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Hot Mom Defends Herself Against Facebook Haters, gives a non-apology
- Thread starter Ripclawe
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This is probably the single biggest problem - losing weight does NOT have to be tortuous. It does NOT require hours each day in the gym. It does NOT require you to starve yourself. It does NOT require you to eat icky food. Basically, it does NOT require you to live a miserable lifestyle whatsoever.
It simply requires you to cut back on junk and not overeat. That's it. If you can get to the gym or just set aside 20-30 minutes for exercise at home a few times a week, even better, but its not even absolutely necessary.
She's absolutely right saying 'What's your excuse' because most people do just make excuses and that's what's stopping them from even considering getting on the wagon. People need to get over the mental hurdle of how difficult it is and learn that its very achievable even for your mother of three with a busy and hectic life. That was the point of this.
Preach it, fit brotha'
Yep. What is does require is not eating food you just unwrap and eat from a box. People are too damn lazy. The idea of "cooking" is so foreign to so many of them.
I watch it with my girlfriend's mother. Complains about weight, keeps trying to go to the gym, etc, but her idea of a "diet" is buying a Nutrisystem box and supplementing it with subs one night, chicken parm from the pizza shop another, Panera the next.
Depressing to watch.
I'm being careful to avoid another ban because I won't tell people what they are doing is wonderful.
Because nothing gets fat people into a gym filled with fit people like fit people condescending them.
left pic >>>>>>>> right pic
Jest Chillin
Member
The intent is meaningless when it doesn't work. Plainly put, negative reinforcement is most effective used sparingly and for short periods. And it is almost always a horrible approach to motivation for beginners/novices. It will only serve to upset people.
"If you don't like it, move on." Poor logic to utilize in an attempt to avoid consequences. Every case is different.. but in this specific case.. by expressing discontent about the phrasing.. there's a chance that people will stop misusing it. Right now, people really do use such images and phrases to lord themselves over others rather than their intended use of giving someone the drive not to quit.
You used your own negative reinforcement to help you continue the drive forward. Negative reinforcement at the early stages of whatever the task may be will tend to crush will rather than forge it.
And as I stated above.. the worst part of Negative Reinforcement is it's misuse and misinterpretation. It's a tool that should only be used for short term and it should be clearly understood that it's a tool, not a way of life. Too many people misunderstand that and as a result are quick to condemn those that don't meet the (often times) arbitrary standard regardless of why those people don't meet that standard. It even gets amplified when exceptional people are used (such as the images in the thread of the elderly and handicapped who are in great shape) because rather than being celebrated for being exceptional.. they're used as a standard for similar people even though it should be blatantly obvious that to do so is ridiculous.
I just don't see anything condescending from this woman. Again, it's our sad PR culture that deems this "condescending".
Intent is never, ever meaningless.
This is not negative reinforcement, either. I don't think you understand what that term means.
And about using this term to 'lord themselves over others'. That's not what she's doing. Again, goes back to the INTENT bit. What I see is that certain people will wilfully ignore intent in order to keep being outraged or upset by something unnecessarily. I admit, I still haven't quite figured out why people do that, but its pretty common and its pretty annoying at the same time.
blame space
Banned
she's not even that hot. I bet she's mean and ugly on the inside.
I'm assuming you meant political correctness by PR and not public relations.
That slogan is pretty judgemental; "I'm a mom of three, I don't have a nanny, own two business AND I look like this. Why don't you?" To me, that's condescending. But that might be my low self-esteem talking.
BakedSardine
Banned
Haha, reminds me of my five year-old who told his grandpa "Grandpa, you drink a lot of pop and eat a lot of cookies. That's why you have a big belly."
I couldn't even be mad at him for saying it, because my father-in-law ignores everyone who tells him that being 60 pounds overweight as a 65 year old isn't going to get you too many more years in life.
JaseMath
Member
I really think she's just pointing out people's willingness to make excuses for them being overweight. Hell, I've personally heard people use any one of those three reasons she listed as their excuse for not being fit.
Count Dookkake
Member
Condescending would be to say that they shouldn't even try.
She is challenging those who claim motherhood is an insurmountable obstacle to fitness.
She's just challenging people to question themselves as to why they can't do what she did.
If someone's first response is to get defensive rather than question themselves, then that's part of the problem right there.
Yep...(holy shit, we agree on something!)
I'm sorry to say, but it probably is.
Her point isn't "Ha, look at me, you losers". Its "Hey, I'm busy as hell, but I still managed to overcome a lot and achieve this. Its not as impossible as you think!"
Which is totally true. Ya know, people have a lot of dreams in life. Becoming a millionaire is probably legitimately out of reach for the vast majority of people, no matter how hard they work. But this? This is doable stuff. That dream body? Its possible.
Sure, that dream body requires a lot of work, but general weight loss is NOT as difficult as people think it is. If people could just learn that and stop hiding behind excuses, they could at least make the most important step towards working on it.
But what if?
Right pic>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>FB Advert>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>left pic
Shamrock7r
Member
Except that's not what the slogan said, but you're insecurities and low self esteem twisted it to mean that in your head.
blame space
Banned
No, it definitely is.
Count Dookkake
Member
I can see both sides of the argument.
On the one hand, she's insinuating that women who are overweight are somehow failures (I'm ignoring the economic/health implications of an overweight society).
On the other hand, she's using a bit of tough love to tell women that most excuses they come up with are bullshit, and they need to fight through it.
I don't think what she did was wrong, necessarily, but it does seem kind of dumb since she apparently suffered from an eating disorder herself.
On the one hand, she's insinuating that women who are overweight are somehow failures (I'm ignoring the economic/health implications of an overweight society).
On the other hand, she's using a bit of tough love to tell women that most excuses they come up with are bullshit, and they need to fight through it.
I don't think what she did was wrong, necessarily, but it does seem kind of dumb since she apparently suffered from an eating disorder herself.
Count Dookkake
Member
No, the picture and text do not insinuate that at all. One may incorrectly infer that, but nothing in the image actively suggests that.
BakedSardine
Banned
Failproof method:
-Cook your own food
-Take a 20 minute walk every day
-Repeat
It takes a little planning and it's not as convenient as always eating out or throwing some chemical laden shit in the microwave, but eating REAL food is what your body wants. I know so many people who think they are eating "healthy" because every package of shit in their pantry is "diet" or "low fat" yet they are overweight.
Dude Abides
Banned
She's not challenging anyone to do anything. She's just boasting, not surprising for a pageant queen.
"What's your excuse?" definitely implies that someone who has not achieved what she did has failed.
Again, I think the outrage is a little ridiculous, but I can at least see where they're coming from.
Not that you'd ever type out more than a couple sentences that might actually further discussion, but no, it isn't. She's not trying to show herself up at the expense of others, or to look down on others and make them feel bad. That is what some people will see, but only because they are unwilling to see the point and are eager to find something to be upset about and dismiss it.
She questioned people what their excuses are for not looking like her...is that not a challenge?
Count Dookkake
Member
No, it does not.
The baggage in the observer's head may provide that, but the image itself does not.
Count Dookkake
Member
Nothing there says failure.
But whatever.
Fine, fat moms, it's okay. Your kids will love you anyway and I'm sure your husbands are happy.
It depends on the context. In this case, it does not imply that.
It's not like they can't try again and succeed.
Jest Chillin
Member
This is definitely negative reinforcement by nature of "What's your excuse?" being negative. It's calling you out for not looking like her. For not finding the time. For making excuses.
Sorry but intent is definitely meaningless when it doesn't work. Does it matter that a Father intended to help his son by telling him he's a failure when his grades were down? Sure as hell doesn't if it just ruins the kids self esteem. "I meant to light a fire under him!" Well now he's depressed and thinks his father doesn't love him but that's okay because you meant well. Sorry but no.
Her intent can't be discerned from the image alone. It has no real context and the only contextual clue is the phrase, which is inherently negative. Of course it's going to have a lot of knee jerk negative reactions. I'm not really seeing where your comments on people continuing to be upset come from here except to say, once insulted, people tend to take awhile to get over it whether the insults were real or not. The human psyche isn't binary.
She's not a bad person. Her intent was not to offend people. That doesn't change the fact that the reason she's facing the backlash over the image is because it was poorly conceived. Her response to the criticism certainly doesn't help either (although it's not hard to understand why should would respond in such a way when she's facing so many personal attacks).
Dude Abides
Banned
It's a challenge to justify yourself, I suppose. But it's primarily you-go-girl braggadocio.
Jesus fucking Christ.
mistake: Oh I made a mistake and became fat, I done fucked up.
bad behavior: I behaved badly and got fat.
etc.: I'm a fat fucking failure.
Either way it has a negative connotation and implies that the person did something wrong.
Please tell me that is all you know about fibromyalgia.
D
Deleted member 12837
Unconfirmed Member
There's quite a big difference between your first 2 statements and your last. The last is an admission of defeat. It's a whole different mindset, and yes communicates "failure". The first two simply acknowledge an issue and offer plenty of room for improving/fixing it.
edit: Basically "doing something wrong" or "making a mistake" != "failure". Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't mean we're all failures.
Her intent is obvious to anyone who is willing to understand her point and isn't just immediately trying to find something to be upset about for whatever reason.
Again, I put this down to people not realizing that weight loss isn't as difficult as they think. They see this, think, "Oh yea, like anybody could do that, pffft", and then deride her for being arrogant. People that do realize that weight loss isn't as tortuous as many make it out to be and isn't all 'a matter of genes' see it and think, "Damn right. People CAN do that!"
Was this effective? Not for a lot of people, obviously. But that's not on this woman. That's the fault of all these people who don't know what they're talking about. This woman is not responsible for the livelihood of the entire world's waistline. She made a little 'poster' thing that was meant to be motivational and people are completely missing the point and are wasting their time being upset at it. Its nonsense. And while you may not be judging her, plenty of others clearly are. Its not fair whatsoever.
That's all I need to know for the scope of this topic.
canoli2006
Member
The only thing I'm hating on is the word "fitspiration."
This is worth repeating.
I'd also throw in that I realize there is a lot of terrible and contradictory information out there leading people to think it's too hard or complicated. The toughest part is defining what "good food" is. Even there some general rule of thumb guidelines can get you most of the way to your goals.
Count Dookkake
Member
Some folks should brush up on the difference between inference and implication.
It is a common problem, not specific to this thread.
It is a common problem, not specific to this thread.
How about thinspiration?
Zoe
Member
He's nitpicking about people not using the proper definition of "negative reinforcement". It's supposed to mean that something is being taken away to reinforce a certain behavior, not that the message is negative.
That said, as a fattie who does not respond well to these kinds of messages, it is definitely negative to me.
I bet if people cut out soda and weighed and tracked their food for a month they'd have huge results.
None of those things are hard. They are all very very VERY easy starting points. There are literally no excuses to not do those things.
I understand food deserts. I'm sure that's terrible. But bottom line is when I see overweight people's carts at CostCo filled to the brim with junk food, I can't help but cringe. Bonus points when they have an overweight child with them.
I've heard all the bad eating excuses from my co workers.
Healthy food tastes bad
I have to cook
I hate cooking
I don't know how to cook
It's too hard to make all your food.
etc etc etc.
People want to be compassionate about this and I understand it, but you have to WANT IT to make the change. If you don't want it, you'll always make excuses for yourself.
I wanted to get stronger but I didn't really WANT IT. So I always made excuses for myself.
The guys in the weight area are too big
and they are probably on steroids anyway
I can't bench 135 so it's too embarrassing to bench anything else
I don't want to be bulky anyway, just toned
I can skip this workout, thats not a big deal, right?
I have to switch up my routine so I confuse my muscles
etc etc etc.
Then when I actually buckled down and WANTED IT guess what happened? Results!
And with that, it is overhead press day at the gym. See ya
None of those things are hard. They are all very very VERY easy starting points. There are literally no excuses to not do those things.
I understand food deserts. I'm sure that's terrible. But bottom line is when I see overweight people's carts at CostCo filled to the brim with junk food, I can't help but cringe. Bonus points when they have an overweight child with them.
I've heard all the bad eating excuses from my co workers.
Healthy food tastes bad
I have to cook
I hate cooking
I don't know how to cook
It's too hard to make all your food.
etc etc etc.
People want to be compassionate about this and I understand it, but you have to WANT IT to make the change. If you don't want it, you'll always make excuses for yourself.
I wanted to get stronger but I didn't really WANT IT. So I always made excuses for myself.
The guys in the weight area are too big
and they are probably on steroids anyway
I can't bench 135 so it's too embarrassing to bench anything else
I don't want to be bulky anyway, just toned
I can skip this workout, thats not a big deal, right?
I have to switch up my routine so I confuse my muscles
etc etc etc.
Then when I actually buckled down and WANTED IT guess what happened? Results!
And with that, it is overhead press day at the gym. See ya
Well good to know. I'm glad you think all people with a disease have the same severity of symptoms.
You might also want to read the whole study.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18464301/?i=3&from=/12137713/related
To those who find this insulting and/or negative, what sorts of approaches work for you? Honest question.
I get that some people dont like being called out. I know I am not a fan of the "rah rah" types who try and just be super positive energetic in your face "COME ON YOU CAN DO ITTTTTTT!!!!!!!" Makes me cringe, but this was very mild in my view.
I get that some people dont like being called out. I know I am not a fan of the "rah rah" types who try and just be super positive energetic in your face "COME ON YOU CAN DO ITTTTTTT!!!!!!!" Makes me cringe, but this was very mild in my view.
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