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[sc0la]

So yeah I was just sitting on the toilet, minding my own business, when I reach for toilet paper... as one does.

The roll was not on the TP holder, it was a "new," one that, whomever shat before me, felt did not need to replace the empty cardboard tube hanging lonely on the bar. As I reach to tear a few sheets I look in horror as I see...

Spoiler

someone elses shit stains on the toilet paper roll

WTF is this shit?! how hard is it not to get doo doo butter all over your fingers when you wipe? then you leave it on the roll? fucking sick. did you even wash your hands when you were done?

The offending fecal matter was located on the rolls end, so it effectively contaminated what could be hundreds of sheets. I spent like five minutes painstakingly removing a one inch strip from the end of every sheet as to avoid cross contamination.

I don't even want to consider the ramifications of wiping ones ass with one other's waste, there has to be some kind of quantum consequence for such an action... like that of splitting an atom's nucleus or "crossing streams" as scientests from Einstein to Spangler have warned us carry dire consequences for human life.

What is this world coming to? Can man no longer wipe his ass without fucking it up?

 

[fennec fox]

:lol Don't be such a prude! It's just shit!

 

[jiggle]

:lol at the pun


Did you throw it out so it won't contaminate the next person?

 

[sc0la]

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with the human consumption cycle, waste being key to it. I don't even mind other poops, babies, people, dogs what ever.

But when a poo tries to go Ninja, and launch a stealth attack on my rear its on.

Expectation is key

 

[Dujour]

Tonight's getting better. I laughed for 15 seconds straight.heh

 

[fennec fox]

On a related note, have you ever taken a shit that was just so absolutely amazing that you wanted to rush out and take a picture? Like, one of those that's the girth of a potato and sticks 4 inches above the water? And you have to spend about half an hour getting it down the toilet? Well, I have.

 

[Ronald_mcd]

On a related note, have you ever taken a shit that was just so absolutely amazing that you wanted to rush out and take a picture? Like, one of those that's the girth of a potato and sticks 4 inches above the water? And you have to spend about half an hour getting it down the toilet? Well, I have.

Oh yea. Damn thing felt like it was coming out sideways.

 

[sc0la]

On a related note, have you ever taken a shit that was just so absolutely amazing that you wanted to rush out and take a picture? Like, one of those that's the girth of a potato and sticks 4 inches above the water? And you have to spend about half an hour getting it down the toilet? Well, I have.

www.ratemypoo.com (NSFW)

The problem with that is that one can ruin a fine composition by covering it with toilet paper, and as we have already discussed there are consequences for not wiping properly.

So its a) ruin a good poo by wiping and tossing in the paper
or
b) get a good snapshot, but sacrifice crack cleanliness, and comfort in the process

 

[Forgotten Ancient]

My friend grabbed my cell and took a picture of his post-hangover dump. Not wanting to waste this fecal spectacle, I set the picture to his ID. So...whenever he calls me I'm greeted by a steaming pile of shit. :lol Yeah...I'm so funny I could shit! :lol

....I better go to bed now.

 

[fennec fox]

You know, peeing on the toilet paper was always a popular college prank where I was from. I'd like to see how scola would deal with that!

 

[iamthevillain]

one time my homie says ...exact words
"Man my shit looked like a porn star's dick!" when he was done with the mud butts

to the original poster...maybe someone wiped their ass with the TP roll and stuck it back on. in that case humanity is indeed going down the crapper

 

[carpal]

And you have to spend about half an hour getting it down the toilet? Well, I have.

I had to use a knife once!

 

[etiolate]

:lol

Do we all check the paper to make sure our ass is clean before finishing? I've heard that some do not. I just couldn't feel comfortable with resipoo in my pants.

 

[Hitokage]

:lol Don't be such a prude! It's just shit!

One word: sanitation.

 

[Fixed2BeBroken]

WTF is this shit?!

lol, that made me laugh cause when i read it, in my mind i heard it being said in a wierd dorky voice.

 

[Late Stage Marxist]

I would support the systematic killing of people who don't wash their hands after a shit. Or the people who don't seem to know how to wipe their ass without getting shit on their hands. What the fuck is wrong with these people!?

 

[Axsider]

:lol :lol :lol :lol
Awesome story!
Sorry for you, dude

 

[Doth Togo]

So yeah I was just sitting on the toilet, minding my own business, when I reach for toilet paper... as one does.

The roll was not on the TP holder, it was a "new," one that, whomever shat before me, felt did not need to replace the empty cardboard tube hanging lonely on the bar. As I reach to tear a few sheets I look in horror as I see...

Spoiler

someone elses shit stains on the toilet paper roll

WTF is this shit?! how hard is it not to get doo doo butter all over your fingers when you wipe? then you leave it on the roll? fucking sick. did you even wash your hands when you were done?

The offending fecal matter was located on the rolls end, so it effectively contaminated what could be hundreds of sheets. I spent like five minutes painstakingly removing a one inch strip from the end of every sheet as to avoid cross contamination.

I don't even want to consider the ramifications of wiping ones ass with one other's waste, there has to be some kind of quantum consequence for such an action... like that of splitting an atom's nucleus or "crossing streams" as scientests from Einstein to Spangler have warned us carry dire consequences for human life.

What is this world coming to? Can man no longer wipe his ass without fucking it up?

Your actions were foolish. Since when does anyone use public toilets? That's what you get. Don't you know to either let it out before you leave home or hold it in until you get home (or to a safe, clean, reliable restroom)? Those are the rules man. Remember the rules!

Spoiler

I jest. But I admit I follow the rules.

 

[Folder]

humanity droppings

Is that a pun?

 

[Teflar]

Mebbe it was just chocolate pudding, did you sniff it??

Heh, listen to Doth, public restrooms are breeding grounds for gross bodily fluids.

Exception: Offices with locked restrooms.

 

[Loki]

The problem with that is that one can ruin a fine composition by covering it with toilet paper

:lol

"Composition"...:lol

But when a poo tries to go Ninja, and launch a stealth attack on my rear its on.

:lol


I'm crying over here...

 

[bionic77]

Mebbe it was just chocolate pudding, did you sniff it??

Heh, listen to Doth, public restrooms are breeding grounds for gross bodily fluids.

Exception: Offices with locked restrooms.

IAWTP. Avoid public restrooms at all cost.

And this thread is killing me. :lol :lol :lol

 

[Loki]

On a related note, my sister's BF and his friend have what they call a "deuce scale", which determines whether or not one uses a public restroom (i.e., "drop a deuce", in their slang-- I cracked up the first time I heard that phrase :lol). It's something like, the quality and urgency of the "deuce" is rated on a scale from 1-10 (1 being "not urgent"/"small"), and then the cleanliness of the facility is rated from 1-10 as well (1 being filthy). If the product of the two ratings is greater than, say, 25, you have the green light to proceed. I forget the actual values and the necessary "product" of the two, but this was the gist of it from what I recall from a few years back. I think the exception was if the deuce was a 9 or a 10-- then you had to go regardless of the cleanliness rating. :lol

 

[bionic77]

On a related note, my sister's BF and his friend have what they call a "deuce scale", which determines whether or not one uses a public restroom (i.e., "drop a deuce", in their slang-- I cracked up the first time I heard that phrase :lol). It's something like, the quality and urgency of the "deuce" is rated on a scale from 1-10 (1 being "not urgent"/"small"), and then the cleanliness of the facility is rated from 1-10 as well (1 being filthy). If the product of the two ratings is greater than, say, 25, you have the green light to proceed. I forget the actual values and the necessary "product" of the two, but this was the gist of it from what I recall from a few years back. I think the exception was if the deuce was a 9 or a 10-- then you had to go regardless of the cleanliness rating. :lol

I heard (when I say heard I mean started) a rumor that Jordan only uses public restrooms. He revels in everything nasty.

 

[Loki]

I heard (when I say heard I mean started) a rumor that Jordan only uses public restrooms. He revels in everything nasty.

That's cold man....real cold. : /

 

[Gorey]

I'm the operations guy at a small mall/marketplace. I've seen things done with human waste that would chill the soul...or just confuse the hell out of you, depending on the...placement.

We are deep into holiday retail madness, so of course we get a huge increase in traffic=more people in the restrooms=more opportunity for whackiness. This week (thus far) we had;

-3 1/2 feet of brass chain, used to secure a door, vanishes from said door. Later on in the day, it is discovered down the drain of a clogged urinal in the nearby restroom. With exactly 75 cents in loose change.

-Human fecal matter...stuck to the ceiling. Artfully moulded to look like stalactites. No, I didn't get a picture.

No abandoned shit-stained underwear this month yet, though. That's a plus.

 

[bionic77]

I'm the operations guy at a small mall/marketplace. I've seen things done with human waste that would chill the soul...or just confuse the hell out of you, depending on the...placement.

We are deep into holiday retail madness, so of course we get a huge increase in traffic=more people in the restrooms=more opportunity for whackiness. This week (thus far) we had;

-3 1/2 feet of brass chain, used to secure a door, vanishes from said door. Later on in the day, it is discovered down the drain of a clogged urinal in the nearby restroom. With exactly 75 cents in loose change.

-Human fecal matter...stuck to the ceiling. Artfully moulded to look like stalactites. No, I didn't get a picture.

No abandoned shit-stained underwear this month yet, though. That's a plus.

Do the employees have to use that bathroom?

 

[Naked Snake]

Holy crap! This thread is great :lol

 

[Loki]

Funny story (in hindsight at least, not while it was happening ):


I worked in a restaurant for several years; so one Sunday morning when we were getting ready to open up, I go to use the restroom, and turn on the light only to find my hand, the light-switch, and the sink etc. all smeared with poo. Naturally, I was repulsed by this sight and said aloud, "what the fuck!?"-- at which point riotous laughter erupted from my co-workers. Apparently, they had smeared chocolate mousse all over the bathroom in order to fool me into thinking it was shit. Well, it worked. :lol Let me tell you, when you turn on a light in a restroom and feel a gooey substance on your hand, and then immediately see creamy brown goop smeared all over the place, your first instinct is to think that it's shit; your second instinct is to say, "what the fuck!?", as I did.


I never lived the incident down.

 

[Gorey]

Do the employees have to use that bathroom?

If we didn't keep private tenant's restrooms securely cleaned and locked, I'd probably be lynched by a mob.

 

[bishoptl]

On a related note, have you ever taken a shit that was just so absolutely amazing that you wanted to rush out and take a picture? Like, one of those that's the girth of a potato and sticks 4 inches above the water? And you have to spend about half an hour getting it down the toilet? Well, I have.

A good friend of mine took a trip to Ireland in the early 90's. Upon his return, did he rave about the spectacular scenery and wetland in Strangford Lough's wildlife preserve? The rolling hills of Fairhead, with its breathtaking views of nearby Murlough Bay and the Western Isles of Scotland? Rollicking tales of pub crawls in downtown Dublin?

No.

Apparently during his 2nd week there, he took the shit of a lifetime and then took a picture. And had it developed. And carried it back to Canada so he could share his amazing accomplishment with his (now horrified) friends. It looked like a fucking Dune spiceworm.

Years later, I served as best man at his wedding. I swear, I was debating all day how much of the story I could spill during the reception roast before he strangled me in front of 300 people. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed.

 

[Loki]

Apparently during his 2nd week there, he took the shit of a lifetime and then took a picture. And had it developed. And carried it back to Canada so he could share his amazing accomplishment with his (now horrified) friends. It looked like a fucking Dune spiceworm.

:lol

Years later, I served as best man at his wedding. I swear, I was debating all day how much of the story I could spill during the reception roast before he strangled me in front of 300 people. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed.

:lol

 

[AssMan]

The first thing that came to my head when reading this thread is the South Park episode when Mel Gibson wiped poo everywhere. :lol

 

[belgurdo]

Funny story (in hindsight at least, not while it was happening ):


I worked in a restaurant for several years; so one Sunday morning when we were getting ready to open up, I go to use the restroom, and turn on the light only to find my hand, the light-switch, and the sink etc. all smeared with poo. Naturally, I was repulsed by this sight and said aloud, "what the fuck!?"-- at which point riotous laughter erupted from my co-workers. Apparently, they had smeared chocolate mousse all over the bathroom in order to fool me into thinking it was shit. Well, it worked. :lol Let me tell you, when you turn on a light in a restroom and feel a gooey substance on your hand, and then immediately see creamy brown goop smeared all over the place, your first instinct is to think that it's shit; your second instinct is to say, "what the fuck!?", as I did.


I never lived the incident down.

Arrrrrrrghhhh :lol

 

[etiolate]

Moral of the Story: Shit Happens





*runs*

 

[Gorey]

Moral of the Story: Shit Happens





*runs*

In the staff office here is a blown-up picture of a screaming baby's face (uh, astonished more than scared type face) with the words "Oh god, not another Butt Explosion!!" under it
:lol