Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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Delio said:
Is bear just a hairy dude who is stocky? I'm kinda a bigger guy who holds it well (well people have told me) Would that count?
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I think so, yes. Well gay people in general are very fond of labels, which I honestly don't like that much, there shouldn't be a "type" of gay, is a weird concept. But I guess is expected in a ostracized group like is the gay community, you try to look for others like you, you reject more easily the ones who are not like you, so all these sub-groups form naturally.
 
So I saw a porn, a Corbin Fisher one, the other day. In it, two guys were clearly into each other but when they are asked if they are gay, they say "no". One even made a point that he's not into being gay but he likes 'man love'. Then they're off kissing each other before doing the deed.

So there I was scratching my head and being confused instead of aroused. Granted, they are probably what one normally called "gay-for-pay". But sometimes I wonder when do you stop being gay-for-pay and start enjoying the intimacy/the other guy? These two guys are really into each other and I highly doubt that they are that good of actors. I've seen plenty of other gay-for-pay actors and their performance are pretty lackluster. Completely different from these two.

Blooper said:
so the accompanying mix I made for him was all the creepier :lol
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Whether you are gay or straight, writing sonnets or making mix music to someone is never a good idea. :lol Unless you two are already a pair.
 
Alcoori said:
Oh please guys. They don't corner anyone, that's just ridiculous.
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They don't themselves, no. But if I had a penny for everytime I heard "but he didn't seem gay to me" or when a camp, straight friend (see, if I hated camp I'd also hate a load of straight people, so I don't!) of mine has been struggling to get into relationships because people automatically peg him as gay and can't get past that first impression etc. etc.
 
mantidor said:
I think so, yes. Well gay people in general are very fond of labels, which I honestly don't like that much, there shouldn't be a "type" of gay, is a weird concept. But I guess is expected in a ostracized group like is the gay community, you try to look for others like you, you reject more easily the ones who are not like you, so all these sub-groups form naturally.
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I suppose. Rejection seems to be really rampant in the gay community although to be fair it's bad in every community. I suppose i should try not to worry about labels.
 
Replicant said:
So I saw a porn, a Corbin Fisher one, the other day. In it, two guys were clearly into each other but when they are asked if they are gay, they say "no". One even made a point that he's not into being gay but he likes 'man love'. Then they're off kissing each other before doing the deed.

So there I was scratching my head and being confused instead of aroused. Granted, they are probably what one normally called "gay-for-pay". But sometimes I wonder when do you stop being gay-for-pay and start enjoying the intimacy/the other guy? These two guys are really into each other and I highly doubt that they are that good of actors. I've seen plenty of other gay-for-pay actors and their performance are pretty lackluster. Completely different from these two.
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Or perhaps they were bi!

In seriousness, I have known straight people indulge in homosexual activity on occasion because they enjoy it.

Or, in another case, a girl I knew was very much straight except for one other girl who she loved in the eros way. "It's not a gay thing," she'd say, "it's a her thing." (where 'her' = the girl she loved's name). She's never been attracted to another girl since, and it's not down to a broken heart or anything. This one girl was just an anomaly for her.

Food for thought.
 
Yes, people focus on that one stereotype but that's no one's fault except theirs.

We just listed a whole bunch of non-stereotypical gays in the media, on TV, yet most people wouldn't even look at them and will continue to spew hateful things about those big old flaming fags. That really bothers me even if I'm not even the campiest guy on earth.
 
DarkUSS said:
In the last 4 days so many things have happened to me that normally wouldn't have happened in a whole year. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing. :lol

Zephyr, it's more complicated than that. We weren't exactly dating either, actually we went out together for the first time yesterday.
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Fill me in Nasos! Remember, I'm your #1 fan :)
 
mantidor said:
I am just saying groups like bears are still very rare in mainstream media.

Maybe is just reality, bears aren't exactly common to begin with, small groups will get small representation on the media.
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Gay or straight, this sort of thing is pretty wide-ranging and it's not likely to change any time soon. The middle America wants TV and movie characters that are non-threatening and that they can relate to and identify with; femme/flaming gays are the easiest to introduce because few people (parts of the south notwithstanding) find their presence uncomfortable. They're presented as fun and silly and have good taste in everything and will buy you drinks at the most opportune times. Hairy, imposing men, leather fetishists, "chubby chasers," overweight people, etc. don't fit that bill - unless it's for laughs, of course. The mainstream entertainment industry may be built on escapism, but we only want to escape to something familiar.

We're seeing more "regular" gay characters as a sort of phase two testing-the-waters: the general public is easing into the idea that, hey, I know a gay person and they're just like me! and it isn't perceived so much now as those sneaky gays hiding in plain sight.

Granted it's only one example, but the movie Big Eden is comprised largely out of refreshingly non-stereotypical, realistic gay characters.
 
Alcoori said:
Yes, people focus on that one stereotype but that's no one's fault except theirs.

We just listed a whole bunch of non-stereotypical gays in the media, on TV, yet most people wouldn't even look at them and will continue to spew hateful things about those big old flaming fags. That really bothers me even if I'm not even the campiest guy on earth.
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It bothers me too. But we can't just say examples are out there and it's peoples' fault for not looking. More examples should be there. I believe the numbers are currently that around 10% of Britain's population is homosexual. I imagine it's a similar number in the States and other secular European countries.

Although art doesn't work that way (and Media certainly doesn't), but in simplistic terms you could argue that one in every ten characters should be homosexual. Obviously, we'd never get a number anywhere close to that, but there certainly should be a higher percentage than there currently is. With a higher percentage of homosexual characters, you can have your queens, your bears, your joe-average-but-loves-cocks in high enough numbers to make the broad spectrum more known to the public.

One of my favourite gay characters is the Italian artist from Mad Men. He's effeminate, but his orientation is really only solidified in the way he acts around other men he is interested in, not how he acts around everyone. However, I have only watched season 1 so ignore this is future seasons contradict what I just said. Or, don't ignore this but just pretend only season 1 exists so you can remember that episode and how tasteful it was.

EDIT - DarkUSS, stop being a damn tease and spill the beans. Either you keep it to yourself or you don't, none of this dangling the juicy gossip in front of our faces then denying us. That's some major bullshit, maaan.
 
Replicant said:
So I saw a porn, a Corbin Fisher one, the other day. In it, two guys were clearly into each other but when they are asked if they are gay, they say "no". One even made a point that he's not into being gay but he likes 'man love'. Then they're off kissing each other before doing the deed.
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Ummm names?
 
Souldriver said:
Just no. The term "self hating gay" is very heavy loaded. It's rarely used correctly and it simply becomes an insult. For example, I was once called a "self hating gay" by someone on this board, because I don't see a reason to ban scientific research related to sexuality.

Sometimes it just means people can be petty, assholes, with lack of empathy and tolerance. Gaf demonstrates all to often that they are eager to hate on people for listening to certain music or wearing a certain style of clothes. They don't want to be associated with those "hipster losers" and whatnot. You don't call those people "self hating hipsters" either, right? I think that maybe some gays don't want to be associated with certain subcultures of the gay community, simply because they don't consider themselves part of it. And that has little to do with sexuality, but is similar to the hating on hipsters. "They're different from me, their music sucks, their clothing sucks, their lifestyle sucks. I don't want anything to do with it."

At least, that's my take on it.
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Could be any of those things. But in my experiences guys that are that hung up about feminine guys in the media or in real life are still in a very self hating phase.

Your milage may vary. I did say "you may" and IMO and I stick by that.
 
robidomask said:
Ummm names?
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Preston and Trey. Not as good as Marc and Trey though if you want to see a good one. But I just thought it's interesting to see how despite enjoying the sex, Preston seems to have a negative perception of the word 'gay'. It makes me wonder how many like him are out there.
 
Suairyu said:
none of this dangling the juicy gossip in front of our faces then denying us. That's some major bullshit, maaan.
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Oooh, pretty stereotypical behavior right there. >___>

I kid, I kid!
 
Like I said, a guy who works with my brother recently came out to him. My brother acted like a douche and was constantly mocking the guy but fortunately he didn't go around telling other people except for me. When I realized what was happening, I tried to explain to him why his actions were wrong and needed to stop while trying to be as discreet as possible about my own sexuality of course.

He didn't seem to listen though so I thought "what the hell if not now then when?" and spilled the beans to him. He had a hard time believing it and at first he probably thought I was being factitious but eventually he was convinced. Naturally he called me names and such; he even blackmailed me that he will tell our parents unless I do what he says from now on (:lol) and he's still a bit upset about it but knowing him I think he just needs more time to accept it.

In the meantime, I got the MSN of his friend and talked to him. When the guy heard that I was also gay, it's very likely that he laughed his ass off. He was like: "oh the guy that made such a big deal of me being gay, has a gay brother?" He even thought that my brother was pulling a prank on him and I wasn't an actual person. :lol
Anyways, we exchanged pics and we arranged to meet somewhere and get to know each other better. And so we did. Needless to say that I was so fucking nervous the whole time because I hadn't done this before but luckily the guy was super cool and made me feel relaxed for the most part.... and I say for the most part because at some point after we had talked for almost... anything, he told me "I think you're a pretty awesome guy and I like you". Awkwardness ensued. I wasn't prepared in the slightest because to be honest I wasn't really expecting him to find me attractive, I thought he was just being polite when he had positively commented on my pics the previous day. Things seemed to be out of control when my brother called me and told me that he was at the exact same place as me with a friend. Thank god the place was rather crowded and we never met until we left. :lol

So that's all I think. This all happened in the last 4 days and as you understand most of what went down was totally unplanned and unexpected for me. I haven't had enough time to process it all and decide what I want to do with this guy yet. He seems an interesting person and a cool guy really but on the other hand I don't find him all that attractive. This morning we talked on the phone again and he texts me several times throughout the day. I made clear to him before we went out that this may not end up in anything more than a friendship but now knowing that he probably feels something more for me I'm not sure what to tell him. I don't want to hurt him. :/

PS. It's reaaaaaaally late here now so please excuse any grammatical mistakes I may have made. English is not even my native language.

PS2. Satisfied now, Suairyu? :P
 
Replicant said:
So I saw a porn, a Corbin Fisher one, the other day. In it, two guys were clearly into each other but when they are asked if they are gay, they say "no". One even made a point that he's not into being gay but he likes 'man love'. Then they're off kissing each other before doing the deed.

So there I was scratching my head and being confused instead of aroused. Granted, they are probably what one normally called "gay-for-pay". But sometimes I wonder when do you stop being gay-for-pay and start enjoying the intimacy/the other guy? These two guys are really into each other and I highly doubt that they are that good of actors. I've seen plenty of other gay-for-pay actors and their performance are pretty lackluster. Completely different from these two.



Whether you are gay or straight, writing sonnets or making mix music to someone is never a good idea. :lol Unless you two are already a pair.
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I dont really go for Corbin anymore lol. Mostly Latinboyz,Teenboysworld and Helix..or other such studios.
 
DarkUSS said:
So that's all I think. This all happened in the last 4 days and as you understand most of what went down was totally unplanned and unexpected for me. I haven't had enough time to process it all and decide what I want to do with this guy yet. He seems an interesting person and a cool guy really but on the other hand I don't find him all that attractive. This morning we talked on the phone again and he texts me several times throughout the day. I made clear to him before we went out that this may not end up in anything more than a friendship but now knowing that he probably feels something more for me I'm not sure what to tell him. I don't want to hurt him. :/
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If you've only known him for four days, he can't be that into you. Just be honest and tell him that you like him as a friend, but you're not interested in being more than that. Rejection is a part of life, and it's worse to lead him on by sending mixed signals than to temporarily hurt his feelings.
 
Father_Brain said:
If you've only known him for four days, he can't be that into you. Just be honest and tell him that you like him as a friend, but you're not interested in being more than that. Rejection is a part of life, and it's worse to lead him on by sending mixed signals than to temporarily hurt his feelings.
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I never said he is that into me. How can I even know that? It's pretty obvious that he wants to go beyond friendship level though. But yes I see your point and it's possibly the best thing to do.
 
DarkUSS said:
I haven't had enough time to process it all and decide what I want to do with this guy yet. He seems an interesting person and a cool guy really but on the other hand I don't find him all that attractive. This morning we talked on the phone again and he texts me several times throughout the day. I made clear to him before we went out that this may not end up in anything more than a friendship but now knowing that he probably feels something more for me I'm not sure what to tell him. I don't want to hurt him. :/
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We need pics so we can judge his attractiveness. /notcreepy :lol

Otherwise, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate him?
 
DarkUSS said:
PS2. Satisfied now, Suairyu? :P
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*PPS
And yes, perfectly satisfied. Don't tease us again.

When you say "not that attracted to him", do you mean not at all or just not "omg he so fine!"?

Some of the best relationships/liaisons of my life have been with people not entirely stunning.
 
ZephyrFate said:
How in the fuck is a gay megathread 'stereotypical bullshit'? Of course, I remember you, you get pissed off at a lot of gay things.
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I vaguely remember you being a raving lunatic.

krypt0nian said:
You may still be a little self hating IMO.
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Your opinion of me doesn't really count for anything, though. I'm awesome. I even manage to live in the gay village without killing myself. I do, however, think hot guy wank fests (and hot girl wank fests) are bullshit and need to go away.
 
Souldriver said:
Just no. The term "self hating gay" is very heavy loaded. It's rarely used correctly and it simply becomes an insult. For example, I was once called a "self hating gay" by someone on this board, because I don't see a reason to ban scientific research related to sexuality.
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The fuck? That's idiotic, and more than a little reactionary.
 
Roto13 said:
I vaguely remember you being a raving lunatic.


Your opinion of me doesn't really count for anything, though. I'm awesome. I even manage to live in the gay village without killing myself. I do, however, think hot guy wank fests (and hot girl wank fests) are bullshit and need to go away.
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As if that's any different from your veiled homophobia. I'm surprised a mod hasn't called out your shit yet.
 
I'm not gay but I really appreciate this thread.

There are a lot of places where you can never observe GLBT people in a relaxed environment being themselves, or where they even feel comfortable admitting they are gay much less talking about it. I hope you don't find it creepy that I find it very interesting, even educational.

Best of luck to all of you.
 
CrocMother said:
I'm not gay but I really appreciate this thread.

There are a lot of places where you can never observe GLBT people in a relaxed environment being themselves, or where they even feel comfortable admitting they are gay much less talking about it. I hope you don't find it creepy that I find it very interesting, even educational.

Best of luck to all of you.
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Goddamn given the last page or two this could potentially be the best troll ever.

EDIT - Zephyr, Roto, stop it. You're two very big personalities with opposing views on some things. You've both said your piece so stop making it personal. It's uncalled for.
 
Roto13 said:
Your opinion of me doesn't really count for anything, though. I'm awesome. I even manage to live in the gay village without killing myself. I do, however, think hot guy wank fests (and hot girl wank fests) are bullshit and need to go away.
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I'm sure you inform every hot girl thread of this opinion, yes?
 
Souldriver said:
Who's idiotic and reactionary? Me, or the guy that told me that?
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Sorry for not clarifying earlier (or in my reply), but the guy who told you that. Pretty severe, as far as overreactions go. Guy should tend to his own house, so to speak.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Was it krypt by any chance? :lol
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No it wasn't him. It doesn't matter really who it was. Point is that being called "a self hating gay" is a pretty low blow. I'd rather be called a silly cunt. :-D
 
I don't mean to doublepost but I was asked to post this on behalf of another GayGAFer who cannot post in this thread (hard to explain):

GAF member who PM'd me said:
Hi, I've been following neoGAF's gay threads (going back to the old thread even) for a long time now, and it's always been my way of feeling normal. I don't think I'll ever be able to post here though unanonymously. I have a lot of "friends" (aka people that I know in real life, but not necessarily like me) that know my username and read GAF. I tried to get help from a bunch of mods, but they just ignored my PMs. So this is probably the best way to say something.

Let's get this out of the way: I'm a 17 year old gay guy. The school I go to is full of assholes that aren't accepting of gays (which is strange, considering where I'm located), so I've never actually told anyone. I don't really have a reason to, either. The only gay people in the school are the emo goths, or they're near obese people who are socially awkward (they're pretty much what people would call "nerds").

My home situation is kind of a mess. My mother died 6 years ago, and it's gotten to the point where I can't talk to my dad about anything. He is a strict gay-hater. Kind of ironic, considering both me and my brother and I are gay. My brother doesn't know I know, and he hates me as it is. I can't talk to him at all.

Sorry if this is a little random. I just need to tell SOMEONE, even if it's anonymous. I don't have any friends to talk to about this. I can only wish I could post in the gayGAF threads.
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Suairyu said:
That's a heartbreaking story, but shouldn't you not include his username in the quote tag?
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I guess not. If anyone wants to know who sent me that, PM me (unless he okays me putting his name in the quote)
 
Eh, wouldn't posting his username completely defeat the purpose of his PM's; staying anonymous.


Sorry to hear about the situation. I would think that his brother being gay too is a lucky coincidence. If they could confide in each other, they could support each other, and there's immediately someone to relate to. Sucks however that his relationship with his brother isn't very good. :-/
 
ZephyrFate said:
Well, I was just unsure that you could find a person's username through quote tags on GAF.
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If it's on the internets, the internet finds it, y'know? Still! Irrelevant now.

I'm curious as to where the guy is located.
 
I don't participate in the chat so maybe other members can tell me if it's still on. Because if it is, the chat could be a way for this guy to have others to talk to. Even if it's just online. And since it's a chat, he can just create a new name that no one knows. The detail is in the OP but I'll repeat it here again:

If you want to chat with other GayGAF members, join them on Skype:

* Download Skype.
* Add either: technicolor.sai or motorde with a request to join the chat and they will add you. We use the Skype chat as a means to be a little more silly and chatty than we are on the forums! Beware the potential NWS in chat.
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Suairyu said:
I didn't go to sleep tonight. It's now 10am and I've had so much coke zero I have the shakes. GayGAF was there for me throughout all of it.
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Perhaps one should learn that sleep is a viable method.
 
The chat is a good idea, though 99% of the time it makes no sense (eg. NIERRRRRRRRRRRR). It does seem capable of keeping secrets, and he'll find all the conversation he could ever need :lol
 
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