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Hulk Hogan: 10 Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

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the_geche

Member
Hulk Hogan recently went on a rant in FHM in regards to his daughter's dating life and here's what he had to say:

"I run a tight ship here, and if you want to date my daughter, Brooke, you must obey the Hulk Hogan Demandments. They're not commandments - they're demandments. Obey them, and you might pass the test.

First off, you have to be clean-cut. If you're a jabroni-you know, tattoos, piercings, purple hair and all that crap-it's not happening. Not in this lifetime.

You must be respectful. When you come over to my house, I don't expect a present, but I do expect you to call me Mr. Hogan and that you bring your best behavior, values, and manners. If you come over, and for some reason I'm not around, stay out of my office and my gym. I don't want my stuff messed with.

Before you take my daughter anywhere, you need to spend some quality time at our house with the family so we can get to know you. That's also when I'll be checking to make sure your pupils aren't dilated and that your eyes aren't jitterbugging all over the place-drugs and alcohol are a definite no-no.

I prefer that you're not a wrestler. If you're meek and mild, I can put the fear of God into you more easily.

You have to be modest. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's cockiness! We had that Aaron Carter kid come by once wanting to date my daughter. He lasted about an hour in my house before I kicked him out. Brooke somehow talked me into inviting him over, and once he was here, he started putting his feet up on the furniture and going into the refrigerator without asking. Finally, I told him to hit the highway.

If I do finally allow you to take Brooke out, I demand that she's returned home on time and that she call to check in every half-hour. I have GPS installed in her car, so I know where you're going. I can also remotely shut her car engine down if I think something funny is going on.

Keep your hands to yourself-and that's not even a demandment, that's standard procedure if you want to live.

I've also taught Brooke how to defend herself. She's been boxing for three years now and can throw one hell of a right cross. I've taught her some submission holds if somebody puts their hand in the wrong place and basic self-defense stuff like the heel stomp, the crotch shot and the thumb-in-the-eye technique. But no one has been stupid enough to disrespect Brooke like that. It would be trouble if they did: I'm not afraid of a good lawsuit."
 

Wellington

BAAAALLLINNN'
When/if I have a daughter, I'll be stricter than that. Every pig, myself included, can climb out of the muck every once in a while. I could be a jerk and still pass all those silly rules!
 

LakeEarth

Member
Haha, I'd love to see Hogan try to beat up the boyfriend just to get his ass whooped. Kinda like how Goldberg attacked Jericho and got his ass owned even though he's twice as big.
 

ManaByte

Member
epabrookehogan160736a6ew.jpg
 

basik

Member
if hes not careful his daughter will get a princess complex and expect men to treat her like they are prince charming for the rest of her life. no man will be good enough for her.
 

Macam

Banned
That face hurts to look at...actually, it almost looks like Rob Liefeld drew her face in that picture.
 

MC Safety

Member
LakeEarth said:
Haha, I'd love to see Hogan try to beat up the boyfriend just to get his ass whooped. Kinda like how Goldberg attacked Jericho and got his ass owned even though he's twice as big.

Hulk would just punch the meatball twice, whip him against the ropes, apply the big foot liberally, and then come down with the leg drop. That would fell Mechagodzilla.
 
i would be all over his daughter and there is nothing he could do about it. If he took offense, i'd just hit him with a belt or ring bell or something, which would knock him unconcious for a while. I'd have to run away before he "powered" back up though.
 

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
I'll be surprised if she ends up with any guy. I know the idea is to protect her from superficial interest, but put on enough rules and a guy who is interested won't have a chance to find out if she's worth getting to know. You can only get to know a girl so well around the family, and something makes me think the Hulkster wouldn't be too appreciative if the phone calls numbered more than a few. A guy would have to be quite taken by her based on nothing.
 

DMczaf

Member
Ninja Scooter said:
i would be all over his daughter and there is nothing he could do about it. If he took offense, i'd just hit him with a belt or ring bell or something, which would knock him unconcious for a while. I'd have to run away before he "powered" back up though.

When you are with his daughter, youll see that Hulk chin and think the Hulkster in bed everytime.

brookehogan.jpg
 

Zaptruder

Banned
basik said:
if hes not careful his daughter will get a princess complex and expect men to treat her like they are prince charming for the rest of her life. no man will be good enough for her.

Not really. He only wants his daughter to go out with a decent guy, and makes sure of it.

They're really qualities that are just natural in some circles of living.
 

belgurdo

Banned
the_geche said:
.

Before you take my daughter anywhere, you need to spend some quality time at our house with the family so we can get to know you. That's also when I'll be checking to make sure your pupils aren't dilated and that your eyes aren't jitterbugging all over the place-drugs and alcohol are a definite no-no.

Fuck you hypocrite

I'm going to do your daughter in the butt in a mall parking lot, pay someone to tape the money shot then send it to every forum on the internet now
 

J2 Cool

Member
Ninja Scooter said:
i would be all over his daughter and there is nothing he could do about it. If he took offense, i'd just hit him with a belt or ring bell or something, which would knock him unconcious for a while. I'd have to run away before he "powered" back up though.

:lol :lol :lol

the_geche said:
First off, you have to be clean-cut. If you're a jabroni-you know, tattoos, piercings, purple hair and all that crap-it's not happening. Not in this lifetime.

That means no Nasty Boys

NastyBoysPic_jpg.jpg
 
"If I do finally allow you to take Brooke out, I demand that she's returned home on time and that she call to check in every half-hour. I have GPS installed in her car, so I know where you're going. I can also remotely shut her car engine down if I think something funny is going on."

Her: "What a wonderfull movie and what a respectful man you are!" *hold up sign that says "There is a gun and $20,000 in my purse. Please kill me."*
 

ParkPace

Member
the_geche said:
I've also taught Brooke how to defend herself... I've taught her some submission holds if somebody puts their hand in the wrong place and basic self-defense stuff like the heel stomp, the crotch shot, the thumb-in-the-eye technique, and worst of all, the boot and legdrop (if it comes to that). But no one has been stupid enough to disrespect Brooke like that...."

Fixed.

:lol @ the Aaron Carter stuff. I hope the Hulkster went all 'Thunderlips' on him before he threw him out.
 

GSG Flash

Nobody ruins my family vacation but me...and maybe the boy!
HAHA good old Hulk

I would be the perfect guy for her by his standards, and she's only a couple months older than me too.
 

AssMan

Banned
She goes to my gym, Gold's Gym that is. She's hot, but not drop dead hot. Pretty tall, too. She looks so much better in her music video than when she's at the gym.
 

Dyne

Member
iapetus said:
Cocky and Funny doesn't work. :(

Yes it does. Hogan doesn't like straight Cocky.

You need to BALANCE the cocky and funny. Obviously in the Carter case, he was not funny enough.

Hogan only likes the cocky AND funny.
 

Jewbacca

Banned
I love hogan... and yes I read the demandments in Hogans voice... lol I dont think I could read it without his voice... :lol :lol :lol
 

Meier

Member
the_geche said:
"I run a tight ship here, and if you want to date my daughter, Brooke, you must obey the Hulk Hogan Demandments. They're not commandments - they're demandments."

haha this is just classic Hulkster. I love it.
 

DaMan121

Member
Best promo Hogan has done in years! All it needs is Carter smacking him with a chair on behind his back, and Mean Gean yelling hysterically! Hogans's daughter takes his side initially, but turns on him at Wrestlemania... the pay off his Hogan then catching her on Raw, and spanking her infront of the entire nation.. in a cheerleader uniform... wait...am i typing this shit?
 

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
Ninja Scooter said:
i would be all over his daughter and there is nothing he could do about it. If he took offense, i'd just hit him with a belt or ring bell or something, which would knock him unconcious for a while. I'd have to run away before he "powered" back up though.

Hogan refused to sell to Piper, Flair and Andre, you really think he would sell to some punk kid? No way dude.. he would shrug that shit off, throw a 'watcha gonna do?' your way and lay your ass out.
 
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