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[EGM92]

Hey everyone,

Well here’s my story. It all started when I was 10, I was on vacation in Spain visiting my cousins. While I was there I met my cousins neighbors, a very wealthy family with 2 daughters, I personally noticed their youngest daughter (Nikole) and knew right then and there that there was something very special about her. I don’t know what it was but there was something. While we were there we spent all the time we could together. Our families got really close, going over for dinner, going sight seeing, my older brother even hooked up with their oldest daughter (Alley). Well our families got so close that they even moved to Canada about 2 months later into the same neighborhood. Nikole and myself went to the same school, we played together, spent special times together. As we grew older we eventually became an item, and my brother ended up marrying her sister. 4 years passed by and we did everything together, a healthy intimate relationship, but her father was promoted and they moved to New York. It was hard being away from her all that time, I would go visit every chance I could, March breaks, holidays, ever single change I could go there.

About 1 year and a half ago, she was diagnosed with a very rare form of heart disease (I don’t remember the medical name, too big to remember but her heart would malfunction and just stop beating). She was confined to her bed for weeks on end, sometimes she would be well enough that I could spend some time with her, we’d go out and do stuff just spent time together. About 7 months or so back she was forced to get a heart transplant, luckily a donor was found and she had the operation. It was successful to a certain extent, she was always really weak due to the medications the doctors put her on. She would sleep for days on end almost like she was going in and out of a coma and I’d be there by her beside day and night just waiting for her to wake up. Her being like this sent me into a depression, so bad that on the weekend after prom I almost died due to Alcohol poisoning and put 3 of my close friends in hospital (though I don’t remember anything from that night besides waking up kneeling at the bathtub covered in blood). Since then she’s been recovering slowly but surely. She even got to a point that we were able to go out and enjoy life. Three weeks ago she had a relapse, her condition started to worsen rapidly. I’ve been spending all the time I could with her, even skipping 2 of my College exams so I could stay by her side. This morning after Acing my last exam I got a phone call from her sister, she passed away in her sleep about the time I finished my exam. Now I’m in a situation that I can’t see her, my car broke down in the drive home. My family thinks I’m going to do something stupid so they locked my savings bank account (which is under my fathers name) and now I find out that her family is planning to burry her back in Spain, and without money and basically stuck here.

I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m deeply saddened but I’m not crying, I’m not even that emotional I just feel very disappointed. I don’t know why I’m like this, maybe because it hasn’t hit me yet? Has anyone ever lost a special loved one that you’ve known for years? Any advice for someone that’s going through a hard time right now? I can’t really turn to any of my friends right now I don’t know why but I just don’t think they’re the right kind of people to talk to, besides some of my close friend who are away right now. I don’t know why but I was thinking maybe someone here could help me but I may be wrong…

 

[miyuru]

:S

Best of luck to you man. I think you'll feel worse later once everything has hit you, know what I mean? Hang in there though.

Try talking to your family, they'll send you to Spain for the funeral won't they?

 

[J2 Cool]

Yeah, like miyuru said, maybe you can make peace with her and your whole situation in Spain. Don't be afraid to cry either. Sometimes you just have to get it out. She obviously meant very much to you. The last time someone died who was close to me was my friend in 8th grade, committed suicide. I never did cry though. He wasn't exactly that close or that special, but it was more him giving up that didn't warrant any tears. Listen, I know times are tough now, but you need to talk to someone. I'm sure your family or her parents are there for you. Maybe if you can get a trip to Spain with her parents you can get some good conversations in about her. I'm sure they miss her as much as you. It's kind of your responsibility to each other to be strong, you and her parents. That could do you some good.

Other than that, keep your chin up. For someone who meant that much to you, you have to imagine all the good impact she had on you. Her qualities and whatever it was that made her so "special" can live on through you. Not by grief but by joy. She would want that much I'm sure. Good luck. Your strength will be worth it when you're smiling one day.

 

[Particle Physicist]

.

 

[White Man]

Has anyone ever lost a special loved one that you’ve known for years? Any advice for someone that’s going through a hard time right now?

Everyone I ever loved is dead. The only bit of advice I could offer is to never forget them, but at the same time, don't fixate on death.

 

[Alyssa Hu$tle]

Oh Honey, my deepest condolences to you. Yeah, I have lost people close to me. You know, there is no “right” way to feel or act. You think you should be a certain way or should do something, but you don’t really know what that is. The thing is you don’t have to do anything, just be.
You have a lot ahead of you. You will end up going through a whole range of emotions and stages with time. Just let it happen.
Listen, what J2Cool said was very important, it is really important to talk about it, I can’t stress that enough. And I think both he and Miyuru made very good suggestions about contacting her folks. And your bother and her sister… spend time with them if you can.
It will get a whole lot worse before things will get better for you, but hang in there, it does eventually get better. It takes a while though. Keep battling ahead.
I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Blackie]

I've never lost anyone close to me. I can't really imagine it.

My deepest condolences go out to you, though. I hope that whatever pain you feel will eventually scar over and that you can honor her memory well.

 

[AniHawk]

If you don't feel like crying, then don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. Some people handle grief differently. If you do feel like crying, there's still nothing wrong with that (obviously).

Talking helps, and at least you're letting it out in some form (here). Don't be afraid to talk to family members or friends or people that knew her. And though you might feel depressed and sad, remember the good times too.

And... other than that, I can only offer my deepest condolences. I'm sorry you had to experience this loss.

 

[Hydro_Alexis]

Damn ... that sucks massive balls, you shouldn't be affraid to cry by being emotional is what at the end of the day makes us human, I believe your disappointed because you wish that there was something you could have done to correct the situation to make things better. When you start the mourning process you will feel hurt and pain but trust me time is your best friend as it is a healer I am sure this girl you had feelings for would want you to be happy, and in return she is in a better place now without suffering and you have something that no one can take away all the good memories you and her shared.

Has anyone ever lost a special loved one that you’ve known for years? I have but not due to death ... to cut a long story short I was a close friend with a girl who in my eyes was perfect in every way we fell in love she moved far away she was scared of having a long distance relationship it sucks because I would have done anything for her its so bad I couldn’t even be friends with her, if I learnt she had a boyfriend it would tear me up from the inside. But anyway just remember everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger

 

[scorcho]

if you need to cry don't be ashamed of letting it out. make your peace with everything by making a point of visiting her in Spain when you can. don't freak out now. say goodbye to her privately in a way that you know she'd understand.

 

[EGM92]

Thanks for your support everyone.

I seriously don't know how to feel right now, I can't really talk to my family (we're not all that close). My parents never approved of our relationship, I don't know why, we never really talked about it. As for her side of the family, her father despied me but her mother really liked me. My family is actually preventing me from going to Spain, last time something like this happened I lost all self-control over a friends death and basically ruined the funreal, I guess they're afraid I'll do something stupid again

Again thanks for everyone's support

 

[Comfort_Eagle]

Yeah, i have and it really, really sucks. Good luck to you. I wish i could offer advice, but im not good at such things. However, the pain does go away.....after a while.

 

[BigGreenMat]

Oh Honey, my deepest condolences to you. Yeah, I have lost people close to me. You know, there is no “right” way to feel or act. You think you should be a certain way or should do something, but you don’t really know what that is. The thing is you don’t have to do anything, just be.
You have a lot ahead of you. You will end up going through a whole range of emotions and stages with time. Just let it happen.
Listen, what J2Cool said was very important, it is really important to talk about it, I can’t stress that enough. And I think both he and Miyuru made very good suggestions about contacting her folks. And your bother and her sister… spend time with them if you can.
It will get a whole lot worse before things will get better for you, but hang in there, it does eventually get better. It takes a while though. Keep battling ahead.
I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

Listen to the girl. Whatever you feel is what you feel. We all feel differently. Just take your time and don't try to conform to whatever anyone says what should constitute your reaction. Just take your time and remember. Rememberance is the best post-mortem tribute.

 

[jenov4]

Hey EGM, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I lost my grandmother 12 years ago (Holy shit, time flies) and it was really tough on me.

I've also lost the love of my life 2 months ago (due to a breakup, and nothing like what happened to you) and I was also an emotional wreck. I still am at times, but I'm better now.

I know it sounds cliche, but time will heal you. I've also opened up my life to my close friends and family about everything and I really find that helps a lot. Talking about this feels like a form of therapy and I really think you'll make it through. You may find different things to comfort you, but please don't do anything that could hurt yourself or whatever.

You're off to a great start by posting here.