GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

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Cyan said:
So not only does it look and taste like a health bar, it's just as unhealthy as any other cookie?

Why would anyone ever eat one of these?
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I like you Cyan, I really do. You have a Calvin & Hobbes avatar, a nice tag and usually you say sensible and intelligent things. But on this matter, you are so terribly wrong. I hope you find your way some day. One day, the grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you'll see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise. With oatmeal raisin cookies, waiting for you.
 
Rei_Toei said:
I like you Cyan, I really do. You have a Calvin & Hobbes avatar, a nice tag and usually you say sensible and intelligent things. But on this matter, you are so terribly wrong. I hope you find your way some day. One day, the grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you'll see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise. With oatmeal raisin cookies, waiting for you.
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A fate worse than death.
 
I have a minor (and lame) confession to bring us back on track.

Back in 8th grade I had an awesome math teacher. He was friendly but very tough on his students since he would give us a test every week. You can tell he really wanted his students to learn because he really went out of his way to teach us. The tests he gives us each week? He'll give you a dollar if you get a perfect score. There were a few classmates that really made bank from that. One day I was walking outside to a friend's I happened to see him on the other side of the block walking towards me. He sees me and greeted me. He knew I was sarcastic so I jokingly said to him "Don't talk to me!" But because I walked by him so fast, it came off really rude.

I never apologized to him for that because I was embarrassed to ever bring it up. If this was any other teacher back in jr high, I wouldn't feel guilty. He really was a phenomenal teacher.
 
jasonng said:
I have a minor (and lame) confession to bring us back on track.

Back in 8th grade I had an awesome math teacher. He was friendly but very tough on his students since he would give us a test every week. You can tell he really wanted his students to learn because he really went out of his way to teach us. The tests he gives us each week? He'll give you a dollar if you get a perfect score. There were a few classmates that really made bank from that. One day I was walking outside to a friend's I happened to see him on the other side of the block walking towards me. He sees me and greeted me. He knew I was sarcastic so I jokingly said to him "Don't talk to me!" But because I walked by him so fast, it came off really rude.

I never apologized to him for that because I was embarrassed to ever bring it up. If this was any other teacher back in jr high, I wouldn't feel guilty. He really was a phenomenal teacher.
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Yep. This thread is done.
 
Why would you give math nerds money for getting perfect scores? It'll just fall out of their pockets after class when the bullies hold them up by their ankles and shake vigorously.
 
I once found a piece of candy on the ground in the dirt. It was a smurfs candy.

HariboTubDieSchlumfeSmurfs150.jpg


It was covered in sand and dust but I promptly saw that this was no ordinary candy, it was a diamond in the dust... So I grabbed it and washed it off in the bathroom and ate the shit out of it. Best candy my life, I regret nothing.
 
jasonng said:
I don't see you confessing!

New confession: I hate you. >:(
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I confessed earlier in the thread about turning down sex a bunch of times. I guess I could write some stuff but not now on my phone.
 
Corky said:
It was covered in sand and dust but I promptly saw that this was no ordinary candy, it was a diamond in the dust... So I grabbed it and washed it off in the bathroom and ate the shit out of it. Best candy my life, I regret nothing.
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due to a lifetime spent in philosophical study, i can respect this.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Good stuff.



Sounds like she's gonna wear herself out bad at some point.

But I still don't see how you think she has a crush on you. She just seems kinda sexually open and just likes to party.

Hey man, what if you're projecting?
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She likes to slap my buttocks in public, it's terrible.

jgminto said:
I don't know why I found this so hilarious. Perhaps because I just watched the The Godfather Part III.
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Imagine me saying this in a gangster accent.
 
Corky said:
I once found a piece of candy on the ground in the dirt. It was a smurfs candy.

[IMG']http://parthenonfoods.com/images/HariboTubDieSchlumfeSmurfs150.jpg[/IMG]

It was covered in sand and dust but I promptly saw that this was no ordinary candy, it was a diamond in the dust... So I grabbed it and washed it off in the bathroom and ate the shit out of it. Best candy my life, I regret nothing.
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You did the right thing.
 
Rei_Toei said:
I like you Cyan, I really do. You have a Calvin & Hobbes avatar, a nice tag and usually you say sensible and intelligent things. But on this matter, you are so terribly wrong. I hope you find your way some day. One day, the grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you'll see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise. With oatmeal raisin cookies, waiting for you.
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Nice. Get over to that writing thread. ;)
 
Lucian Cat said:
Haha do you think it's a constant sweltering desert and we all wear akubras and hunt crocodiles? :P
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well in the center of australia, yea, it is sweltering heat and desert and stuff right? My view of australia? Spiders. spiders everywhere waiting to attack....

Corky said:
I once found a piece of candy on the ground in the dirt. It was a smurfs candy.

HariboTubDieSchlumfeSmurfs150.jpg


It was covered in sand and dust but I promptly saw that this was no ordinary candy, it was a diamond in the dust... So I grabbed it and washed it off in the bathroom and ate the shit out of it. Best candy my life, I regret nothing.
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they make smurfs candy? WHAT. how did i not know this. You did well.
 
Featheredkitten said:
well in the center of australia, yea, it is sweltering heat and desert and stuff right? My view of australia? Spiders. spiders everywhere waiting to attack....
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Centre of Australia, yes.

Let me tell you an amusing spider story (amusing to me at least). My dad and I were in the backyard one day and we see this massive black spider. Like nearly the size of your hand. He was just casually strolling through the grass when suddenly a massive centipede came out of a hole and snatched him. Completely random and unexpected.
 
Featheredkitten said:
they make smurfs candy? WHAT. how did i not know this. You did well.
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They aren't even that good.


sangreal said:
haribo makes candy in every shape possible
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There's this candy in Denmark (although it's nearly gone under now I think) that has been making awesome candy for years, Haribo just don't compare! "Big boobs", "Dirty Diapers" and so one most of it is called, with the candy actually being small diapers with pee yellow in the middle and stuff. Their theme park is still going strong though.

Swb6X.png


Such good times were had there.

Didn't understand this as a kid but those photos you can buy of yourself on rollercoaster is called beaver photos. Which isn't far from the truth as you really shouldn't be wearing a dress or skirt on them.

4OjZe.jpg
 
I'm a creeper sex tourist
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I know you think you're bragging but you're just making yourself terribly unlikeable.

Though I am reminded of a friend of mine when he went to brazil I asked him how it was and he said, "It was great! Now I just gotta get tested."
 
Lucian Cat said:
Centre of Australia, yes.

Let me tell you an amusing spider story (amusing to me at least). My dad and I were in the backyard one day and we see this massive black spider. Like nearly the size of your hand. He was just casually strolling through the grass when suddenly a massive centipede came out of a hole and snatched him. Completely random and unexpected.
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That's fucking terrifying! I told you about Australia!

ronito said:
I know you think you're bragging but you're just making yourself terribly unlikeable.

Though I am reminded of a friend of mine when he went to brazil I asked him how it was and he said, "It was great! Now I just gotta get tested."
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This confession...

ibfrn6piymV4MF.gif


He needs to try harder. For real.

Two thirteen year old Brazilian virgins did a threesome with a 26 year old American in Spain? That's like the plot of a bad erotic Lolita knock-off.
 
ronito said:
I know you think you're bragging but you're just making yourself terribly unlikeable.

Though I am reminded of a friend of mine when he went to brazil I asked him how it was and he said, "It was great! Now I just gotta get tested."
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We appreciate this attempt to revive the confessions thread
 
Pro-active tl;dr:
Dude share his best/worst sex stories. Best is with an older woman no birth control/condom.blahblahblah.

Worst with formerly overweight coworker who had lots of saggy skin in bosses office. She just laid there. He couldn't finish but faked it. Girl wanted to do it again he ignores her.

Not so much a confession but just best/worst sex experiences I'd like to share.

First up, the best sex I've ever had was with someone who was 10+ years older than me; I was in my 20's and she in her 30's. When having sex with someone for the first time, I always consciously think of how long I can last, especially if the girl is HOT! It would be disappointing to go at it for a few thrusts before I'm done but fortunately for me and this gal, we went at it for an hour and a half. We had done it unprotected (no condom, no birth control) which probably added to the thrill/excitement as our bodies touched one another. We connected on another level where we were enjoying ourselves and after we were done, laid on one another taking a short nap. It was bliss. After we woke up, there came the realization that she was already committed to someone else and that this was taboo and temporary. I didn't mind it being temporary as our later encounters shown me that she was crazier than she appeared. She's tried to make contact with me a few times after we had stopped but I never really showed much interest. I sometimes wonder if we can reenact/relive that experience one more time but I know I'd just be asking for more trouble than what it's worth. If someone really wants further details and have me elaborate more on what we did, I wouldn't mind typing it. Not sure if "xxx-rated"/detailed stories are allowed on GAF, though. It would probably sound like an excerpt from an erotic novel.

Now onto the worst sex I ever had. One of my coworkers had been eyeing me for the longest and I never complied with her advances since she wasn't the most likable person at our work place (shitty attitude, shitty work ethics) and she wasn't pretty either (overweight and had gastric bypass surgery, so everything is sagging). She had texted me and told me that if I wanted to fulfill my fantasy of having sex in our boss's office (which stemmed from a playful lunch conversation we had with other coworkers), she would be down. She then detailed everything that she would like to do as well as offering up anything else I'd like to do. Having options/possibilities open up to me like that turned me on so much that I decided that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain if we pulled this off. I had a willing girl who wants to do the deed in our boss's office (when my boss isnt there, of course), free reign to do whatever I want, no strings attached sex and again, the thrill that we're doin something taboo (she's married).

Well, I didn't give in right away. It took about a month of sexting that built up the excitement so much that I was genuinely hyped and couldn't get her out of my mind. We finally set a date where we both would come into work extra early so no one else is around or working overtime (our store automatically locks/unlocks at a certain time and we have generic key cards that allow us to enter), have at it for half an hour and return to our desks once we're done. So the day comes, we go into my boss's office, started kissing and touching, and I reach down there and had to muddle my way through her flabby belly fat (we were still standing) and had grazed and felt a LOT of stretch marks. I was like WTF? I continued on since I wouldn't see much of her because of how dark of the room we were in. I'm being serious here when I couldn't locate her goods. What I thought was it, was actually more sagging skin. So, we get into one position and she is as stiff as a board. I asked her to relax and she said she was, so I entered and went at it for, 30 seconds? before being extremely turned off because she was just as still as can be. Literally, no motion, nonchalant facial expression, nothing. I cant tell if she was enjoying any of it. I went limp while I was inside her which I didn't even think was possible! I pretended to have finished (thankfully I was using a condom), we both got up, went back to our desks and carried on our way. The next day, she tells me what a wonderful time she had and that she would like to do it again. I ignored her and we eventually just stopped talking.
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qRowN.gif
 
ronito said:
Pro-active tl;dr:
Dude share his best/worst sex stories. Best is with an older woman no birth control/condom.blahblahblah.

Worst with formerly overweight coworker who had lots of saggy skin in bosses office. She just laid there. He couldn't finish but faked it. Girl wanted to do it again he ignores her.
Click to expand...

whEC5.gif


When I finally have sex, I hope it's like neither the former nor the latter.
 
I voted PQ despite being an anglophone in Montreal. I was tired of the liberals and wanted to see if the PQ would lead as well as they claim they could.

I told my friends I didn't vote.

EDIT: annnnnnd not true. Was not really in the best state of mind when I posted this. Was caught up in the attempted assassination news. This post haunts me, despite it not actually being true. Felt the need to clear this up finally. No one else likely cares, but I do.
 
Lucian Cat said:
Centre of Australia, yes.

Let me tell you an amusing spider story (amusing to me at least). My dad and I were in the backyard one day and we see this massive black spider. Like nearly the size of your hand. He was just casually strolling through the grass when suddenly a massive centipede came out of a hole and snatched him. Completely random and unexpected.
Click to expand...

See, that's the shit that would make me paranoid. I'm a lot more open to visiting australia now then I was a few years ago, but hearing shit like this makes my butt clench a little bit.
 
I love you Ronito! Nothing particularly exciting, but I need to get this off my chest.

In a completely uncharacteristic act of desperation, I decided to use Craigslist's casual encounters ads. One of the people who had an ad is from my school, so I contacted the guy. We exchanged e-mails for an hour and a half or so, and surprisingly enough (since it is Craigslist) the guy seemed rather nice, especially since I don't have experience and the guy seemed perfectly okay with that. We agreed to quickly meet up since he had plans in the next half hour and when I got to the building he said he'd be outside, he wasn't there. I waited fifteen minutes or so before giving up and sending an e-mail saying I had done so, and in the four hours since then, I haven't received a response. I was fairly open to his questions, so it's not as if I lied about my appearance, but my only guess is that the guy (possibly correctly) decided I was too ugly for him and bailed before I could see him. I feel pathetic for using Craigslist of all things, and even more pathetic that despite the fact that he's clearly disinterested now, I kind of want to send another e-mail, and had to delete all of the e-mails between us to prevent myself from doing so. I obviously shouldn't care since he clearly doesn't, but it's been on my mind in the time since then.
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We all know how this ends
GhaiD.png
 
What's weird, is that this individual would rather gain experience by random Craigslist posters than actually going out and meeting people.

Feels like a quick way of getting murdered.
 
I work as a lifeguard at a country club. It's full of trophy wives and over protective soccermoms. This is in the deep south so everyone is very conservative and very christian. During our breaks they let us swim in the pool.

One day I got tired of being babysitting rich white women so while I was on break I decided to piss in the pool. I started doing it every time I took a break. At first it was an act of rebellion, me a minimum wage lackey hired to save these worthless sacks or manicured flesh, it was my way of getting even.

But after a while I found that it started turn me on. The thought of those hot trophy wives swimming in water with my urine in it was sorta exciting. Now I have a pee fetish. The pool closes in a few weeks and I don't know what I'll do without being able to get my pee fetish fix.
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Uh....you'll always be number 1 in my book?

edit: and #1 on this page!
 
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