Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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MariusElijah said:
But I am glad that's over with, I am not telling my parents though until I am very well on my own.
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I think you went well there. And yeah, don't tell the parents until you can achieve financial independence.
 
I am glad to read that so many here support people coming out! Me, I am currently a bi-sexual guy who has been out or a while (although my mother is still in denial I am actually that way...ehh)

I wish everyone here great luck. I currently have a very loving, and supportive girlfriend who is fine with my sexual openness, checks out guys with me from time to time, and I think enjoys it to a certain extent =)
 
Nobodyspatzy said:
I am glad to read that so many here support people coming out! Me, I am currently a bi-sexual guy who has been out or a while (although my mother is still in denial I am actually that way...ehh)

I wish everyone here great luck. I currently have a very loving, and supportive girlfriend who is fine with my sexual openness, checks out guys with me from time to time, and I think enjoys it to a certain extent =)
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It sounds like you have a very fruitful life :) Good fortune to you, i'm glad you're happy.
 
Is it a copout to come out on Facebook? Some people know, but very few. Kinda want to get it over with, but at the same time don't really want it to be theatrical/dramatic. Then again, I guess everything isn't going to go the way I want it regardless of when and how.
 
ngower said:
Is it a copout to come out on Facebook? Some people know, but very few. Kinda want to get it over with, but at the same time don't really want it to be theatrical/dramatic. Then again, I guess everything isn't going to go the way I want it regardless of when and how.
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I suggest telling the people closest to you in person, then posting your status.
I still have one more friend to tell before I change the interest on my facebook.
 
Marius_ said:
I suggest telling the people closest to you in person, then posting your status.
I still have one more friend to tell before I change the interest on my facebook.
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Well, like I said, some know. My mom knows, a couple of friends know, and to be honest, most people KNOW if you get what I'm saying. I get asked all the time, so it wouldn't be that big of a shocker to most.
 
ngower said:
Is it a copout to come out on Facebook? Some people know, but very few. Kinda want to get it over with, but at the same time don't really want it to be theatrical/dramatic. Then again, I guess everything isn't going to go the way I want it regardless of when and how.
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do it however you like. i don't think any "way" of coming out is a cop-out.

some people might thiink your fb got hacked though lol.
 
I'm not much of a fan of getting personal on my facebook, so I'm just going to continue to leave out the "Interested in" section. If anything, people will find out when the "Single" goes to "In a relationship with ___"
 
I also leave the "Interested in" section blank. I don't really like to post personal information on Facebook, so everything on there is usually inaccurate.
 
btkadams said:
do it however you like. i don't think any "way" of coming out is a cop-out.

some people might thiink your fb got hacked though lol.
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Good point.

I kinda want to get it out there, I'm 21 and there's a HUGE community at my school I feel like I'm not being a part of. I really don't want it to be a secret anymore, but obviously it's difficult to just get out there with it.

Again, most people know and ask me, and I denied. I'm tired of lying to people and I don't know why I did in the first place!
 
Marius_ said:
I suggest telling the people closest to you in person, then posting your status.
I still have one more friend to tell before I change the interest on my facebook.
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This is the best "modern" way to go. There are some people who deserve and should be told face to face: parents, siblings, close friends. An update (or even just switching your interest to "men" and leaving it at that) makes the pertinent info available to everyone else without turning the matter into an unnecessary spectacle.
 
I just sent my sister an e-mail. I guess you guys can see it:

There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you, but unfortunately never can to your face. It’s annoying doing this over e-mail, but it’d probably take ten more years if I were to hold off until I could muster the balls to say it in person. As you and half the world have assumed and inferred, I’m attracted to men. However, I’ve never lied to you by claiming I’m into women either. I hate the word bisexual, not because I hate bisexual people, but I find it a constricting term that limits who I am to a strictly sexual being. As I think you and mom are well aware, sexual urges are something I’ve kept in check for the most part. The myths about the LGBT community being over-sexualized are just that: myths. I want kids one day, a family, all that jazz and I’m not adopting because I want to have a kid of my own blood. These particulars can be explained in greater detail at some point, I don’t want this to get too lengthy. I wanted to tell you before others. Mom knows. I don’t know how or if I’ll ever break it to Dad, but he knows and has flat out told me he thinks I’m gay. Though you don’t strike me as the type to get crazy or offended on me, I just feel it necessary to iterate that I’m no different than I’ve ever been. I plan on making some mass Facebook posting at some point because, frankly, I’m tired of holding this on my chest. There’s a huge community out there of people who know exactly what’s on my mind and the torment of being “unconventional” and I feel like I’m missing out on it. I don’t mind if you pass along the info to others, but please don’t tell Dad or our family (Brenda, Erin, Frank, Frankie, etc). I’ll break the news to Dad in a similar fashion to this e-mail when I feel comfortable enough doing so, but its best if it comes from my mouth and not yours. I don’t know what he’ll say, but I don’t care if its positive or negative, I don’t want my father to die having been lied to. The others will find out when I post my little Facebook thing. After that, its fair game.
 
ngower said:
I just sent my sister an e-mail. I guess you guys can see it:

There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you, but unfortunately never can to your face. It’s annoying doing this over e-mail, but it’d probably take ten more years if I were to hold off until I could muster the balls to say it in person. As you and half the world have assumed and inferred, I’m attracted to men. However, I’ve never lied to you by claiming I’m into women either. I hate the word bisexual, not because I hate bisexual people, but I find it a constricting term that limits who I am to a strictly sexual being. As I think you and mom are well aware, sexual urges are something I’ve kept in check for the most part. The myths about the LGBT community being over-sexualized are just that: myths. I want kids one day, a family, all that jazz and I’m not adopting because I want to have a kid of my own blood. These particulars can be explained in greater detail at some point, I don’t want this to get too lengthy. I wanted to tell you before others. Mom knows. I don’t know how or if I’ll ever break it to Dad, but he knows and has flat out told me he thinks I’m gay. Though you don’t strike me as the type to get crazy or offended on me, I just feel it necessary to iterate that I’m no different than I’ve ever been. I plan on making some mass Facebook posting at some point because, frankly, I’m tired of holding this on my chest. There’s a huge community out there of people who know exactly what’s on my mind and the torment of being “unconventional” and I feel like I’m missing out on it. I don’t mind if you pass along the info to others, but please don’t tell Dad or our family (Brenda, Erin, Frank, Frankie, etc). I’ll break the news to Dad in a similar fashion to this e-mail when I feel comfortable enough doing so, but its best if it comes from my mouth and not yours. I don’t know what he’ll say, but I don’t care if its positive or negative, I don’t want my father to die having been lied to. The others will find out when I post my little Facebook thing. After that, its fair game.
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Nice email. I agree, I'm not a fan of the word bisexual. It too generic, but I guess it'll have to do.
 
ZephyrFate said:
well, i mean, if you like dudes and chicks equally you're probably bisexual.
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I don't disagree with the basic premise of the term, I just don't like the extra connotations associated with it. You get shit like "it's not a real thing" or "you're just confused" but no, this is how it's always been and it is what it is. I don't like the name. I know there are a lot of people out there in the community that dislike whatever word applies to their orientation.
 
ngower said:
I don't disagree with the basic premise of the term, I just don't like the extra connotations associated with it. You get shit like "it's not a real thing" or "you're just confused" but no, this is how it's always been and it is what it is. I don't like the name. I know there are a lot of people out there in the community that dislike whatever word applies to their orientation.
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well to be honest i've always kind of thought that being on the fence meant you were confused but I met a couple honest-to-god bisexuals who have had boyfriends and girlfriends equally and so i guess i actually believe it exists now
 
ZephyrFate said:
well, i mean, if you like dudes and chicks equally you're probably bisexual.
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This is the part that I'm fine with.

ZephyrFate said:
well to be honest i've always kind of thought that being on the fence meant you were confused but I met a couple honest-to-god bisexuals who have had boyfriends and girlfriends equally and so i guess i actually believe it exists now
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This is the part why I don't like it. I don't feel like I'm on the fence at all. I'm fairly certain where I'm at. I've always been attracted to males and females. There is no confusion about that. Sure, I may lean towards one side more than the other, but does that make me any less bisexual? Not in my opinion. People that throw around "attracted equally" seems to not quite get it.
 
I don't share much personal information on Facebook but I still have the interested in section filled.

I think it's pretty useful way of telling new contacts what kind of person you are without making a big deal about it. Because, well, it really isn't a big deal.
 
I still leave my 'Interested In' blank, as I always have. If I'm ever to 'announce' it, it'll be via a relationship change.
 
ZephyrFate said:
well to be honest i've always kind of thought that being on the fence meant you were confused but I met a couple honest-to-god bisexuals who have had boyfriends and girlfriends equally and so i guess i actually believe it exists now
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this, in one sentence, is why you're so god damn annoying.
 
rexor0717 said:
This is the part that I'm fine with.


This is the part why I don't like it. I don't feel like I'm on the fence at all. I'm fairly certain where I'm at. I've always been attracted to males and females. There is no confusion about that. Sure, I may lean towards one side more than the other, but does that make me any less bisexual? Not in my opinion. People that throw around "attracted equally" seems to not quite get it.
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What he said. It's never been something I questioned (well, in adolescence, but didn't we all?), it's just always been that way. To me I don't look at it as some mean between two ends: straight and gay. Rather, I've just always thought both primary genders are attractive and capable of being loved. It's never been any other way.

BTW, my sister basically said "I know, I'm glad you're coming into your own."
 
ngower said:
What he said. It's never been something I questioned (well, in adolescence, but didn't we all?), it's just always been that way. To me I don't look at it as some mean between two ends: straight and gay. Rather, I've just always thought both primary genders are attractive and capable of being loved. It's never been any other way.

BTW, my sister basically said "I know, I'm glad you're coming into your own."
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:) that's great
 
ngower said:
What he said. It's never been something I questioned (well, in adolescence, but didn't we all?), it's just always been that way. To me I don't look at it as some mean between two ends: straight and gay. Rather, I've just always thought both primary genders are attractive and capable of being loved. It's never been any other way.

BTW, my sister basically said "I know, I'm glad you're coming into your own."
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*internet hi-five

And glad all went well. Its been fine telling my friends, but telling my family is a more daunting task. I'll get around to that soon.
 
Went to a GBT circle for men held at my campus two weeks ago. My name was on the e-mail for this weeks along with my old roommate, who I'm not out too. I guess it was inevitable, but got outed earlier than I'd have preferred. Kinda blows, but it was just an accident on the guy's part.
 
I was outed to my best friend's girlfriend the other day. She was extremely cool about it and told me that she always wanted a gay friend. WTF? LOL :/

On another note, I'm talking with a guy I like and he seems to like me too in the last couple of days. We plan to meet in person sometime next week. Wish me luck, GAF.
 
DarkUSS said:
I was outed to my best friend's girlfriend the other day. She was extremely cool about it and told me that she always wanted a gay friend. WTF? LOL :/

On another note, I'm talking with a guy I like and he seems to like me too in the last couple of days. We plan to meet in person sometime next week. Wish me luck, GAF.
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i hate this!

i was at a club downtown a couple years ago and i was waiting outside the bathroom for my friend (girl) who was in there. a girl comes out of the bathroom and is waiting with me for someone else i assume. she starts talking to me and asks if i was waiting for my girlfriend. i said, "no, actually...[shrug of shoulders], she's just a friend. i'm gay." oh, and before anyone asks why i HAD to outwardly push my orientation, i don't like people thinking i'm a guy who's in love with a good looking girl and is friendzoned lol. anyways, her face immediately lights up and she says "OMG!!!! that's awesome! i've always wanted a gay friend!" i then smiled awkwardly and my friend comes out of the bathroom. i walked away with my friend as quick as possible without really saying anything.

what is with some people? i'm not saying your friend's girlfriend is like the girl i met, i was just reminded of it.
 
Females really, really, really dig male influences and relationships in their lives that are totally nonsexual. I guess the same is true in reverse.
 
Long-time lurker finally given posting privileges - so I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet.

I've known I'm gay for as long as I can remember, but had a really hard time accepting it. Finally, last September I bit the bullet and went on a group date under the guidance of two really good female friends of mine. One of them had a long-time guy friend who was looking for a relationship and she thought we'd be a great match. Although I was super inexperienced and incredibly nervous, I dove in.

While I was optimistic, I wasn't really looking for anything more than meeting a guy and maybe making a friend, but we hit it off almost immediately. 7 months later and going strong :-)

Happy I can finally chime in on these conversations.

Btw, I'm 24
 
michaeltraps said:
Long-time lurker finally given posting privileges - so I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet.

I've known I'm gay for as long as I can remember, but had a really hard time accepting it. Finally, last September I bit the bullet and went on a group date under the guidance of two really good female friends of mine. One of them had a long-time guy friend who was looking for a relationship and she thought we'd be a great match. Although I was super inexperienced and incredibly nervous, I dove in.

While I was optimistic, I wasn't really looking for anything more than meeting a guy and maybe making a friend, but we hit it off almost immediately. 7 months later and going strong :-)

Happy I can finally chime in on these conversations.

Btw, I'm 24
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congrats! :) and welcome
 
michaeltraps said:
Long-time lurker finally given posting privileges - so I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet.

I've known I'm gay for as long as I can remember, but had a really hard time accepting it. Finally, last September I bit the bullet and went on a group date under the guidance of two really good female friends of mine. One of them had a long-time guy friend who was looking for a relationship and she thought we'd be a great match. Although I was super inexperienced and incredibly nervous, I dove in.

While I was optimistic, I wasn't really looking for anything more than meeting a guy and maybe making a friend, but we hit it off almost immediately. 7 months later and going strong :-)

Happy I can finally chime in on these conversations.

Btw, I'm 24
Click to expand...

Good for you both, and welcome in here :)
 
Rez said:
Females really, really, really dig male influences and relationships in their lives that are totally nonsexual. I guess the same is true in reverse.
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I'd say it is for me. I know I seem to be friends with a very high proportion of lesbians.

michaeltraps said:
Long-time lurker finally given posting privileges - so I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet.

I've known I'm gay for as long as I can remember, but had a really hard time accepting it. Finally, last September I bit the bullet and went on a group date under the guidance of two really good female friends of mine. One of them had a long-time guy friend who was looking for a relationship and she thought we'd be a great match. Although I was super inexperienced and incredibly nervous, I dove in.

While I was optimistic, I wasn't really looking for anything more than meeting a guy and maybe making a friend, but we hit it off almost immediately. 7 months later and going strong :-)

Happy I can finally chime in on these conversations.

Btw, I'm 24
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Congrats, and welcome.
 
Hey Gaygaf, do you perchance remember my first post in the megathread (<)? That was a full year ago now. So close, so far away... it's just strange to read it again, like it happened to someone quite unlike myself. In a way, it did.
 
Botolf said:
Hey Gaygaf, do you perchance remember my first post in the megathread (<)? That was a full year ago now. So close, so far away... it's just strange to read it again, like it happened to someone quite unlike myself. In a way, it did.
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It felt like it was ages ago to me, like you were always there.



I meant that in a good way. Reading it again it seems a bit off.
 
Hey gaf, guess this is going to be my little neogaf coming out post. I'm 21, gay, still in the closet and never been in a relationship . I've know I'm gay for yeeeaaars, since the last year of elementary school. I still remember the moment I saw a boy and got butterflies in my stomach and thinking to myself "I don't get this feeling with girls but I do get it with boys, yup, I'm gay". Always was and still am afraid of coming out. During high school I hated everything about my body and when people called me gay as an insult I wanted to walk into the closet even more, every gay insult made me think they could see I was gay. A friend knows I'm gay though. We had a couple of 'experiences', he knows he's 100% straight, I know I'm 100% gay. I really want to tell it to my parents/sister/family and get on with my life. I'm really longing for an actual relationship and tired of keeping a secret. Last week, I went on a studytrip to New York with a studygroup, and during dinner, the conversation landed on woman you find attractive, and ofcourse that question was asked to me. I made up some bullshit answer about how I like all woman blablabla, but during those moments I feel so stupid and ask myself "What am I afraid for?".

So, I'm setting a goal for myself to come out to my parents/sister before my 22nd birthday in september. I know they'll be 100% supportive, they're not the problem, it's just me that's having a hard time accepting it. Can't imagine being out of the closet, going to a bar and actually meeting guys, it's seems so far away. Before coming out, I'll be trying to work on my self-image a bit. Go running in the morning, lose some weight, get a better condition in general. I hope that after that I'll have the balls to come out. I guess this post will be the first step in doing that.
 
GasProblem said:
Hey gaf, guess this is going to be my little neogaf coming out post. I'm 21, gay, still in the closet and never been in a relationship . I've know I'm gay for yeeeaaars, since the last year of elementary school. I still remember the moment I saw a boy and got butterflies in my stomach and thinking to myself "I don't get this feeling with girls but I do get it with boys, yup, I'm gay". Always was and still am afraid of coming out. During high school I hated everything about my body and when people called me gay as an insult I wanted to walk into the closet even more, every gay insult made me think they could see I was gay. A friend knows I'm gay though. We had a couple of 'experiences', he knows he's 100% straight, I know I'm 100% gay. I really want to tell it to my parents/sister/family and get on with my life. I'm really longing for an actual relationship and tired of keeping a secret. Last week, I went on a studytrip to New York with a studygroup, and during dinner, the conversation landed on woman you find attractive, and ofcourse that question was asked to me. I made up some bullshit answer about how I like all woman blablabla, but during those moments I feel so stupid and ask myself "What am I afraid for?".

So, I'm setting a goal for myself to come out to my parents/sister before my 22nd birthday in september. I know they'll be 100% supportive, they're not the problem, it's just me that's having a hard time accepting it. Can't imagine being out of the closet, going to a bar and actually meeting guys, it's seems so far away. Before coming out, I'll be trying to work on my self-image a bit. Go running in the morning, lose some weight, get a better condition in general. I hope that after that I'll have the balls to come out. I guess this post will be the first step in doing that.
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Good luck with all that! Just remember that the most important persons acceptance is your own.
 
So, Im 22 and out to most of my friends but not any of my family.

Im scared to tell my dad because I feel like he will be disappointed, but I know it will make me feel so much better if everyone knows.

The other night when I went to their house for dinner, I was trying to build courage up to tell them. As a joke (or suspicion) my sister said "When are you going to get a girlfriend?... or boyfriend?" And my dad said I hope not in a stern voice.

Any advice?
 
Solsanity said:
So, Im 22 and out to most of my friends but not any of my family.

Im scared to tell my dad because I feel like he will be disappointed, but I know it will make me feel so much better if everyone knows.

The other night when I went to their house for dinner, I was trying to build courage up to tell them. As a joke (or suspicion) my sister said "When are you going to get a girlfriend?... or boyfriend?" And my dad said I hope not in a stern voice.

Any advice?
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I guess it could help to remind yourself that parents aren't perfect and that sometimes they do not have your best interest in mind but rather an idea of what they want you to be.

If you're out of the house and financially independent then you should just tell them. Maybe start by telling your sister or your mother and work your way up to your dad. It might be easier if you have "allies" before you tell your dad.
In the end even if the actual coming out doesn't goes exactly as planned, the situation will improve over time. It is definitely something worth doing and in my experience it lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders.

Good luck!
 
aepokh said:
Hooboy... where to start.

Not sure if I'm gay/bi/pan/whatever. To start with, I am male in both sex and gender.

I would be fine with having sexual relations with whomever. Man, woman, pre- or post-op transperson, whatever's fine. Doesn't matter much to me, as long as I love them, as I feel that sex should be reserved as an expression of love. Pansexual?

But, I am only attracted to females, sexually speaking. Sex with a guy wouldn't repulse me, but I'm not attracted to men. Heterosexual?

The only person in whom I've ever had romantic interest is male. He's straight and he's dating the girl he wants to marry and it's all very tragic for me etcetera etcetera and I'm over it etcetera etcetera but it stands that I've only ever had romantic interest in another male, and that romantic interest was very, very strong. Homosexual? Or have I just not lived long enough to tell what sexes I might potentially have romantic interest?

Furthermore, the only non-straight porn I can really enjoy is furry, whatever that means. I'm no zoophile, but if I can yank it to a cat-guy with a big dick but not a regular guy, something's messed up. (Don't judge me!) Does this mean anything?

I'd be quick to adopt any of these terms to describe myself, if I fit neatly into any of them. What I know is that I'm not perfectly straight, but I can't accurately come out until I know what to come out as. A couple of times I've described myself simply as bisexual, but I don't think that's quite accurate.

So, could someone please help me determine if there exists a category for me, if there isn't, or (having possibly not fully matured, being only seventeen years old) if I might just be on my way into one of these categories?
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Forgive me for not elaborating on the actual topic of your post, but thank you for having the clarity of mind to post the bolded. Really, it wasn't necessary, but to have a 17 year old that displays an awareness of the trans community is pretty awesome.
 
I've been a little 'bi-curious' recently. How do I go about finding a guy to experiment with that doesn't require bars/clubs or online dating?

It sounds like i'm ruling out any possible chances with those stipulations. I'm just a little hesitant to hop in the sack with someone who wont treat me like the delicate flower that I am.
 
betweenthewheels said:
I've been a little 'bi-curious' recently. How do I go about finding a guy to experiment with that doesn't require bars/clubs or online dating?

It sounds like i'm ruling out any possible chances with those stipulations. I'm just a little hesitant to hop in the sack with someone who wont treat me like the delicate flower that I am.
Click to expand...

To hell with being a delicate flower, just go to a gay bar and get yourself a good pounding.
 
betweenthewheels said:
I've been a little 'bi-curious' recently. How do I go about finding a guy to experiment with that doesn't require bars/clubs or online dating?

It sounds like i'm ruling out any possible chances with those stipulations. I'm just a little hesitant to hop in the sack with someone who wont treat me like the delicate flower that I am.
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I would like an answer to this, too.
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
I sent Robin out to rescue some nuns from Clayface. got the cave to myself for awhile. Want to come watch a movie?
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Sounds fun, I have a new flick from Abbottabad that I think you'll enjoy
 
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