I feel like crying brehs
Had a shitty workout today after a week off from being sick/late night shoots. Got halfway through my workout and started to feel light headed and sweating profusely. Had to go to the locker room and lie down on the fucking floor before I passed out and/or puked. I don't know what it was. I've had this happen to me maybe 2-3 times since I started working out. Started to feel better finally, went out on the floor and just did 3 more sets of tricep pushdowns before I got out of there.
And I'm having this whole complex in my head right now about whether I should cut or bulk starting March. This shit is literally hurting my brain. The whole "I want to cut body fat, but I want to get bigger at the same time" thing. I feel like I'm heavier than most guys on here, and most guys I watch and follow on Youtube, (215lbs, 5'11''), but most of you guys are way more muscular than I am. It just confuses the fuck out of me, the whole thing. I have 0 experience with doing a
proper bulk or cut. I think I'm just naturally "thick", which is why I'm 215 at maintenance. Even since I started weight training I really haven't changed my diet besides
trying to get more protein in me (I still don't think I get anywhere near 215 grams per day).
I haven't reached the "size" I want in terms of muscle, so is there any point to me even cutting? You guys might know I really look up to and heed the advice of Elliot Hulse on youtube (videos follow). I feel exactly like how he describes in the first video below. It is such a mindfuck and I can't bring myself to either cut or bulk. I've been maintaining all my damn life. Whenever I say to myself I'm going to cut, I look in the mirror and see that I'm not really that big, then my mind flips and says "nope, can't do that shit" and I start eating regular again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG3MQfIBEO8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-ebyN7ZF48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i34keQ6ZGe0
Sorry for the rant, any advice? ;_;