I've given up on dating

Since you're above average in attractiveness, I'd say that's a good way to go.

But for someone average like me, the dating game can be brutal.
Here's a taste of what normal guys deal with:



Mind you, it's not a sob story for me, only a realization that I don't want to work exponentially harder to get the same women as good looking guys or often times even less, lol.

I can certainly "level up" and play the game if I wanted , but I'm now searching for inner peace.

Confidence is most of it, man. I don't give a fuck how I look. I do practice selfcare, tho. Just not to an egotistical extreme. I just know how to talk to women and I am extremely upfront. They like that.

Hot Edit: Listen... I also want to state this is the first fucking day off I am going to have in 4 weeks and IM extremely Happy. I'm smoking big wax/flower and about to go Super Mario Haha. Love this Forum.
 
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That's raw Vaquilla Vaquilla . Raw Af.
That's just life, I suppose.

I was lucky enough to find someone eventually who can both accept my disability and who is okay with us not having kids.

I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, I never go hungry, I have enough money for luxuries like gaming, so I can't complain too much.
 
Modern women are searching for unicorns...and dating apps just push women to keep up that habit, afterall they dont make money when people leave the app. They are all bent towards making things easier for women...this way they have an endless wall of women to entice men. Thats why on these apps women will have 700 men liking them and endless men to burn through, while the guys they talk to have them and a couple more. Thats why women will talk to you then just vanish. Its an awful system that isnt healthy for anyone. All a woman has to do is find one better trait in the next guy...then the next guy...then the next guy...its an endless cycle that bends to the female psyche. And its guys who pay the most money for the apps. If you think it gets easier in your 40s...it sure as fuck doesnt.....unicorns cant be found.
 
I have never been in relationship. I am not sure I would like that. Having to force conversations and things to do. And not being myself and talking to myself by repeating sayings and jumping around at home etc.
 
the truth is the internet ruined dating for you kids. Meeting people face to face and getting to know them is how people pair up, not fucking apps.
 
Modern women are searching for unicorns...and dating apps just push women to keep up that habit, afterall they dont make money when people leave the app. They are all bent towards making things easier for women...this way they have an endless wall of women to entice men. Thats why on these apps women will have 700 men liking them and endless men to burn through, while the guys they talk to have them and a couple more. Thats why women will talk to you then just vanish. Its an awful system that isnt healthy for anyone. All a woman has to do is find one better trait in the next guy...then the next guy...then the next guy...its an endless cycle that bends to the female psyche. And its guys who pay the most money for the apps. If you think it gets easier in your 40s...it sure as fuck doesnt.....unicorns cant be found.

The reality is women's psyche doesn't change as they get older, they still are neurotic and play the games. Once you get together her imitating contact becomes few and far between, they chase the attention and the dopamine hit they get from you reaching out first, but what they don't understand is it makes them start to take you for granted and lessens their attraction for you. It's a vicious circle and completely unconscious on their part.

The only cure is a lot of patience and don't chase and you should be golden. No double texting, EVER, texting is tennis. If she leaves you on read or doesn't reply, then wait until she does, absolutely NO sulking or accusations of being ignored. NEVER I've watched a buddy destroy every relationship he has with over contact and acting like a baby with his girl of the moment.

2 more golden rules

1 - When flirting never mention her tits or arse.

2 - Never ask her if she ok, if she's distant or not replying.
 
Practice friending a girl you are not attracted to to get comfortable with yourself.

then be the same with the one you like

The challenge with drop dead gorgeous girls is keeping your mind together, when everything else is screaming at you
 
Pro-Tip: add PHD to your bio

hmdFnTJ.gif
 
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On a serious note... I'm two years older than this guy and in the same boat.


The guy in that video wants you to sign up to his newsletter and pay for a 1-to-1 video consultation. Fuck him. He's preying on insecure men.

Look at his channel

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Doing a video like this every day, advocating for shit like semen retention as a way to get the attention of women. Fucking nonsense.
 
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I'm approaching my 25th wedding anniversary and if anything happens to my wife, God forbid, I'm not even bothering with entering the dating pool again. It was shitty in the pre-internet days with video dating, bar hopping, and old matchmaker PC BBS's. No way in hell I want to bother in this era of social media, dating apps, and wildly unrealistic expectations.

Anything happens to her I'll be content buying a damn Fleshlight and staying single the rest of my days.
 
I'm one ugly son of a bitch now, but used to look like a model when I was 16-18. The girls were even the ones who did the approaching. Too bad it didn't last long as at 18, I rapidly started turning into Shrek. I installed Tinder once about 8 years ago and as expected got 0 matches. Nobody likes Shrek as Shrek can only be with an ugly woman. Girls at my uni made fun of me constantly due to my appearance. So, yeah, I gave up on relationships.
 
I found that finding someone you know is easier to date than doing the apps. I dated people from work, i joined a few local groups and dated in that pool as well. My now wife is someone I dated from work. Dating apps are inherently limiting in trying to find someone.

I want to add, that hitting the gym, and getting a testosterone supplement, also worked. I noticed girls liked me more because I was trying to improve myself, before I got to my goal weight.
 
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I'm one ugly son of a bitch now, but used to look like a model when I was 16-18. The girls were even the ones who did the approaching. Too bad it didn't last long as at 18, I rapidly started turning into Shrek. I installed Tinder once about 8 years ago and as expected got 0 matches. Nobody likes Shrek as Shrek can only be with an ugly woman. Girls at my uni made fun of me constantly due to my appearance. So, yeah, I gave up on relationships.

I don't think physical appearance matters that much to most women. What turns me off of the guys I see on dating apps are the weird & frankly creepy choices they make: weird expressions, shirtless mirror selfies. There's a look that some people have in their eyes that gives me a gut feeling that there's something off about this person.

I'd literally date a brain in a jar if he had a decent personality & made me laugh (read: would banter with me).
 
The only cure is a lot of patience and don't chase and you should be golden. No double texting, EVER, texting is tennis. If she leaves you on read or doesn't reply, then wait until she does, absolutely NO sulking or accusations of being ignored. NEVER I've watched a buddy destroy every relationship he has with over contact and acting like a baby with his girl of the moment.

2 more golden rules

1 - When flirting never mention her tits or arse.

2 - Never ask her if she ok, if she's distant or not replying.

Isn't that just solid advice for everyone? Find somebody you're interested in & show them you're interested. If they don't reciprocate, if they say they're interested but their actions don't match up, then leave.

Your 2nd golden rule is interesting. So like, ideally, you'd ask someone what's wrong when you sense something's wrong (if you value direct communication & not playing games). Ideally, she'd just tell you: "I'm upset 'cause you should've x y z, you said this" or better, "I feel like you don't like me, I'm confused becuase I thought you were interested but I'm getting the feeling you aren't."

I just don't see how matching that passive aggressive or detached way of being helps you, unless you decide to cut contact as soon as somebody gets distant.
 
I sometimes envy guys (and girls) who are down for the opposite sex so fast. I usually bounce back and forth between not caring at all or caring way to much. Meaning, quite charming and easy going with women I'm not interested in and an absolute retard with the ones I am. I could have settled with a decent women long ago (no regrets though). But alas, it's hopeless.

We should have never moved away from arranged marriages. Would have been much less of an headache. There, I said it.
 
I seriously doubt any of you want to die alone.
Everyone dies alone.

OP....I'm with ya bud. I started working at 15, worked two full time jobs until I was 21, then worked my ass off in two careers from then on. Couldn't date anyone at work and worked too much to do the social thing. Now I am much older (not quite double your age...but add 20 years to it) and I have ZERO prospects.

The only thing I can say is that going through life single player fucking sucks.

Maybe your expectations are too high (I don't know you...just throwing out ideas) but find someone you can stand to be around and try to look past the things you don't like about them. You are still in your 20's so there is hope for you....don't give up. You WILL regret it.
 
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I sometimes envy guys (and girls) who are down for the opposite sex so fast. I usually bounce back and forth between not caring at all or caring way to much. Meaning, quite charming and easy going with women I'm not interested in and an absolute retard with the ones I am. I could have settled with a decent women long ago (no regrets though). But alas, it's hopeless.

We should have never moved away from arranged marriages. Would have been much less of an headache. There, I said it.
Maybe you dodged a couple of bullets

My highschool sweetheart is a premature whale now. Whatever you do, don't let go. It takes a fuckton of energy to get it back.

What I'm getting at is that these hoes need time in the oven. And men, need even more time in the oven but for other reasons. We're cooked either way.
 
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I don't think physical appearance matters that much to most women.
I guess you never read psychology books. These are the three main principles of attraction I read about in a university psychology textbook: 1) physical appearance; 2) similarity (interests, hobbies, even body language, etc.); 3) living location proximity.

Physical appearance is the ultimate weapon according to psychologists. Good luck dating or being a successful con artist if that is your goal. Also, you will never influence other people just as effectively if you don't look atttractive.

People cringe or laugh at me when I speak when some good or average looking guy is at least tolerated or well respected in a group.

You can deny all you want, these are the facts. Young women find me repulsive even if I dress well and shower. It's because of factors I can't control.
 
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It's because of factors I can't control.

I'm really curious if you actually believe that? I think men believe what you believe because that's what they prioritize, and women think we can attract you with our personalities & accomplishments because that's what we prioritize.

Also, you will never influence other people just as effectively if you don't look attractive.

People cringe or laugh at me when I speak when some good or average looking guy is at least tolerated or well respected in a group.

I had a coworker who'd say "Good morning, beautiful [coworker name]!" and wouldn't even acknowledge me, so I get it.
 
men believe what you believe because that's what they prioritize, and women think we can attract you with our personalities & accomplishments because that's what we prioritize.
boom smile GIF
 
Modern women are searching for unicorns...and dating apps just push women to keep up that habit, afterall they dont make money when people leave the app. They are all bent towards making things easier for women...this way they have an endless wall of women to entice men. Thats why on these apps women will have 700 men liking them and endless men to burn through, while the guys they talk to have them and a couple more. Thats why women will talk to you then just vanish. Its an awful system that isnt healthy for anyone. All a woman has to do is find one better trait in the next guy...then the next guy...then the next guy...its an endless cycle that bends to the female psyche. And its guys who pay the most money for the apps. If you think it gets easier in your 40s...it sure as fuck doesnt.....unicorns cant be found.
These sites don't benefit women any more than they benefit men who don't just want to shop for hookups. The only way you could think that is if the goal is getting as much notifications as possible and endless shallow complements based on nothing.

I used to use a site before Covid that people essentially used as a dating site & would get upwards of 50 messages per post (note that there were no photos involved). At first, I was confused by just how many would fizzle out. I started getting pickier because of how much time I lost due to endless restarting & people who weren't even interested in me so much as they just wanted any female to respond. Having zero responses and having no way to tell who among hundreds of replies is actually sincere are two different areas in the same hell.

The women who start talking & vanish quickly have 6 photos and a couple "quirky" prompts to go off. Of course they leave when they realize there's no chemistry and you have nothing in common. Of course it's all based on photos. There's nothing else to go on.

From what I've heard, dating apps used to let you see EVERYONE who was online, and they prioritized big text boxes where you could show off your personality & humor and interests. So everybody could be pickier & just search for somebody who was a good match, rather than this asinine system of random swiping & talking to people knowing nothing about them beforehand. Match Group is literally Satan.
 
I'm 26 and successful in other areas of my life except dating. I'm independent, like my job, have my hobbies, have friends, good family relationships, I'm doing well. I like how I look and think I have a lot to offer.

I absolutely suck at dating, and find it all incredibly stressful. Unfortunately I'm no good at the whole aloof/distant/chase thing, either.
That's not to say I scare women off by sending 10 million texts and declaring love, but I just find dating and being in a long-term relationship stressful.

There seems to be an insane pressure for people to be coupled up though, society is built around couples and there's this whole idea that life is 'complete' once you find 'the one".

There is a level of smugness from some couples, the idea that they're better or more attractive because they're in a relationship.

Women don't seem to want to be with me, I don't know why that is, but they don't. I can't be bothered any more.

I'm sick of hearing all the clichés around dating (mostly by people who are in relationships). I find the whole thing incredibly stressful.

Sometimes it's lonely and miserable. I find many men are not worth it either, that said so many people around me give the appearance of being blissfully happy together.

Anyone else?

Oh by the way, idk if this sounds flippant but I feel better after watching Financial Audit & Dr. John Delony's relationship thing on Youtube. Holy shit, the amount of people who wind up married to somebody who effectively hates them is insane. Now add someone who runs your finances into the ground and gaslights you about it.
 
These sites don't benefit women any more than they benefit men who don't just want to shop for hookups. The only way you could think that is if the goal is getting as much notifications as possible and endless shallow complements based on nothing.

I used to use a site before Covid that people essentially used as a dating site & would get upwards of 50 messages per post (note that there were no photos involved). At first, I was confused by just how many would fizzle out. I started getting pickier because of how much time I lost due to endless restarting & people who weren't even interested in me so much as they just wanted any female to respond. Having zero responses and having no way to tell who among hundreds of replies is actually sincere are two different areas in the same hell.

The women who start talking & vanish quickly have 6 photos and a couple "quirky" prompts to go off. Of course they leave when they realize there's no chemistry and you have nothing in common. Of course it's all based on photos. There's nothing else to go on.

From what I've heard, dating apps used to let you see EVERYONE who was online, and they prioritized big text boxes where you could show off your personality & humor and interests. So everybody could be pickier & just search for somebody who was a good match, rather than this asinine system of random swiping & talking to people knowing nothing about them beforehand. Match Group is literally Satan.
This is incorrect and kind of nonsense. i have never given a fuck about attention or likes nor do i care about how many people are interested in me nor do i care if you ring that bell and subscribe. Im going to guess you are from a younger generation to even think about those things. I used apps a few times sometime back because when you speak a different language then where you live, its more convenient. Especially in a country where you HAVE to be the one to be forward., Now if i wanna meet someone i just walk up to them. However i have many friends who had experiences in the past and still are. Many such apps are absolutely bent towards it. Getting people to stop using your app as soon as possible is not a good business model. Even Bumble realized it was Pushing too hard down that alleyway. Pairs and many such apps often cost nothing for women and only men have to pay. And yes they do have LIKES, why do you think even having a popularity show up in numerical value even exists. https://edition.cnn.com/2024/04/30/tech/bumble-relaunch-men-make-first-move
 
Everyone dies alone.

OP....I'm with ya bud. I started working at 15, worked two full time jobs until I was 21, then worked my ass off in two careers from then on. Couldn't date anyone at work and worked too much to do the social thing. Now I am much older (not quite double your age...but add 20 years to it) and I have ZERO prospects.

The only thing I can say is that going through life single player fucking sucks.

Maybe your expectations are too high (I don't know you...just throwing out ideas) but find someone you can stand to be around and try to look past the things you don't like about them. You are still in your 20's so there is hope for you....don't give up. You WILL regret it.
Doesn't it more come down to the old saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? You don't know how life would have turned out if you've ended up going multiplayer. I certainly know a lot of people who are not better off in their relationship. It's just that solitude is/can be it's own kind of hell and many people can't deal with it and would rather suffer through a bad relationship. That doesn't make one side better though, just a different.

The biggest dilemma I personally find myself in as I'm getting older is the slowly eroding lack of purpose. I earn well, have a stable job, am fitter and more healthy than I've ever been and have next to nothing to worry about (also because I cut more people out of my life that were causing problems). Been living like this for a couple of years and I'd be lying not to say that I didn't enjoy it immensely for long periods of time because I came out of a 24/7 problem family/relationship.

It's funny how the hedonic treadmill works. But you have to keep in mind that it works either if you are single or in a relationship.
 
Doesn't it more come down to the old saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? You don't know how life would have turned out if you've ended up going multiplayer. I certainly know a lot of people who are not better off in their relationship. It's just that solitude is/can be it's own kind of hell and many people can't deal with it and would rather suffer through a bad relationship. That doesn't make one side better though, just a different.

The biggest dilemma I personally find myself in as I'm getting older is the slowly eroding lack of purpose. I earn well, have a stable job, am fitter and more healthy than I've ever been and have next to nothing to worry about (also because I cut more people out of my life that were causing problems). Been living like this for a couple of years and I'd be lying not to say that I didn't enjoy it immensely for long periods of time because I came out of a 24/7 problem family/relationship.

It's funny how the hedonic treadmill works. But you have to keep in mind that it works either if you are single or in a relationship.
It does free me up to be very available for the folks I have in my life. I have been able to shape my nieces and nephews lives in ways that would not have been possible had I a family of my own.
As I get older it's all the little shit that starts erroding at me. Holiday's kind of of suck, as my limited friend group gets older and have family's of their own I have less and less people to enjoy stuff (read games/technology) with.

Don't get me started on the day to day bullshit...cooking for 1 sucks, chores and general upkeep are always my responsibility, and even social events which are typically limited social events (watching TV shows, going to movies or concerts) looses its luster when you are by yourself all the time.

Also...sometimes you just want to lay in that greener grass and bang :messenger_beaming:.l
 
It does free me up to be very available for the folks I have in my life. I have been able to shape my nieces and nephews lives in ways that would not have been possible had I a family of my own.
As I get older it's all the little shit that starts erroding at me. Holiday's kind of of suck, as my limited friend group gets older and have family's of their own I have less and less people to enjoy stuff (read games/technology) with.

Don't get me started on the day to day bullshit...cooking for 1 sucks, chores and general upkeep are always my responsibility, and even social events which are typically limited social events (watching TV shows, going to movies or concerts) looses its luster when you are by yourself all the time.

Also...sometimes you just want to lay in that greener grass and bang :messenger_beaming:.l
True, I know all that too well but the point I'm trying to make is that you have other cons on the other side as well. And who can guarantee that you wouldn't be sitting here and writing those instead of what you do now if your life had went differently? Especially with how many families work these days. You can only know if you like a way when you actually walked it.

I can't help but to think that todays issues run much deeper and can't be boiled down to the question if you're single or not.
 
Same. Gave up on it when I realized the dating scene is a complete dumpster fire right now. Pretty happy just focusing on me and going places and enjoying life.

If it's meant to happen the. It'll happen, if it's not it won't, ya know?
 
I can't help but to think that todays issues run much deeper and can't be boiled down to the question if you're single or not.

Imagine having a healthy extended family live in the same general area you do, and knowing your neighbors all the way down the street, kids playing together until evening

I bet that happens on some other planet somewhere. Sounds cool
 
Imagine having a healthy extended family live in the same general area you do, and knowing your neighbors all the way down the street, kids playing together until evening

I bet that happens on some other planet somewhere. Sounds cool
Well said. We are more connected to the people on the other side of the world than with the people around us. Being in or out of an intimate relationship doesn't change that.
 
Isn't that just solid advice for everyone? Find somebody you're interested in & show them you're interested. If they don't reciprocate, if they say they're interested but their actions don't match up, then leave.

Your 2nd golden rule is interesting. So like, ideally, you'd ask someone what's wrong when you sense something's wrong (if you value direct communication & not playing games). Ideally, she'd just tell you: "I'm upset 'cause you should've x y z, you said this" or better, "I feel like you don't like me, I'm confused becuase I thought you were interested but I'm getting the feeling you aren't."

I just don't see how matching that passive aggressive or detached way of being helps you, unless you decide to cut contact as soon as somebody gets distant.

This is on the principle that women are not logical. 👍
 
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