Ok, so Im buying a new condo because my current condo is filled with old people. I swear Im the only person under 60 in the stupid place.
I found one I liked all on my own, so I call up a real estate agent and tell them I want to place a bid. I am a mortgage lender, so I know what Im doing but its a hud home, so I have to have an agent place the bid..
so, I tell her to place the bid and dont hear another word from her for 4 days. I called her three times and didnt have my call returned. Then she calls me to tell me I won and I need to come sign some paperwork. first thing that should have told me something was wrong is when she overbid 89 dollars because its her lucky number. Good, you can pay for your lucky fucking number whore.
So, I get there and no one representing HUD is there. She has me sign everything and says she will get me a signed copy later that day from HUD. I need the signed contract before I can do anything as far as getting a loan. Its been a week and a half and I dont have a signed contract. There are three problems with this.
1) If you dont close on a HUD home in 45 days they start charging you 25 dollars a day after that, and you have to buy the days in 15 day blocks.
2) To qualify for my loan I have to have 2 months worth of payments sitting in my bank account. I had about 100 dollars extra, but now have about 4 dollars extra.. because fuck for brains hasnt gotten me a signed contract.
3) My base pay just dropped. My commision pay is going to increase alot. My next paycheck will be my first one to reflect this. If I dont get my loan approved before my next paycheck they are going to see a lower base pay. My commision has gone up, but every lender in the world takes a 12 month average of your commision. So, effectively the mortgage company is going to see my base pay drop like a rock but wont give me any credit for my commision going up. I wont qualify for the loan because my debt to income will apear to high in the mortgage companies calculations, even though its not a real problem.
If I dont qualify for the loan, I lose the house and a grand in earnest money from the mortgage company. If I dont get the paperwork by tommorow, Im pretty sure Im fucked when it comes to having cash on hand to qualify for the loan. I can apply on Thursday and have about 1400 dollars extra, but then my base pay will have dropped and I'll get declined based on my debt to income.
Also, she wont give me the home owners associations phone number. She wants to be the point of contact. So far, she has given me a range that they charge in dues. I dont know what they are going to charge me or what the HOA dues cover.. and the mortgage company needs to know what they pay for. Some HOA's pay for homeowners insurance, and some dont.
To top all of this off, my girlfriend wants to go look at the place this weekend, take measurements to see what furniture I have that will fit, etc. So, my realtor says she will put my key in a lock box hanging on the door knob. I have to put in a combo and I get the key so I can go check out the condo. So, today I drive the 40 miles from my house to the condo and meet my girlfriend there. THERE WAS NO MOTHERFUCKING KEY. I drove an hour round trip for nothing. Luckily one of my new neighboors was there and the layout of his condo is exactly the same. He invited us up to his place so we could look around the layout and take measurements. At least I have a cool neighbor, maybe he can be my realtor, at least he isnt a dumbfuck.
I swear to god if bumblefuck messes this up Im going to get a shotgun and shoot her. She is making a 7000 dollar commision off of this sale, and she didnt have to do anything other than place a bid for me. She didnt have to show me around the house or anything. You didnt have to do anything other than place an electronic bid and send me a signed contract and I am going to take care of the rest. Cunt.
I found one I liked all on my own, so I call up a real estate agent and tell them I want to place a bid. I am a mortgage lender, so I know what Im doing but its a hud home, so I have to have an agent place the bid..
so, I tell her to place the bid and dont hear another word from her for 4 days. I called her three times and didnt have my call returned. Then she calls me to tell me I won and I need to come sign some paperwork. first thing that should have told me something was wrong is when she overbid 89 dollars because its her lucky number. Good, you can pay for your lucky fucking number whore.
So, I get there and no one representing HUD is there. She has me sign everything and says she will get me a signed copy later that day from HUD. I need the signed contract before I can do anything as far as getting a loan. Its been a week and a half and I dont have a signed contract. There are three problems with this.
1) If you dont close on a HUD home in 45 days they start charging you 25 dollars a day after that, and you have to buy the days in 15 day blocks.
2) To qualify for my loan I have to have 2 months worth of payments sitting in my bank account. I had about 100 dollars extra, but now have about 4 dollars extra.. because fuck for brains hasnt gotten me a signed contract.
3) My base pay just dropped. My commision pay is going to increase alot. My next paycheck will be my first one to reflect this. If I dont get my loan approved before my next paycheck they are going to see a lower base pay. My commision has gone up, but every lender in the world takes a 12 month average of your commision. So, effectively the mortgage company is going to see my base pay drop like a rock but wont give me any credit for my commision going up. I wont qualify for the loan because my debt to income will apear to high in the mortgage companies calculations, even though its not a real problem.
If I dont qualify for the loan, I lose the house and a grand in earnest money from the mortgage company. If I dont get the paperwork by tommorow, Im pretty sure Im fucked when it comes to having cash on hand to qualify for the loan. I can apply on Thursday and have about 1400 dollars extra, but then my base pay will have dropped and I'll get declined based on my debt to income.
Also, she wont give me the home owners associations phone number. She wants to be the point of contact. So far, she has given me a range that they charge in dues. I dont know what they are going to charge me or what the HOA dues cover.. and the mortgage company needs to know what they pay for. Some HOA's pay for homeowners insurance, and some dont.
To top all of this off, my girlfriend wants to go look at the place this weekend, take measurements to see what furniture I have that will fit, etc. So, my realtor says she will put my key in a lock box hanging on the door knob. I have to put in a combo and I get the key so I can go check out the condo. So, today I drive the 40 miles from my house to the condo and meet my girlfriend there. THERE WAS NO MOTHERFUCKING KEY. I drove an hour round trip for nothing. Luckily one of my new neighboors was there and the layout of his condo is exactly the same. He invited us up to his place so we could look around the layout and take measurements. At least I have a cool neighbor, maybe he can be my realtor, at least he isnt a dumbfuck.
I swear to god if bumblefuck messes this up Im going to get a shotgun and shoot her. She is making a 7000 dollar commision off of this sale, and she didnt have to do anything other than place a bid for me. She didnt have to show me around the house or anything. You didnt have to do anything other than place an electronic bid and send me a signed contract and I am going to take care of the rest. Cunt.