GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

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mre said:
You know how the first season, maybe the first two seasons of American Idol had their funny moments because of the early segments with the people with horrible voices but genuinely grand ambitions of becoming a pop star? But then, as the years passed, people started sucking on purpose just to get put on TV?

I think we're at that point now with this thread, just with "fake fake-serial killers" instead of bad singers.
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mre, there's a good one coming up. you have to trust me.
 
Need advice.

I'm in my mid 20's never had a girlfriend, virgin obviously and have been concentrating on work for last 2 years or so. Never made an effort to look for a girlfriend since I was more concerned about being financially independent. Still nowhere close at best a year away from that and I am still living with the parents. My mom is great but she's worried I'll be a bachelor for far too long and is getting worried I may never get a girl. She's been trying to hook me up with a girl who's coming to the states to go to school from China but the problem is she doesn't speak english and I hate having to speak Chinese with people my age.

She wants to set up a lunch where she will be with her uncle and cousin and I'll be with my mom. Basically this is an arranged marriage and if things work out we would stay together if not she moves on and probably goes to Canada instead or something. I'm trying to blow this off before it even starts but my mother wants me to at least meet her once.

Should I even try? I just think that having 20 years of American culture ahead of her makes the gap a bit difficult. Also ironically I'm not a fan of Mainland Chinese people in general (not Chinese-Americans there's a difference). I don't even know what to do or where to start. If I did have a girlfriend my mother would be off my back but she see's examples of other people's kids in the community who got close to their 30's and weren't married so their parents took them to China to find a wife. It's a common thing actually. I don't know I just want to live my life according to my own pace but at the same time my mother's worrying may have slightly trickled down to me... I suppose it's time to find a girlfriend? I just hate the feeling of social pressure to do it, I have interest in having kids due to overpopulation so that would be a problem already with some girls I'd assume.
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Wait, I'm confused. It went from being set up to an arranged marriage?
Women can be like jobs. You need experience to get one, and you can only get experience by having one. So I'd say at least have lunch with the lady. Maybe she's a good person. Perhaps you'll learn something. There's no harm in testing the waters so long as expectations are set correctly.

As to the cultural thing I can't speak to that.
 
There are a few female GAFfers who I would consider sleeping with if given the opportunity. One definitely would like to based on PMs she's sent me over the years.. but I've never cheated and I'm not sure if I could. I would be very tempted though.
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only because no one was specifically named.
 
The only reason I decided to do a psychology degree is because I'm fascinated by the insane and am a massive fan of Silence of the Lambs.
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Well most people study psychology because they want to self-diagnose, so I guess this is a bit better.
 
When I was in 6th grade my friends and I were just starting to learn about sex and what it was. A small group of my friends made a new insult saying "You finger yourself!" to other guys. I had just started getting erections and I figured that maybe they meant that you fingered your peehole. So a few days later when I got an erection in bed I pulled off my pants and tried to stick my index finger in my peehole. It hurt like hell and it was way too big. I decided I was just doing it wrong and I had to work up to it. So I got bic pen and tried with that. I was able to get a little farther but it still hurt. I decided that perhaps it was still too big so I used the pen lid. That was a lot easier but it still hurt and I swore off it. Years later when I found out what they really meant I felt so stupid.
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There we go. A confession I have no reason to doubt.
Doozy might lie about his cheating. HIVman would be a troll. But no one is gonna lie about stuffing pens in their urethra.
 
Googling "lie about sticking pen up urethra" led me to a disturbing rabbit hole into an entire subculture that I wish I'd never discovered.
 
mre said:
Googling "lie about sticking pen up urethra" led me to a disturbing rabbit hole into an entire subculture that I wish I'd never discovered.
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mre, here is wisdom: sometimes when you hear something really terrible. It's best just assume it's the truth than go to google and remove doubt.
 
ronito said:
mre, here is wisdom: sometimes when you hear something really terrible. It's best just assume it's the truth than go to google and remove doubt.
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I know, I know. I don't know why I was wondering if anyone had ever lied about sticking a pen in their dick.

Let this be a lesson to all, that your actions do, in fact, have consequences.
 
mre said:
I know, I know. I don't know why I was wondering if anyone had ever lied about sticking a pen in their dick.

Let this be a lesson to all, that your actions do, in fact, have consequences.
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did you find the story about the guy with like, 4 meters of fishing cord stuck in his bladder?
 
Featheredkitten said:
did you find the story about the guy with like, 4 meters of fishing cord stuck in his bladder?
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QFU2Z.jpg


also: no. What the hell? no.
 
Holy fuck. I didn't read the thread for a couple days and HIVman story drops?
I'm 99% sure it's fake. But it still pisses me off.

And since the dude whose wife was interested in pegging him didn't get a response:
I say go for it.
I don't think I would want it done to me really and don't think I am at risk of my wife wanting to do it (super-prude). But if the thought of her with a strap-on gets you hot and she is hot over it, there's your answer. I imagine you probably like pleasing your wife right?
Fulfilling a fantasy of hers will probably end up getting you off and make you happy since you are making her happy I imagine.

I'm pretty sure there are dudes out there who find assplay and getting penetrated pleasurable, so there is that too. At least she isn't trying to stick pen caps into your urethra.
 
Not watersports, certainly not ABDL or related. And no, not elderly women, but women in their 20's and 30's who have difficulty with bladder control, particularly those who wear liners or pads, but also any woman who accidentally wets herself from laughing, physical exertion, being drunk, and so forth.

How does one end up with such a fetish?
In short, I was obsessed with the secrets of women's undergarments as a kid, and I first stumbled upon various panty liners by checking bathroom cabinets when visiting friends. In my teens, I saw "panty shields" labeled for mild incontinence that belonged to a friend's not-so-old and still attractive mom. That was very exciting. Things built up with a couple of incidents, like my girlfriend wetting herself drunk in college as we made it back to our room. I pulled her soaked panties off, put her to sleep, then wanked with them after she passed out. Another tremendously attractive girl in my circle of friends in college peed from laughing too hard on more than one occasion, and once when startled, and I always thought of her.

The weirder things I've done:
- I've researched the matter way too thoroughly. I've read innumerable acounts from women who pee a little when working out (that's an issue for many 20s/30s women, high impact exercise or running requires them to wear a pad), women who never regained full bladder control after childbirth, etc. I kno wthem well, and could probably contribute to science at this point. I can spot the signs of a minor accident when a woman sneezes, from a mile away.

- I sometimes read the product reviews and feedback on sites for products like Poise. I've enjoyed reading the complaints on Poise boards from women who feel the product doesn't fit right, needs better oder protection, and so on. Fun link:
http://www.chickadvisor.com/item/poise-hourglass-pads/

- I keep an eye on the aisle for incontinence pads whenever i'm passing through a store, and if a see a younger woman in that aisle, it's an instant turn on. Though thats rare, because as I know from reading all the product boards and reviews, younger women with these issues almost always order disrectely online.

I also read this wonderful woman's twitter account regularly. She's employed by Poise, and tasked with helping women talk about LBL (their term for "light bladder leakage"). Particularly the 20s/30s women with incontinence, whom poise is currently targeting, for they see it as a huge base of potential sales that is simply too scared to purchase the products; research shows younger women frequently use period pads for mild incontinence, rather than buy specialty.
http://twitter.com/1in3likeme

Hope that's weird enough. It is real.
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You know whenever I think that perhaps I'm a little freaky/kinky I read something like this and then I'm reminded I'm just average comparatively.
 
ronito said:
sadly, nothing to see here. Especially compared to these confessions. I'm just an average dude with an average sex drive.
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Yeah. You grow up thinking you're this huge pervert for the things you got up to as a teenager and you grow up and it turns out you're a touch more vanilla than the average Republican senator.

I do wonder how some of these things get turned into full-on obssessive fetishes for some people. Everyone has quirky things that turn them on that make no sense whatsoever. I myself had a thing for frizzy hair at one point, but it never led me to secretly collect and catalogue hair samples, start anti-hair-straightener campaigns or have frizzbabes.com as my Internet homepage. In fact, I very quickly got over it.

Is it the forbidden aspect to it that leads to obsession?
 
ronito said:
There we go. A confession I have no reason to doubt.
Doozy might lie about his cheating. HIVman would be a troll. But no one is gonna lie about stuffing pens in their urethra.
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NSFW. Found him guys. He was on okcupid enemies

edit, i'm assuming this is okay to post with the NSFW warning... I found in the thread on gaf >_>
 
My Dad won't listen to me, but I think I'm seriously depressed. I had a bad relationship with my mother when she passed and every since that, I can't seem to be happy (that was almost exactly 2 years ago). Even when I'm laughing I still don't feel completely happy. What's worse is I often lose touch of reality and freak out when I walk to class trying to convince myself that it's real and not a dream...along that note, for some reason, stroking leaves seems to help so I probably look like a freak walking around with a leaf that I just keep rubbing with my fingers.
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I'm sorry but that leaf bit sounds like a Stephen king villain in the making.

Honestly dude get some help. Even if you have to do it without your dad.
A death is hard for anyone, especially when you're younger.
 
ronito said:
I'm sorry but that leaf bit sounds like a Stephen king villain in the making.

Honestly dude get some help. Even if you have to do it without your dad.
A death is hard for anyone, especially when you're younger.
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If the confessor wants to talk about dealing with death of someone close to you, he/she can PM me, i have some experience in that area. Talking helps.
 
Featheredkitten said:
If the confessor wants to talk about dealing with death of someone close to you, he/she can PM me, i have some experience in that area. Talking helps.
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Yep, people definetly need to talk to someone. I haven't talked to anyone (about my father's death) and it really sucks. Now, time does help (been... well, some years) but it is better to talk even late rather than never talk, i think.
 
Woorloog said:
Yep, people definetly need to talk to someone. I haven't talked to anyone (about my father's death) and it really sucks. Now, time does help (been... well, some years) but it is better to talk even late rather than never talk, i think.
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If you want to chat, feel free to PM me, talking about the death, or your father, or what experiences you had with him helps with closure. I know it can be hard to talk to people in RL about that kind of stuff. You feel like you're just making it more painful. Feel free to think of me as a listening ear.
 
Won't confess anything else cause if I browse gaf in an internet cafe, I go to about 2-3 depending on the day and my location, I might run into a gaf member who ones one of em in my city. Won't say who, but yeah. Oh and only the dad story was real, everything else wasn't. Just wanted to have a juicy thing to add so I can tell everyone to take of their nostalgia glasses for GSC.
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I guess this was more directed at me since I am able to tell which confessions came from who. So I'll say this:

Nice try dude, I totally know you weren't lying about those. Hang your head in shame!
 
ummm...can I get a mod in here for an opinion? I just got a fairly entertaining but incredibly racist confession. Need to know if I'm allowed to post or not.

No GAFers named, but, oh wow racist. Much more so than that IT guy in Indians.
 
Ronito is the Geoff Keighley of GAF confessions, always hyping

All confessions should be subject to the gaborn test. Is there a confession so disturbing not even gaborn would post a news story about it?
 
HamPster PamPster said:
Ronito is the Geoff Keighley of GAF confessions, always hyping

All confessions should be subject to the gaborn test. Is there a confession so disturbing not even gaborn would post a news story about it?
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The HIV one was pretty terrible. I mean, there's no way it's real, but it's still grodey even in fiction.
 
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