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Bobby Roberts
Banned
johancruijff
Banned
piratepwnsninja
Member
Insecurity with a partners previous sexual acta is natural, whatever they may be. If it continues to bug you, or she tries to pressure you into a threesome, it may be best to break up with her.
Don't let anyone think it's you're fault or you're "sex negative". Everyone has different libidos and different levels of comfortability with sex and don't let anyone shame you because of yours, whether negative or positive.
Don't let anyone think it's you're fault or you're "sex negative". Everyone has different libidos and different levels of comfortability with sex and don't let anyone shame you because of yours, whether negative or positive.
People here will try to convince you to this is okay somehow, or great or even hot. Or that its none of your business. Or that you should get over it.
None of that matters. Because it bothers you. They arent dating her, you are.
If you cant accept it, and no amount of arguments here or anywhere else wont make you, then you know what to do.
None of that matters. Because it bothers you. They arent dating her, you are.
If you cant accept it, and no amount of arguments here or anywhere else wont make you, then you know what to do.
Sorry op, now that the seed are planted it is best for you to break up with her. You will never get over it. All the time, everytime you are with her you will alway think of yourself just a number and the fact she did a threesome and dp. You could try to get over it but you are the type person that cannot. You will do your best but you will fail at is because you want to keep a sense vof innocence about your girl much like you want her to have of you. However, you are her are too different. I cannot see you both lasting forthe long haul because you cannot get over it. You clearly shown this in your post. Remember, this is your life so do what is best for yourself.
People always remember one thing.. sometimes, it is best to keep certain things to yoursel, whether you are proud of it or not.
People always remember one thing.. sometimes, it is best to keep certain things to yoursel, whether you are proud of it or not.
"Aren't you going to ask me?" does feel a bit like she wanted it to be brought up
ClosingADoor
Member
Dunedain_Ranger
Member
Darn her for having a past sexual relationships. What's the big deal would you still freak out if she had like multiple individual partners ?
Does she have any STDs? No? Good, then who cares who she has fucked before you.
Were you a virgin before? No? Good. Everyone (except most GAFfers) has had sex before.
Be safe, have fun. Get tested. Life is short. There is absolutely no reason to care who or how many (at the same time even lol) dudes/chicks she has banged before you. She likes it rough, so what. Pull her hair and spank her and tell her she's a bad girl. Grow up.
Were you a virgin before? No? Good. Everyone (except most GAFfers) has had sex before.
Be safe, have fun. Get tested. Life is short. There is absolutely no reason to care who or how many (at the same time even lol) dudes/chicks she has banged before you. She likes it rough, so what. Pull her hair and spank her and tell her she's a bad girl. Grow up.
Amibguous Cad
Member
Well, sure, but that doesn't mean she'll break up with or be dissatisfied if she doesn't start doing threesomes again.
OP, I think it's unfortunate that that's your reaction, and it's probably colored by some sex negative stuff, but if you feel that way the relationship is probably not going to work. I'd bail for that reason, not because she's likely a cheatign slut or whatever.
Always-honest
Banned
yes, break up.
Not her fault though. But i understand it's an image that will haunt you.
Not her fault though. But i understand it's an image that will haunt you.
Bobby Roberts
Banned
Nah, it matters. It just means that's a lesson that's going to carry forward into the next relationship, not this one.
Kinyou said:
Sure. We're also dealing with a pretty unreliable and fairly insecure narrator here. So I'm not as easily, eagerly inclined to cast the girl as some agenda wielding sexual tyrannosaur just waiting for the right episode of How I Met Your Mother to spring her deviant trap on this unsuspecting nervous innocent, either.
I mean, plenty of other people are just fine going that route, obviously, but I don't see enough in what he posted to call it. He did give enough to lay out a pretty convincing portrait of a super-insecure guy who can't handle the idea his girlfriend is a person who had a life before she met him. Which means this relationship is probably gonna flame out over watching the wrong episode of a sitcom one night, unfortunately, and then growth will continue and they'll both have moved forward from this year together (hopefully)
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Laid back 100% open minded new age GAF strike again.
"You're just being immature"
Eugh
"You're just being immature"
Eugh
Captain.Falafel
Neo Member
Gaf tends to be incredibly reductive and not particularly understanding when it comes to this sort of thing. Possibly due to the demographics of this site. I'm not sure.
It is certainly not as simple as "get over it, grow up". It's entirely pointless advice. If that is your hangup then it is your hangup. Not to play pseudo-psychologist but it could presumably be harbored in trust issues, self-esteem issues, jealousy, issues, etc. None of those are just dealt with by suddenly saying to yourself that you're okay with this and that it is time to get over it.
If you have jealousy issues, or self-esteem issues, or your love for her just happens to manifest in such a way that it is inevitable that you picture faceless men having sex with her and it makes your stomach churn, then you are limited in your options unfortunately. If you knew this about yourself, you stood to gain a lot by improving your communication. For future reference, make sure you communicate that for your own personal reasons you find it upsetting to hear about your partner's sexual history. That you would appreciate it if she didn't share that previous part of her life with you. It's an entirely fair thing to request.
You should try to accept that she had a sexual history because why wouldn't she? She is probably smart, she's probably beautiful, she is all the positive attributes you love about her. But it didn't happen when she knew you. When you came into the picture, she didn't entertain the thought of anyone else. Hopefully that thought brings you some measure of comfort.
It is certainly not as simple as "get over it, grow up". It's entirely pointless advice. If that is your hangup then it is your hangup. Not to play pseudo-psychologist but it could presumably be harbored in trust issues, self-esteem issues, jealousy, issues, etc. None of those are just dealt with by suddenly saying to yourself that you're okay with this and that it is time to get over it.
If you have jealousy issues, or self-esteem issues, or your love for her just happens to manifest in such a way that it is inevitable that you picture faceless men having sex with her and it makes your stomach churn, then you are limited in your options unfortunately. If you knew this about yourself, you stood to gain a lot by improving your communication. For future reference, make sure you communicate that for your own personal reasons you find it upsetting to hear about your partner's sexual history. That you would appreciate it if she didn't share that previous part of her life with you. It's an entirely fair thing to request.
You should try to accept that she had a sexual history because why wouldn't she? She is probably smart, she's probably beautiful, she is all the positive attributes you love about her. But it didn't happen when she knew you. When you came into the picture, she didn't entertain the thought of anyone else. Hopefully that thought brings you some measure of comfort.
I'm not even talking about the prospect of doing a threesome, but his uncomfortableness with her sexual history.
To make it even? That's pretty weird phrasing, considering you're referring to something your girlfriend did, before the two of you were together. It sounds like what really bothers you, OP, is the fact that your girlfriend has more sexual experience than you do. You know it's not a competition, right? You should probably try to work out those feelings someday, and figure out why exactly that makes you feel insecure.
Strangelove77
Member
Honestly, just talk to her and ask her the questions you've been meaning to ask. If after knowing the facts you still feel bad about it, break up with her.
I don't think this is a right or wrong situation. I can see why someone wouldn't be ok with that sort of thing, but I can see why it wouldn't really matter to some people either. Go with what you feel.
The last thing you want is to have a thought you hate playing in your head over and over on a loop.
I don't think this is a right or wrong situation. I can see why someone wouldn't be ok with that sort of thing, but I can see why it wouldn't really matter to some people either. Go with what you feel.
The last thing you want is to have a thought you hate playing in your head over and over on a loop.
Dreams-Visions
Member
I guess you didn't like her that much if her past sexual exploits and conquests are enough to end a relationship with her over.
I think you'd be surprised if everyone told you their sexual preferences and experiences. You'd probably not want to date anyone. As you grow up and mature, shit like this will just make you #kanyeshrug. Hopefully you won't lose out on a good woman due to your immaturity in this area.
I think you'd be surprised if everyone told you their sexual preferences and experiences. You'd probably not want to date anyone. As you grow up and mature, shit like this will just make you #kanyeshrug. Hopefully you won't lose out on a good woman due to your immaturity in this area.
She simply saw an opportunity and went for it. *shrugs
Why is he unreliable and insecure?
No, it does not matter, what anyone thinks but him. Its irrelevant.
He can try to pretend he is ok with it all he wants, and its never going to happen for him.
StriKeVillain
Banned
Pretty much.
Jest Chillin
Member
The episode of the sitcom they were watching was discussing threesomes. That is what brought it up. So she asked him. The reason she said "aren't you going to ask me?" is because she felt that they're close enough that she can let him know.
To tell your significant other things about your past is something that tends to happen as a relationship progresses. It shows a certain level of trust. Disclosures that are this divisive also tend to serve as a bit of a litmus test.
That'd be a deal breaker for me too, would never be able to get the image out of my head. Gotta do what works for you, some people would be totally fine with it and others wouldn't, you're someone who won't be able to get over it so might as well end it sooner rather than later. Not your fault and not her fault.
Dunedain_Ranger
Member
Jag
Member
What? I'm scared to google it.
Solid SOAP
Member
Yep! Unless you plan on dating someone who hasn't banged anyone, I guess.
Your Entertainer
Member
A hard-learned lesson for the future: don't ever ask about your GF's sexual past if you can't handle it. Sucks that she kinda told you.
Can Crusher
Banned
It's a completely normal reaction to feel insecure. The problem is you though, and you either want to change your perception, or let it define you.
Strangelove77
Member
I can only imagine it's because there's a lot of young people here who have never personally dealt with this personally, but grew up watching a ton of porn. They think it's totally normal.
She didn't force anything, though. They were watching an episode of a show that brings up the subject matter, and she probably wanted to know/was curious. Maybe she even wanted to share stories about sexual escapades! Lord knows I've done that with people I've dated. "So this one time..."
As for OP--No, you aren't a bad person. It's kinda fucked up that you're so fucked up over her having a sexual experience, but that's on you I guess. I very much doubt she's craving that airtight, drilled-in-all-holes experience but if the very idea isn't something you can handle, there's still a lot of maturing you have to do. It'd be one thing if she asked if you'd be down and you said no and she kept pushing it, but the fact that you can't handle her having done it at all is... Yeah.
I hope you never get really involved with a kinky person. You're in for a world of hurt if you do.
Probably best that you break up. Your girl sounds sexually adventurous and you sound kind of prude. Unless you decide to open up, it ain't gonna work out. Probably want to avoid other kinky types as well.
Btw, when you break up you better not make it out because she's some kind of slut or something. You're sexually incompatible, that's it. She has done nothing wrong.
Btw, when you break up you better not make it out because she's some kind of slut or something. You're sexually incompatible, that's it. She has done nothing wrong.
Live Free or Die
Banned
You're doing the right thing OP. Break up with her.
What? So you have never had sex before with another woman? If you have, what is the difference? All she did was fuck 2 of them at the same time. I mean, have done doggy style? Or anal? There are people who would have the same reaction that you are doing right now if you did those things.
I thought maybe she had cheated on you, but yeah it looks like you are the shallow one. But whatever, you can break up with someone who did something in their past that has no effect on you whatsoever. It honestly sounds like you are jealous of her that she got laid more than you?
It may be for the best if she wishes to have more threesomes in the future. Of course you would have to actually communicate with her to do that...
Edit: To make it clear, break up with her if you feel uncomfortable. As people have said, you are dating this girl, not me. However, and I should remind this to everyone else, this is like breaking up with someone because they have had sex in the past and you wanted her to remain a virgin. Unless she wants to bang you, what's wrong with that?
I thought maybe she had cheated on you, but yeah it looks like you are the shallow one. But whatever, you can break up with someone who did something in their past that has no effect on you whatsoever. It honestly sounds like you are jealous of her that she got laid more than you?
It may be for the best if she wishes to have more threesomes in the future. Of course you would have to actually communicate with her to do that...
Edit: To make it clear, break up with her if you feel uncomfortable. As people have said, you are dating this girl, not me. However, and I should remind this to everyone else, this is like breaking up with someone because they have had sex in the past and you wanted her to remain a virgin. Unless she wants to bang you, what's wrong with that?
ldcommando
Banned
ewww
Dump her, op
Dump her, op
This is not what I meant at all. I have been reading GAF forever, and I know how some replies are in this type of situation. So before the conversation gets shifted as in "you probably have double standard, because if you had chance to sleep with two girl at the same time, you probably would" or "since you gf is into it, ask her to bring her friend" etc.
I hope you get what I am trying to say, but I specified that because I am not into the idea at all.
Goro Majima
Kitty Genovese Member
How old are you? If you're young and not really looking to put a ring on it, why would you be bothered?
If it's a turnoff that bugs you that much, find someone else. Or figure out a way to get past it. Loads of people have standards for sexual histories, fair or no. It's a choice you have to make.
If it's a turnoff that bugs you that much, find someone else. Or figure out a way to get past it. Loads of people have standards for sexual histories, fair or no. It's a choice you have to make.
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