I've given up on dating

Toons said:
Im single and pretty much always have been, but I have found plenty of good friends of either gender. Im content. If something comes along with the prospect of a relationship maybe ill take that avenue but im not clamoring for it. I have other things to occupy my time.
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I feel like society demonizes men who are single and content.
 
Grab a book called "How to Pick Up Women" and take it to a busy bar where single women hang out. Just sit there reading it, title fully visible like you're studying for a final. First woman who laughs or says something just smile & say "The book told me this would work". BOOM!!!
 
Idleyes said:
Grab a book called "How to Pick Up Women" and take it to a busy bar where single women hang out. Just sit there reading it, title fully visible like you're studying for a final. First woman who laughs or says something just smile & say "The book told me this would work". BOOM!!!
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Seth Meyers Ok GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers
 
26 is not that old.

My advice is to just do what you love, keep working on yourself, try new things, and make yourself go out there and be social. I've found you don't have to be aloof of mysterious, just treat women you're attracted to like anyone else. Try to learn new things about people, ask questions and be friendly. If a woman is interested in you, she'll let you know, either directly or indirectly. It will be obvious. Dating doesn't have to be some kind of rigid, stressful process. Sometimes it's just hanging out with someone as friends until something pushes it into a relationship.
 
Plies said:
I feel like society demonizes men who are single and content.
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You absolutely need to shake that kind of mindset. Imagine you heard a woman say she feels like society demonises women who are single and content. What would you think about that?

Don't think that way if you want to get better at dating.
 
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Plies said:
I'm 26 and successful in other areas of my life except dating. I'm independent, like my job, have my hobbies, have friends, good family relationships, I'm doing well. I like how I look and think I have a lot to offer.

I absolutely suck at dating, and find it all incredibly stressful. Unfortunately I'm no good at the whole aloof/distant/chase thing, either.
That's not to say I scare women off by sending 10 million texts and declaring love, but I just find dating and being in a long-term relationship stressful.

There seems to be an insane pressure for people to be coupled up though, society is built around couples and there's this whole idea that life is 'complete' once you find 'the one".

There is a level of smugness from some couples, the idea that they're better or more attractive because they're in a relationship.

Women don't seem to want to be with me, I don't know why that is, but they don't. I can't be bothered any more.

I'm sick of hearing all the clichés around dating (mostly by people who are in relationships). I find the whole thing incredibly stressful.

Sometimes it's lonely and miserable. I find many men are not worth it either, that said so many people around me give the appearance of being blissfully happy together.

Anyone else?
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I know, it sucks. It's carnage. I would totally date you.
 
Plies said:
I feel like society demonizes men who are single and content.
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Society demonized anything that isn't the norm. But I never sought out approval of the norm. I seek to fulfill myself, and do good to others, even strangers. If I'm successful, those who demonize me will only be reflecting themselves.
 
Never totally shut that door.

Met my wife 27 years ago as she was my physical therapist for my shoulder and at the time I was not looking for someone but once that door opened I never looked back
 
HeisenbergFX4 said:
Never totally shut that door.

Met my wife 27 years ago as she was my physical therapist for my shoulder and at the time I was not looking for someone but once that door opened I never looked back
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As a pro athlete, there must've been a lot of temptation around.
How did you decide to settle down?
What was the dating process like back then?

27 years ago is longer than I've been alive, lol
 
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Plies said:
As a pro athlete, there must've been a lot of temptation around.
How did you decide to settle down?
What was the dating process like back then?

27 years ago is longer than I've been alive, lol
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There was a lot of temptation but it was towards the end of my career and I had lived that life long enough

I wouldn't be able to compare how dating was back then to now because at that time I didn't even own a cell phone, very few people had them and forget Social Medias

What made me decide to settle down was her, as corny as it sounds, I simply didn't want anyone else any longer
 
Have you posited an image of yourself in this thread?

Unfortunately, unless you grew up with someone or have known someone for a long time dating is 90% attraction. Even otherwise shitty people have zero issues finding partners if they are good looking. Life is unfair.

If you're not already considered good looking about all you can do (other then surgery) is exercise and get into great shape. Being fit on its own won't get you laid or find a partner, but it never hurts.
 
Icymanipulator said:
Have you posited an image of yourself in this thread?

Unfortunately, unless you grew up with someone or have known someone for a long time dating is 90% attraction. Even otherwise shitty people have zero issues finding partners if they are good looking. Life is unfair.

If you're not already considered good looking about all you can do (other then surgery) is exercise and get into great shape. Being fit on its own won't get you laid or find a partner, but it never hurts.
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Eh, to the average person (like me), it's all subjective.
You can find a few who think you're Brad Pitt, but most will look at you like you're beans on toast .
 
12Goblins said:
Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back.
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Sometimes I'm happy I live in a country that's backwards and not "up with the times" socially.

can't say what it's like for the young'uns here, but for most people in their late 20s, 30s, the relations between men and women is pretty normal here. (besides things that occur in traditional tribes).

I do feel for the City kids in the US and UK and other "progressive" cities in the western world, it seems like you have been conscripted into gender wars that you don't even want to be in.
 
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StueyDuck said:
Sometimes I'm happy I live in a country that's backwards and not "up with the times" socially.

can't say what it's like for the young'uns here, but for most people in their late 20s, 30s, the relations between men and women is pretty normal here. (besides things that occur in traditional tribes).

I do feel for the City kids in the US and UK and other "progressive" cities in the western world, it seems like you have been conscripted into gender wars that you don't even want to be in.
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I do think the culture war stuff is vastly overblown. A lot of that identity politics style stuff, on both sides of the culture war, is just imagined victimhood. The vast majority of people are doing fine.
 
DKehoe said:
I do think the culture war stuff is vastly overblown. A lot of that identity politics style stuff, on both sides of the culture war, is just imagined victimhood. The vast majority of people are doing fine.
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Well, I hope for their sakes that is true.

All this social media gender war stuff is just so retarded.
 
It's quite similar for me. Now I had two big relationships in my life in my 20s. After that I just haven't been able to find anyone anywhere acceptable of me at all. So it's quite odd. I had my time, did the sex, it happened, I got old. So uh, life goes on and I hope you have or if not will eventually find someone. Hey here's a good site for dating. It's free, unlike all the others. plentyoffish . com
 
StueyDuck said:
Well, I hope for their sakes that is true.

All this social media gender war stuff is just so retarded.
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It's not real. But what it does do is make someone convinced they're a victim. And that's going to make that person unappealing to date. So if someone is going on about how everything is woke or everyone is racist then is that person going to be someone others are interested in dating? So it's that person's own decisions that have led them to the situation they find themselves in. But the thing about the culture war is it's always about finding some societal reason why you aren't happy and not taking personal responsibility. So the more someone gets into it, whichever side they're on, the less likely they become to do something about it.
 
DKehoe said:
It's not real. But what it does do is make someone convinced they're a victim. And that's going to make that person unappealing to date. So if someone is going on about how everything is woke or everyone is racist then is that person going to be someone others are interested in dating? So it's that person's own decisions that have led them to the situation they find themselves in. But the thing about the culture war is it's always about finding some societal reason why you aren't happy and not taking personal responsibility. So the more someone gets into it, whichever side they're on, the less likely they become to do something about it.
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I understand what you are saying about political views and victimhood.

I was just mostly speaking on the angle of gender and that modern dating seems to be, by social medias standards, Men are bad, women are bad, we must share the bill, men must pay, men must be 6ft, women must have no aspirations besides being a wife and so on and so forth.

Things like "would you rather be with a man or a bear", even if it's "comedy". is really a stupid and retarded narrative that is harmful to youths who are either entering the dating scene or trying to navigate it in a post TikTok world.

It's just all so destructive.
 
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There are some women who can't stand men being happy but as long as they have no effect on your life who cares what they think.

Stop trying to be what certain man hating women say a man should be because you will never win.
 
StueyDuck said:
I understand what you are saying about political views and victimhood.

I was just mostly speaking on the angle of gender and that modern dating seems to be, by social medias standards, Men are bad, women are bad, we must share the bill, men must pay, men must be 6ft, women must have no aspirations besides being a wife and so on and so forth.

Things like "would you rather be with a man or a bear", even if it's "comedy". is really a stupid and retarded narrative that is harmful to youths who are either entering the dating scene or trying to navigate it in a post TikTok world.

It's just all so destructive.
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It's definitely good for those young people to remember that stuff isn't real. Social media will always highlight the outrageous because that's what draws eyeballs and engagement. You either have the worst or people pretending to be the worst. But the vast majority of people are chill. People who are into the culture war end up talking in extremes about how "society has fallen" based on things they've seen or read online. However, your average person is reasonable. People can't go into something like dating thinking that the extremes they see online actually represent your typical day-to-day experience. Yeh, there's weirdos out there but that's life. You can't shut yourself off from it because of a few outliers.
 
12Goblins said:
Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back.
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I didn't read the article, but I will.
The reason I am replying before hand is because I know where the Men have gone. They got smart, got less simp-like(hopefully) and decided it's better to save money and enjoy life than take on a woman who probably doesn't even appreciate him. It goes super deep and the last 10 years of shoving shit down our throats like "toxic masculinity" signal boosting soyboy behavior and other guys going batshit insane, that end up transitioning for their own personal reasons. The dating pool is extremely fucked up, right now. It's a damned good thing I know exactly what I want in a woman and I won't settle for less.
Finding a woman who's done with the bullshit is a major green flag for me. For one thing. I prefer no tattoos, but compromising that for a likeable personality and intelligence would be priority.

I don't blame OP for giving up, but I wouldn't. I would just be casual and passive about it. The same thing I am doing now. I feel more like it's spearfishing That One in a school of shit you want to avoid. I don't like to be harsh about it, but that's how I feel.
 
Dirk Benedict said:
I don't blame OP for giving up, but I wouldn't. I would just be casual and passive about it. The same thing I am doing now.
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Since you're above average in attractiveness, I'd say that's a good way to go.

But for someone average like me, the dating game can be brutal.
Here's a taste of what normal guys deal with:



Mind you, it's not a sob story for me, only a realization that I don't want to work exponentially harder to get the same women as good looking guys or often times even less, lol.

I can certainly "level up" and play the game if I wanted , but I'm now searching for inner peace.
 
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I don't know you OP, but 26 is far too young to hang up the cleats. The spikes are still sharp.

Don't do the victim complex thing. Plenty of people hit these walls, especially in today's dating economy.

Take accountability. Need more reps. You got this.
 
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Plies said:
I'm 26 and successful in other areas of my life except dating. I'm independent, like my job, have my hobbies, have friends, good family relationships, I'm doing well. I like how I look and think I have a lot to offer.

I absolutely suck at dating, and find it all incredibly stressful. Unfortunately I'm no good at the whole aloof/distant/chase thing, either.
That's not to say I scare women off by sending 10 million texts and declaring love, but I just find dating and being in a long-term relationship stressful.

There seems to be an insane pressure for people to be coupled up though, society is built around couples and there's this whole idea that life is 'complete' once you find 'the one".

There is a level of smugness from some couples, the idea that they're better or more attractive because they're in a relationship.

Women don't seem to want to be with me, I don't know why that is, but they don't. I can't be bothered any more.

I'm sick of hearing all the clichés around dating (mostly by people who are in relationships). I find the whole thing incredibly stressful.

Sometimes it's lonely and miserable. I find many men are not worth it either, that said so many people around me give the appearance of being blissfully happy together.

Anyone else?
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I am happily married, and no doubt we are together forever (which I am very happy about). But I can tell you that if I were to get a divorce, I wouldn't get married again. Relationships are work.
 
Kvally said:
Well, that is just your opinion. Some will find you WAY above average and awesome looking.
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Yeah, that's on me.
It seems I'm only attracted to and go after toxic 10/10's.
Maybe I should have more realistic standards..
 
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Plies said:
Yeah, that's on me.
It seems I'm only attracted to and go after toxic 10/10's.
Maybe I should have more realistic standards..
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You are like my son. And that's a good thing. He has a standards and is willing to take as long as it takes to find the right one that meets his standards.
 
Not sure where you live, but I think you have a better chance in a rural area. If you are an average guy, try looking for an average woman. You may need to go to church...
 
Plies said:
Since you're above average in attractiveness, I'd say that's a good way to go.

But for someone average like me, the dating game can be brutal.
Here's a taste of what normal guys deal with:



Mind you, it's not a sob story for me, only a realization that I don't want to work exponentially harder to get the same women as good looking guys or often times even less, lol.

I can certainly "level up" and play the game if I wanted , but I'm now searching for inner peace.
Click to expand...

I'll respond to this properly when I get home.
Edit: Let's take a look at this video, I guess, lol...
 
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Plies said:
Since you're above average in attractiveness, I'd say that's a good way to go.

But for someone average like me, the dating game can be brutal.
Here's a taste of what normal guys deal with:



Mind you, it's not a sob story for me, only a realization that I don't want to work exponentially harder to get the same women as good looking guys or often times even less, lol.

I can certainly "level up" and play the game if I wanted , but I'm now searching for inner peace.
Click to expand...


I'm willing to wager that 99% of those chicks aren't doing any of that crap they're saying and will gargle the first nut shot their way.
 
Idleyes said:
Don't give up on dating bruh bruh , just buy a conversation starter. I'm serious. Women don't approach? Cool, give them a reason to be curious. Here's what I mean:"
  • Drive something weird but cool: Roll up in a DeLorean, a right-hand drive import, or even a mint Geo Tracker. Something that doesn't scream "I have money," but whispers "I have stories."
  • Rock foreign fashion: A well-fitted Nigerian agbada, a Japanese noragi jacket, or even an Irish tweed cap. If someone asks about it, boom: conversation. If they don't, you still look fly bruh.
  • Own a low-maintenance, high-charisma pet: like a African grey parrot that says weird shit like "Don't trust Todd." Go to the park or chill outside a café with it. Trust me.
  • Be the dude with the cool hobby kit: Sketchpad, instant film camera, travel-sized chess board. You're not trying to impress, you're just being you, but publicly. Kna mean?

Just throwing a concept out there.
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Don't do this, don't become a hipster, you gonna end up with some bitch that hangs out comedy clubs and listens to Backstreet Boys.
 
kpopSuperstar said:
Nobody can know if they want kids or not until they have one, and its a helluva thing to miss out on.
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Hard disagree. Some life choices are too massive, too permanent, and too defining to just "try and see"

Framing parenthood as a default or inevitable path completely invalidates people who've thought deeply about their lives and made a conscious choice not to have kids

People can know. And frankly, they should know before bringing a whole new life into the world
 
kpopSuperstar said:
Don't do this, don't become a hipster, you gonna end up with some bitch that hangs out comedy clubs and listens to Backstreet Boys.
Click to expand...

The whole idea is to show up as your authentic self, whatever that looks like. Don't just mimic what you think everyone else finds acceptable. One time, I threw on a full light-up outfit just to walk around the strip of bars, and I lost count of how many times ladies stopped me to ask where I got it. That turned into bar hopping with them. Forget playing it safe. The goal is to get a reaction, the fish won't bite if you don't cast a line. If you catch one you don't want? Toss it back. Not trying at all just because you might attract a Backstreet Boys fan? That's silly.
 
I dead ass met my wife because I was wearing a T shirt that said you really don't know Jesus while waving around a light saber late night at New Smyrna beach. When she learned I was agnostic she thought she could save me and here we are. Married for 25 years and I'm still not saved. :messenger_beaming:

Edit: Matter of fact Plies Plies if you're in Orlando Florida I can hook you up with a female that can use a friend. Only issue is she works all day and can only hang out late night. She also has two kids, but she's hot.... It's not like that bruh we ain't do nothing :lollipop_halo:. She's just one of those that stuck around after I got married gotta be into black girls that are a little crazy. Not the violence thing just she not about nonsense. Like overly emotional men. Kna mean? The rest of the girls I hang with are straight up menaces so I wouldn't even recommend they loud and proudly out there head ass.
 
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HRK69 said:
Hard disagree. Some life choices are too massive, too permanent, and too defining to just "try and see"

Framing parenthood as a default or inevitable path completely invalidates people who've thought deeply about their lives and made a conscious choice not to have kids

People can know. And frankly, they should know before bringing a whole new life into the world
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Our entire psychology is built around survival and offspring, its the purpose of our excistence, whether we want to or not.

And while these sort of nonsensical biological arguments are overused and corny, children is too ingrained in living to not be exceptionally important for a human life.

Its fear. And immaturity. People are afraid of having kids because of the commitment and convinces themselves they don't want it.

Yes, not everyone is a good parent, or want to be one, but thinking you know what its like to have a child before you do is just not possible.
 
kpopSuperstar said:
Our entire psychology is built around survival and offspring, its the purpose of our excistence, whether we want to or not.

And while these sort of nonsensical biological arguments are overused and corny, children is too ingrained in living to not be exceptionally important for a human life.

Its fear. And immaturity. People are afraid of having kids because of the commitment and convinces themselves they don't want it.

Yes, not everyone is a good parent, or want to be one, but thinking you know what its like to have a child before you do is just not possible.
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Sure, our species survived because we reproduced. That doesn't mean every individual's life must revolve around popping out offspring to be valid or complete. That logic is like saying because we evolved to run from predators, anyone not sprinting daily is living wrong

Calling it "fear" or "immaturity" to not want kids is honestly patronizing. What's really immature is assuming people are too scared or confused to make a conscious, well-thought out decision about their lives

Plenty of people have looked at the entire picture, emotionally, financially, environmentally, even ethically and concluded that parenthood isn't for them. That's not fear. That's clarity.

People can know what they want, even if they can't know the exact experience. By that same logic, no one should avoid heroin until they've tried it either, after all, how could they really know?

To me raising a child sounds like a punishment disguised as a milestone
 
There are plenty of reasons not to have kids.

I'm autistic which is hereditary, so if I had a kid, very high chance they'd be autistic, possibly severely so, and it would be cruel to bring a kid into the world knowing they're going to have a very hard life, not to mention that I would be incapable of giving them a good upbringing given my own disability.

It sucks, as I did want kids when I was younger, but life's not fair.
 
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