GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

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Mmm, I think a child at the age of 17 will bring more harm than good, such as stress. It's easier said than done in a way, I guess.

Why do you both want a kid anyway, if you don't mind me asking.
 
samus i am said:
No. He said she's had a hard life. Well he just made it ten times worse.
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So by having a baby (which I fully recognize and will take care) I have made her life ten times worse? How so? I don't understand why some people think that having a baby automatically ends your life or make it worse, if that was the case why people wants to have a proper family with the person they love?

Her life is not worse because of this, if anything it fill us with a lot of joy, yes it changes our world but is not ending our lifes nor making them miserable. We are aware that a baby will require a lifetime effort to raise but is not fair to say to assume that I'm leaving her with all the responsability, this is gonna be our family after all.

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Her parents are cool with that?

They seem really, really understanding if that's the case.
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Yes, they are cool with that
 
SoulstealerMex said:
So by having a baby (which I fully recognize and will take care) I have made her life ten times worse? How so? I don't understand why some people think that having a baby automatically ends your life or make it worse, if that was the case why people wants to have a proper family with the person they love?

Her life is not worse because of this, if anything it fill us with a lot of joy, yes it changes our world but is not ending our lifes nor making them miserable. We are aware that a baby will require a lifetime effort to raise but is not fair to say to assume that I'm leaving her with all the responsability, this is gonna be our family after all.



Yes, they are cool with that
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From my perspective, it just seems like she's kind of young to purposefully want this. But then again, I don't know her or you. At that age, 99.9% of pregnancies in western society are accidents. But hey, as long as you're able to stay a loving family and are able to financially provide for said family, I dunno, there's not much I can say. I mean, she seems very young, but her parents and your parents are okay with this, so... I dunno.

Good luck.
 
SoulstealerMex said:
So by having a baby (which I fully recognize and will take care) I have made her life ten times worse? How so? I don't understand why some people think that having a baby automatically ends your life or make it worse, if that was the case why people wants to have a proper family with the person they love?

Her life is not worse because of this, if anything it fill us with a lot of joy, yes it changes our world but is not ending our lifes nor making them miserable. We are aware that a baby will require a lifetime effort to raise but is not fair to say to assume that I'm leaving her with all the responsability, this is gonna be our family after all.



Yes, they are cool with that
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Because she's 17 and has been put in a situation that will change her life forever. You already implied she hasn't had much of a childhood. Now she has zero chance of ever turning that around. When she turns 30 she will think about all of the things she had to give up and grow resentful. But hopefully you're right and I'm wrong for everyone's sake. Because if I'm right then two lives will be ruined.
 
Get a pet, like a dog? It'll give some experience in what is expected in taking care of something that requires constant attention. The dog doesn't need as much attention, but it'll offer an idea.

Best of luck nonetheless.
 
samus i am said:
Because she's 17 and has been put in a situation that will change her life forever. You already implied she hasn't had much of a childhood. Now she has zero chance of ever turning that around. When she turns 30 she will think about all of the things she had to give up and grow resentful. But hopefully you're right and I'm wrong for everyone's sake. Because if I'm right then two lives will be ruined.
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Here is wisdom. I've seen it quite a lot, especially growing up in a society where people got married early. Hell it's not even just the 30s. When that 7 year itch begins they don't know how to deal and they'll grow to feel they missed out on exploration and living and grow resentful then. So you're looking at mid twenties.
 
samus i am said:
Because she's 17 and has been put in a situation that will change her life forever. You already implied she hasn't had much of a childhood. Now she has zero chance of ever turning that around. When she turns 30 she will think about all of the things she had to give up and grow resentful. But hopefully you're right and I'm wrong for everyone's sake. Because if I'm right then two lives will be ruined.
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This concerns me as well. Due to the lack of a childhood herself, do you think she is truly ready to care for a child just yet? You say her childhood was hard and that she had to grow up fast. This leaves me wondering if she possesses the necessary skills involved in teaching another human being.

As others have said, we don't know your girlfriend so it's hard to judge but from general oversight of how things tend to go down in the USA in similar situations there is precedent that raises concern whether she actually knows what she's getting into or not. You say how you would react if she left, but what about your child? You're strong and never going to leave him/her but will the child be strong about leaving mommy if she suddenly doesn't want them anymore? That kind of stuff can kill a kid's psyche.

Look back at previous pages in this thread about ADULTS that have resentment toward their mothers, fathers or both because of being brought up in a split home.
 
samus i am said:
Because she's 17 and has been put in a situation that will change her life forever. You already implied she hasn't had much of a childhood. Now she has zero chance of ever turning that around. When she turns 30 she will think about all of the things she had to give up and grow resentful. But hopefully you're right and I'm wrong for everyone's sake. Because if I'm right then two lives will be ruined.
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Of course this situation ring a lot of bells but I feel proud of us that we were able to talk all of that (in fact I actually said something along the lines you just used), a baby will change our lifes, we both wanted it and like someone said she seems way too young to even know what love is let alone know what she wants in life, but just like you guys have those doubts I asked and talked about them and I was surprised with every answer, it's like she is almost full grown woman trapped in a younger body, not everyday you find a girl her age with that kind of insight.

I'm not saying that I'm the wiser but after all that we have gonne through and shared together it doesn't seem that crazy and like many have said, waiting a few years was the better move but we are ready to take on what we have decide.
 
There is a much higher risk of complications for mother and child at that age. Best wishes for you and your family, though.
 
There is nothing to lose by waiting another year or two before making that sort of commitment. Move in with her (if you haven't already), consider getting a pet (a dog if you like them, they require way more time and attention than a cat), and re-evaluate your relationship and whether you're ready for a child in another 1-2 years.

You both seem awfully sure of your relationship and decision but here's a reminder: most people that make mistakes like getting married too young and to the wrong person feel 100% sure about it at the time too. Every 17 year old feels like they are mature and ready to make their own decisions. Do yourselves, and potentially your child, a favor and make sure this is the right decision. Don't just feel it: prove it.

You say she's already grown up and that you or her won't significantly change in the next few years. You should prove that is actually the case without bringing a child into the equation. At the very least, she's going to have an easier time finishing school and preparing herself for a career she actually wants if she doesn't have a baby to look after or a marriage she potentially regrets.
 
AdventureMike said:
This concerns me as well. Due to the lack of a childhood herself, do you think she is truly ready to care for a child just yet? You say her childhood was hard and that she had to grow up fast. This leaves me wondering if she possesses the necessary skills involved in teaching another human being.

As others have said, we don't know your girlfriend so it's hard to judge but from general oversight of how things tend to go down in the USA in similar situations there is precedent that raises concern whether she actually knows what she's getting into or not. You say how you would react if she left, but what about your child? You're strong and never going to leave him/her but will the child be strong about leaving mommy if she suddenly doesn't want them anymore? That kind of stuff can kill a kid's psyche.

Look back at previous pages in this thread about ADULTS that have resentment toward their mothers, fathers or both because of being brought up in a split home.
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Call it blind fate or even call me stupid for having that much confidence with her but I'm positive that whatever happens our childs health will be our primary concern.
 
Rokal said:
There is nothing to lose by waiting another year or two before making that sort of commitment. Move in with her (if you haven't already), consider getting a pet (a dog if you like them, they require way more time and attention than a cat), and re-evaluate your relationship and whether you're ready for a child in another 1-2 years.

You both seem awfully sure of your relationship and decision but here's a reminder: most people that make mistakes like getting married too young and to the wrong person feel 100% sure about it at the time too. Every 17 year old feels like they are mature and ready to make their own decisions. Do yourselves, and potentially your child, a favor and make sure this is the right decision. Don't just feel it: prove it.

You say she's already grown up and that you or her won't significantly change in the next few years. You should test whether that is actually the case without bringing a child into the equation. At the very least, she's going to have an easier time finishing school and preparing herself for a career she actually wants if she doesn't have a baby to look after or a marriage she potentially regrets.
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This is how I'm feeling too. We're not going to be able to stop you, it's your decision but maybe approach your girlfriend with the idea of waiting another year or so. See how she reacts to it. If she is completely unwilling to bend to that idea for you or your child's sake, not to mention her own, she may not be in a good position to carry the child.
 
AdventureMike said:
If she is completely unwilling to bend to that idea for you or your child's sake, not to mention her own, she may not be in a good position to carry the child.
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This. If she actually is as mature as she says she is, she should understand the benefit of waiting.

You said she stopped partying last year. That's a large change in personality or motivations within a year. Yet you ignore the likelihood that she'll change more over the next year? That her goals for her career and her life might have changed further?

Maybe in 2 years she will prove us all wrong and be exactly the same. Congratulations, you will have lost absolutely nothing by waiting and can continue your plans for a family.
 
SoulstealerMex said:
Call it blind fate or even call me stupid for having that much confidence with her but I'm positive that whatever happens our childs health will be our primary concern.
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Then why don't the two of you work for say, 3-4 years, and save up money that you can put towards your child's daycare and/or emergencies?

Assuming you want the absolute best for your future child.
 
SoulstealerMex said:
Call it blind fate or even call me stupid for having that much confidence with her but I'm positive that whatever happens our childs health will be our primary concern.
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Hard to tell from the tenses in your posts: is she already pregnant?

If so, then it's a little late for GAF advice. :P
 
Cyan said:
Hard to tell from the tenses in your posts: is she already pregnant?

If so, then it's a little late for GAF advice. :P
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Apparently she is not pregnant, which makes this even more perplexing.
In what world is it ever a good idea to impregnate a 17 year old if you have the option of saving up money for a couple of years?
 
I killed three baby birds with a stick when I was 7. My sister had just been born and I guess I wasn't getting enough attention. I did this while there were people over visiting to see the baby, but somehow no one noticed me. I felt terrible about it then and I feel worse about it today. It has haunted me ever since. It will just pop into my head at random and I'll feel like such a terrible human. I've even had dreams about it off and on for the better part of two decades now.

I think about it a lot still, but when I tell people about it, I only mention one bird, and usually not the baby part. Even at 7 I knew it was wrong and a terrible thing and I did it anyway. It is my biggest life regret.
 
I'm not sure why it's a race to have babies early.

Spend a few years strengthening the relationship, building up a solid financial base, seeing the world (traveling without kids and with kids makes a massive difference in terms of how/where you will travel - think about this very carefully).

If you 'love' each other, you can wait and make sure you have the best conditions possible for raising a family. You should be thinking about raising a kid and making sure that kid gets the best parenting/opportunities possible, rather than just making a kid for the sake of making a kid (or worse, for the sake of the relationship). A few years waiting should not be putting any strain in the relationship if it's a strong one. If the lack of baby puts such a strain, then that's even more of a sign that the relationship is not ready for a baby.

Travel the world! Live free!

(?YOLO?)
 
strobogo said:
I killed three baby birds with a stick when I was 7. My sister had just been born and I guess I wasn't getting enough attention. I did this while there were people over visiting to see the baby, but somehow no one noticed me. I felt terrible about it then and I feel worse about it today. It has haunted me ever since. It will just pop into my head at random and I'll feel like such a terrible human. I've even had dreams about it off and on for the better part of two decades now.

I think about it a lot still, but when I tell people about it, I only mention one bird, and usually not the baby part. Even at 7 I knew it was wrong and a terrible thing and I did it anyway. It is my biggest life regret.
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At that age, kids usually don't have a fully functioning moral compass.
You feel regret right now, so there's at least nothing wrong with you.

It might help to try to help animals, or birds, in need to sort of make up for it in a karmic cosmic sense.
 
Hi ~ Long time reader, some-time poster, thanks for taking my e-mail.

When I was a teenager my family shared one computer. I was having a tough time, coming out of the closet in a rural community in a Midwestern state. One of my outlets was talking to people online whom I connected with better than any of my friends in school. Well, to make a long story short, I had sent one of these friends nude photos of myself and my mother found them. It was terribly embarrassing and I was ashamed and depressed for weeks. It did little to improve her impression of me shortly after telling her I was gay.

Thankfully things worked out between my family and I and we get on very well now. My mother and I are very close (and I'm pretty sure I'm the favorite son :).

My next confession is from the present. I have been in a relationship for some time and I am very happy. We are very compatible and although we have some differences on ideas (religion, kids), we talk through them rationally and have mostly resolved them. Then there is my ex. He is a great, great guy. We broke up amicably (though it was my doing and I hurt him). We have a lot in common and he has always been generous to me. I still talk and hang out with him regularly. We have never fooled around or done anything physical (outside of a hug). The thing is, I keep him around as back up. I string him along somewhat with the slightest hints of us getting back together just in case one day I find myself single, I have someone to fall back on. I feel extremely guilty, but it feels comforting to have that safety net.
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Dude exes are exes for a reason.
 
SoulstealerMex said:
I'm not saying that I'm the wiser but after all that we have gonne through and shared together it doesn't seem that crazy and like many have said, waiting a few years was the better move but we are ready to take on what we have decide.
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All that you have gone through? She's 17. Does it mean you started dating her when she was 16 or younger?

Have you had a girlfriend before her? were you a virgin?

The ages of 21 to 25 are crucial for finding oneself, and knowing what we want out of life. Make sure she doesn't want the baby for selfish reasons (need of attention, lack of love, etc). It will it her when she has friends in college enjoying life, while she has a toddler or small child.
 
SquiddyBiscuit said:
At that age, kids usually don't have a fully functioning moral compass.
You feel regret right now, so there's at least nothing wrong with you.

It might help to try to help animals, or birds, in need to sort of make up for it in a karmic cosmic sense.
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But I knew it was wrong then, which I think makes it worse. I literally don't think I've gone more than a week without thinking about it even in passing since it happened.
 
strobogo said:
But I knew it was wrong then, which I think makes it worse. I literally don't think I've gone more than a week without thinking about it even in passing since it happened.
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Yeah, you knew it was wrong, but you didn't have the same self-control you had now and had a lot less emotional stability.
The best way of dealing with it is to kinda, well, try to "clear your debt" so to speak by helping birds in general.
It won't change the baby birds you did kill, but it might feel slightly better if your previous experience lead to you saving countless more baby birds.
 
Another proactive tl;dr:
Confessor thanks for me for my terrible advice and will try to take it. (poor sap)
Admits to being a white knight and admits to wanting the attention from saving girls and standing up for them. Still hasn't learned to not be so verbose.

Thank you for your response to my scatterbrained-ness Commander Ronito *salute*. I truly appreciate your words and I will start using your advice.


In light of this, I decided I will spill the beans on one more thing that really isn't all that bad but is something many people on the internet will vehemently deny of themselves.

I am an internet white knight.

I have been for many years and I don't see it as something that will be stopping anytime soon. I can't help myself but try to protect women in both real life and the internet. I don't mean to do it as an insult, it just is how I was raised. Being brought up, I was always taught to be a gentleman in every regard that I could when it comes to females. When I was younger (14-17ish) it probably also contributed to the want for someone to like me. In school, I was never the popular. I was overweight and kept to myself while I practiced my hobbies. You know the story, many people on this board have the same one too!

So when I started playing MMO's in the late 90's/early 2000's, I would be a stalwart defender of any female in hopes that maybe they would see how sweet I was or something and look past my looks. It worked out pretty well too. I wasn't trying to manipulate girls or anything, I just had a much easier time talking to them when they couldn't see my face and make snap judgements about me because of my weight. But girls of similar age to me responded really well when someone on the internet was not trying to completely act like a jerk to them. Someone that at the age of 15 or so treated them with manners. Man did this suck though when I actually DID want to get with someone. I was frequently in the "nice guys finish last" camp. Girls would be so thrilled with my demeanor and personality, but at that age, all they wanted was to be with someone that was "hot" or "exciting". I just wanted someone that would be fun to talk to and hang out with while we enjoyed similar hobbies.

These days, I have a girlfriend whom I love very much and I no longer do my white knighting in hopes of getting some kind of attraction, but I do still do it. I found I just like to make girls smile. For instance, reading this thread from start to finish and seeing all of the people that wrote to you saying they were getting off to GirlGAF's photos makes me want to PM these girls and just be like "It's okay, not all guys are like that" and just have a friendly conversation with them, in hopes they would retain some hope for dealing with men in their lives. I enjoy having girl friends that aren't girlfriends.

Unfortunately, I do see the creepy side of this or at least my perceived creepy side. Some probably find it creepy that I will come to the aid of a female despite not knowing them and whether they may want it or not. Perhaps subconsciously, even with a girlfriend I still want the attention of being a guy that "rescues" a girl from all of the sleazy elements of the internet. It makes me feel accomplished and good when I feel like I've restored someone's faith in humanity.
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ronito said:
OK gents, a few more rules/restatement of rules since apparently a few have forgotten:

- Sending me emails about how you hate/get turned on by other GAfers by name will not be posted.
- Sending me emails with any racist/sexist/homophobic rants will not get posted
- If you're banned or something don't send me stuff
- As a re-statement of initial rules, simply confessing to wildly illegal stuff (rape/pedo stuff/animal cruelty/etc) will not be posted.

If your confession breaks any of these rules I wont post any of it.
Don't email me and bitch about this stuff. If you want it posted you can go ahead and post it yourself. If you want me to post it on your behalf and keep your secrets then please follow the rules.
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Restating the rules again because apparently people aren't listening.
 
Featheredkitten said:
Wow, thanks for the assumption. While i've never heard women refer to men as "males" no, i wouldn't like that either.


WTF squiddy.
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It's a pretty fun show, you should check it out.

As for the whole "females" thing, I've always taken it to just be a formal/scientific way of referring to women - often in jest.

Personally, my favorite phrase is "mate".
 
So here's a not so anonymous confession from me.

Pro-active tl;dr: Ronito has friend who dates girl with kid who keeps leaving him. Ronito gives friend his trademark bad advice to leave the girl alone because she is only using him as a stable force in her life. Friend goes suicidal. Gets back with girl and they're married within 6 months. Ronito counting down the years until their divorce and friend's eventual suicide.
I have a friend that got divorced a few years ago and he took it really hard.
He had been dating this girl for a few years off and on. She would go and date him for a few months, and then get bored with him and would leave him and date others for a while. She'd date "bad boys" who would essentially use her and leave her after a few weeks.

Then she'd go back to my friend. The last break was really hard on him. Here's the dealio. She's got a kid and my friend, while not exciting or a bad boy, he's stable and reliable and she knows that's what she and her kid needs.

After the last break up I had a long talk with the guy giving him the trademarked Ronito bad advice. Pointing out that she just wants to party and they only reason she has him around is she likes him well enough but she just wants him around because she knows he wont leave and while nice, that's not love and anything short of love isn't enough to keep your relationship running. They'd be better off finding others that were better suited for them.

He didn't take it well and was suicidal after that for several months. Suddenly they got together again and were engaged in 3 months and 3 months after that they got married.
They're ok but it's very obvious that he's head over heels for her and she's just likes him but is happy to have someone to help with the kid

And I try to be supportive but in my head I'm like "7 years. You have 7 years at most. She'll leave you for someone more exciting and then you'll follow through with your tendencies." Just needed to rant.
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So last night, Saturday August 11, I went to the house of a female "friend". I guess maybe were FWB but I don't know, I can tell she likes me more by the way she looks at me in bed and at times I like her but at others I don't at all. We actually have only seen each other twice; the first "date" I came to her apartment, ate her food, and fucked her. So anyway, back on the subject of yesterday. I went over to her apartment, and we got some pizza. For some reason she went to pornotube on her computer and I told her it sucked, go to xhamster. She did and I told her to log into my account and I'm not sure who's idea it was but the next thing I know were on cam.

I really didn't even want to have sex with her again but the next thing I know shes sucking my dick while people are filling into the room. I was getting more turned on by the being watched than her. All the times I've watched those cams and thought, "man, I wish I was that guy." and this time it was people doing that with me. It felt good, really good. So I bent her over and fucked her doggy style. I still wasn't that into it but I started thinking I could probably make some money fucking on cam.

I'd feel weird being on there by myself but having sex is pretty cool. I wonder if anyone here was watching? Skinny white guy with a busty black chick. High five? HIGH FIVE!
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You hear that Whispy? Confessor is out to outgame you. You gonna take it?
 
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