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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
- Thread starter Replicant
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sphinx said:
They're both... the same thing?
Four guys is a four way or four-some. I really don't see what difference the endword of the number makes. If we're going with sex act ways, a three-way is a three-some that had one guy doing the work on two. It's still a threesome in that case.
@FoneBone: We'll just have to agree to disagree. Because I don't think treating people like special snowflakes on sex service site is the way everyone needs to be. Some people don't mind screwing anyone. Some of us have certain types and "cutting the bullshit" even while "hostile" saves time for some of us.
Could they do it a nicer way, I guess. But I don't see the issue with "No" and I'm not alone. So it's crazy that some people get crazy offended and scream "racist!" when someone doesn't like a certain race (like DoG does often with those "no" postings).
TheSeks said:
Fun story, I started getting waaaay more messages when I changed "stuff/people I don't like" for "stuff/people I like" on my dating profiles. Yeah, I still have to filter out with a "no thanks" people I don't like but even taking that into account, it worked.
And yeah, I'm also baffled at people for calling out "racist" just because you might not like some races. I don't find african/black, latino or asian people attractive or sexually appealing, but that doesn't stop me from being friends with them if we have things in common...
beje said:
The adage of "get more flies with honey than vinegar" works here. But I'm of the opinion that these dudes aren't making it personal. They're just cutting the middle man (see: messages back and forth) out and outright saying "I'm not interested, sorry" with their "no"'s. *shrug*
And that's mostly what I was going into with my comments. I don't see the big deal with the saying "No"/"I'm not interested in" outfront instead of holding it and then having to spend time making a message in reply or outright ignoring thousands of the type you're not interested in. Hence, the "special snowflake" part of my comment. These people seem to want some of us to just go "FUCK YEAH! DICK! *jumps on it*" instead of being selective. *shrug*
If I were single, and looking on internet sites, I'd would save me A LOT of time and stress if I could read what the guy I like is looking for.
If I can immediately read " I am looking for big burly guys over 50 " then I know where to click to close the profile. Same with race, position, age, mostly everything that can help me figure out if it will work if we have a date.
If I can immediately read " I am looking for big burly guys over 50 " then I know where to click to close the profile. Same with race, position, age, mostly everything that can help me figure out if it will work if we have a date.
Alcoori said:
Yes, but some people don't get that ignoring is not interested at times. And writing "nos" out takes just as much time.
Sphinx said:
See, this man: he gets it. It isn't being a dick or being rude, it's just saying "I'm not interested in you, sorry. Don't bother, because I won't reply."
But the people that make it out to be "dick/racist/douche" etc is crazy. Maybe I just have a sex worker attitude toward the thing where I don't see the need to screw everything under the sun for the purpose of being "progressive." *shurg*
I don't know if you two are saying the same thing. He's talking about people who describe what they're looking for, as opposed to profiles that lead off with what they're not looking for. And there is a definite difference in tone (which is why a lot of dating sites have a section for you to describe what you're looking for, but not the opposite). "I'm looking for a well-built, mature white man around my age" doesn't come off nearly as hostile as "I don't want: [inset list of undesirable traits here]."
I personally don't automatically think of guys with negative-leaning profiles as racist right off the bat, but it depends on the wording:
Not into black guys. Sorry -- A douche in my mind. But not racist.
And DAMN I'm not into black guys. I don't know why you guys even bother! A douche and racist.
Same here. Actually, the only time I bother replying to messages from guys I'm not interested in if they wrote something that indicated that they actually put some thought into their approach. Not just a "Hey. What part of Philly you in. Lookin?"
CornBurrito
Member
Alcoori said:
I don't get it.
Why is completely ignoring someone morally neutral, but listing "not interested in X traits" or "looking for X traits" is somehow morally reprehensible?
Obsessed said:
I didn't say saying "looking for X traits" was reprehensible, hell even saying "not looking for X trait" isn't.
I just think that you spend less energy not writting anything and simply ignoring/blocking people that you're not interested in.
You also avoid the whole debate over what makes you a douche or not.
CornBurrito
Member
Alcoori said:
Royalan seems to think that doing either makes you a douche.
And you don't really avoid the whole thing. If someone completely ignores me and doesn't even have the decency to respond with a "no" I'm going to feel they are a douche.
MidnightScott
Banned
Damn I'm kinda bored. Just playing some Solatorobo. :/
CornBurrito
Member
MidnightScott said:
I've been playing some Sequence and goddamn the drop system is pissing me off.
Rare item: 56.9% chance to drop.
7 battles later: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU drop already!!!!
I had to take a damn break.
So this kid I met at work basically looks like a lifeguard (in the best way). Very attractive, very nice...although seems kind of air headed, but is an engineering major (I don't know how). Anyway, I decided to look him up on FB and there's no "Interested in" section. Now, I'm not friends w/him on there so maybe it's hidden but uh every straight guy I know has made sure that was included, but those of the other variety tended to leave it out.
Am I projecting (and hoping) or do you think he just happened to leave it out and I'm seeing things that aren't there?
Am I projecting (and hoping) or do you think he just happened to leave it out and I'm seeing things that aren't there?
Obsessed said:
Not quite. I don't think stating what it is you're looking for is douchy.
But yeah, people are well within their rights to phrase their profiles however they want. But if I come across a profile and see not much more than a list of negative "I don't like this or that or the other thing," even if none of it pertains to me I'm well within my right to think that person is a little bit full of themselves and perhaps a bit douchy. Yeah it's good to be honest and all, but you still want to lead with your best self.
Escape Goat
Member
like a boss
Box of Bunnies
Banned
Teh Hamburglar said:
Nice recovery.
Oh my god *__*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Z-4ubKd_Nkc
I hate seeing this kind of vids because I feel like I need a boyfriend afterwards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Z-4ubKd_Nkc
I hate seeing this kind of vids because I feel like I need a boyfriend afterwards.
CornBurrito
Member
sruckus said:
Glad I'm not the only one who takes leaving out the "interested in:" section on Facebook is a potential indicator of homosexuality.
You may be projecting, but I've never really seen a straight person fail to fill in that section unless the rest of their FB page is empty.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Teh Hamburglar said:like a boss
Is there a full video?
Got the "it's too soon for me" line from the doc, since the breakup with his boyfriend was just a week or two ago. But then, why be on a dating site?
Genuinely wants to keep hanging out as friends though. I'm ultra-paranoid the third guy said something to him, made a lie up or whatever. Pursuing that makes me look crazy or obsessive though, can't do it.
Ugh.
Strikin out like crazy this week. What a wonderful birthday present to myself.
Genuinely wants to keep hanging out as friends though. I'm ultra-paranoid the third guy said something to him, made a lie up or whatever. Pursuing that makes me look crazy or obsessive though, can't do it.
Ugh.
Strikin out like crazy this week. What a wonderful birthday present to myself.
Magnus said:Got the "it's too soon for me" line from the doc, since the breakup with his boyfriend was just a week or two ago. But then, why be on a dating site?
Genuinely wants to keep hanging out as friends though. I'm ultra-paranoid the third guy said something to him, made a lie up or whatever. Pursuing that makes me look crazy or obsessive though, can't do it.
Ugh.
Strikin out like crazy this week. What a wonderful birthday present to myself.
it's too soon for WHAT?
go and ask him the real question:
can you see yourself in the midterm falling in love with me?
if the anwser is in the line of "time will tell" or anything like dodging the question, just avoid.
Too soon to be dating seriously after his break up. I went through a break up a while ago and after feeling like shit for a week or two wanted to get back out there but I was definitely not ready to date seriously and get a new boyfriend.sphinx said:
That he still wants to hang out as friends (if that's really the case and he's not just saying that) might indicates that he does actually like you and you're not just a rebound.
I don't think asking him if he could fall in love with you in the future is really smart after a couple of dates. If someone did ask that to me so soon that would be insta red flag.
I tend to separate infatuation and love. Infatuation comes and goes super fast but love is built steadily through shared experiences and time spent together.
But that's just me.
Timing is sadly as important as being compatible.
Hahaha yeah, I would never ask that question so early. Shit, I don't know if I could see falling-in-love potential with anyone after a few dates. Need time.
I'm just not 100% sure about the right way to play this. I guess I take him on his word about wanting to continue hanging out, and seriously just try to become friends. I jokingly said point-blank, "Hey, that's cool, I understand, and I'd like just hangin and being friends. It's just, that's usually the line for 'not interested -- please leave me alone', lol". Of course he said no no, 'I genuinely want to keep hanging', but who knows.
I can appreciate that he wanted to rebound and look, hence the dating site, but then maybe found himself with me, and getting scared about tying himself into dating someone again so soon. So yeah, if that's the truth of it, I totally get it.
New topic:
Fuck am I ever a worrier. I don't have a huge reason to fear anything, but routine STI-testing always gets me completely nerve-wracked. HOW2DEAL?! I'm so unfocused and anxious today.
I'm just not 100% sure about the right way to play this. I guess I take him on his word about wanting to continue hanging out, and seriously just try to become friends. I jokingly said point-blank, "Hey, that's cool, I understand, and I'd like just hangin and being friends. It's just, that's usually the line for 'not interested -- please leave me alone', lol". Of course he said no no, 'I genuinely want to keep hanging', but who knows.
I can appreciate that he wanted to rebound and look, hence the dating site, but then maybe found himself with me, and getting scared about tying himself into dating someone again so soon. So yeah, if that's the truth of it, I totally get it.
New topic:
Fuck am I ever a worrier. I don't have a huge reason to fear anything, but routine STI-testing always gets me completely nerve-wracked. HOW2DEAL?! I'm so unfocused and anxious today.
CornBurrito
Member
sphinx said:
Yeah I ask every person I go on a first date with if they would be willing to share a couple's casket with me.
It's probably just profile settings blocking him out. I've gotten hopeful before too, but then that conclusion was more or less just invisible profile details + selection bias when picking from friends to test that hypothesis. That is, I tended to select less than straight friends to check the profiles of to compare with those of non-friends.Obsessed said:
Someone make me feel better. D:
My only friends (which I've been around since middle school) started ignoring me after I told them I was gay back in June. They seemed to be accepting but it seems they were just trying to save face. I literally haven't "hung out" with anyone since then for a lot of reasons (mainly depression). One of them recently got a job where I work and were going to see a movie today with the rest of the group. After 4 months of being alone every day I was obviously ecstatic. I walk for an hour to get too the local theater and no one comes. I phone them later and apparently they went for dinner and "forgot". Now they're saying "we'll meet up sometime later".
Are you fucking kidding me? I feel like shit. My dad threatened to kick me out, I'm doing bad in school (long story) and my friends all hate/ignore me. I fucking hate life.
My only friends (which I've been around since middle school) started ignoring me after I told them I was gay back in June. They seemed to be accepting but it seems they were just trying to save face. I literally haven't "hung out" with anyone since then for a lot of reasons (mainly depression). One of them recently got a job where I work and were going to see a movie today with the rest of the group. After 4 months of being alone every day I was obviously ecstatic. I walk for an hour to get too the local theater and no one comes. I phone them later and apparently they went for dinner and "forgot". Now they're saying "we'll meet up sometime later".
Are you fucking kidding me? I feel like shit. My dad threatened to kick me out, I'm doing bad in school (long story) and my friends all hate/ignore me. I fucking hate life.
You know, I'd like to say that "don't worry", "things will get better", etc. but in reality; well...who knows.Yaceka said:
In my case what helped during the years (10+) I was bullied, felt like shit, and had no friends (even in college when the few friend I had/and have all went to study to different places); but my family was key. In your case; you've mentioned about problems with your dad and stuff (and now threatening to kick you out); so all I can say is that...well, just stay focused.
They bailed on the movie? Go watch the movie yourself.
They don't want to talk to you? Then don't talk to them (they'll be the ones missing out)
In my case, I'm 29; haven't been in a relationship...ever, never been on a date; the first time I kissed someone/had sex was at 23, I'm currently unemployed; have lots of debts/bills. Lots of ideas and plans that I've had to put on hold because of all this (on top of someone technically stealing money from me a few years ago).
Just continue working, try to get things back on track when it comes to studying, etc. I know that there will be times when you think there are no options, that you're just alone; but just try to think and focus on yourself first and foremost.
Yaceka said:
I'm kind of there, is weird. Sometimes you just don't know what to think about your so called friends, changes are so subtle, I sometimes think I'm making stuff up...
I'd say just confront them, tell them how you feel and ask them whats the deal. The will probably say that its nothing but at least they know you know something is up, sometimes they change a little, sometimes they don't. Unfortunately most of these cases always end up in you finding new friends and leaving these other people behind, it sucks big time but what are you going to do.
This. Don't waste time on people who can't be bother to spend their time with you. They may not miss you if you ignore them but at least you're not wasting time and effort trying to be their friend and feels sad when they're being lousy friends. Make many friends/acquintances too so you don't rely too much on one friend or one set of friends to talk to. Also, find ways to entertain yourself.fernoca said:
And believe me, what goes around comes around. There was a time when I was so sad because a friend never want to hang out with me regardless of how many times I asked him. I suspect it's because he's uncomfortable with me being gay. The thing is, I was not even interested in him that way. I just thought we're good friends. I guess I was wrong.
Fast forward a few months later, I no longer bother to contact him and in his place, I got a new friend, who surprisingly asked me out of nowhere a few weeks ago if I want to go and get some meal with him.
So if someone thinks they're too good for you then move on, it may take a while but you'll encounter other people who'll like you as much as you like them. They're the ones you want to spend your efforts on.
Yaceka said:
Yeah, that's what I fear happening. I live away from them anyway, so I don't consider it worth it at least right now to bother telling them or worrying about the family (the real scary part b/c my mom hates 'the gays'). Just hopefully it doesn't ever come out while drunk, like it did to a friend down here a few days ago.
chronos4590
Member
Yaceka said:
Your friends somewhat sound like my old friends who oddly enough called me the other day after not seeing them for 10+ months as if they gave a damn. They were the type that would say homophobic stuff purposely just to get on your nerves if you were even slightly supportive but that's another story. I cut them off only have 2-3 good friends which I barely see. This is going to be a reality in the future.
Seriously someone bails on you, they are not worth your time and effort. You need to 1, focus on yourself and try to gain a stronger relationship with your family[Dad]. Then 2 find those 2-3 friends that you can talk to from an outlet that was not where you meet your friends that bailed. You're still in high school am I right? If yes then you need to focus on finding the right uni.[college] for you with a good support group so you can eventually meet new people possibly even before school begins. If you are in Uni. then go out and meet new students and professors in your school.
Patience is a most virtuous attribute and it may be hard but is necessary. You're already making the right steeps going to gaf and talking to people. It may not direct face to face contact but its a hell of a good start for many people. Keep your chin up mate. You got your gaygaf brothers and sisters to help you out.
if you tell your so-called "friends" that you're gay and they stop talking to you because of that, then that's their fuckin loss. you don't need them at all, and to be quite frank, they aren't good for you if they can't accept you for being who you are. get out there and make some better friends, preferably ones that aren't afraid of someone because of their sexual orientation.
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