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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
- Thread starter Replicant
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Katana_Strikes
Member
Teh Hamburglar said:
I mean we've been boyfriends for a month... although TBH I hadn't known him that much longer long prior to asking him, but we just clicked and it was the natural progression.
Yeah, I was thinking of doing the more "relaxed" road as you suggest, but I don't want there to be future awkwardness about such subjects. I almost wish I hadn't seen the message now but at the same time glad because it would be happening behind my back. I just need to know why he's on there and why now of all times :/
I'm severly tempted but I don't wanna be the one in the wrong, but if it gets to the real truth then it's an option...
ichigo kurosaki
Member
Relationships are complicated.
Three weeks ago my bf of roughly one year and I broke up. Several times during the relationship, he got the feeling he wasn't sure he wanted to go on and dropped the 'maybe we should break up' bomb... coincidentally it usually happened after we had an argument. It always made me feel awful, but I let it slip somehow, once and again. The last time he did so was on new year's eve, all out of the blue. Me bursting into tears on new year's in front of the family wasn't a nice sight. This time it really hit a nerve and make me think about it thoroughly for a change.
Fast forward to mid-late March, I started feeling things had changed for me --I just wasn't 'feeling' it anymore. I think what had happened in December had something to do with it but also that
1- I'm not sure I'm gonna stay in this city for a long time; my temp contract ends in a few months and I'm considering moving abroad afterwards. I think being with someone would hold me back from doing what I think would be best for me work-wise.
2- I felt I got to a point with him where it was getting serious and either I had to give a step forward or a step back. I didn't really see a future for us so... I decided to do the latter.
So we talked about it and broke up. I took 1 week off at work and went home to see the family, chill and think (or rather not think) about it all. At first I asked our common friends about how he was doing (not so good) but then I decided I was better off not knowing anything. I started going for drinks with work colleagues and friends more, which was something I hadn't done in a long time and actually missed, but also to keep my head busy and not be alone at home so much.
Last week I went out with my flatmate and ended up hooking up with a really nice and cute guy.
I would like to see him again but it's all a bit weird. At times I feel like I should 'mourn' my ex more since he's having a hard time, but then I think about all the times he's made me feel so fucking awful in the past and say hey, I need a break, too, I've had my share of pain.
Just felt like sharing the story.
Three weeks ago my bf of roughly one year and I broke up. Several times during the relationship, he got the feeling he wasn't sure he wanted to go on and dropped the 'maybe we should break up' bomb... coincidentally it usually happened after we had an argument. It always made me feel awful, but I let it slip somehow, once and again. The last time he did so was on new year's eve, all out of the blue. Me bursting into tears on new year's in front of the family wasn't a nice sight. This time it really hit a nerve and make me think about it thoroughly for a change.
Fast forward to mid-late March, I started feeling things had changed for me --I just wasn't 'feeling' it anymore. I think what had happened in December had something to do with it but also that
1- I'm not sure I'm gonna stay in this city for a long time; my temp contract ends in a few months and I'm considering moving abroad afterwards. I think being with someone would hold me back from doing what I think would be best for me work-wise.
2- I felt I got to a point with him where it was getting serious and either I had to give a step forward or a step back. I didn't really see a future for us so... I decided to do the latter.
So we talked about it and broke up. I took 1 week off at work and went home to see the family, chill and think (or rather not think) about it all. At first I asked our common friends about how he was doing (not so good) but then I decided I was better off not knowing anything. I started going for drinks with work colleagues and friends more, which was something I hadn't done in a long time and actually missed, but also to keep my head busy and not be alone at home so much.
Last week I went out with my flatmate and ended up hooking up with a really nice and cute guy.
I would like to see him again but it's all a bit weird. At times I feel like I should 'mourn' my ex more since he's having a hard time, but then I think about all the times he's made me feel so fucking awful in the past and say hey, I need a break, too, I've had my share of pain.
Just felt like sharing the story.
Katana_Strikes said:Boyahoy sounded like a dating app? So I searched and to my sadness it was. I downloaded it and sure enough, there he was and just recently signed up too (the 19th). He had his pictures on, though just normal ones and with a desciption of "Feel free to say hi Up for a nice chat".
Before you freak out, I need to remind you that kind of app normally has push notification on auto. So even if your BF is not using it, if someone sees his picture, they can still message him and say the above ("Hi, feel free to say hi", etc). It doesn't necessarily means that he's using it only that he may still have his profile there. It's how he responds that you need to see. If he says "I'm flattered but I already have a BF thanks" or just ignoring it, it means nothing.
ichigo kurosaki said:
Your ex sounds like an ass. Why spare thought for him? Move on and be happy.
ichigo kurosaki said:
I'm with Replicant on that one. It's normal to feel some longing towards the relationship you had. But now you're broken up and you want to experience something new (moving abroad and such). When I broke up with my ex, in the beginning every time I felt like I wanted to get back with him or see him again I just thought about the shitty things he did to me (one of which was going on dating app and even going as far as meeting people for drinks to be "friends") and it just strengthened my resolve to stay broken up.
As for you Katana, it might or might not mean anything. I still have okcupid and still get messages but never reply to them. However, I've had my profile since before meeting my current boyfriend which doesn't seem to be the case for yours. You should definitely talk to him about it but just think about the fact that if he really wanted to hide it from you, why would he let you use his phone?
Katana_Strikes
Member
Replicant said:
Yeah but he just signed up a couple of days ago and he's on it quite a bit from what I've seen. It's just baffling why he would do it, as he has friends and me, so I don't know any other reason why he'd want to go on there, especially after he made a point about getting rid of Grindr a while ago.
Katana_Strikes said:
I have been in a situation similar to yours, and you have to ask him, just tell him it has been bothering you and you didn't tell anything cause you felt it might awkward or just because you are scared of what can happen next. Trust me it's better when you ask him directly.
Katana_Strikes
Member
Jezan said:
What was the outcome of your similar situation?
I'd be interested to know
Katana_Strikes
Member
Anyways, the latest development is this; I posed as someone on Boyahoy and got some info out of him. He says he's looking for "just friends atm but never know where things might end up ". Though when I asked him what he was doing tomorrow he said "just going out with friends" and he comes across as being single with no mention of having a boyfriend.
And hes going out with me tomorrow... This is all very worrying. I think right now if I wasn't going on hols with him I'd be ready to hit the "you're dumped" button. I shouldn't just jump the gun without talking to him but I just don't really know how to feel about it all.
". Though when I asked him what he was doing tomorrow he said "just going out with friends" and he comes across as being single with no mention of having a boyfriend.And hes going out with me tomorrow... This is all very worrying. I think right now if I wasn't going on hols with him I'd be ready to hit the "you're dumped" button. I shouldn't just jump the gun without talking to him but I just don't really know how to feel about it all.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Katana_Strikes said:
See, I can't comprehend why anyone would ever do this. Instead of simply addressing the concern with him, you've chosen to turn this into a soap opera, even planning to go on vacation with a person you neither respect nor trust and will likely begin to resent because it was apparently too difficult to say, "I happened to see such and such on your phone. Are we exclusive or were you still interested in seeing other people?"
I'm not necessarily saying you reap what you sow, but given that this type of situation has happened with others in this thread (or the older one) it just blows my mind how everyone's so intent on getting into relationships but aren't willing to have common sense communication and honesty in order for it to work.
Katana_Strikes
Member
Cosmic Bus said:
I know exactly what you're saying and didn't want to do it as its dangerous and completely stupid but I just fear saying something will really muddy the relationship. I know talking and being honest is the right way but it's also the most difficult. I do trust and respect the guy or at least I thought I did until this happened.
ZephyrFate
Banned
You really went about this the totally wrong way. Why didn't you listen to us... at all?
ichigo kurosaki
Member
As the other fellow gaffers said its ALWAYS best to be honest. You dont want to turn this into a bigger drama, and we all know if you keep walking down this path thats what you are going to get... trust me, Ive chosen the wrong way to address an issue a few times too many :/
So, even if you've already contacted him using the app i think its not too late to try and talk it through with him. I know you're afraid of how that may end up, but just think about this: even if it sounds like an old cliché, most probably if it doesnt end well its because it wasnt meant to be, and maybe ending things sooner rather than later is for the best for you both.
Just try to take it easy
So, even if you've already contacted him using the app i think its not too late to try and talk it through with him. I know you're afraid of how that may end up, but just think about this: even if it sounds like an old cliché, most probably if it doesnt end well its because it wasnt meant to be, and maybe ending things sooner rather than later is for the best for you both.
Just try to take it easy
yeah, katana you really shouldn't have done that. plus, anything you find out that way can't be used against him in an argument otherwise it makes you look like you're going through his stuff and kind of psycho, despite you still being in the right IMO. it's just the way he will look at it. i suggest you just talk to him about how you saw the notification on his phone originally. go from there so that he can be honest with you. if he lies, well you dodged a bullet and can just end it i guess.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Katana_Strikes said:
Worrying too much about screwing things up is one of the best ways of screwing things up. Relationships have a way of playing out exactly as they're prone to, there is next to nothing an individual can do to change the natural course or delay the inevitable, and this is a good thing because it brings to attention what does work. That's a big reason why honesty is so important, if you know where you both stand then you can realistically know if there is any future there or if you're just deceiving yourselves.
ZephyrFate
Banned
This is a bit off-topic but the new comedy Happy Endings on ABC is awesome, and has a 'straight man' gay guy who is honestly refreshing. He's not a trope, he doesn't have any stereotypical mannerisms, and he's really funny.
Watch it.
I don't want it canceled.
Watch it.
I don't want it canceled.
Spiritreaver
Member
Pretty cool show, I dunno if it will last but I'm enjoying it.
ZephyrFate
Banned
"Your wedding was like a shark attack... at a Sunday school..."
I'm in a total rut after breaking things off with my ex a few months ago. First guy in a while I meet that seems cool and I find attractive. We hit it off the first three dates but he often makes a point of telling me he doesn't do "the whole texting thing". He works weird hours and is rarely in touch.. so I basically have to wait until I hear from him to know if we're hanging out. So annoying.
_Isaac said:
He's 28. Go figure.
btkadams said:
This guy's got an iPhone.. and uses it when we hang out. Apparently he chose it over a Blackberry since he doesn't want people to know when he's read their texts. Writing this out makes the whole thing sound even more suspicious.
ZephyrFate
Banned
THE POWER OF FACEBOOKSonComet said:
Hey everyone, I recently have come out (to close friends, not family yet) and its been great. Getting those feelings out there really made me feel like a huge weight was off me. Ive wanted to start getting out there and meeting guys, I guess you could say I'm kinda desperate for a relationship right now, not sure why... but I'm incredibly shy and nervous around new people. Especially with guys that I really find attractive, I just cant get myself to connect, I guess.
Ive never been in a relationship before at all, and I'm 22. Maybe Im afraid of rejection, or that if I start to try and get farther with someone, he'll be straight or something and kick my ass... haha I guess its absurd, but Im just incredibly nervous about it.
How does one tell that someone wants to get farther? Do I just come out and ask?
Ive never been in a relationship before at all, and I'm 22. Maybe Im afraid of rejection, or that if I start to try and get farther with someone, he'll be straight or something and kick my ass... haha I guess its absurd, but Im just incredibly nervous about it.
How does one tell that someone wants to get farther? Do I just come out and ask?
michaeltraps
Member
Rrang129 said:
Well welcome! I was in a similar situation when I came out last year (was 23 at the time, never been in a relationship before). I was out to a few select friends, 2 of which set me up with another mutual friend and we've been together ever since. I quickly came out to everyone else after that.
The one thing I would probably recommend is try and connect to other gay guys in some way - join a club, dating site, etc - so you can be sure that they're into other dudes, potentially squashing your "they're actually straight and going to kick your ass" fear.
There are tons of dating websites which aren't necessarily seedy (okcupid.com for example). Could be a good start to get out there and meet people.
Just remember to be smart when you meet people off of the internet: meet in public and tell a friend where you're going.
As for telling when someone wants to get frisky or at least has an interest in you, there's no rule but you can usually tell. It does become as you date and it also depends on people. At the beginning I was pretty shy about it and didn't really know how to act and when to act. Flirt a bit, joke about it and depending on the other person's response you get pretty clear signals or not.
Friends setups can work as well. It's not fail-proof but it can be a good way to practice!
Good luck with all of that anyway and congrats on coming out
Just remember to be smart when you meet people off of the internet: meet in public and tell a friend where you're going.
As for telling when someone wants to get frisky or at least has an interest in you, there's no rule but you can usually tell. It does become as you date and it also depends on people. At the beginning I was pretty shy about it and didn't really know how to act and when to act. Flirt a bit, joke about it and depending on the other person's response you get pretty clear signals or not.
Friends setups can work as well. It's not fail-proof but it can be a good way to practice!
Good luck with all of that anyway and congrats on coming out
I met a great guy on scruff about two months ago. Been together for a month now, but I have known him for two months.
He is 32 and I'm 27. We pretty much like a lot of the same things and I love that he is very down to earth person with a great personality
Taking this relationship really slow while having fun. Miss the guy already since he just left today for a business trip to Chicago
Here is his border collie that I love to death
He is 32 and I'm 27. We pretty much like a lot of the same things and I love that he is very down to earth person with a great personality
Taking this relationship really slow while having fun. Miss the guy already since he just left today for a business trip to Chicago
Here is his border collie that I love to death
Joel Was Right
Member
Question. If you had a close friend whom was also religious and you invited him to your wedding but they told you that whilst they are glad to see you happy, cannot attend the event for religious reasons, would this affect your friendship?
badcrumble
Member
I'd tell him or her that they probably don't know much about what their religion does and does not allow them to do.Meus Renaissance said:
edit: and if it's not that going to such a wedding is explicitly against their religion, it's that they're uncomfortable with the wedding and want an external factor to blame.
ZephyrFate
Banned
I don't befriend people with religious views that are against my sexuality, so... probably wouldn't even be in this situation.Meus Renaissance said:
Would they have the same problem attending your wedding if you were a member of a different religion, but having a heterosexual wedding? If a Christian attends an Islamic or Hindu (etc etc) ceremony, they do so as a friend and simply don't take part in the ceremony. Surely someone can attend the wedding ceremony of a gay couple as a friend and just avoid participating in the religious parts if they are against it for 'religious reasons'.Meus Renaissance said:
I think a good friend would attend your wedding regardless of any religious conflict. If they are really worried for religious reasons they could go talk to a priest, rabbi, imam or whathaveyou, and get advice from them.
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