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[LookAtMeGo]

She obviously wants different stuff from sex than the OP.

He thinks it's a more personal/relationship thing, where she obviously sees it as 'just a physical' thing because she does it with multiple people

I don't think there's any way they'll ever be on the same page so he should break it off.

My SO had threesomes before we met when she was younger. I had plenty of threesomes myself. We made the decision to be monogamous. Its not like because you had a few threesomes its the only sex you like to have. I love giving facials. Its my favorite thing. She doesnt like them, so I dont bust on her face. You make comprimises if you really care about the person.

 

[inner-G]

Again:

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.

Of which this thread is overflowing with.



My last post here: OP has all the right to NOT want to participate in threesomes. If that is what she wants, which she never expressed, or OP failed to mention to us, then, please, break up, and you are not a bad person for doing so, as if this is the case, you both are just sexually incompatible. But OP himself said he can't even look at her the same way since that, how is that not judgement? She did it before, OP. And this is not to mention the double standards in this thread as well.

That being said: congratz on the sex, op's girlfriend. God speed on your sexual adventures. Be safe, and enjoy your life.

Why do you think it's only because she's a girl?

Don't you think guys can be ho's too? I know girls who have not gone out with guys because of stuff they've done in the past. I'm from a small town, word gets around.

My SO had threesomes before we met when she was younger. I had plenty of threesomes myself. We made the decision to be monogamous. Its not like because you had a few threesomes its the only sex you like to have. I love giving facials. Its my favorite thing. She doesnt like them, so I dont bust on her face. You make comprimises if you really care about the person.

That's different - you BOTH were doing stuff like that before

 

[Gravy Boat]

If it bugs you so much, best course of action is break up with her.

Yeah op. Talking to her, telling you how you feel about it, giving her a chance to explain her thoughts and just generally being an adult about the whole thing is obviously a bad idea. It's a much better idea to just go straight home and dump the girl you've been seeing for 9 months over this. That's sensible.

 

[Vicetrailia]

This is why I tell guys to be careful what you wish for.

There's probably a sizable number of guys who would furiously beat off to a video of a girl being passed around a group of men like the last joint at a Bob Marley tribute concert but the second they find out their SO is actually into that sort of thing too their dicks shrivel up from worries of sexual inadequacy like a scared turtle shrinking back into its shell.

Which is kind of hypocritical when you think about.

Not really cause when "possession" comes into play things may change.

 

[Garrett Hawke]

Damn she shared something personal with you because she thought she might be able to trust you.

You sure showed her!

tbh. kinda sad. Not sure why it matters to you op

 

[_Nemo]

This is why I tell guys to be careful what you wish for.

There's probably a sizable number of guys who would furiously beat off to a video of a girl being passed around a group of men like the last joint at a Bob Marley tribute concert but the second they find out their SO is actually into that sort of thing too their dicks shrivel up from worries of sexual inadequacy like a scared turtle shrinking back into its shell.

Which is kind of hypocritical when you think about.

Yeah, it is, but I guess it's a lust vs. love thing in that case.

 

[andthebeatgoeson]

Just a question.

Would anyone who wouldnt have a problem if their date tells them she did porn, loved gangbangs, usually visited swinger parties, had sex with 60 year old guys still wouldnt have a problem then or wouldnt be bothered by it?
I mean people have different standards, so I dont really get why people try to shame OP and OP also doesnt shame her. He just feels uncomfortable by that.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if the date would tell you that she was a pornstar.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if your gf tells you she only dated older guys.

I dont see the problem.

No matter what, we are all making up rules. For the op, previous sex was okay, not sex with two dudes. It's hard to keep up with. Yeah, it's a personal choice but people are going to have trouble applying logic to it.

Would oral sex be okay? Anal? Different positions? We have a history were these normal activities were ridiculed in there past. For some, multiple partners, at the same time is a little more normal than a 20 year old having sex with a 60 year old. And we may look like relics in 50 years. Given all of that, it's up to the op to decide. And he did ask for other's opinions.

It's a tight rope that's more complex than a singular entity shaming the other. There is some element of hypocrisy: he's okay with previous sex but not multi partner previous sex. And shame; sure, it's how he feels but the basis for his feelings will open him up to criticism and the girl will feel ashamed for being honest about her past. Did he lay these feelings out in the beginning? And what element of forgiveness should be apart of a relationship that's intimate like this. It seems immature to be intimate with someone but not be able to get over past experiences. Not current behavior but past.

So you example doesn't work in many ways. People are more complex than that.

 

[Red]

I might be biased because I appreciate a little sexual adventurousness. But I think it's weird that you would expect any person to somehow remain "pure" for you—whatever arbitrary standards you may have. Real people have sexual histories... If that makes you uncomfortable you have a responsibility to yourself to find happiness. But say, OP, this girl knew you would react this way before she told you. You think she would be less likely to tell the truth? Being scared of things like this drives a wedge between your potential relationships. I don't know that your conservative preferences are something you can move past, though.

It probably is for the best you break up. You will be happier moving on, and she will have the opportunity to find someone who appreciates her for who she is.

 

[Plywood]

Not necessarily.

A thumb never hurt anybody.

 

[Keri]

I have natural Jealousy issues, maybe from low self-esteem when I was younger (no different than most young men). But I have made it a rule not to ask about my GFs past sexual history. The shitty thing is. All my past GFs (except one, she was a keeper) have in some form, either subtlely or in detail have talked about their sexual history. I don't understand. It is the women I date, or do girls just like talking about that shit. Is it a test to see how I/men react? Anyways it pisses me off, I try to cut it short usually by saying I'm not interested.

I think some women bring it up, because they think it proves that they're sexually adventurous, which they expect to be a turn-on for their partner. Some, however, just like the idea of being able to talk openly and honestly with their partners, about all aspects of their lives.

Honestly, I can't really understand your perspective. You know the women you're with have sexual pasts and have been with other men, but you have to pretend otherwise, to feel comfortable in the relationship? I mean, when you ask that they not talk about their pasts, so you can avoid thinking about it, isn't that just you trying to pretend it doesn't exist? It all sounds a little silly to me.

 

[Shao Kahn on the Lawn]

Imagine how this thread would go if the OP were a woman that was resenting her boyfriend's insinuations that he'd enjoy her being receptive to anal and BDSM. I doubt it would parallel what has taken place thus far in this thread.

One isn't engaging in "slut shaming" by expressing discomfort in their partners sexual history and preferences. People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

 

[ElfArmy177]

After my ex wife and I got married she told me she had a train run on her.... Yep..

 

[sankt-Antonio]

Im old and compromised, if i where you OP I would already be hard at work scheming how to kickstart various threesome arrangements, swinger nights and overall buttgames.

My advice: Before you break up, experience a threesome with her and if you still dislike it, move on.

 

[shintoki]

Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

Breaking up with someone who had a porn past isn't slut shaming. It is being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. If they are uncomfortable with their past, then that is their problem.


Calling them something because of it is slut shaming. Like a few in here are doing.

 

[ThisGuy]

After my ex wife and I got married she told me she had a train run on her.... Yep..

Lol.

"Oh, by the way..."

 

[Kitsunebaby]

I'd probably feel the same way, OP. I'm a very monogamous person, and would only have sex with someone in a loving, committed relationship. If I found out my partner had such different philosophies toward sex than me, I'd probably worry about our compatibility. You need to talk to her about this stuff, and be honest about your feelings.

 

[HiredN00bs]

I think it's irrational that this is even presented as a dilemma. This was something that happened with other partners in the past. It may not be what she's looking for now at all, and she wanted to share this personal experience with you, which demontrates some substantial degree of intimacy. Open back up to her about how this makes you feel and maybe you'll uncover some incompatibility that makes you end the relationship, but just calling it quits after irrationally stewing in your own head about it isn't a healthy resolution.

 

[The Beard]

I don't know how I'd react to that. I think it's pretty hot tbh. There's a lot of variables that would affect my feelings towards it, so I can't blame the OP for feeling the way he does.

 

[Opto]

Imagine how this thread would go if the OP were a woman that was resenting her boyfriend's insinuations that he'd enjoy her being receptive to anal and BDSM. I doubt it would parallel what has taken place thus far in this thread.

One isn't engaging in "slut shaming" by expressing discomfort in their partners sexual history and preferences. People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

There's a difference between an action in the past and proposing it in the current relationship. From what we know, OP's girlfriend just said she had a threesome, not proposing one. If she was proposing one, that would be a different matter.

 

[MANGOD]

Lol op now you must be feeling is she truly satisfied with whats shes getting now. You sound like a total prude

 

[Broken Joystick]

You're biggest mistake was watching How I Met Your Mother.

 

[ScatheZombie]

People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

So, basically, how most women feel about their SO continuing to watch porn while being in a sexual relationship.

 

[Amibguous Cad]

Breaking up with someone who had a porn past isn't slut shaming. It is being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. If they are uncomfortable with their past, then that is their problem.


Calling them something because of it is slut shaming. Like a few in here are doing.

"Breaking up with someone because you learned she was Jewish isn't anti-semitic, it's being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. Now, if they'd called her a slur, that would be anti-semitic!"

Either sex workers, or people who have had threesomes, or whatever other sexual shit you want to be judgmental about are worthy of the same respect as other people, or they're not. And if you fall on the latter side of that divide you have failed to follow the dictates of empathy and compassion.

 

[RecRoulette]

There's a difference between an action in the past and proposing it in the current relationship. From what we know, OP's girlfriend just said she had a threesome, not proposing one. If she was proposing one, that would be a different matter.

That's how I read it. It doesn't sound like she was proposing to have a threesome. She was just talking about something she used to do and OP can't handle it.

 

[CrocMother]

Imagine how this thread would go if the OP were a woman that was resenting her boyfriend's insinuations that he'd enjoy her being receptive to anal and BDSM. I doubt it would parallel what has taken place thus far in this thread.

One isn't engaging in "slut shaming" by expressing discomfort in their partners sexual history and preferences. People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

The question is, is that subtext coming from her, or the OP?

If he isn't comfortable being with someone sexually adventurous, that's his right, and I don't think it implicitly makes him sexist or anything. However, it'd be really unfortunate if he took it as her insinuating that she isn't happy with their sexual relationship, or his performance. It's very unlikely that she would bring this up as a way of insinuating that. There's a good chance that it's a result of her comfortability and satisfaction with their sex life that she's willing to casually talk about it.

 

[MisterAnderson]

At this point it doesn't affect your relationship whatsoever. It's in her past and she decided to confide in you since she (presumably) trusts you.

She hasn't hurt anyone, so I don't see what the problem is.

 

[A Link to the Past]

37 dicks

This is the first thing that came to mind.

Relax, OP.

 

[_Ryo_]

That's like saying a vibrator is as good as a real person.

Many women prefer fingers, toys, and oral (both kinds) much more than they do the Penetration of the D.

Conversely, there are women who dislike men going down on them and think it's gross

But yea, I've known women who really really liked fingering and the other stuff was more of visual stimuli more than anything else.

 

[The Chef]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DmcwbOwOTM0

Serious note OP. I'd be horrified. Reading your post I had a knot in my stomach thinking if I got this news. DP and ROUGH would be with me FOREVER. I'd call it off for sure. It will just haunt you forever if you don't.

 

[Mighty Chin]

Damn she shared something personal with you because she thought she might be able to trust you.

You sure showed her!

Pretty Much my thoughts.


Ahhh Puritans.

 

[HardRojo]

Damn, the mental image of two guys fucking my girl would probably be a bit too much to handle too. It seems like you will not get over it OP :/

 

[Azuran]

Like, I would suggest Chasing Amy, but I can't even do that, because Smith fucked the ending to that movie so hard that there aren't even really any usable lessons to learn from it, aside from the fact inkers are not just tracing what the penciller did.

That was a perfect and realistic ending thought. Years of reading GAF threads have taught me that people never follow good advice and always end up doing the dumbest things possible.

 

[shintoki]

I think it's irrational that this is even presented as a dilemma. This was something that happened with other partners in the past. It may not be what she's looking for now at all, and she wanted to share this personal experience with you, which demontrates some substantial degree of intimacy. Open back up to her about how this makes you feel and maybe you'll uncover some incompatibility that makes you end the relationship, but just calling it quits after irrationally stewing in your own head about it isn't a healthy resolution.

Here is the positive side to it too. If it is really what she wants. Then you'll know rather than beating yourself up about it too. I had to do the same with an Ex and honestly it was the best possible break up I could have. We both realized we wanted different things. She wanted to sleep around and explore more, I was looking more forward to settling down. We're still friends to this day and it was a fairly painless process in comparison to others. Still hurt, but it's much better to know than to jump the gun like the OP is doing.

 

[params7]

The question is, is that subtext coming from her, or the OP?

If he isn't comfortable being with someone sexually adventurous, that's his right, and I don't think it implicitly makes him sexist or anything. However, it'd be really unfortunate if he took it as her insinuating that she isn't happy with their sexual relationship, or his performance. It's very unlikely that she would bring this up as a way of insinuating that. There's a good chance that it's a result of her comfortability and satisfaction with their sex life that she's willing to casually talk about it.

True. Talk to her about it. Won't be healthy for OP if he's always wondering during intimacy with her. If she really wants to live that lifestyle and OP doesn't want to, it will be best to break up.

 

[Your Entertainer]

Imagine how this thread would go if the OP were a woman that was resenting her boyfriend's insinuations that he'd enjoy her being receptive to anal and BDSM. I doubt it would parallel what has taken place thus far in this thread.

One isn't engaging in "slut shaming" by expressing discomfort in their partners sexual history and preferences. People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

Great post - I definitely agree. This forum is often quick to offer fawning, ridiculous misguided responses.

 

[FyreWulff]

If she is someone that you had hopes of getting serious with, I would take that as a sign that she is the unfaithful type beings she said she has done it multiple times. It's obviously something she is into and is testing the waters with you in order to see if you are.

what

having threesomes isn't an indicator of unfaithfulness. a lot of people that engage in threesomes are fully committed couples.


to OP: grow up and don't expect women to be pure little angels that save their vagina just for you, but rather are fully functional human beings that experiment and have adventures just like men do

 

[Nosgotham]

Yeah same thing with one of my gfs. I was kinda grossed out by the fact she would do that but I got over it

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Damn, the mental image of two guys fucking my girl would probably be a bit too much to handle too. It seems like you will not get over it OP :/

So, you can't handle the mental image of two guys going at your girl, but would consider jumping in after your friend finished up with his?

 

[Friggz]

Were the threesomes your wife had MMF or FFM? Do you want the former, the latter or both?

ffm. and to be honest, id be open to just about anything she wants.

 

[Shadybiz]

Eh what's done is done, man; it's in the past. If you really care for her, I would just forget about it.

Of course, IF she's actually wanting to do another one, and you're not comfortable with it, well then it's probably best that you don't stay together.

Spoiler

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either, frankly, but people have different tastes.

 

[Liquid-San]

OP, you're clearly not comfortable with her sexual history so I think you should break up with her. In addition to that, she must have kept the discussion ongoing, (posing the question whether you were going to ask her or not proves this). Like in any relationship, if you don't believe you're going to work because of this, then leave. However, I cannot stress this enough, address it first.

To the rest of GAF, I'd like some thoughts as to why people would think she's a whore or otherwise for it. After all, the point of sex is for it to be fulfilling and most guys would love a threesome with two women, so what's wrong with her wanting to have sex with two guys?

 

[RDreamer]

Imagine how this thread would go if the OP were a woman that was resenting her boyfriend's insinuations that he'd enjoy her being receptive to anal and BDSM. I doubt it would parallel what has taken place thus far in this thread.

One isn't engaging in "slut shaming" by expressing discomfort in their partners sexual history and preferences. People view sexuality differently and he isn't obligated to be happy with her having partaken in three-ways, the continued desire to have three-ways, or the subtext beneath that desire that implies that he alone is not capable of satisfying the sexual needs of his partner. That latter portion is the most important of all as I doubt many people would be comfortable with that knowledge.

Except that the bolded is completely in his head. Breaking up because she said she had a threesome in the past is slut shaming in my opinion. Breaking up because they talked about it and realized they're very different in their views of sex and compatibility related to sex right now and that she might need those things to be satisfied, etc, is not slut shaming. There's a big difference between the two.

And no, he's not obligated to be happy about it, sure, but people have pasts. People largely have sexual pasts. You need to learn to get the fuck over that unless you are a virgin yourself and will only date virgins until marriage.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

"Breaking up with someone because you learned she was Jewish isn't anti-semitic, it's being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. Now, if they'd called her a slur, that would be anti-semitic!"

Either sex workers, or people who have had threesomes, or whatever other sexual shit you want to be judgmental about are worthy of the same respect as other people, or they're not. And if you fall on the latter side of that divide you have failed to follow the dictates of empathy and compassion.

Comparing somebody's sexual preferences to their faith? This thread is just ridiculous on both sides.

 

[Two Words]

You're being dumb and your views on sex are childish. Plus, I strongly doubt your reaction would be the same if she had a FMF threesome.

 

[Valhelm]

If it bothers you, find somebody new. You guys have different ideas toward sex, and that's totally fine. She should have found a way to tell you this earlier in the nine months that you've been dating.

 

[PHOENIXZERO]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DmcwbOwOTM0

Serious note OP. I'd be horrified. Reading your post I had a knot in my stomach thinking if I got this news. DP and ROUGH would be with me FOREVER. I'd call it off for sure. It will just haunt you forever if you don't.

Goddamn it took way too long for someone to post that.

 

[ZombieSupaStar]

Eh that would bug me, but I'd get over it. Most people had more fun when they were in their 20s than I did. If she wanted to do one, I'd say no though.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

"Breaking up with someone because you learned she was Jewish isn't anti-semitic, it's being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. Now, if they'd called her a slur, that would be anti-semitic!"

Either sex workers, or people who have had threesomes, or whatever other sexual shit you want to be judgmental about are worthy of the same respect as other people, or they're not. And if you fall on the latter side of that divide you have failed to follow the dictates of empathy and compassion.

I am... Wow.

 

[Jonm1010]

"Breaking up with someone because you learned she was Jewish isn't anti-semitic, it's being honest with yourself. That's hyperbole to the extreme. Now, if they'd called her a slur, that would be anti-semitic!"

Either sex workers, or people who have had threesomes, or whatever other sexual shit you want to be judgmental about are worthy of the same respect as other people, or they're not. And if you fall on the latter side of that divide you have failed to follow the dictates of empathy and compassion.

Where did he say the OP's girlfriend isn't worthy of respect?

Fact is NO ONE has the requisite context to declare the underlying "why" to the OP's rationale.

And I hate to break it to you, but once again your analogy falls flat. A person pomdering breaking up with someone when they find out they are Jewish doesn't automatically make them an anti-Semite. Not to mention the absurdity of acting like sexual preferences and religion are evenly interchangeable.

You continue to stretch and recklessly abuse the definition of terms to vilify things that aren't yet proven to be what you assert them to be.

 

[Air]

If you aren't feeling it you can break up with her. Everybody has their uncompromiseable positions. If this is it for you that's fine. If you do like her you should talk to her about it, but if it's such a big turnoff for you it might be better letting go.