Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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My first ever sexual experience was being sucked off by a straight guy. Or so he said. He later decided he was gay. I was his first time too. But back then I also thought I was straight. Soon after decided I was more than likely bi-sexual and confirmed it not soon after that.

He gave terrible head, and the handjob I gave in return was probably just as terrible. I put it down to "sexually confused = confused sex".

We almost hooked up again a couple of years later, but whatever shit he had been smoking/snorting over the years had permanently fucked up his airways. Guy had the heaviest breathing in the world. I couldn't get it up and so I just cuddled instead. He was really pissed off and doesn't talk to me anymore.
 
ZephyrFate said:
You're only disappointed that I choose to not share my private life with every single person I ever meet. That's not an internalized-homophobic decision, it's a tactful, respecting-myself-and-my-partner decision. And at the core of it I don't give a fuck what others think.

I think it's a shame that you feel the need to define yourself by who you fuck. Is there nothing else important about you?

Tact revolves around conversation, not about walking into a restaurant, Alcoori.

hmm am I reading this argument correctly? This, from the same guy who only a week ago was insisting that the gay teacher was 100% correct in telling his student about his sexuality? I don't see what the difference is here, to be honest... Why would you hold back about talking about your homosexuality to a coworker or whoever, but yet insist that a teacher should tell a freaking 4th grader about his?
 
yursnhere said:
hmm am I reading this argument correctly? This, from the same guy who only a week ago was insisting that the gay teacher was 100% correct in telling his student about his sexuality? I don't see what the difference is here, to be honest... Why would you hold back about talking about your homosexuality to a coworker or whoever, but yet insist that a teacher should tell a freaking 4th grader about his?
There's a difference between teaching a kid about homosexuality and what I'm talking about.
 
ZephyrFate said:
There's a difference between teaching a kid about homosexuality and what I'm talking about.

Yeah, it's worse to tell a kid about homosexuality than an adult stranger :P Anyway, I kinda agree with Kryptonian here; there's a time and place for everything and of course it depends on the situation, but I didn't marry my husband just to pretend he doesn't exist when the subject of my personal life comes up in conversation. He's part of my life, why wouldn't I talk about our relationship? I certainly don't go around proclaiming my gayness to all I come in contact to, but sometime the subject just comes up and I'm not going to shy away from it. I am done being in the closet, I was done with that 13 years ago.
 
That argument really came down to a difference in how much different people share of their personal lives with people they don't know than anything to do with homosexuality.
 
yursnhere said:
Yeah, it's worse to tell a kid about homosexuality than an adult stranger :P Anyway, I kinda agree with Kryptonian here; there's a time and place for everything and of course it depends on the situation, but I didn't marry my husband just to pretend he doesn't exist when the subject of my personal life comes up in conversation. He's part of my life, why wouldn't I talk about our relationship? I certainly don't go around proclaiming my gayness to all I come in contact to, but sometime the subject just comes up and I'm not going to shy away from it. I am done being in the closet, I was done with that 13 years ago.
My point has nothing to do with hiding your homosexuality. It's the lengths you go to show that you're not hiding it that I have issue with. Stop misunderstanding me.

It's also far less worse to tell a kid about homosexuality than it is a complete stranger who probably doesn't give a fuck.
 
Botolf said:
I've read this post a couple dozen times, and I still can't quite parse the meaning from it. In essence: what?
for some reason he's annoyed that we started talking about giving straight guys head which is actually a natural discourse of gaygaf's
 
ZephyrFate said:
for some reason he's annoyed that we started talking about giving straight guys head which is actually a natural discourse of gaygaf's
Can you really recieve it and still call yourself straight?
 
Mr_Brit said:
Really as you'd think wanting it from a guy pretty much confirms that you're at least Bi or Gay.
Sexuality is not that concrete. Many homosexuals here and elsewhere have dated/fucked girls before they came out, does that make them bi? No, they're 100% homosexual.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Sexuality is not that concrete. Many homosexuals here and elsewhere have dated/fucked girls before they came out, does that make them bi? No, they're 100% homosexual.
That's pretty different. Closet cases don't date women because they like it.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Sexuality is not that concrete. Many homosexuals here and elsewhere have dated/fucked girls before they came out, does that make them bi? No, they're 100% homosexual.
Obviously not in that case but the way you said straight guy made me think they knew and were confident they were straight yet didn't mind recieving it from a guy which to me basically means that they are at least bi at a minimum.
 
Mr_Brit said:
Obviously not in that case but the way you said straight guy made me think they knew and were confident they were straight yet didn't mind recieving it from a guy which to me basically means that they are at least bi at a minimum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bi-curious

Both of you should learn this term. Sexuality is, again, not black-and-white. I have messed around with straight men before who, even though we messed around a few times, went on to fall in love with women and have kids, turning 100% hetero.
 
Mr_Brit said:
Obviously not in that case but the way you said straight guy made me think they knew and were confident they were straight yet didn't mind recieving it from a guy which to me basically means that they are at least bi at a minimum.

I've never had a straight guy turn gay after we had fun. Most are in long term relationships (now) and one is even married. That doesnt assume they wont go gay in the future.
 
ZephyrFate said:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bi-curious

Both of you should learn this term. Sexuality is, again, not black-and-white. I have messed around with straight men before who, even though we messed around a few times, went on to fall in love with women and have kids, turning 100% hetero.
See, bicuriosity is bullshit, though. If you're sexually attracted to both sexes, even if you're more attracted to one than the other, you're bisexual. BEcause that's what bisexuality is. Homosexuals are attracted to the same sex, heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, and bisexuals are attracted to both. There's nothing left after that. Well, except asexuals, I guess.

No, sexuality is not black and white. It can be gray, too. That's what bisexuality is.
 
robidomask said:
I know it's kind of your schtick, but the condesending thing isn't cute.
I find it an endearing character trait, and I believe in bicuriousity. If a straight guy gets head from a dude and doesn't label himself bisexual, nor have a romantic attraction dudes, he is not bisexual.

And thinking on it, going by that logic, bisexuals are just 'experimenting' and their sexuality is just a 'phase', because if one act of homosexuality makes you bisexual then half the straight male population would be bisexual.
 
ZephyrFate said:
If a straight guy gets head from a dude and doesn't label himself bisexual, nor have a romantic attraction dudes, he is not bisexual.
I concur. I didn't consider myself bi-curious because (a. i was 100% sure I liked dudes, and (b. i wanted to try it.
 
robidomask said:
I concur. I didn't consider myself bi-curious because (a. i was 100% sure I liked dudes, and (b. i wanted to try it.
I base sexuality labels off of romantic attraction, but apparently even that's contested around GayGAF. :lol

I know I'm gay because 1. I like cock and 2. I fall in love with men.

Siebzehn: Nice avatar -- Futurama in 3 pixels thread got to you eh?
 
Sigh. This has been bugging me more and more lately. I want to come out as gay but there are a number of dumb things stopping me. This may seem silly, but my brother (and my younger sister!) have come out as bi. I don't want my mom to think about the possibility she might not get any biological grandchildren. :( one day I (jokingly) asked her if she would be okay with me donating my sperm to a bank, and she said "absolutely not," and I asked why not and she said "I don't want grandchildren I don't know running around in the world." Of course, I've interpreted that to mean she cares about the genes. :/ It's not like she or my dad wouldn't be supportive (she apparently cried watching Brokeback Mountain) so I've got a little messed up psychological world going on. Another reason I'm not coming out is that there are a number of people who have guessed that I'm gay over and over again and I don't really feel like letting them know they're right because the way they treat the issue is so petty and gossip-y. Of course, I've also found out that a couple of the girls who kept on asking me if I was gay actually liked me, so there's a flipside to that in that if I tell them I'm straight I'm leading them on (or crushing their self-esteem when it isn't necessary). Freshman year I had a girl begging me to take her to homecoming and I didn't know how to handle it (partly because I was young and stupid, another part because I was gay). So there are those casualties. But still.

And I'm pretty sure that if I came out, it wouldn't really benefit be because I would be the only gay guy in my class/I doubt I'm attractive enough to push anyone out of the closet right before college :lol So I guess I'll just wait until then for myself, so I can just start a fresh life where I'm "straight" from the start.
 
Plumbob said:
Sigh. This has been bugging me more and more lately. I want to come out as gay but there are a number of dumb things stopping me. This may seem silly, but my brother (and my younger sister!) have come out as bi. I don't want my mom to think about the possibility she might not get any biological grandchildren. :( one day I (jokingly) asked her if she would be okay with me donating my sperm to a bank, and she said "absolutely not," and I asked why not and she said "I don't want grandchildren I don't know running around in the world." Of course, I've interpreted that to mean she cares about the genes. :/ It's not like she or my dad wouldn't be supportive (she apparently cried watching Brokeback Mountain) so I've got a little messed up psychological world going on. Another reason I'm not coming out is that there are a number of people who have guessed that I'm gay over and over again and I don't really feel like letting them know they're right because the way they treat the issue is so petty and gossip-y. Of course, I've also found out that a couple of the girls who kept on asking me if I was gay actually liked me, so there's a flipside to that in that if I tell them I'm straight I'm leading them on (or crushing their self-esteem when it isn't necessary). Freshman year I had a girl begging me to take her to homecoming and I didn't know how to handle it (partly because I was young and stupid, another part because I was gay). So there are those casualties. But still.

And I'm pretty sure that if I came out, it wouldn't really benefit be because I would be the only gay guy in my class/I doubt I'm attractive enough to push anyone out of the closet right before college :lol So I guess I'll just wait until then for myself, so I can just start a fresh life where I'm "straight" from the start.

I can see where your worries might be coming from. That your siblings have come out as bi shouldn't deter you from coming out as gay if that's really how you feel. If your mom made reassuring comments, you can be sure she already thought about the prospect of not having grandchildren. Besides, being gay/bi doesn't preclude you from having biological kids, surrogacy is an option. And even then, you shouldn't live your life the way your parents might want you to. Their advice and opinions are important, but you are you own person and should live your life the way you decide to.

As for people in High School, if you feel you're gonna get bullied if you come out, then I would advise against it. If you're just afraid of having people gossiping about you being gay, honestly who cares? That'll probably last a week or two and then it'll be over.
Also, coming out is more about being truly yourself and letting people know than getting some ass. The benefit might not be in other gays coming out and you hooking up, but more about you being yourself and not putting on an act. It's also good for not leading people on, because it's kinda cruel.

The only thing is to come out when you're ready. If you wanting to is stronger than the reasons you listed, then do it. If not and you feel you wanna wait College to be gay from the start (I assume that's what you meant), then wait.
 
Roto13 said:
See, bicuriosity is bullshit, though. If you're sexually attracted to both sexes, even if you're more attracted to one than the other, you're bisexual. BEcause that's what bisexuality is. Homosexuals are attracted to the same sex, heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, and bisexuals are attracted to both. There's nothing left after that. Well, except asexuals, I guess.

No, sexuality is not black and white. It can be gray, too. That's what bisexuality is.
Actually I've known many people who were unsure if they were bi-sexual or not. They could recognise people of the same gender as sexually attractive, but were unsure if they specifically were sexually attracted to those individuals. So they experiment with people to discover if they're just recognising cuteness where they see it or if they genuinely think that person is cute. I know a good few people who ended up in both camps as a result of their experimentation.

For my own self, I found men attractive but I didn't know if I was attracted to men. There's a big difference there and that's why I had to experiment to find out. That's what bi-curiosity is.
 
According to my shrink, and well any study I've read, everyone is bisexual to some degree, and purely heterosexual or homosexual persons are very, very rare. And after giving it much thought I think it makes sense, it's just not that easy for anyone to accept it, including gay people.

It's the root of homophobia, homophobia doesn't mean someone is afraid of gay people, it means they are afraid of their own homosexuality, and can't stand anything or anyone exciting that part of themselves, no matter how small or repressed it is.
 
mantidor said:
According to my shrink, and well any study I've read, everyone is bisexual to some degree, and purely heterosexual or homosexual persons are very, very rare. And after giving it much thought I think it makes sense, it's just not that easy for anyone to accept it, including gay people.

It's the root of homophobia, homophobia doesn't mean someone is afraid of gay people, it means they are afraid of their own homosexuality, and can't stand anything or anyone exciting that part of themselves, no matter how small or repressed it is.

Woo, bisexuals are the majority! :P
 
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