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Funniest 'The Simpsons' quote?
- Thread starter Iceman
- Start date
- Status
IAmtheFMan
Member
Okay, I know I've posted a few, but these two are probably my absolute favs:
Marge: Well Homer, maybe you can get satisfaction that something you created is making people happy.
Homer (fruitily): Ooh! Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical-man from Happy Land in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
*slams door, then comes back in*
Homer: By the way, I was being sarcastic.
Marge: Well duh.
Milhouse: Is this the untimely end of Milhouse?
Menacing Boy: ... but Milhouse is my name!
Milhouse: But I thought I was the only one!
Menacing Boy: A pain I know all to well...
Milhouse (sobbing): So this is what it's like, when doves cry!
Edit: One more quicky:
Ralph: Tastes like... burning...
Marge: Well Homer, maybe you can get satisfaction that something you created is making people happy.
Homer (fruitily): Ooh! Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical-man from Happy Land in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
*slams door, then comes back in*
Homer: By the way, I was being sarcastic.
Marge: Well duh.
Milhouse: Is this the untimely end of Milhouse?
Menacing Boy: ... but Milhouse is my name!
Milhouse: But I thought I was the only one!
Menacing Boy: A pain I know all to well...
Milhouse (sobbing): So this is what it's like, when doves cry!
Edit: One more quicky:
Ralph: Tastes like... burning...
Homer :"You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, youll know what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN!"
Someone : "Take this object, but beware! It carries a terrible curse..."
Homer : "Ooh, that's bad!"
Someone : "...but it comes with a free frogurt..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "...the frogurt is also cursed..."
Homer : "That's bad!"
Someone : "...but you get your choice of topping..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "The toppings contain potassium benzoate..."
[Silence]
Someone : "That's bad!"
Homer : "Can I go now?"
Someone : "Take this object, but beware! It carries a terrible curse..."
Homer : "Ooh, that's bad!"
Someone : "...but it comes with a free frogurt..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "...the frogurt is also cursed..."
Homer : "That's bad!"
Someone : "...but you get your choice of topping..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "The toppings contain potassium benzoate..."
[Silence]
Someone : "That's bad!"
Homer : "Can I go now?"
hooded pitohui
Member
:lol :lol :lolJason said:
this one gets me every time, krusty's delivery is great.
there's a sign in this dorm's kitchen about cleaning up, signed by the dorm leader as just LEADER, so naturally someone wrote in "The leader is good! The leader is great! We surrender our will, as of this date!"
Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! 4 day weekend!
Lisa: As you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you should know that your refusal will result in months and months of...
Bart and Lisa: CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad?
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese... well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'
What can I say? This thread is an indication why The Simpsons will never be beaten. Simply timeless. I, too, manage Simpsons references into daily life. I can just use them to pep up a regular conversation with a friend. Always works.
Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! 4 day weekend!
Lisa: As you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you should know that your refusal will result in months and months of...
Bart and Lisa: CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad?
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese... well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'
What can I say? This thread is an indication why The Simpsons will never be beaten. Simply timeless. I, too, manage Simpsons references into daily life. I can just use them to pep up a regular conversation with a friend. Always works.
Ned: Hi didddly ho, schuss in boots.
Homer: Gasp! Flanders! That suit is a little revealing, isn't it?
Ned: Well it allows for maximum mobility. It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. (he shakes his booty)
Homer: Doy! Quit it! Must wash eyes! (rubbing his eyes and beginning to slide rapidly downhill) Duh-oh. Okay, don't panic. Remember what the ski instructor said. (A thought bubble forms over his head with the ski instructor in it.)
Ski instructor: If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is ... (the image is replaced by Flanders in his ski suit and cuts tight to his wiggling bottom)
Ned: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all ... nothing at all ... nothing at all.
Homer: D'oh! Stupid Sexy Flanders!
Homer: Gasp! Flanders! That suit is a little revealing, isn't it?
Ned: Well it allows for maximum mobility. It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. (he shakes his booty)
Homer: Doy! Quit it! Must wash eyes! (rubbing his eyes and beginning to slide rapidly downhill) Duh-oh. Okay, don't panic. Remember what the ski instructor said. (A thought bubble forms over his head with the ski instructor in it.)
Ski instructor: If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is ... (the image is replaced by Flanders in his ski suit and cuts tight to his wiggling bottom)
Ned: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all ... nothing at all ... nothing at all.
Homer: D'oh! Stupid Sexy Flanders!
Shadowmancer
Member
The episode where Homer becomes a missonary.
"... Wait, I don't even believe in Jebus!" (As he's being loaded on to plane)
... (Plane takes off)
"Save me Jebus!!"
"... Wait, I don't even believe in Jebus!" (As he's being loaded on to plane)
... (Plane takes off)
"Save me Jebus!!"
Heres mine:
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~mbstepp/sounds/reunion.wav
:lol
Also, everytime i see the episode with this song i cry laughing.
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~mbstepp/sounds/evlhmer.wav
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~mbstepp/sounds/reunion.wav
:lol
Also, everytime i see the episode with this song i cry laughing.
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~mbstepp/sounds/evlhmer.wav
Ollie Pooch
In a perfect world, we'd all be homersexual
almost forgot - when the teachers go on strike :
'skinner says the teachers will crack any minute.. purple monkey dishwasher"
and "she said you'd fold faster than superman on laundry day"
'skinner says the teachers will crack any minute.. purple monkey dishwasher"
and "she said you'd fold faster than superman on laundry day"
F
Folder
Unconfirmed Member
Does it for every time!Iceman said:
Homer:
"Marge, please...old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use!"
Marge:
"Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?"
***
Anchorman Kent Brockman:
"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch."
***
Homer:
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?"
Brilliant. :lol
"Marge, please...old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use!"
Marge:
"Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?"
***
Anchorman Kent Brockman:
"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch."
***
Homer:
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?"
Brilliant. :lol
Team Rancid
Member
:lol These have been great.
Joey Ramone: [while playing at Mr. Burns' birthday party] Go to hell, you old bastard.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
Mark Hamill: Hey everybody. I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see here, you can save up to three times more than the more dependable companies.
Audience: Talk about Star Wars.
Homer: Shut up you stupid nerds, he's trying to save you money on long distance calls.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, I would like to return your quote-unquote *ultimate* belt.
Clerk: I see. Do you a receipt, quote-unquote sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no need of a medium-size belt.
Clerk: Wow, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies... gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I must get back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than receive them.
Joey Ramone: [while playing at Mr. Burns' birthday party] Go to hell, you old bastard.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
Mark Hamill: Hey everybody. I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see here, you can save up to three times more than the more dependable companies.
Audience: Talk about Star Wars.
Homer: Shut up you stupid nerds, he's trying to save you money on long distance calls.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, I would like to return your quote-unquote *ultimate* belt.
Clerk: I see. Do you a receipt, quote-unquote sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no need of a medium-size belt.
Clerk: Wow, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies... gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I must get back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than receive them.
Litigation Manuel
Member
I like what comes after this, too.Kurashima said:
Chalmers: Did that boy just ask "what's a battle?"
Skinner: No! He asked "what's that rattle?"
Chalmers: Hmm, I swore I heard "battle".
Skinner: Oh, well, I do have a cold.
Chalmers: Oh, so because you have a cold I would hear "rattle" as "battle."
Skinner: Yes.
Stevie Gerrard
Member
Iceman said:
(Cuts to outside the post office where Homer and Bart are looking miserable)
Homer: Great plan, Bart!
:lol
Long before the Superdome,
Where the Saints of football play,
There's a city where the damned call home,
Hear their hellish rondelet:
New Orleans!
Home of pirates, drunks, and whores...
New Orleans!
Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores...
If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip
To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip':
New Orleans!
Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile...
New Orleans!
Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul...
New Orleans!
Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank...
New Orleans!
Where the Saints of football play,
There's a city where the damned call home,
Hear their hellish rondelet:
New Orleans!
Home of pirates, drunks, and whores...
New Orleans!
Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores...
If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip
To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip':
New Orleans!
Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile...
New Orleans!
Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul...
New Orleans!
Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank...
New Orleans!
It's all in the delivery; When Krusty watches the Russian cartoon that replaced Itchy and Scratchy: 'What the hell was that?'
Also Mr. Burns and Smithers have had some classic exchanges:
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I've designed a new plane, I call it the Spruce Moose, it will carry 200 passengers from New York's Eidlywilde to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!!"
Smithers: "That's quite a nice model sir.."
Mr. Burns: "Model?!"
-
Mr. Burns: "We'll take the Spruce Moose, Quickly Smithers, Hop in!!"
Smithers: "But, sir...."
Mr. Burns: (cocks a gun) "I said hop in."
-
Mr. Burns: "Have the Rolling Stones Killed!"
Smithers: "But sir, those are...."
Mr. Burns: "Do as I say!!!"
Also Mr. Burns and Smithers have had some classic exchanges:
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I've designed a new plane, I call it the Spruce Moose, it will carry 200 passengers from New York's Eidlywilde to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!!"
Smithers: "That's quite a nice model sir.."
Mr. Burns: "Model?!"
-
Mr. Burns: "We'll take the Spruce Moose, Quickly Smithers, Hop in!!"
Smithers: "But, sir...."
Mr. Burns: (cocks a gun) "I said hop in."
-
Mr. Burns: "Have the Rolling Stones Killed!"
Smithers: "But sir, those are...."
Mr. Burns: "Do as I say!!!"
Jasper: I love the elephant song. Reminds me of elephants.
Homer: The bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom's big!
*Homer tries to dial a number*
Automated voice: We're sorry, the fingers you have used to dial are too fat. If you'd like to order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.
*Lisa clicks on something on Smithers' computer*
Mr. Burns on screen: Hello, Smithers. I'm quite turned on by you.
Smithers: Uh... you should probably ignore that.
Homer: The bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom's big!
*Homer tries to dial a number*
Automated voice: We're sorry, the fingers you have used to dial are too fat. If you'd like to order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.
*Lisa clicks on something on Smithers' computer*
Mr. Burns on screen: Hello, Smithers. I'm quite turned on by you.
Smithers: Uh... you should probably ignore that.
Mama Smurf
My penis is still intact.
Flanders: "Homer, I've got a fozzie of a bear of a problem. Y'know Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy land. They must've kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong God, because, well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort."
Homer: "Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses."
Flanders: "Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says it's just a routine hostage taking - but I have to drive to Capitol City, fill out some forms to get 'em out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?"
Homer : "Uh, gee, I'd really love to help you, Flanders, but...uh...Marge was...taken prisoner in the......Holy land and...uh..."
Homer: "Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses."
Flanders: "Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says it's just a routine hostage taking - but I have to drive to Capitol City, fill out some forms to get 'em out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?"
Homer : "Uh, gee, I'd really love to help you, Flanders, but...uh...Marge was...taken prisoner in the......Holy land and...uh..."
Lisa: I'm looking for a new faith, one that isn't so materialistic.
Gere: Well, you've come to the right place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire.
Lisa: [gasps] Richard Gere?
Lenny: Ooh! The world's most famous Buddhist.
Gere: Well, what about the Dalai Lama?
Carl: You know, the fourteen incarnation of the Buddha Avalokesvara.
Lenny: Who's Buddha?
Gere: It's a good thing Buddha teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass.
Stan Lee: He can't be The Hulk! I'M The Hulk! Rar! *tears off part of his shirt*
Comic Book Guy: Oh please, you couldn't turn into Bill Bixby.
Lee: Come on change! *grunts* I really did it once!
CBG: If only you had the power to leave my store.
Lee: *weakly grunts*
CBG: You almost had it there.
Gere: Well, you've come to the right place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire.
Lisa: [gasps] Richard Gere?
Lenny: Ooh! The world's most famous Buddhist.
Gere: Well, what about the Dalai Lama?
Carl: You know, the fourteen incarnation of the Buddha Avalokesvara.
Lenny: Who's Buddha?
Gere: It's a good thing Buddha teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass.
Stan Lee: He can't be The Hulk! I'M The Hulk! Rar! *tears off part of his shirt*
Comic Book Guy: Oh please, you couldn't turn into Bill Bixby.
Lee: Come on change! *grunts* I really did it once!
CBG: If only you had the power to leave my store.
Lee: *weakly grunts*
CBG: You almost had it there.
Ignatz Mouse
Banned
Homer: "Vampires are make-believe, like elves, and fairies and Eskimos!"
Homer: "Oh Lisa, you're always saying things like that. 'Mr Burns is a Vampire' 'Beer kills brain cells.' Now let's go to that.. place... where our TV and beds... is...."
Grandpa (barging in with mallet and wooden stake) "We must kill the boy!"
Lisa: "How did you know Bart was a vampire?"
Grandpa: "Bart's a vampire!? Aahhhhhh!" (runs away)
=====
I can't do it justice, but Grandpa-as-strikebreaker's monolgue about going over to Shelbyville with an onion (a yellow onion, not like the white ones you get now) on his belt (which was the style in the day).
=====
Homer: "Hmmmm.. floor-pie...."
=====
Comic Shop Guy: "Foolish Aquaman-- you cannot marry a woman without gills!
Homer: "Oh Lisa, you're always saying things like that. 'Mr Burns is a Vampire' 'Beer kills brain cells.' Now let's go to that.. place... where our TV and beds... is...."
Grandpa (barging in with mallet and wooden stake) "We must kill the boy!"
Lisa: "How did you know Bart was a vampire?"
Grandpa: "Bart's a vampire!? Aahhhhhh!" (runs away)
=====
I can't do it justice, but Grandpa-as-strikebreaker's monolgue about going over to Shelbyville with an onion (a yellow onion, not like the white ones you get now) on his belt (which was the style in the day).
=====
Homer: "Hmmmm.. floor-pie...."
=====
Comic Shop Guy: "Foolish Aquaman-- you cannot marry a woman without gills!
We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways.Ignatz Mouse said:
One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say! Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
Ignatz Mouse
Banned
Thank you oh-so much. That episode has by far the most bizarre funny stuff in it.
explodet said:
Quoting latter-day Simpsons makes baby Maggie cry some more...
And with a mighty cheer. We drove the Springfielders and their lemon tree away.......
CUZ IT WAS CURSED!
Now let's all relax with a nice, cool glass of turnip juice.
and the classic quote from that episode:
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"A garbage man."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"A garbage man."
"Takes one to know one!"
"Check-MATE!"
God I love that Lemon Tree episode.
Biff Hardbody
Member
Grandpa: I say we get Matlock, he'll get to the bottom of this.
Bart: Grandpa, Matlock's not real.
Gradnpa: Nether are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob if someone mashes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
Nelson: Lets get him! My old man can't get beer because his old man won't give another old man a bear!
Jimbo: wait...why are we getting him?
Martin: Look fellows, the first snap dragon of the season.
Nelson: Nevermind, lets just get him!
Bart: Grandpa, Matlock's not real.
Gradnpa: Nether are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob if someone mashes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
Nelson: Lets get him! My old man can't get beer because his old man won't give another old man a bear!
Jimbo: wait...why are we getting him?
Martin: Look fellows, the first snap dragon of the season.
Nelson: Nevermind, lets just get him!
PlayStation Tree
Member
From The Hank Scorpio episode (my favorite):
Hank Scorpio: Uh, Homer, could you hang my coat up on the wall?
Homer: (spinning around) uh uhhhhhhh...?
HS: Relax Homer! Here at Globex we don't believe in walls!
In fact, I didn't even give you my coat! (stands there with coat on backwards)
And my second favorite episode Behind the Laughter:
Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.
Narrator: The Simpsons began on a wing and a prayer. Now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered by Satan.
Hank Scorpio: Uh, Homer, could you hang my coat up on the wall?
Homer: (spinning around) uh uhhhhhhh...?
HS: Relax Homer! Here at Globex we don't believe in walls!
In fact, I didn't even give you my coat! (stands there with coat on backwards)
And my second favorite episode Behind the Laughter:
Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.
Narrator: The Simpsons began on a wing and a prayer. Now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered by Satan.
That Hank Scorpio ep is one of the best.
Scorpio: On your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help me a lot.
Scorpio: Hey! Look at my feet!
Homer: OK
Scorpio: You like those moccasins? Look in your closet, there's a pair for you. Don't like 'em? Then neither do I! [Throws moccasins out door] Get the hell out of here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer: [Chuckles] Yes, once.
Homer: Uh...you have any sugar around here?
Hank: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh...I...no.
(Scorpio has just blown up a bridge with his Doomsday Device)
Brittish Delegate- My God the Ninth Street Bridge!
India Delegate- Maybe it collapsed on it' own.
Brittish Delegate- We can't take that chance.
India Delegate- You always say that. I want to take a chance.
Bart: So, what are you in for ( remedial classes ) ?
Gordy: [slowly and strangely sounding] I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, eh?
Dot: I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.
Warren: I start fires.
Scorpio: On your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help me a lot.
Scorpio: Hey! Look at my feet!
Homer: OK
Scorpio: You like those moccasins? Look in your closet, there's a pair for you. Don't like 'em? Then neither do I! [Throws moccasins out door] Get the hell out of here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer: [Chuckles] Yes, once.
Homer: Uh...you have any sugar around here?
Hank: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh...I...no.
(Scorpio has just blown up a bridge with his Doomsday Device)
Brittish Delegate- My God the Ninth Street Bridge!
India Delegate- Maybe it collapsed on it' own.
Brittish Delegate- We can't take that chance.
India Delegate- You always say that. I want to take a chance.
Bart: So, what are you in for ( remedial classes ) ?
Gordy: [slowly and strangely sounding] I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, eh?
Dot: I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.
Warren: I start fires.
PlayStation Tree
Member
Rainier Wolfcastle: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly".
[cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? [pause] That's the joke.
Man: [from audience] You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Man: [from audience] Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
RW: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost 80 million dollars.
Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?
RW: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
JS: Just asking. Yeesh!
[cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? [pause] That's the joke.
Man: [from audience] You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Man: [from audience] Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
RW: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost 80 million dollars.
Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?
RW: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
JS: Just asking. Yeesh!
Biff Hardbody
Member
PlayStation Tree said:
:lol :lol :lol
Mama Smurf
My penis is still intact.
Agreed on the Scorpio episode, an absolute classic. The clown college one too, though a lot of that humour was visual and doesn't lend itself to quotes very well.
Crazymoogle
Member
Orin GA said:
^ My personal favorite. The delivery is just amazing, and I love how he goes from apologetic to blaming Marge for his own failure at keeping a secret.
Mama Smurf
My penis is still intact.
He's assuming they're the Rolling Stones. In my view because he's so old that any rock band he sees he assumes are the Rolling Stones.
Definitely not the second thing anyway.
Definitely not the second thing anyway.
Pedigree Chum
Banned
Crazymoogle said:
The best part is when he says, "put you hand in a pile of GOO"...the delivery on that alwasy gets me.
Zerodoppler
Member
Chief Wiggum: Okay Simpson, I've heard reports that this game is crooked. Now, maybe we can come to some sort of understanding...
Homer: I understand... (pause)
Bart Simpson: Uh, Dad, I think he wants a
Homer: Quiet Bart, Daddy is talking to a police officer.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any bills around here? (He looks at the cash box)
Homer: No.... He's Bart.
(wiggum, frustrated, runs a hand over his face and groans. He the begins to talk winking as he goes)
Wiggum: Listen carefully and watch me wink as i speak okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink.
(Wiggum holds out his palm)
Homer:.... It's a ring toss game!
Wiggum: Alright that's it, I'm shutting this game down.
CBG: Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
CBG: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them.
CBG: Worst episode ever.
Homer: I understand... (pause)
Bart Simpson: Uh, Dad, I think he wants a
Homer: Quiet Bart, Daddy is talking to a police officer.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any bills around here? (He looks at the cash box)
Homer: No.... He's Bart.
(wiggum, frustrated, runs a hand over his face and groans. He the begins to talk winking as he goes)
Wiggum: Listen carefully and watch me wink as i speak okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink.
(Wiggum holds out his palm)
Homer:.... It's a ring toss game!
Wiggum: Alright that's it, I'm shutting this game down.
CBG: Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
CBG: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them.
CBG: Worst episode ever.
Best.Simpsons Quote. Ever:
Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer: [imagining] Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: [laughs hysterically] Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: Wha--? D'oh!
:lol
Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer: [imagining] Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: [laughs hysterically] Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: Wha--? D'oh!
:lol
Also, from 22 shorts episode:
Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had
by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --
[notes entire kitchen is on fire]
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: AH----Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day?
In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your
kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
the part where he stutters kills me
Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had
by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --
[notes entire kitchen is on fire]
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: AH----Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day?
In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your
kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
the part where he stutters kills me
Mr. Bigglesworth
Member
Otto goes into the DMV to take his driving test ...
Patty: When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me; I'm open-minded.
Patty: We won't be needing this (drops green pen)
Patty: When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me; I'm open-minded.
Patty: We won't be needing this (drops green pen)
*Man throws box into hole*
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude pictures of Whoopie Goldberg.
*pictures shoot back up out of hole into mans hands*
Man: Hey what the???
More recent fave:
*Homer does simple thumb trick*
Cletus: "Haha dang, you could be one o' them tv magic queers!"
Homer: Woohoo! Go S.U.!
Carl: A&M is gonna kick your ivy-covered butts!
Homer: Oh yea? Well you went to a cow college!
Lenny: You're only calling us a cow college cuz we were founded by a cow. *smiles proudly*
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude pictures of Whoopie Goldberg.
*pictures shoot back up out of hole into mans hands*
Man: Hey what the???
More recent fave:
*Homer does simple thumb trick*
Cletus: "Haha dang, you could be one o' them tv magic queers!"
Homer: Woohoo! Go S.U.!
Carl: A&M is gonna kick your ivy-covered butts!
Homer: Oh yea? Well you went to a cow college!
Lenny: You're only calling us a cow college cuz we were founded by a cow. *smiles proudly*
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