Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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ZephyrFate said:
You're only disappointed that I choose to not share my private life with every single person I ever meet.
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Isn't this response sort of utilizing hyperbole to avoid confronting the point - viz., that there's nothing impolite or untactful about saying "my husband" to people you're just meeting?
 
Alcoori said:
Well if you don't talk to them, who cares. If you've just met them, depends what you're talking about. If the person mentions their bf/gf/spouse, there's no reason not to do the same.

We're obviously not talking about telling everyone how you took a giant dick without cringing last night.



Right to what?
And btw, if you enter a restaurant with your bf/husband, yes you're shouting to the world you're gay. Or do you think that you should show tact and act like it's just a friend?
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The way Krypt was talking, it sounded that if anyone saw him and mistook him for straight, it was an offense. Mentioning your partner or bringing it up naturally in conversation with people is fine. Although I hope he's not cramming his partner into conversations all the time - that would get annoying if ANYONE did that. :P
 
I think it's absolutely ludicrous that ANYONE should be expected to flaunt his or her personal and private life in the face of the others. Being open about one's sexuality does not equate to shoving it down other people's throats and if someone is content in not doing that, why should that be seen as something negative?
 
krypt0nian said:
Whatever you want to think. I'm seriously sad that you of all people choose to keep this your "private life" as if it's anything to be ashamed of.

I grew out of that and realized that it's important to me to live in truth. Enough of it though. You have your views and I have mine.
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Not ashamed, sorry. And you can stop patronizing by saying you "grew out of" this behavior.
 
krypt0nian said:
Whatever you want to think. I'm seriously sad that you of all people choose to keep this your "private life" as if it's anything to be ashamed of.

I grew out of that and realized that it's important to me to live in truth. Enough of it though. You have your views and I have mine.
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I have never ONCE said that my private life is something I'm ashamed of. There is a difference between telling every stranger I happened to breathe next to and keeping stuff to myself because I don't like to share that shit with anyone, regardless of sexuality, race, creed, religion, whatever.
 
Koomaster said:
The way Krypt was talking, it sounded that if anyone saw him and mistook him for straight, it was an offense. Mentioning your partner or bringing it up naturally in conversation with people is fine. Although I hope he's not cramming his partner into conversations all the time - that would get annoying if ANYONE did that. :P
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It's not an offense. It's simply not true. I generally don't allow mis-truths to be said about me without correcting them.

I'm sure you've heard co-workers and friends talk about people in their lives. I do the same.

Then I get accused of flaunting my private life. From people here that should know better and approve of people being visible.

Being gay is not my private life. It is my life.
 
krypt0nian said:
I'm sure you've heard co-workers and friends talk about people in their lives. I do the same.

Then I get accused of flaunting my private life. From people here that should know better and approve of people being visible.
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Just because they do it doesn't mean you have to do it. Monkey see is not always monkey do.
 
Koomaster said:
Straight acting is a stereotype; and it gets the point across. It's perfectly reasonable to use and nobody thinks it means you fuck women. Also you guys who are claiming the straight-acting thing is never true, not sure who you are meeting, but everyone I've met who used that term to describe themselves was accurate.

Effeminate gays don't hurt anyone except themselves acting the way they do. They ARE the stereotype of a gay man that people have come to believe. This is why gay men who don't identify as this stereotype use terms like straight acting, or say that being gay is not a big part of them. You don't want to be instantly judged as that stereotype.
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I find it fascinating that you keep insisting effeminate hurt themselves by being gay. Are you implying that if some of the public has a bad opinion of them it's because of the way they "act"? That's the same train of thought that saying that scandalously clad girls are just begging to get raped.
Effeminate guys don't hurt anyone at all. If people are put off by that, then it's their own problem. Like Zephyr said, it's 2010. Get the fuck over it.
 
Roto13 said:
They hurt themselves by making people hate them for no valid reason. Yup. That's the way that works. In the mind of a homophobe, anyway.
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Probably get flamed for saying so; but I think the majority of the campy gays are just putting on an act. I can't really believe anyone behaves that way and thinks it's a natural thing to do.

I admit I'm biased as I don't get along with campy gays. I've mentioned it's just a personality clash thing; and I can't deal with that level of energy and plain attention whoring imo.

That is not to say I hate campy gays; I think they can be charming and funny in small doses. But I don't believe it's anything but an act.
 
ZephyrFate said:
But isn't that what we want? Isn't that what we should all do? Gotta show those heteros, fuck their rights!
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I get your opinion of sexuality being a non-factor in communication with others, as it seems to be with heterosexuals. The reality is that it's actually omnipresent. When you're in a work related meeting for example, where by all accounts you shouldn't go out of the way and say "Hi, I'm Stan and I'm gay". Imagine that at the meeting they make an appointment for something, a straight guy could just say "oooh, I can't, I have diner with my wife that evening". It seems as if your gut reaction would be "ooh, I can't, I already have obligations that evening". Unless I misunderstand you. But my point is that, straight relationships seem a non-issue and unspoken, because they're so normal that talking about them doesn't even draw attention to it. It should be the same for gay relationships. Trying to be "tactful" about it as in second guessing if you should let your sexuality shine through in your conversations, is a flawed way of reasoning in the first place. It should be a nonfactor.


I guess we differ in opinion how we define or achieve the "non-factorness" of sexuality. ;)
 
Koomaster said:
Probably get flamed for saying so; but I think the majority of the campy gays are just putting on an act. I can't really believe anyone behaves that way and thinks it's a natural thing to do.

I admit I'm biased as I don't get along with campy gays. I've mentioned it's just a personality clash thing; and I can't deal with that level of energy and plain attention whoring imo.

That is not to say I hate campy gays; I think they can be charming and funny in small doses. But I don't believe it's anything but an act.
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It's amazing how much like a heterosexist you are. Like one of those people who thinks people pretend to be gay in the first place because it's trendy.

You mean to tell me you've never met a closet case who acted effeminate?
 
And you're misunderstanding me: I never said, 'don't bring up your partner when you need to' such as in that situation. My beef is when you talk about your sexuality or your partner to such a degree that it defines you -- there is literally nothing else anyone can pinpoint about you besides, "he's gay, he has a partner, they fuck all the time" or something. Being tactful means, I don't know, bringing up something else to talk about, or ultimately not giving a god damn shit about what average Joe over there sipping his latte thinks about you. He 99.9% does not care about your sexuality.
 
krypt0nian said:
It's not an offense. It's simply not true. I generally don't allow mis-truths to be said about me without correcting them.

I'm sure you've heard co-workers and friends talk about people in their lives. I do the same.

Then I get accused of flaunting my private life. From people here that should know better and approve of people being visible.

Being gay is not my private life. It is my life.
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Yeah, I said that's fine to mention it to people you're talking with if it's part of the convo. It just sounded earlier like even strangers seeing you walking down the street are offending you if they assumed you were straight. Which sounds a bit crazy to be so obsessed with random strangers' thoughts.
 
Roto13 said:
It's amazing how much like a heterosexist you are. Like one of those people who thinks people pretend to be gay in the first place because it's trendy.

You mean to tell me you've never met a closet case who acted effeminate?
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We seem to again be conflating being effeminate and mega-camp. They aren't the same thing at all.
 
Roto13 said:
It's amazing how much like a heterosexist you are. Like one of those people who thinks people pretend to be gay in the first place because it's trendy.

You mean to tell me you've never met a closet case who acted effeminate?
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You can't help being gay, but you can help how you act.
 
I train ballet moves in the gym (my mp3s are all Kate Bush or piano pieces for ballet) and in public baths.

I read my first Barbie-magazine today and thought it was absolutely fascinating. The 'Who's your dream guy?' column and the tips for presents and housekeeping are invaluable.

Sometimes I kind of think I'm being too feminine.

What is the correct way to act?
 
Koomaster said:
You can't help being gay, but you can help how you act.
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Ok. But why should someone not act effeminate if that's the way they feel? Or even if that's just the way they WANT to act? Because it bothers you? Too bad for you. Get over it.
 
ZephyrFate said:
I have never ONCE said that my private life is something I'm ashamed of. There is a difference between telling every stranger I happened to breathe next to and keeping stuff to myself because I don't like to share that shit with anyone, regardless of sexuality, race, creed, religion, whatever.
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Right, right, because saying you're gay is just like describing your sex life in intimate detail, right? I don't see why it's any more private than, oh, your favorite TV shows.

ZF, I'm not saying you have to wear rainbow flags or mention it at the star of every conversation, but if you're going to go out of your way to avoid mentioning unless pressed, yes, you are on some level embarrassed or ashamed by it.
 
i know that i missed the party, but i agree with krypt. if someone asks if i'm dating someone, ill say im dating a guy. in a conversation with someone, ill call him my boyfriend. i'm not gonna just let people assume i'm dating a girl if all they know is i'm dating someone. it's like lying to them lol. best to be honest and upfront. i'd rather find out sooner or later if someone has a problem with it so that i can not bother talking to them anymore. be open about it guys! that's the only way for it to get accepted.

FoneBone said:
I don't see why it's any more private than, oh, your favorite TV shows.
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i agree with this.
 
FoneBone said:
Right, right, because saying you're gay is just like describing your sex life in intimate detail, right? I don't see why it's any more private than, oh, your favorite TV shows.
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If being gay isn't like describing your sex life in intimate detail, why is being straight? We seem to assume that we should do everything our straight brethren do.

And again, you make some assumption that I AVOID the subject when brought up -- I don't. If someone straight up asks me what I like, or who I'm dating, I will say I like men, or that I'm dating a man. The one thing I won't do is give people intimate details about my life because that is literally all anyone has to know.
 
Koomaster said:
The way Krypt was talking, it sounded that if anyone saw him and mistook him for straight, it was an offense. Mentioning your partner or bringing it up naturally in conversation with people is fine. Although I hope he's not cramming his partner into conversations all the time - that would get annoying if ANYONE did that. :P
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I'm struggling to think what else being up front about your sexuality means, aside from bringing it up naturally in conversation when, essentially, a straight person would bring up their romantic situation or attraction to someone.

I mean, I'm really struggling to think of something that's not from a homophobe's repertoire, i.e. that someone would actually do, that you're railing against.

I suppose those with an alternative gender presentation are in some way making their homosexuality more known than others, but having a different gender presentation isn't untactful in the way that screaming about liking cock is. And while I'm not the flamingest of queens, I have to say that I find the ability to express only those masculine traits that reflect me a good freedom to have, and I'm certainly not going to stop it because some people think it means I'm flaunting my sexuality.

I just have to scratch my head at the defensiveness of those in this topic on the other side of the aisle.Do you really feel this kind of pressure to be untactful about your sexuality, or else you're betraying the queer cause, or something? It feels like you're reacting to a stereotype rather than what they've actually observed people doing.

I know that when most people complain that I'm throwing their sexuality in their face, it's usually in situations where bringing it up is completely appropriate. I'm sorry you're annoying that I brought up that I have a boyfriend, but them's the breaks. So when I hear anyone claim that it's a problem, it feels to me like they're claiming that legitimate expressions of my identity ought to be out of bounds because who I am is offensive.
 
Amibguous Cad said:
I'm struggling to think what else being up front about your sexuality means, aside from bringing it up naturally in conversation when, essentially, a straight person would bring up their romantic situation or attraction to someone.

I mean, I'm really struggling to think of something that's not from a homophobe's repertoire, i.e. that someone would actually do, that you're railing against.

I suppose those with an alternative gender presentation are in some way making their homosexuality more known than others, but having a different gender presentation isn't untactful in the way that screaming about liking cock is. And while I'm not the flamingest of queens, I have to say that I find the ability to express only those masculine traits that reflect me a good freedom to have, and I'm certainly not going to stop it because some people think it means I'm flaunting my sexuality.

I just have to scratch my head at the defensiveness of those in this topic on the other side of the aisle.Do you really feel this kind of pressure to be untactful about your sexuality, or else you're betraying the queer cause, or something? It feels like you're reacting to a stereotype rather than what they've actually observed people doing.

I know that when most people complain that I'm throwing their sexuality in their face, it's usually in situations where bringing it up is completely appropriate. I'm sorry you're annoying that I brought up that I have a boyfriend, but them's the breaks. So when I hear anyone claim that it's a problem, it feels to me like they're claiming that legitimate expressions of my identity ought to be out of bounds because who I am is offensive.
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<3 <3 <3
 
ZephyrFate said:
And at the end of the day us not caring doesn't mean we don't share the fact that we're gay, we just don't broadcast it out a god damn megaphone.
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Christ. He's not going around shouting it off the rooftops, he's just telling people if it comes up and mentioning his partner, which is exactly what I do in the same situation. I never realised i was being so tactless.

I didn't see him taking offence at someone thinking he's straight, but rather correcting them. Your problem should be with the people who just assume you're straight unless told otherwise, not the person being asked.
 
julls said:
Christ. He's not going around shouting it off the rooftops, he's just telling people if it comes up and mentioning his partner, which is exactly what I do in the same situation. I never realised i was being so tactless.

I didn't see him taking offence at someone thinking he's straight, but rather correcting them. Your problem should be with the people who just assume you're straight unless told otherwise, not the person being asked.
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I don't get my panties in a twist if people assume I'm straight. Frankly, I don't care what sexuality they think I am. If they truly wanted to know, I'd tell them.
 
ZephyrFate said:
I don't get my panties in a twist if people assume I'm straight. Frankly, I don't care what sexuality they think I am. If they truly wanted to know, I'd tell them.
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I'm not sure he got his 'panties in a twist' he merely corrected someone. Why shouldn't he?
 
Why should you care what X stranger thinks? Most people are smart enough to put 2x2 together if you're holding your boyfriend's hand.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Why should you care what X stranger thinks? Most people are smart enough to put 2x2 together if you're holding your boyfriend's hand.
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Well, he said people he has 'more than a passing contact with', not strangers, so I assumed colleagues etc, not just some random person in the street.
 
julls said:
Well, he said people he has 'more than a passing contact with', not strangers, so I assumed colleagues etc, not just some random person in the street.
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He mentioned in one of his examples a waiter so...essentially strangers.
 
Siebzehn50 said:
He mentioned in one of his examples a waiter so...essentially strangers.
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Yeah but in that case the waiter came to him and assumed something that was wrong about him. He didn't forced it in the guy's throat.
 
When I was 19 I let a dude blow me once. I had been making out with a girl all night, and then ended up staying at this guy's house after getting kicked out by the girl's mom. Blue balls like you wouldn't believe.

So this guy keeps begging me to let him blow me (he was openly gay) and I finally relented. Even though I knew I wasn't at all attracted to men, I figured it'd be an interesting experience, and that I'd at least get some crazy excitement out of how 'taboo' the whole thing was.

But it was...I dunno. I remember looking down at this dude blowing me, and watching his head bob up and down, and thinking "Technically this dude's performing fellatio very well. His technique is exceptional." But still, it wasn't getting me excited in that "damn this is so naughty" way that I expected.

I closed my eyes and pretended it was a woman blowing me, and eventually I came.

Never done anything like that again. Oddly enough, it made me MORE sure of my sexuality than I'd ever been. I actually felt straighter after draining my balls in some dude's throat, as weird as that may sound.

Any gay guys here that can relate? If you've ever been given head by a woman, was there something 'off' about it, or do you come from the 'A blowjob is a blowjob' school of thought?
 
Whoompthereitis said:
When I was 19 I let a dude blow me once. I had been making out with a girl all night, and then ended up staying at this guy's house after getting kicked out by the girl's mom. Blue balls like you wouldn't believe.

So this guy keeps begging me to let him blow me (he was openly gay) and I finally relented. Even though I knew I wasn't at all attracted to men, I figured it'd be an interesting experience, and that I'd at least get some crazy excitement out of how 'taboo' the whole thing was.

But it was...I dunno. I remember looking down at this dude blowing me, and watching his head bob up and down, and thinking "Technically this dude's performing fellatio very well. His technique is exceptional." But still, it wasn't getting me excited in that "damn this is so naughty" way that I expected.

I closed my eyes and pretended it was a woman blowing me, and eventually I came.

Never done anything like that again. Oddly enough, it made me MORE sure of my sexuality than I'd ever been. I actually felt straighter after draining my balls in some dude's throat, as weird as that may sound.

Any gay guys here that can relate? If you've ever been given head by a woman, was there something 'off' about it, or do you come from the 'A blowjob is a blowjob' school of thought?
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Yeah, I do not enjoy blowjobs from women; it's definitely a mental hurdle to overcome. Pretty much exactly like your experience, but with the gender of the blowjob givers reversed.
 
I have never received a blow job, but I imagine if I was receiving one from a woman, it would actually be pretty difficult to find it in anyway alluring.
 
Whoompthereitis said:
If you've ever been given head by a woman, was there something 'off' about it, or do you come from the 'A blowjob is a blowjob' school of thought?
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I normally don't enjoy blowjobs at all. I got one from a girl that was horrible. I tend to hook up with straight identified guys, with the exception of one, can't suck dick for shit.
 
robidomask said:
I normally don't enjoy blowjobs at all. I got one from a girl that was horrible. I tend to hook up with straight identified guys, with the exception of one, can't suck dick for shit.
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Maybe you should try gay identified guys.
 
ZephyrFate said:
it's more fun to suck straight guys off IMO :P
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Its nice when they get comfortable enough for dirty talk. lol. Straight guys give horrible head though. I usually pass when they offer cause its such a waste of time. Come to think of it, they give rough assed handjobs too. :lol
 
the straight guys i've messed around with gave pretty good head, though they only practiced with me so i guess i have low standards.
 
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