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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Like many posters said, don't let it trouble you. If they have a problem with it, it's their own problem. Admittedly I'm glad I have only had great experiences since coming out. My friends were great and understanding, and so has my family, of course it needed some ironing on the rough edges specially getting my mother to adapt to the new situation but now it's just great.

Yaceka, try meeting new people. Not sure exactly where you live but if there's not many religious nutjobs, you shouldn't have a problem. At least where I live, day after day I can tell society is progressing. This Saturday for example, my parents and I went to Barcelona, and they were surprised by how many homosexual couples were out there! Mind you, they were not shocked by the couples themselves, but because everyone around was acting normal (like they should). It made me immensely happy and proud of this country.

Disclaimer: This is talking about Barcelona, and Catalunya in general is pretty great and gay-friendly. Not sure how well does the rest of Spain do, but it can't be much less common than let's say Barcelona or Madrid.
 
Sofo said:
Like many posters said, don't let it trouble you. If they have a problem with it, it's their own problem. Admittedly I'm glad I have only had great experiences since coming out. My friends were great and understanding, and so has my family, of course it needed some ironing on the rough edges specially getting my mother to adapt to the new situation but now it's just great.

Yaceka, try meeting new people. Not sure exactly where you live but if there's not many religious nutjobs, you shouldn't have a problem. At least where I live, day after day I can tell society is progressing. This Saturday for example, my parents and I went to Barcelona, and they were surprised by how many homosexual couples were out there! Mind you, they were not shocked by the couples themselves, but because everyone around was acting normal (like they should). It made me immensely happy and proud of this country.

Disclaimer: This is talking about Barcelona, and Catalunya in general is pretty great and gay-friendly. Not sure how well does the rest of Spain do, but it can't be much less common than let's say Barcelona or Madrid.
Click to expand...

Madrid is pretty much the same in the city center.
 
Yaceka said:
Someone make me feel better. D:

My only friends (which I've been around since middle school) started ignoring me after I told them I was gay back in June. They seemed to be accepting but it seems they were just trying to save face. I literally haven't "hung out" with anyone since then for a lot of reasons (mainly depression). One of them recently got a job where I work and were going to see a movie today with the rest of the group. After 4 months of being alone every day I was obviously ecstatic. I walk for an hour to get too the local theater and no one comes. I phone them later and apparently they went for dinner and "forgot". Now they're saying "we'll meet up sometime later".

Are you fucking kidding me? I feel like shit. My dad threatened to kick me out, I'm doing bad in school (long story) and my friends all hate/ignore me. I fucking hate life.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i'm guilty of doing this. I'm really bad at shutting jerks who were friends with me during my formative years and moving on. Mostly because i don't have much to move on to.

I finally got fed up with the one who is supposedly my best friend i quit talking to him for a really long time. I could tell he was trying to warm me up to something because i got some out of place messages from him. Then i got an invitation to his wedding, which i ignored. His mom later sent me an invitation, which i ignored. I just responded saying looking back on things i just cant see why i would attend your wedding.

Anyway, I was back in the town i grew up in the other day, and was in the neighborhood of where his parents live. I havent seen his mom in over five years and his dad in over 10. His mom was home, and she was all super nice to me, mostly because she feels guilty for being pissy all the time when i was young, i dont know.

Anyway, none of that is very helpful im sure... i'm just sayinng in know what its like. I try and sympathize with my childhood friends, wondering how i would react if a friend of mine was suddenly gay, how would i deal with that? It does give me some context.
 
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
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Just do it. It's like jumping into a cold pool and you might not feel that much better right after doing it, but over time you will be so glad you did.

My friends are mostly straight guys and they were very supportive right when I came out. Shortly after I could tell that they were being very cautious around me. Luckily i managed not to get angry at them in person and talked it out one on one with each of them. It ends up that they were worried I would change, were hurt i had lied to them for so long, and were scared that they had insulted me with some of their behavior in the past. Once I stated my side of the story and where I was coming from they were able to over time realize I was the same guy as before. We got much much closer as a result. I wish I had done this so much sooner.

So if like me, you really have no good reason not to then I say do it. Just remember its a process and even if they take it well, it's going to be emotional and hurt. Over time though it feels great :).
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
Click to expand...

If you become completed fixated on all the "what ifs?" you'll never want to do it. It's that paranoia and/or denial that allows people to stay closeted forever and ultimately ending up miserable. Just try to think about the positive impact coming out will have your life and you'll be fine.
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
Click to expand...
I was in the same situation myself and have been amazed at how well it's gone. I found that coming out to people I was more comfortable with first gave me more confidence to build up a sort of a domino effect. At this point it's relatively easy discussing the subject the majority of the time.

Granted, it's still a subject I'd prefer to not discuss with some people... but there is no rule that says you have to let EVERYONE know right away.
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
Click to expand...

I think there's no such thing as "coming out", you just happen to let people know by everyday situations. Aside from my best friends when I was 14 and the forced "coming out" in high school when a classmate (who later happened to be gay too) saw me making out with my bf at his car and told everyone, everybody else has known it through...
- My "interested in" section in FB
- Me talking about my boyfriend/weekend/interesting men/everyday stuff when asked about.

For example, with some buddies I use to skate with from time to time and that I happened to meet casually one day (without skates), the conversation went something like "yeah, I couldn't decide between the hot men calendar or the cute kitties one so I got both" and the conversation went completely normal after that, then we went to pick some food at McD. You don't make a fuss out of it = people don't make a fuss out of it.
 
Scythe27 said:
If you become completed fixated on all the "what ifs?" you'll never want to do it. It's that paranoia and/or denial that allows people to stay closeted forever and ultimately ending up miserable. Just try to think about the positive impact coming out will have your life and you'll be fine.
Click to expand...

I'm not paranoid or in denial though.

The thing is that I know my family will be accepting because my sister came out a couple years back.

But I just can't bring myself to say anything. I don't know why I am so secretive around my parents, but it has always been that way.


beje said:
- My "interested in" section in FB
- Me talking about my boyfriend/weekend/interesting men/everyday stuff when asked about..
Click to expand...

See I would do that, but I just don't think my parents should learn about it that way.

My plan was basically when I get a boyfriend (basically when me being gay actually matters) I'll tell them. But I'm not so sure if I would be able to do it even then.


SonComet said:
Just do it. It's like jumping into a cold pool and you might not feel that much better right after doing it, but over time you will be so glad you did.

So if like me, you really have no good reason not to then I say do it. Just remember its a process and even if they take it well, it's going to be emotional and hurt. Over time though it feels great :).
Click to expand...

But how do I do it? Is there any sort of tact involved, or can I just call up and tell them directly?
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
Click to expand...

find strength in that you being gay is not your problem. If other people have issue with it then that is their problem and their issue to work through. Theres absolutely nothing you should feel bad about when coming out because you are who you are and theres nothing wrong with it.

There is no problem here unless other people want there to be. If your family doesn't throw their arms up and praise God for making you God don't panic. It may take them some time to realize its no big deal. Give them space.

But ultimately coming out is when you feel confident enough for it. Feel complete unto yourself and with a support network you can talk to to express anxieties with. Just don't let it snowball into something that you never feel can be overcome.
 
Met up with a guy I'd been chatting to online for a few days... I kind of had high hopes, but things didn't really live up to expectations.

Afterwards I ended up taking a half hour drive to clear my head. I ended up parked at the beach (it was nighttime) looking at photos of an old flame on Facebook. One who I had resisted the temptation to look up for a good 3.5 years now.

Sigh. FML.
 
Obsessed said:
Coming out is so difficult. I see numerous opportunities and have no good reason for not doing so, but I just can't bring myself to do it because you can never take it back.
Click to expand...

I get you. I'm 22 and want to come out this year, but the thought of going to my parents and say "Mom, dad, I'm gay" is scary, although I know for sure my parents and sis will have no problems with it. It probably won't get easier and I know that I should say it (would be a huge weight off my shoulders) but there is no right time to say it. Sigh.

More worried about the reaction of my mothers side of the family though (uncle, aunt and nephew) We go on holidays together, celebrate most holidays together, so we're pretty close. But my uncle sometimes says things like that all faggots should be put against the wall and be shot (blood sure was boiling when he said that), and he went 'ewwww' when he saw pictures of gay couples getting married in New York. I'm not sure how he'll react at me being gay though, he can be a really nice guy and if there's something he's one of the people you can call in the middle of the night and be there for you.

My nephew also goes in 'ewww' mode when there's anything gay going on, but I think that he'll accept me for who I am, I mean, I did things with him since he was a little kid, going to the zoo, movies and theme parks etc. Well, I'll find out whenever I come out I guess.

I don't really have any friends to talk with either. There was a guy in my neighbourhood I always used to play with and do things with, I considered him a good friend. But he had some bad girlfriend problems, slipped into a depression, got picked up by police next to the train tracks. Ever since then he's become untrustworthy, lying in my face. Not someone to talk too.

Wish I had a group of friends to fall back on or something.

I know worring about what's going to happen isn't helping me whatsoever. I guess I should find comfort in the fact I know my parents and sis will be ok with it and go from there.
 
Guys in the coming out phase, just remember, coming out is only needed with your near family members, (parents and siblings) and your REAL friends, not just people you like to hang out with, but REAL friends. Other people don't mean a single thing, at all.

with your friends, I guarantee you, they will support you. If not, they weren't your friends so don't be so scared.

Family.. is hard, but I would concentrate in the parents and let them tell your brothers/sisters.

Your mom will never hate you or deny you, Mother's just can't not support a Son who is otherwise a good, caring guy.

your dad.. hard to say, some take it like "whatever, it's your life", some take it like " we'll talk again when you take back what you just said (that you are gay :/ ) "....
 
I think that it is easier to come out to your sibling first and then your parents.
That's how I did it anyway. I was never in the closet to any of my friends. Had to come out to some people in college but it was really not a big deal for me (or for them for that matter). It probably helped that at the beginning of freshman year I realized that within this group of friends I had, another kid was gay. We kinda came out together.

Anyway, I told my brothers a shortly after starting college and I don't think any of them had a problem with it. My big brother already thought I was bi (we had friends in common) and my little brother was 14 or 15 and didn't really say anything other than "cool".

My parents, that was another deal. I was nervous about telling them even though I suspected they would be totally fine with it. I wanted to wait until I had a serious boyfriend and when I did (I was 23) I did it over the phone because I was living in a different country at the time.
My heart was pounding but it all went very well, my parents reassured me that they loved me and that they only wished for me to be happy.

It made a huge difference even though I didn't thought it would. A weight was lifting off of my shoulders and life kept on as it was.
The more you come out, the easier it gets. The first coming out is the hardest. The second is less so and it gets easier and easier until the point where you don't really give a damn about what people are going to say.

Of course there are special situations where I wouldn't advise people to come out, but for the most part I think ultimately it's the right thing to do.
 
ciD_Vain said:
sometimes it takes a family member being gay for people to change their opinion about gays.
Click to expand...

Sometimes it takes two other family members that are younger to do that. Know someone that basically got exiled from their family. They get a phone call so many years later about cousins that are gay and coming out to the family. Dude laughs at them and tells them fuck off for good reason.
 
Obsessed said:
I'm not paranoid or in denial though.

The thing is that I know my family will be accepting because my sister came out a couple years back.

But I just can't bring myself to say anything. I don't know why I am so secretive around my parents, but it has always been that way.




See I would do that, but I just don't think my parents should learn about it that way.

My plan was basically when I get a boyfriend (basically when me being gay actually matters) I'll tell them. But I'm not so sure if I would be able to do it even then.




But how do I do it? Is there any sort of tact involved, or can I just call up and tell them directly?
Click to expand...
I have no idea how to do it. My parents caught me with gay porn on multiple occasions so that was that for them. This was at about 15-16 and they took it quite hard. They are just really warming up to me again now and it's been 10 years.

When I came out to my friends the first time they thought it was a joke. The second time I was just drinking with them at one of our game nights and someone new to the group asked me what my type was. I answered honestly.

Before this I had done the opposite of what most people here seem to. I started coming out to co-workers and friends that were not a part of my close inner circle. So I was living out to everyone but my friends building up my courage. Backwards, but it worked for me.
 
Me and him hung out for about 12 hours yesterday. We went out for Korean food. I kept making it obvious that I wanted to fool around but I guess he didn't get the hint. Or maybe me not being able to get off the past two times was a turn off for him. I don't know but at least I have a friend in person now. :)
 
MidnightScott said:
Me and him hung out for about 12 hours yesterday. We went out for Korean food. I kept making it obvious that I wanted to fool around but I guess he didn't get the hint. Or maybe me not being able to get off the past two times was a turn off for him. I don't know but at least I have a friend in person now. :)
Click to expand...

For potential future use, how did you make it obvious?
 
Obsessed said:
For potential future use, how did you make it obvious?
Click to expand...
I kept laying down on his couch close to him and playing with his legs and stuff. But eh it's okay I'm probably not mature enough for a sexual relationship.
 
If anyone wants my skype name to add PM guys.

All has been alright with my BF and college has me drained most of the time. Explains why I post less on all the sites I'm at.

If you guys have any questions or stuff I'll be around for some mins here.
 
Pupi18 is big Paul W.S. Anderson fan..guys!!!!

:p


*****

Anyway, is it.. "bad" that I got excited (as in happy/nervous, not sexually); because I thought a guy was following me? XD

I was waiting for my mother and I saw a guy coming from behind and sitting close to us to eat something. Then, she wanted to check some furniture and flowers in another store in the second floor; so we go.... and "hot guy" also follows into the store and stops to watch things close to us; then leaves as we're about to leave.

...or maybe he was more interested in my mom? :p

Oh well, the "idea of it" was nice. XD
 
fernoca said:
Pupi18 is big Paul W.S. Anderson fan..guys!!!!

:p


*****

Anyway, is it.. "bad" that I got excited (as in happy/nervous, not sexually); because I thought a guy was following me? XD

I was waiting for my mother and I saw a guy coming from behind and sitting close to us to eat something. Then, she wanted to check some furniture and flowers in another store in the second floor; so we go.... and "hot guy" also follows into the store and stops to watch things close to us; then leaves as we're about to leave.

...or maybe he was more interested in my mom? :p

Oh well, the "idea of it" was nice. XD
Click to expand...

That happens to me sometimes. I don't think any of them are actually following me but it is exciting.
 
It was my birthday this past weekend and I was able to spend it with someone very special to me. We've been talking on MSN for over two years: he was partially why I came to Seattle, and since he recently moved down to Vancouver from way up in the middle of nowhere British Columbia, we were finally able to meet in person for the first time on Saturday.

Aside from the brief hesitance/awkwardness inherent to the first few minutes of these sorts of meetings, it was a very good visit (except that we saw a guy get shot and killed by the cops on Sunday, holy shit) and was nice to find that we definitely have the same chemistry in person as online. His friend/female housemate came along (I was perfectly fine with this, no big deal), so I was kind of reserved in my interactions with him, and he told me beforehand that it'd be more appropriate if he slept on an air mattress instead of in my bed, which, even though my offer didn't have any ulterior sexytime motives, I still thought showed a lot of integrity on his part. We did at least have an arm around each other at the Portishead concert and he fell asleep in my lap watching a movie, heh.

When they left this afternoon, letting go after we hugged was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We'll visit back and forth when possible, but the whole situation just doesn't allow for anything more serious and it fucking breaks my heart. He knows I love him more than anything in the world, but I can't in good conscience ask someone nearly 15 years my junior to be tied down to a man they can't even have a "normal" relationship with, particularly when they're in the prime of their life and should be free to finally explore the whole dating scene in a big city. I don't know if it's more endearing or pathetic that I would wait as long as necessary to have my chance. Sometimes you just know that a person has come into your life for a reason.
 
dragonlife said:
I was on YT and I saw this favorited by someone I'm subscribed to...I'm glad I clicked; it's very "WTF" and awesome.

Possibly NSFW
Click to expand...

Not really WTF. Japan is pretty open towards homosexuality. They just had a weird way of going about showing it off.

I'd totally buy an Idolmaster that is kinda like this. Maybe it would be a gay porn-star version of the idols and slightly less "they're like 13, dude" element to it.
 
Who has a 3DS and wants to be friends? My friend list is completely empty and it's kind of a bummer.

Edit: I just read your huge post there xelios, and I hope things get better for you. I would write a huge reply but I'm on my 3DS so it would take forever.
 
dragonlife said:
I was on YT and I saw this favorited by someone I'm subscribed to...I'm glad I clicked; it's very "WTF" and awesome.

Possibly NSFW
Click to expand...
Why does it not surprise me that you'd be amused by this?

Cosmic Bus said:
It was my birthday this past weekend and I was able to spend it with someone very special to me. We've been talking on MSN for over two years: he was partially why I came to Seattle, and since he recently moved down to Vancouver from way up in the middle of nowhere British Columbia, we were finally able to meet in person for the first time on Saturday. . . .
Click to expand...
Sounds nice, except for the shooting.

Also do you mean to say you were MSN'ing with someone who was 14/15.
:p
 
Obsessed said:
Yeah I ask every person I go on a first date with if they would be willing to share a couple's casket with me.
Click to expand...

lol, exactly.

Anyway, I think we're hangin later this week, at his request, haha. I really decided to let it go, and take his friendzoning line ('you're great, but it's too soon') as a rejection, but he apparently actually wants to hang out.

Can't hurt to make a bud, keep hanging, and see if anything changes while keeping my dating 'eyes' on other people too.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
It was my birthday this past weekend and I was able to spend it with someone very special to me. We've been talking on MSN for over two years: he was partially why I came to Seattle, and since he recently moved down to Vancouver from way up in the middle of nowhere British Columbia, we were finally able to meet in person for the first time on Saturday.

Aside from the brief hesitance/awkwardness inherent to the first few minutes of these sorts of meetings, it was a very good visit (except that we saw a guy get shot and killed by the cops on Sunday, holy shit) and was nice to find that we definitely have the same chemistry in person as online. His friend/female housemate came along (I was perfectly fine with this, no big deal), so I was kind of reserved in my interactions with him, and he told me beforehand that it'd be more appropriate if he slept on an air mattress instead of in my bed, which, even though my offer didn't have any ulterior sexytime motives, I still thought showed a lot of integrity on his part. We did at least have an arm around each other at the Portishead concert and he fell asleep in my lap watching a movie, heh.

When they left this afternoon, letting go after we hugged was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We'll visit back and forth when possible, but the whole situation just doesn't allow for anything more serious and it fucking breaks my heart. He knows I love him more than anything in the world, but I can't in good conscience ask someone nearly 15 years my junior to be tied down to a man they can't even have a "normal" relationship with, particularly when they're in the prime of their life and should be free to finally explore the whole dating scene in a big city. I don't know if it's more endearing or pathetic that I would wait as long as necessary to have my chance. Sometimes you just know that a person has come into your life for a reason.
Click to expand...

If I sound like a dick, I apologize, but this reads a little weird; you've been talking for over two years; you moved to Seattle partially because of him (though I'm not sure if you mean that in the sense that you moved to be geographically closer), you "love him more than anything in the world," and you've never met in person before?

And if you know you want more than he can give you, this doesn't sound very healthy for you, ultimately. :-/
 
Cosmic Bus said:
It was my birthday this past weekend and I was able to spend it with someone very special to me. We've been talking on MSN for over two years: he was partially why I came to Seattle, and since he recently moved down to Vancouver from way up in the middle of nowhere British Columbia, we were finally able to meet in person for the first time on Saturday.

Aside from the brief hesitance/awkwardness inherent to the first few minutes of these sorts of meetings, it was a very good visit (except that we saw a guy get shot and killed by the cops on Sunday, holy shit) and was nice to find that we definitely have the same chemistry in person as online. His friend/female housemate came along (I was perfectly fine with this, no big deal), so I was kind of reserved in my interactions with him, and he told me beforehand that it'd be more appropriate if he slept on an air mattress instead of in my bed, which, even though my offer didn't have any ulterior sexytime motives, I still thought showed a lot of integrity on his part. We did at least have an arm around each other at the Portishead concert and he fell asleep in my lap watching a movie, heh.

When they left this afternoon, letting go after we hugged was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We'll visit back and forth when possible, but the whole situation just doesn't allow for anything more serious and it fucking breaks my heart. He knows I love him more than anything in the world, but I can't in good conscience ask someone nearly 15 years my junior to be tied down to a man they can't even have a "normal" relationship with, particularly when they're in the prime of their life and should be free to finally explore the whole dating scene in a big city. I don't know if it's more endearing or pathetic that I would wait as long as necessary to have my chance. Sometimes you just know that a person has come into your life for a reason.
Click to expand...

This is the guy with the chest hair right?
 
Hehehe..
One may think that me, living in Puerto Rico...I'd be tired of "latino men" by now..

But dammit!!

w9Fbd.jpg


(Name's Carlos Villar ...if you Google-him there's NSFW stuff -not porn-; so you've been warned :p)

Yaceka said:
Who has a 3DS and wants to be friends? My friend list is completely empty and it's kind of a bummer.
Click to expand...
I do. My number's on my profile, so send me a private message with yours. :)

Have:
-Skylanders
-Resident Evil: The Mercernaries*
-Star Fox 64
-Ocarina of Time
-Lego Star Wars III
-Dead or Alive Dimensions*
-Pilotwings Resort
-Super Street Fighter IV*
-Solatorobo (regular DS)
-Pokémon White (regular DS)*

*=Online multiplayer
 
Isaac: yeah.

FoneBone said:
If I sound like a dick, I apologize, but this reads a little weird; you've been talking for over two years; you moved to Seattle partially because of him (though I'm not sure if you mean that in the sense that you moved to be geographically closer), you "love him more than anything in the world," and you've never met in person before?

And if you know you want more than he can give you, this doesn't sound very healthy for you, ultimately. :-/
Click to expand...

Heading out the door to work, so I'll come back to this later tonight, but in the meantime I will say that I'm very much aware of the circumstances and how it probably comes off to most other people, but it is what it is and emotions aren't just switches that can be turned on or off when things are a bit out of the ordinary..
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Heading out the door to work, so I'll come back to this later tonight, but in the meantime I will say that I'm very much aware of the circumstances and how it probably comes off to most other people, but it is what it is and emotions aren't just switches that can be turned on or off when things are a bit out of the ordinary..
Click to expand...
Yep. From previous posts, you've always been aware of the situation. As you also said; "Sometimes you just know that a person has come into your life for a reason."

There's still communication, interest and friendliness. So, whatever happens... happens. Even with the way things are , I've seen you around posts been more happy and stuff; so I guess something good's happening. :p
 
TheSeks said:
Not really WTF. Japan is pretty open towards homosexuality.
Click to expand...

Um, not to get off-topic but Japan is pretty far behind America and Europe in terms of homosexual acceptance. They don't even have any laws against discrimination intact. Korea is supposedly even worse.
 
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