I sometimes check the thread for some perspective, I think I might be able to give some in return for once...
I find that my #1 complaint when I'm being intimate with my partner is that he doesn't make very much noise. I on the other hand, make plenty of noise. When my partner doesn't vocalize at all it makes me think that something is wrong or that he isn't enjoying himself. When he finishes he makes some noise but otherwise there are times when I might keep going because I couldn't tell. Sometimes he's more vocal but I think he's putting it on in reaction to me. Is this pretty normal for guys or not really? Too busy trying to concentrate is his excuse. I've only ever been with one person so I have no point of reference. I guess guys could answer this too.
It's already been mentioned this is actually common, but I might as well offer a possible "why" - I figure since guys are generally expected to avoid showing reactions to pain, this may also affect how we react to please as well, especially if we're somewhat focused on what we're doing, more so if it involves someone else.
Secondly. The topic came up recently where my significant other admitted to watching porn. I kind of already figured but since I didn't really know for sure I just didn't let it bother me. I've always considered myself a pretty cool and understanding girlfriend. I never would really think that I have a problem with it but I do. When I spoke out about it my boyfriend and his friend both said my feelings were irrational, ill-informed, and unfair. They said that porn is a means to an end. They said that guys don't lust after the girls in porn but that it's something they watch out of habit to help facilitate getting the jerk off process over quickly. I don't see how that makes sense. How you could watch another woman having sex and not lust after them. Isn't lusting after them the whole point of watching porn? They seemed to disagree.
I don't know whether I'm jealous, disappointed, or what. I felt like maybe he was "beyond" that. He's very special to me and little revelations like this sometimes remind me that he's still... I don't know. I just sort of feel like in our relationship he should be above that. Like I should be enough for him. When I say it like that I DO feel irrational though. Then I get angry at myself for second guessing my feelings. I don't get jealous or upset that he masturbates. I just sort of misguidedly thought he did it without watching porn.
Am I a jealous lunatic girlfriend?
Has the conversation on the topic covered things like how often he watches it, or if he gravitates toward certain things in the porn he watches? If there are things there he'd like to do but doesn't, it might be worth discussing with him - as for the women in there, there's usually too much of a feeling of distance for that to be an issue.
The deeds and how they're presented tend to carry more weight than the actual people in them, as far as I'm concerned - when I was younger and before I had a sex life, I'd watch anything I get my hand on, but later in life and with some experience of my own, I found myself preferring my occasional porn like I prefer my food - lovingly home made.
It's not something a guy will put a lot of thought into, so it might not be easy to talk about, but it still might be worth trying, over time, giving him time to think about it a bit on his own if the issue is important to you.
