Every moment we're alive, we're keeping from having sex with other people. We're not biologically programmed to have sex with just one person. For better or worse we have these monogomous traditions now. An after effect of post-hunter-gatherer.
I'd be interested to read more on this if you have any sources.
I believe that the reason why cheating is such a big deal(besides the lying, the deceit) is that it's very difficult for people to find new people to fuck. particularly men are struggling. males are programmed to fuck almost everything on two legs (if you look at our ape-man ancestors) but we live in a society were a lot of factors hinder this biological wiring.
Interesting if it's not just wild conjecture. Any sources?
So when people lose their wife, after they have let themselves go, they think so little of themselves that there is no going back. there is no way, a comparable attractive woman of similar quality will ever fuck them. and that's where all hell breaks loose, because then you might as well be dead, if life is miserable from here on out. and in the anger they lash out at those responsible because they let their emotions run amok.
"Letting yourself go" is an excuse that people that are lazy use to make it seem like they've achieved what they wanted to by being fit. If they've become insecure in their marriages, I think they're not working enough on themselves. Why does any of this make life miserable? These are far too reflected outcomes of someone cheating to be an emotional response. This is not why people act out when they're cheated on.
Our feelings of being entitled over other humans is a strange thing. "she can only love me". Think about how crazy that sounds. Most people don't even know who they really are. How the hell can you expect another human being to keep feeling the same way about you for many years, when you don't even feel the same about yourself every day?
It's not feeling the same. It's still feeling attracted to. The way that comes about hopefully changes as much as you do. No matter how you'd like to mark humans in regard to monogamy, it is not what it is about in most cases. Keeping new trends like open relationships out of the equation (because, how could a new trend underline a point you're making about evolutionary psychology?), a lot of people are happy about pledging their love to one person. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and there's nothing wrong happening there. The problem is when one person says "I'll love you forever", and then forgets to say "I don't do, anymore" before breaking the deepest bond of trust with their significant other. "She can only love me" is a ridiculous statement, but only people with narcissistic personality disorder (well, nearly) think like that about girls. I'm a person very, very fond of monogamy, and I'd expect someone to not betray that relationship if I was with them, but I would never be upset if they decided to end it.
Some people don't know how to get back from cheating. For some people it's worse than death. They don't think they can get back on the horse. When people get into serious relationships with their SO, they give up something of themselves, and often they are broken on the other side. it's a real trick, to keep your options open, to keep your sexual value high and desired while still being faithful in a relationship. Most of us, let ourselves go.
This is firstly irrelevant, secondly inconsequential, thirdly a justification and fourthly a bit incoherent.
Some people don't know how to get back from cheating.
Yes, the residing issues after having a deep bond of trust broken is one that can be extremely hard to mend. I'm sure there's ample people out there that aren't capable of mending it, and haven't the open mind to seek out people that can help them with it.
For some people it's worse than death.
This is an unfitting hyperbole only suited for those affected by such a heinous act, while still affected. It is extremely hard to break up with someone that's very close to you, but I don't think it's suited to say it's worse than death. It may feel worse than death, to them, but it's because it hurts a lot. It isn't worse than death, and it feels wrong to label is as such. I'm being pedantic over the qualifier "feels", but it's essential, because life goes on.
When people get into serious relationships with their SO, they give up something of themselves, and often they are broken on the other side.
That likely means they were missing something going into it. A proper relationship should have no one giving up an essential part of themselves. I know about this, because I just came out of my longest relationship ever, and I'm on the other side, missing her - but I have never given up on anything that was mine. The brokenness on the other side is a natural part of it all, but it is also what has us get back up, and get back to our roots. They are not broken, they feel like they're missing a huge part of themselves - rightfully so - but they're perfectly fixable, it just requires work. And most of the time, they end up in a better place.
You're portraying it in such a definitive matter that it's unfair.
it's a real trick, to keep your options open, to keep your sexual value high and desired while still being faithful in a relationship. Most of us, let ourselves go.
Which leads us into what I feel is an epitome of bitterness. I don't know what it is. Maybe you've been in a bad break up, maybe you've had your trust broken. There's nothing inherently wrong with monogamy, and I don't think you have any sources to back it up. I think it's unfair to portray it as such, as you did first in your post. Either you have some issues with a past relationship that I hope you work on, or you've missed the point of the relationship altogether.
You should be with someone that inspires you. Someone that's so beautiful you wish to keep in shape, because you feel she deserves it. It should also stem from a place within you to lead a happy life, and to be healthy. If you think it's in any way OK to "let yourself go", and that that's nothing more than succumbing to lazy desires, you're abusing that laziness to blame monogamy. Be healthy, be happy, have children, play with them. If you're so insecure that you need to keep in shape to feel desired by others, then do that. Don't try and blame monogamy for that, too. Even if you are desired, why does that make it hard to be faithful? It's just not coherent to me.
Yes, statistically
most people in our part of the world let themselves go,
regardless of being in a relationship or not. The fact that sugar has become such a drug for everyone that it leads to health problems has nothing to do with monogamy. People were monogamous a hundred years ago, and they were much leaner, and there was no "letting yourself go". It's inconsequential that people get fat once they have a wife. Even if it is, it makes them weak people. If they then make a conscious choice to not pursuit a happy life once they've found a mate, they've missed out on the whole point.
Also, once you think about evolution, and try to say that "we were made to be promiscuous", you'd see two things if you apply that to the world of today: People are having a lot of one-night stands. STDs are more prevalent than ever. There are people that go through life and are promiscuous the whole way through. But another thing that's absolutely certain from evolution is that the human female is extremely vulnerable during her very long pregnancy, and it could be argued she'd need protection during that time. Our children take an extremely long time to develop, compared to all other animals in the animal kingdom. They need proper protection and a healthy environment to be raised in. This has made us monogamous as well as clan based. There are many fleshed out theories about the promiscuity of women, and how it is connected to being inseminated with the best genes, then having a proper caring figure there to support that offspring. But this even underlines our monogamous nature.