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[Ollie Pooch]

The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

i got up in the morning - and made myself a piece of toast. i set the toaster to three - medium brown!

also - the mr. burns on smithers computer is "hello ... smithers... you're quite good.. at turning.. me on! "

 

[Mama Smurf]

Homer: Woohoo! Go S.U.!
Carl: A&M is gonna kick your ivy-covered butts!
Homer: Oh yea? Well you went to a cow college!
Lenny: You're only calling us a cow college cuz we were founded by a cow. *smiles proudly*

That scene cracks me up because Lenny nods emphatically at the end and they just stay on him for a few seconds while nothing happens before going to the next scene. That's the White Ninja style humour I love.

Another example is the episode where Rod (I think...maybe Todd...no, I think it's Rod) and Bart are golfing rivals and Homer makes Bart stare at Rod's picture like he wants to kill him (or something). As soon as Homer leaves Rod appears at the window and goes "Hi Bart!" and Bart just looks at him for a few seconds and the scene ends. First time I saw that I was with two friends and one guy who just happened to be there and my friends and I burst out laughing, but the other guy couldn't understand that it was funny because there was no joke.

 

[hobbitx]

That scene cracks me up because Lenny nods emphatically at the end and they just stay on him for a few seconds while nothing happens before going to the next scene. That's the White Ninja style humour I love.

Another example is the episode where Rod (I think...maybe Todd...no, I think it's Rod) and Bart are golfing rivals and Homer makes Bart stare at Rod's picture like he wants to kill him (or something). As soon as Homer leaves Rod appears at the window and goes "Hi Bart!" and Bart just looks at him for a few seconds and the scene ends. First time I saw that I was with two friends and one guy who just happened to be there and my friends and I burst out laughing, but the other guy couldn't understand that it was funny because there was no joke.

Haha, Yeah I know what you're talking about. Another hilarious weird scene like that is the ep where Lisa and Bart were working to come up with a plan to save Itchy and Scratchy but then their bizarro counterparts Lester and Eliza beat them to it. As if seeing them wasn't weird enough, at the end Bart is looking out the window and then Lester rolls by on his skateboard and starts giving Bart a super evil look, instead of doing something, Bart just stands there with the most hilarious blank look on his face. :lol I almost died when I saw that!

Hey does anyone know where I can see a pic of Lester and Eliza again, I want to laugh and be creeped out at the same time again.

 

[way more]

Burns: Oh and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey, it was in your glove compartment.
Burns: And the road maps and ice scrapers?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Burns: Excellent. It's all falling into place.

Milhouse: I'll tell you, Bart, but you really should end each transmission with the word "over". Over!
Shelbyville Milhouse: [snatching Milhouse's walkie talkie] Correction: the only thing that's over is this transmission.

Homer trying to casually buy illegal fireworks: Let me have one of those porno magazines... large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Later...
Marge seeing Homer's purchases: I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.

 

[mariohat]

 

[bob_arctor]

Bart: Hey! They're taking our lemons.
Milhouse: We can't spare a single one! *immediately starts throwing lemons*

Heh heh--love that episode.

Bart: "Hey, there's a lemon behind that rock!"

Shelbyville kid: "You got citric acid in my eye!"

Milhouse and his Shelbyville nerd counterpart: "So this is what it feels like when doves cry!"

 

[Luscious LeftFoot]

Burns: Oh and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey, it was in your glove compartment.
Burns: And the road maps and ice scrapers?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Burns: Excellent. It's all falling into place.

I've always wondered what this was a spoof off?

 

[Aby]

"I didn't do it"

"DUH"

 

[Shadowmancer]

"Welcome to Itchy & Scratchy Island, where nothing can pos-ib-lie go wrong. I mean possibly go wrong. Wow, that's the first thing that's ever gone wrong."

 

[AniHawk]

Marge: And that bartender looks just like John Travolta!
Bartender: Yeah... looks like.

Marge: I could just crawl into a hole and die!
I&Sland workers: Okay, throw her in the hole!

Jay Sherman: Maybe sometime you can come down to my show.
Bart: Nah- I don't think we'll be doing that.

Bart: Hey mouse. Say cheese *snaps picture, robot malfunctions* With a cool dry wit like that, I could be an action hero!
*Later*
Homer: DIE BAD ROBOTS! DIE! Heh. With a cool dry wit like that I could be-
*Bart cuts him off*

I just love how Homer's voice just fades off and the expression on his face when no one is listening to him.

 

[Guzim]

That scene cracks me up because Lenny nods emphatically at the end and they just stay on him for a few seconds while nothing happens before going to the next scene. That's the White Ninja style humour I love.

Another example is the episode where Rod (I think...maybe Todd...no, I think it's Rod) and Bart are golfing rivals and Homer makes Bart stare at Rod's picture like he wants to kill him (or something). As soon as Homer leaves Rod appears at the window and goes "Hi Bart!" and Bart just looks at him for a few seconds and the scene ends. First time I saw that I was with two friends and one guy who just happened to be there and my friends and I burst out laughing, but the other guy couldn't understand that it was funny because there was no joke.

:lol

Reminds me of the episode with Joe Namath. At the end when he says good night, the camera is on him for like 5 seconds, then he makes an expression with his face and the episode ends. :lol


Another favorite quote:

Ned: Well, a friendly Springfield "Hello" there, neighbors. Uh, you know, we think some kids of ours may be missing in your town.
Man 1: Missing children?
Man 2: Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem.
Man 3: Maybe that why we beat them at football nearly half the time

 

[explodet]

Quoting latter-day Simpsons makes baby Maggie cry

Aw c'mon, lighten up. At this rate we'll run out of quotes from the earlier seasons.

Anyway, some more earlier stuff:

Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.
Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?

Bart: Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Will you guys play at a Krusty Comeback special?
Flea: Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
Bart: No problemo. Hey Moe! Look over there!
Moe: *Looks at wall* What? What am I lookin' at? I'm gonna stop looking soon. ...what, is that it?
Homer: Hey Moe, can I look too?
Moe: Sure, but it'll cost ya.
Homer: My wallet's in the car! *exits*
Moe: He's so stupid... and now back to the wall.

 

[dog$]

Lenny: Homer, what's the matter?
Carl: Ain't ya ever seen a naked chick riding a clam before?

 

[Date of Lies]

NUKE THE WHALES

 

[Jason]

Nelson: Well, ya gotta nuke something.
Lisa: Touche.

:lol

 

[TheOMan]

:lol :lol :lol So many good quotes - I haven't watched The Simpson's consistently in years. Here's a couple of sequences that have always gotten me...it really is the delivery that makes some of these quotes:

[Bart flicks a pocket knife open and closed repeatedly]
Man: You call that a knife? _This_ is a knife.
Bart: That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Man: All right, all right, you win, heh. I see you've played Knifey-Spooney before.

Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: "Beer"?
Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C -- O --
Bartender: B -- E --

Just the way the bartender says "B--E--" in an annoyed way like she's stupid cracks me up every time.

:lol

 

[CajoleJuice]

Bart: APRIL FOOL---**explosion**

It's not a funny quote...but anyone that remembers the episode knows what I'm talking about. Classic.

 

[Mama Smurf]

Haha, yes, that Australia episode is another hilarious one.

 

[Hero]

The episode where Homer became a cop or something along those lines:

Homer: Now I can combine my desire to help people with my desire to hurt people!

The entire Homer gets a gun episode really. I forget specific quotes though.

Oh, and when Moe gets facial surgery:

Moe: [drives in his car to Duffman's house]
Let's see how you like a sticker on YOUR face!
[slaps a giant sticker on Duffman that covers his entire face, gets in car and leaves]
Duffman: [falls to the ground]
Duffman, can't, breath! Oh no! ...Oh, no!
[thrusts hips]

 

[capslock]

It's all in the delivery in that one. More like:

Homer: "I...don't know." The pause, the slow elicitation. Classic.

My favorite opening sequence of all time is the episode where Homer teaches a marriage class (basically just telling everyone his and Marge's business), where him, Moe, Lenny and Carl are playing poker at Lenny's house.

Homer wins the hand w/o even knowing it and Moe berates him and Carl is like "Don't yell at Homer, he's just slow" and Homer, in his head, is like:

"Something said. Not good. "Don't yell at Homer!" No, wait, that's good. Slow. They called me slow!"

Then Homer's like "So you think I'm slow" or something and everyone's left and Lenny's in his robe getting a glass of milk from his fridge and says

"Hey Homer, you still here? Gee, you really are slow!"

Homer thinks to himself:

"Something said. Not good..."

Lenny: "Get the hell outta here!"

I know I butchered the scene, but damn if that isn't some funny ass shit. Pure classic.

Yeah that's my favourite one too!

 

[Meatpuppet]

The baseball episode is golden:

Homer:It was a lightning storm and I'd locked myself out.So,covering myself with a sturdy sheet of metal,I ran and took shelter under the largest tree I could find.

Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry?
Darryl: Yes
Homer: You play right field?
Darryl: Yes
Homer: I play right field too, so, are you better than me?
Darryl: Well, I've never met you, but... yes.

Hypnotist: You are all very good players
Team: We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
Team: We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give 110 percent.
Team: That's imposible no one can give more than 110 percent. By defenition that's the most any one can give.

"Well, Mr. Burns had done it
The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scoscia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile
We're talking softball
From Maine to San Diego
We're talking softball
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talking Ho-mer,
Ozzie, and the Straw" - Credit Song

Dammit the new episodes make me want to cry.

 

[Guzim]

Haha, yes, that Australia episode is another hilarious one.

::sign says Yahoo Serious Film Festival::
Lisa "I know what those words mean, but that sign doesn't make sense."

 

[LakeEarth]

"Ok pie, tell you what. I'm just gonna do this! (makes random biting motion) and if you get eaten, it's your own fault"
(bites with eyes closed, hits head on metal)
"OWWWWWWWWWW MY, ahh the hell with that!" (grabs pie and eats it)

 

[Guzim]

Marge: But the grocery store sells sugar for thirty-five cents a pound.
Lisa: And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it.
Homer: Those are prizes! Ooh, a blasting cap.

 

[Mama Smurf]

Marge: I want you to forget about guarding the stupid sugar! You're being completely paranoid.
Homer: Oh, am I? Am I really? Ah ha! [Pulls a man from behind the pile]
English Thief: [holds teacup and saucer] Hello.
Homer: All right, pal: where'd you get the sugar for that tea?
English Thief: I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second, and I'd do it again. [sips tea] Goodbye.

This may only be funny if you're English, I dunno. Just the way he says "Hello" in that very posh English accent cracks me up.

 

[AssMan]

The funniest quote EVER!

Adopt a kid employer:"And why do you want to adopt a kid?"

Homer's brain:"don't say revenge, don't say revenge."

Homer:"Uh, revenge?"

Homer's brain:"That's it i'm outta here."

Then you hear footsteps. LOL. Funniest shit ever.

 

[LakeEarth]

The funniest quote EVER!

Adopt a kid employer:"And why do you want to adopt a kid?"

Homer's brain:"don't say revenge, don't say revenge."

Homer:"Uh, revenge?"

Homer's brain:"That's it i'm outta here."

Then you hear footsteps. LOL. Funniest shit ever.

Best part of that joke is that there's a checkbox for revenge on the Big Brother application form :lol

 

[IAmtheFMan]

Best part of that joke is that there's a checkbox for revenge on the Big Brother application form :lol

:lol

Yeah the checklist has like Revenge, Spite, Boredom as reasons for joining.

 

[AniHawk]

Duffman: New feelings... brewing in Duffman! What would... JESUS DO?

 

[hobbitx]

Another fav,

Abe: Oooh Son! This monkey's gonna change my life!
Homer: Mind if I take him for a ride?
Abe: Sure I'll just stand here (Homer drives off like a maniac)
Mmmmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey! mp3 :lol

Marge: I want you to forget about guarding the stupid sugar! You're being completely paranoid.
Homer: Oh, am I? Am I really? Ah ha! [Pulls a man from behind the pile]
English Thief: [holds teacup and saucer] Hello.
Homer: All right, pal: where'd you get the sugar for that tea?
English Thief: I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second, and I'd do it again. [sips tea] Goodbye.

This may only be funny if you're English, I dunno. Just the way he says "Hello" in that very posh English accent cracks me up.

:lol That scene should be funny no matter where you're from, totally classic moment.

 

[ourumov]

Homer: "I have powers...politic powers"

 

[Kon Tiki]

Flanders: Hey Homie, I can see your doodle"