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[Alcoremortis]

Echoing a lot of people in this thread, you gotta talk to her about this. And maybe find some other way of hanging out with her. Like, plan a structured activity with a defined endpoint that doesn't take place at her house. Going out to lunch would probably work best since that could be fairly cheap and then you could also just talk things out at the same time.

 

[PrankT]

Learn to say no. If she gets upset, that is her issue, not yours.

This.

Sorry about your dad, that is terrible. I lost mine 3 years ago and I still get sad.

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

Thanks everyone. I will delicately suggest boundaries, and doing things outside of labor.

This.

Sorry about your dad, that is terrible. I lost mine 3 years ago and I still get sad.

Thanks; it has been difficult do deal with; I'm sorry for yours as well.

 

[JackDT]

She is the only parent you have left man. So don't turn it into you hating her because she wants you around (the chores may be a bit of an excuse).

I was wondering if all the work as just an excuse to get family members to hang out too.

 

[User 479360]

I think it'd be best to talk to her, delicately, and explain things. Offer to help her sometimes, but not every weekend because it's too much and you have your own life/grief to deal with. But be there for her and don't abandon her.

You do only have one mother, and as someone who's lost his, I would give anything -- even if it meant tons of manual labor every weekend -- to have her back. I'm sure losing a father is just as difficult, though, and I remember your thread. I don't mean to guilt trip you, though, because it does seem like she's coming on quite strong. But it's likely her grief.

Good luck

 

[n0razi]

Dang, I would probably take a bullet for my mom... cant really relate

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

I called her and it was a very brief conversation. I was saying that I already had plans, and that it would be nice if we could get together outside of doing work; such as coming to my place for dinner. She proceeded to say manual labor is what she needs right now, and calls because she needs work around the house. She then said "I don't have your father around to do these things. Your father. ..." she then trailed off, and started to sound emotional and hung up the phone.

 

[psynergylover]

You need to tell her what you're telling us. That you love her and that you want to be emotionally available in case she needs you, but that you don't want to do hard labor on the weekends whenever she has a pet project in mind.

If she can't accept that, then at least you'll be able to turn her down with a clear conscience.

This right here

 

[Redd]

Just say no when you don't want to do stuff that day. Your mom will have to deal with it.

 

[Imbarkus]

I think you should just help her. Your opportunity to do your fun weekend stuff won't fade away. She will.

My dad passed 8 years ago and really the first two years were more shock and adjustment for my mom more than anything else. My dad asked me to do one thing on his deathbed and that was to take care of my mom. And so that's what I'm going to do.

My children are watching me, through this process, learning. Eventually one day I or my wife will face the horror of being old and unexpectedly alone. It's very difficult for young people to even realize the challenges we face as we age.

Yeah, OP, I say just set your gripes aside and come through for her. The projects won't last forever, and maybe she just needs to feel like you're there for her. Sure, hash it back and forth, stand up for your time a bit, make arrangements and let her know how much notice you need, etc.

But respond to her with generosity. That's my advice.

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

She's now acting like a petulant child and won't even respond to me.