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[Amibguous Cad]

I'm liking the shaming of him for not wanting to consent to doing it with two girls or having an otherwise sexually adventurous lifestyle. Sex positivity being forced onto someone's lifestyle ouroborosing back into rape culture is really something.

OP, talk to her about it. If you like her enough to make the relationship work then this is where you put in the effort to not be bothered by her sexual history. If she's interested in doing something like this again and you just don't want to be a part of that kind of sexual lifestyle, end the relationship because she's not right for you.

I don't think anyone in the thread is shaming him for not wanting to participate in a threesome himself (there may be one or two, I may have misread). That's completely understandable. What raises some hackles is when he judges her for sexual activity that had nothing to do with him.

Individual standards are what make us who we are, if he doesn't want a relationship with someone who has sex with multiple partners at the same time, then that is his right.

No one here has any right to shame him, all he has to do is break up with her and they can go one their separate lives.

I am sympathetic to this argument; no one should be telling anyone that there are unacceptable deal breakers in relationships, least of all someone writing in a sex-positive tradition. On the other hand, I do feel like there has to be some kind of limit here? I don't have any problems saying someone who won't date black people, not because they simply don't find them attractive but because they hold racist beliefs, is kind of being a shithole. And I feel like slut shaming and sex negativity is something that's at least in the same general reference class as racism in the "shit you need to excise if you want to be a good person."

 

[hydrophilic attack]

You can't live up to that as one dude. Well, maybe if you're a contortionist. But there is the implication that some of her sexual desires can only be satiated by two guys, and OP isn't two guys.

Have you heard of these things called toys?

 

[Astral/H3X]

Uhhh, OP? Why do you give a shit? She isn't having them NOW. Are you going to try and say you've never done something stupid ever? Not saying threesomes are stupid.

 

[MechaX]

Anyway, this is why the OP should ask her if she wants more threesomes in the future, instead of assuming.

Pretty much.

If the GF doesn't actually want to do a threesome, let alone with OP, then he's essentially being obsessive over something the GF doesn't want to do now for a reason. Yeah, he's dating her and not us, but to be honest, the odds of finding an adult partner who hasn't done something a little bit more than one-on-one is not as high as one would think. I think holding an adult's past sexual history against them is definitely a path that causes too much stress for little reason.

If she does, then they would still benefit from a talk regardless (maybe she's just into the DP aspect of things, which she could rectify through the use of toys if she hasn't considered it, etc). OP can do whatever he want, but I personally see more value in actually discussing and talking about these kind of issues rather than cutting and running.

 

[ZeroMaverick]

Uhhh, OP? Why do you give a shit? She isn't having them NOW. Are you going to try and say you've never done something stupid ever? Not saying threesomes are stupid.

It really doesn't matter.

 

[Keri]

You can't live up to that as one dude. Well, maybe if you're a contortionist. But there is the implication that some of her sexual desires can only be satiated by two guys, and OP isn't two guys.

Is this how it works for men? Do men who want MFF threesomes have sexual desires that can only be satiated by two women? So, men who want MFF threesomes are incompatible with otherwise monogamous relationships?

 

[akira28]

gotta up front. if my girl told me she liked 2 guys dicks to be in her pussy at once, that would be a negative.

if she just liked a conventional spit roast, that wouldn't be a big deal. i am a human being, not a savage animal. I am a man. not unreasonable.

 

[_Nemo]

Everyone in this thread shaming the OP is a prick.

 

[Shaanyboi]

Break up. She deserves someone better who won't turn into an insecure child and judge her for having fun in her own sex life.

 

[darkazcura]

Look, you're not a bad person or anything, but you are judgmental, inconsiderate, and [insert any number of other negative character attributes].

Having a negative characteristic =/= being a bad person

Everyone has flaws. Most people have some kind of insecurity. You are jumping the gun by saying that poster is still inferring he is a bad person just for having one or two negative qualities.

 

[And_Gignac]

you know different people have different standards right?

and one shouldn't be forced to accept things they find uncomfortable in their own beds just to satisfy some existential standard.

OP didn't shame her. He just found the situation uncomfortable. and it's his right to get out of a relationship where he feels uncomfortable. and his GF should be with someone that accepts all aspects of her. it's only fair to her.

OP should speak to her and explain that he feels uncomfortable and his GF might reassure him or verify her own feelings to see if they both can get over it and continue or make a conscious decision to amicable go their own ways.

just because he is a man. his insecurities aren't any less than hers. a relationship is a 2 way street.

Those standards are not created in a vacuum. It totally says something about ideas you have learned to accept. Maybe he should do a little bit of insight and wonder why he feels the way he does, instead of letting such insecurity ruin an otherwise (it seems so?) great relationship.

 

[davepoobond]

she brought it up because she wants to do it again.

you can either address it and let her know how you feel or break up. i don't think either decision is wrong. you obviously take issue with it

Break up. She deserves someone better who won't turn into an insecure child and judge her for having fun in her own sex life.

or maybe he deserves someone who is more sexually compatible and isn't trying to set up another threesome for whatever reason.

 

[TheWarrior]

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Like, I would suggest Chasing Amy, but I can't even do that, because Smith fucked the ending to that movie so hard that there aren't even really any usable lessons to learn from it, aside from the fact inkers are not just tracing what the penciller did.

Affleck's character gets the perfect advice from Silent Bob in that film (about "the idiot gear", which the OP is quickly shifting into), and then does the exact opposite, because most people honestly can't deal with it like adults.

Sharing sex history with your partner should never be about being "even". Unless your girl is a virgin it's more than likely she's had every need and hole in her life filled in more ways than you can imagine. Unless she's been with way more people than you're comfortable with, or with people in general that you're uncomfortable with, you should just let it go.

 

[akira28]

Everyone in this thread shaming the OP is a prick.

you forget how perfect and progressive everyone who isnt in this situation is.

 

[JoseLopez]

Dude dude dude dude get another chick and have a thressome

 

[Admiral Woofington]

Look, you're not a bad person or anything, but you are judgmental, inconsiderate, and [insert any number of other negative character attributes].

These conversations on gaf struggle because yes outside of immediately suggesting people break up immediately with little to back up why, we have people who come in with an immediate assumption that OP is a pig, or just project how they're cool with it and they are infallible and totally the most accepting person ever therefore if OP isn't for if he/she is a bad person.

But do you consider that insecurity is not something you consciously do at that moment? Insecurity can stem from multiple experiences and many years and various reasons mixed together. He's not doing this because he's an asshole. We don't know why he's hung up over this but it could be for many reasons he's not proud of and can't control without outside help.

He's not any of those things you say because you are the most righteous man.

OP hasn't said anything that warrants this mindset. Call him a prude yes. Should he have mentioned hes insecure in certain aspects? Probably, it's a tough conversation to bring up. But he's not a bad guy.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

I cannot blame you for reacting that way.. I feel like i would have reacted the same way as yours.. DP with 2 guys? Darn thats straight up ho status toss to bushes to most guys.

 

[7DollarHagane]

I mean people can do what they want but she would have had to say this was "a different life" or have been a long time ago for me to be involved with someone like this. I'd also probably want to make sure they didnt pick up any stds or anything. But that's always true.

 

[Gordon Shumway]

You'll get over it.

Terrible..

 

[LookAtMeGo]

If the relationship isn't salvageable on a romantic level, what are the chances of just exploring some sexual fantasies with her and remaining fuck buddies?

 

[Chairmanchuck]

Just a question.

Would anyone who wouldnt have a problem if their date tells them she did porn, loved gangbangs, usually visited swinger parties, had sex with 60 year old guys still wouldnt have a problem then or wouldnt be bothered by it?
I mean people have different standards, so I dont really get why people try to shame OP and OP also doesnt shame her. He just feels uncomfortable by that.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if the date would tell you that she was a pornstar.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if your gf tells you she only dated older guys.

I dont see the problem.

 

[starchild excalibur]

Even if you're not into threesomes, the fact that she's done DP means she's a-ok with butt stuff. Which is awesome as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Alienous]

Is this how it works for men? Do men who want MFF threesomes have sexual desires that can only be satiated by two women? So, men who want MFF threesomes are incompatible with otherwise monogamous relationships?

I'm just speculating. And I wouldn't call it incompatibility, in any case. Just the desires of one person conflicting with the desires of another and the compromise that might entail.

That's why I would advise OP expressing his discomfort at the idea to his GF. Then he can know where she stands with it.

 

[Count Dookkake]

lol.

"make it even"

LOL.

 

[Apathy]

Several people have said that they also have had to break up with someone because of the same thing (or wouldn't date someone that has had the same experience), but no one seems to have mentioned what part of it makes them so apprehensive about it other than "she would probably ask me to do it" argument. Is there any other reason? I ask because just because a person has had these experiences in the past does not mean they will be hounding you to participate if you don't want to. I have some kinks like anyone else but I don't need to have them, and if the person I'm with does but want to I'm not going to hound them to do it. If I care for a person I want to be with them because of the person, not because they are into a sexual kink I have, that's just a bonus.

 

[Symphonia]

This sure is one weird, backwards stealth brag thread. So you're girlfriend had a threesome? What does it matter? It was before you two got together. So, really, it's got fuck all to do with you. Either grow up and move on, or carry on acting like a child and let it destroy your relationship. Your choice. Oh, and kudos on totally honoring your girlfriend's trust. She really is a lucky lady.

 

[Red]

Even if you're not into threesomes, the fact that she's done DP means she's a-ok with butt stuff. Which is awesome as far as I'm concerned.

Not necessarily.

 

[RockTurtle]

Even if you're not into threesomes, the fact that she's done DP means she's a-ok with butt stuff. Which is awesome as far as I'm concerned.

hmm...

i'll allow it

 

[Pai Pai Master]

Some disgusting slut shaming up in here

 

[akira28]

If the relationship isn't salvageable on a romantic level, what are the chances of just exploring some sexual fantasies with her and remaining fuck buddies?

hmmm...a practical man. I like this.

 

[Insane Metal]

That's a hard pill to swallow OP. I'd be just as torn, like your gf.

Edit: due to being kinda insensitive.

Double edit: Eh, fuck it

Hahahahahaha holy shit

 

[inner-G]

She's obviously not wifey material, cut it off now. A girl that does stuff like that is probably always gonna be a ho

 

[Keri]

I'm just speculating. And I wouldn't call it incompatibility, in any case. Just the desires of one person conflicting with the desires of another and the compromise that might entail.

That's why I would advise OP expressing his discomfort at the idea to his GF. Then he can know where she stands with it.

I get it. I just think that someone with that concern, should consider the situation from the opposite perspective: A lot of men are interested in MFF threesomes and I think few would assume that those men find sex with a single woman unsatisfying. I absolutely agree that the OP should just talk to his girlfriend and ask her how important threesomes are to her.

 

[Red]

Some disgusting slut shaming up in here

She's obviously not wifey material, cut it off now. A girl that does stuff like that is probably always gonna be a ho

.

 

[LittleBoots]

OP hasn't said anything that warrants this mindset. Call him a prude yes. Should he have mentioned hes insecure in certain aspects? Probably, it's a tough conversation to bring up. But he's not a bad guy.

The fact that OP made this thread to ask for other's opinions and advice on the matter proves he's not a bad guy. He's genuinely worried and wants to do the right thing. And although I and many other posters think he's insecure, I don't think OP really knew how insecure he was until this happened.

 

[Vicetrailia]

I'm just speculating. And I wouldn't call it incompatibility, in any case. Just the desires of one person conflicting with the desires of another and the compromise that might entail.

That's why I would advise OP expressing his discomfort at the idea to his GF. Then he can know where she stands with it.

Exactly. He must do this, it's necessity (unless he dumps her on the spot). The ultimatum she'll gather is that the OP will never have a threesome in a million years. Can she live with that? If she can't, she can't. Hopefully she's true to herself like the OP is.

 

[akira28]

Just a question.

Would anyone who wouldnt have a problem if their date tells them she did porn, loved gangbangs, usually visited swinger parties, had sex with 60 year old guys still wouldnt have a problem then or wouldnt be bothered by it?
I mean people have different standards, so I dont really get why people try to shame OP and OP also doesnt shame her. He just feels uncomfortable by that.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if the date would tell you that she was a pornstar.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if your gf tells you she only dated older guys.

I dont see the problem.

if she followed all of that up with "but I am completely devoted to you, and love you for life and our relationship comes first." then we're cool.

if she isn't aware enough to do that, that's a negative.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

Those standards are not created in a vacuum. It totally says something about ideas you have learned to accept. Maybe he should do a little bit of insight and wonder why he feels the way he does, instead of letting such insecurity ruin an otherwise (it seems so?) great relationship.

Your assumption is that OP is being sexist/not a feminist. You went on that angle and never even considered that he is insecure. A guy just told a story of a girl who broke up with him because he had a threesome prior and mentioned it. He doesn't know why she broke up. What do you say to that?

 

[Astral/H3X]

Have you heard of these things called toys?

That's like saying a vibrator is as good as a real person.

Wait no, nevermind, that's literally what you said.

I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't care about "living up to" a threesome. It's a totally different thing. Trust me, it's not just a straight upgrade. Regular sex has better things about it.

 

[Sibylus]

Shame she wasn't your boyfriend OP, she's missing out on a thread full of high fives.

 

[Shaanyboi]

or maybe he deserves someone who is more sexually compatible and isn't trying to set up another threesome for whatever reason.

Whether or not she was testing the waters for another threesome is irrelevant. OP is freaking out because of "the image". Not because of active pressure or anything, but the knowledge of his gf having done some exploration prior to him entering the picture.

 

[Psychoward]

I cannot blame you for reacting that way.. I feel like i would have reacted the same way as yours.. DP with 2 guys? Darn thats straight up ho status toss to bushes to most guys.

Are you fucking kidding me

 

[Soapbox Killer]

"and by the way ladies a threesome is two girls and a guy"
Patrice O'Neal

"two guys and a girl is not a threesome, it's a sword fight with a damsel in distress"
My Cousin

 

[RDreamer]

She's obviously not wifey material, cut it off now. A girl that does stuff like that is probably always gonna be a ho

shaking my damned head here...

 

[AndrewPL]

Not marriage material, good luck finding someone that meets your standards OP.

 

[D1renegade]

Get out OP.

 

[Smokey]

DP tho?

whew

 

[Pork]

These conversations on gaf struggle because yes outside of immediately suggesting people break up immediately with little to back up why, we have people who come in with an immediate assumption that OP is a pig, or just project how they're cool with it and they are infallible and totally the most accepting person ever therefore if OP isn't for if he/she is a bad person.

But do you consider that insecurity is not something you consciously do at that moment? Insecurity can stem from multiple experiences and many years and various reasons mixed together. He's not doing this because he's an asshole. We don't know why he's hung up over this but it could be for many reasons he's not proud of and can't control without outside help.

He's not any of those things you say because you are the most righteous man.

OP hasn't said anything that warrants this mindset. Call him a prude yes. Should he have mentioned hes insecure in certain aspects? Probably, it's a tough conversation to bring up. But he's not a bad guy.

That wasn't directed at OP, but the guy I was responsing to. I felt he was being facetious in saying OP wasn't a bad person, kinda like how the phrase, "I'm not racist or anything, but..." is almost always followed up by something racist. That guy probably does think OP is a bad person.

 

[Violet_0]

damn GAF is ruthless, you're squeezing the op like a unbuttered Mortadella sandwich. Go a bit softer on him will you