]

I'm feeling terrible. A week ago things weren't bad. I met a really awesome girl, things were going awesome, and lo and behold somehow I think I fucked it up. She's out of town for a week and hasn't texted me back for 3 days. I just wanted a relationship and I think having g sex too early May have thrown it for a loop.
Now my obsessive personally it coming full force and it sucks. I can't focus on anything else. My negative mindset from depression is starting to return, and usually it takes me a really long time to return to normal.

I'm right there with you. I'm crazy about this girl at work, she's really into me, and yet I know I can never seal the deal because I'm insecure about losing my hair (I always wear a hat as part of my uniform, so nobody even knows about it). So I go home every night feeling ecstatic about all the progress I've made with her, only to stand in front of the mirror, take my hat off, and get hit with the sudden realization that she would never accept me.

Thoughts about her dominate my life. I can't sleep and I barely eat. I pore over every bit of interaction we've had throughout the day. I should be focusing on school, but there's this gaping hole in my life that I badly need filled. It's not even about sex these days, either. I just want someone to hold at night, someone to reassure me by her mere presence that I'm capable of making her happy.

 

[Surface of Me]

I'm right there with you. I'm crazy about this girl at work, she's really into me, and yet I know I can never seal the deal because I'm insecure about losing my hair (I always wear a hat as part of my uniform, so nobody even knows about it). So I go home every night feeling ecstatic about all the progress I've made with her, only to stand in front of the mirror, take my hat off, and get hit with the sudden realization that she would never accept me.

Thoughts about her dominate my life. I can't sleep and I barely eat. I pore over every bit of interaction we've had throughout the day. I should be focusing on school, but there's this gaping hole in my life that I badly need filled. It's not even about sex these days, either. I just want someone to hold at night, someone to reassure me by her mere presence that I'm capable of making her happy.

I know that feel, bro.

 

[Einhander]

I just want everyone to know that, above all else, strive to keep a position of respect and kindness towards others. The more people recognize that you're a legitimately decent person, the more comfortable they'll be around you. Once a comfort level has been met, you yourself can relax and be more yourself and tell jokes and such. It's certainly not easy for me, but it's a strategy I work at.

In the case of a phobia like this, this is the exact kind of thing pstec is designed to deal with, you should check it out.

I wasn't familiar with that until now. I was looking through a website about it and it sounds like it could help my problems out. Thanks for letting me know about it. I'll look into it some more.

I'm right there with you. I'm crazy about this girl at work, she's really into me, and yet I know I can never seal the deal because I'm insecure about losing my hair (I always wear a hat as part of my uniform, so nobody even knows about it). So I go home every night feeling ecstatic about all the progress I've made with her, only to stand in front of the mirror, take my hat off, and get hit with the sudden realization that she would never accept me.

Thoughts about her dominate my life. I can't sleep and I barely eat. I pore over every bit of interaction we've had throughout the day. I should be focusing on school, but there's this gaping hole in my life that I badly need filled. It's not even about sex these days, either. I just want someone to hold at night, someone to reassure me by her mere presence that I'm capable of making her happy.

Not necessarily as love interests, but I have a hard time speaking to women at work because I can't think of anything to talk about other than small talk, and it's always the same small talk. That gets old fast when you talk about it every damn day. But, really, I sometimes have the same problem with men at work. It depends on the individual, I can have more to say to a few men over the rest.

 

[Bagels]

Chat'll be up again! Not sure how long I can stay, but don't let that stop you!

tinychat.com/depressiongaf

depressionsucks

 

[T Dollarz]

Just came out to my mom about my depression of the past 6 months. Hardest thing I've ever done. We were both in tears. I don't know where I go from here...

 

[Wilsongt]

Just came out to my mom about my depression of the past 6 months. Hardest thing I've ever done. We were both in tears. I don't know where I go from here...

Seems like you two have developed a new bond. You use that as a growing experience...

 

[vatstep]

Thank god I'm finally back home in my comfortable, quiet, solitary coffin of an apartment after a gruelingly long day of family interaction. I see most of them once a year and it feels like more than enough. Yeesh.

 

[dirtywhirlwind]

I'm feeling a bit depressed right now. My dad died about 3-4 hours ago. Rest in peace, pa. We will always love you. You kept going knowing your family would be home for Christmas to see you one last time. Thanks for everything and you can finally stop being worried and get some well-deserved rest.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I should go to sleep (it's almost 6 AM), but how am I suppose to get some sleep after something like that? All I can think of is stupid crap I've said to hiim but didn't mean it or stuff I wish I've said to him but never did. Or things I wish I did for him but didn't. The usual stuff, I guess. Everything went so fast in the end and now everything I feel is emptiness.

 

[Sub_Level]

Just came out to my mom about my depression of the past 6 months. Hardest thing I've ever done. We were both in tears. I don't know where I go from here...

Don't underestimate the power of a compassionate father either! (although I know not everyone has one who's there or who cares). Even older siblings can be supportive.

I've always been pretty frank with my parents about most things. Whether it's depression or my (lack of) sex life, religion, how I'm doing in school...hell I've even talked to them about my drug use. They're not super laid back either, their values are in fact rather traditional. But they've always been really understanding about my problems and struggles in life so good on you for telling your mom about yours.

Your parents might not know the answers but if they can just listen that's a pretty great and comforting thing. You might even find that they've gone through similar mental trials and tribulations.

I'm feeling a bit depressed right now. My dad died about 3-4 hours ago. Rest in peace, pa. We will always love you. You kept going knowing your family would be home for Christmas to see you one last time. Thanks for everything and you can finally stop being worried and get some well-deserved rest.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I should go to sleep (it's almost 6 AM), but how am I suppose to get some sleep after something like that? All I can think of is stupid crap I've said to hiim but didn't mean it or stuff I wish I've said to him but never did. Or things I wish I did for him but didn't. The usual stuff, I guess. Everything went so fast in the end and now everything I feel is emptiness.

That's rough, I'm sorry. RIP. Nobody expects you to do anything right now, mourn as you will. When my grandpa died it took months for it to really hit me and actually start crying. Some people immediately get a mental shock. Everyone mourns differently. You'll fall asleep eventually (you can't force it sometimes). I can't say I 100% know how you feel but I would not dwell on the negative. Don't know anything about you or him but he was probably proud of you. Hope he passed away peacefully.

 

[Nlroh]

I thought Christmas and everything would make me feel awful, but I feel amazing. It's great to have my confidence and drive back. Don't know if this has anything to do with the vitamin D supplement I've been taking...

 

[UltimaPooh]

I have no idea how to deal with this. I should go to sleep (it's almost 6 AM), but how am I suppose to get some sleep after something like that? All I can think of is stupid crap I've said to hiim but didn't mean it or stuff I wish I've said to him but never did. Or things I wish I did for him but didn't. The usual stuff, I guess. Everything went so fast in the end and now everything I feel is emptiness.

My dad died back in February. Dealing with death is different for everyone.

I didn't sleep for an entire day... and even then I barely got any sleep for that week after. It feels like months go by leading up the funeral and a little afterwards.

I'm still dealing with the greif now... but it's at a point where it comes and goes. This was my first Christmas without him so it was pretty tough today.

Just hang in there.

 

[ThoughtsOfSpeaking]

Dunno if I'm actually depressed, but these days I'm sad 90% of the time. Its far from debilitating, but it's always there. I feel lost in life and I just don't know what to do to change it anymore. I just feel alone.

 

[Anteater]

gah I don't know why I'm having flashbacks of the shitty Christmas I had when I was a kid, instead of hanging out with my parents and celebrate Christmas, they used to take us to this shitty aunt's house instead, who by the way is the biggest shitty person you could ever meet, she's grumpy, bitter, angry and she bitches about everything, that's all she does, including talking shit about my parents and often come to my house to make a big scene, I guess it has to do with family politics, we *have to* go there and maintain this relationship nobody gave a shit about.

Through out my childhood years we did this every fucking year, ON Christmas day and every single holiday, and my parents knew both me and my brother hates that bitch (who doesn't? everyone knows that this person is a giant scumbag and would often trying to convince my mom to ignore her stupid fucking shit), we would rather just do something ourselves, but my mom never grew a backbone and well let's ruin that day every year by going to her house and let her shit all over us and all over our childhood.

Holy shit I don't know why I'm thinking about this crap NOW, I'm 30 and really who gives a shit about it anymore, it was like over 10 years ago.

 

[Surface of Me]

Happiest moment of Christmas was sitting down in the living room when everyone else was asleep, munching on some snacks, and watching It's Always Sunny with my dog next to me.

This isn't meant to be a sad post, but it probably sounds like one.

 

[Femmeworth]

The lack of Buspar has made me more depressed. Opening presents yesterday, I felt absolutely nothing.

 

[Wilsongt]

Still pretty bleh about my whole situation... I have the urge to send a text, but I know it's better not to.

 

[Einhander]

Before I think about texting a friend, I get a sudden thought of "...what's the point? They may find me annoying." That's an irrational thought to have.

 

[Wilsongt]

Before I think about texting a friend, I get a sudden thought of "...what's the point? They may find me annoying." That's an irrational thought to have.

That's the though I always have, also... This situation is an act of being stronger and standing my ground. =/ He's an ass, anyway, so I am not sure why it is bothering, but it still is.

 

[neojubei]

I totally need a new job. This job is dragging down. Sigh.

 

[Einhander]

That's the though I always have, also... This situation is an act of being stronger and standing my ground. =/ He's an ass, anyway, so I am not sure why it is bothering, but it still is.

It is a test of confidence and will power.

Whenever I text, I write a lot and in paragraph form. I don't know if people find that annoying, but I present myself in texts the same way as when I type a post on a forum. Proper capitalization and punctuation.

It's unnerving when I type a huge text and I get back a couple words as a response.

 

[Wilsongt]

It is a test of confidence and will power.

Whenever I text, I write a lot and in paragraph form. I don't know if people find that annoying, but I present myself in texts the same way as when I type a post on a forum. Proper capitalization and punctuation.

It's unnerving when I type a huge text and I get back a couple words as a response.

Yep... Been in that position before...

 

[cryptic]

No one will respond to this but I feel like writing.

I've given up completely. The bill's are coming in from my last attempt at anything, my college failure. After six years of manual labor, I can't return to it.

I'm running out of money, today I went to driving school and the instructor refused to allow me to cancel despite not telling me the full details until I had provided the check. Now I'm down 500 non refundable.

I seriously considered how comforting it would be to jump off the bridge as I walked home. I'm autistic, I have no friends, I can't drive or do more than a handicap.

I've always considered myself retarded, every year I've broken in some way and rebuilt, I can't break any more. I just want to leave everything, everyone, my bills, my old friends I never see. I just want to not have to worry about anything.

 

[Wilsongt]

Meh. I feel like I am losing my willpower I built up the last week...

 

[TUROK]

No one will respond to this but I feel like writing.

I've given up completely. The bill's are coming in from my last attempt at anything, my college failure. After six years of manual labor, I can't return to it.

I'm running out of money, today I went to driving school and the instructor refused to allow me to cancel despite not telling me the full details until I had provided the check. Now I'm down 500 non refundable.

I seriously considered how comforting it would be to jump off the bridge as I walked home. I'm autistic, I have no friends, I can't drive or do more than a handicap.

I've always considered myself retarded, every year I've broken in some way and rebuilt, I can't break any more. I just want to leave everything, everyone, my bills, my old friends I never see. I just want to not have to worry about anything.

Let me ask you something. If you had nothing to worry about, what are five things you would love to do or experience?

 

[Empty]

today has been rough. really want to keel over and escape everything for a while.

 

[Collete]

I'm sorry for bickering (and I potentially should not even be here) but I just hate everything right now.

 

[cryptic]

Let me ask you something. If you had nothing to worry about, what are five things you would love to do or experience?

Make music, write, be with old friends, learn to drive and swim.