Support NeoGAF

[MDSLKTR]

To each his own, not like you're gonna marry her or anything

Spoiler

I'd be all over that

 

[Amibguous Cad]

To you, it matters to him, like it would others.

Being bothered by it doesn't sound like a conscious decision.


Also feeling that way is not shaming her, calling her names and making her feel bad would be.


He can just break it off, go on his way and not shame her for this, if they aren't compatible then its not meant to be.

In what way is breaking up with someone because of their sexual history not slut shaming? Cause I'd feel pretty fuckin shamed if a partner broke things off with me because I'd had a threesome with prior partners.

Just a question.

Would anyone who wouldnt have a problem if their date tells them she did porn, loved gangbangs, usually visited swinger parties, had sex with 60 year old guys still wouldnt have a problem then or wouldnt be bothered by it?
I mean people have different standards, so I dont really get why people try to shame OP and OP also doesnt shame her. He just feels uncomfortable by that.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if the date would tell you that she was a pornstar.

Other people would feel uncomfortable if your gf tells you she only dated older guys.

I dont see the problem.

Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

 

[smurfx]

People here will try to convince you to this is okay somehow, or great or even hot. Or that its none of your business. Or that you should get over it.

None of that matters. Because it bothers you. They arent dating her, you are.

If you cant accept it, and no amount of arguments here or anywhere else wont make you, then you know what to do.

pretty much. if it bothers you to the point of wanting to break up with her then don't waste her time and just end it now.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

That's like saying a vibrator is as good as a real person.

Wait no, nevermind, that's literally what you said.

I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't care about "living up to" a threesome. It's a totally different thing. Trust me, it's not just a straight upgrade. Regular sex has better things about it.

i mean, compared to most guys a vibrator would probably be better

 

[Bleepey]

I am seeing this girl since April and few days ago when we were watching a TV show HIMYM "Third Wheel". She asked me if I have ever had a threesome, there was an awkward pause and I said "NO" why?. she is like no was just curious. I was like "OKK". then after sometime she asked me, "aren't you going to ask me?" and then I just knew she probably did, but I asked anyways. And she indeed did, and she worded "she did it few times". With 2 guys. She told me some specifics that I wish I didn't hear it. Such as "DP" and "Rough".

Anyways, so after this conversation, her image have completely changed in my mind. I feel like I don't know her at all. I thought I will get over it within a day or two but I obviously couldn't. So here I am. Look I am not a shallow person. Its her life, she can live the way she want and do what she want. But now every time I am with her, I have that image in my head and it drives me nuts. That's all I can think of, I haven't had sex with her since then. And planning to break up with her. Am I a bad person? I like her, and she does too. But if this is something she is into, do you think she will expect me to be part of her threesome? I can't even think about it, another guy fucking her? no, just no. Can't be part of that ever.

btw

before someone suggests, no I am not going to have sex with two girls either. So I am not going to ask her to bring a girl to make it even. That's not even an option.

What's wrong with you? I haven't read this thread yet, but would you have a threesome with two girls? If yes? What makes you think girls aren't interested in similar? Jesus dude.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

That wasn't directed at OP, but the guy I was responsing to. I felt he was being facetious in saying OP wasn't a bad person, kinda like how the phrase, "I'm not racist or anything, but..." is almost always followed up by something racist. That guy probably does think OP is a bad person.

Ah if so my apologies must've misread

 

[inner-G]

shaking my damned head here...

She obviously wants different stuff from sex than the OP.

He thinks it's a more personal/relationship thing, where she obviously sees it as 'just a physical' thing because she does it with multiple people

I don't think there's any way they'll ever be on the same page so he should break it off.

 

[Palette Swap]

She's obviously not wifey material, cut it off now. A girl that does stuff like that is probably always gonna be a ho

Not marriage material, good luck finding someone that meets your standards OP.

On the one hand, I can understand how uncomfortable OP is, and why he shouldn't faulted or magically "work on it".

On the other hand, you two are straight up Talibans.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

In what way is breaking up with someone because of their sexual history not slut shaming? Cause I'd feel pretty fuckin shamed if a partner broke things off with me because I'd had a threesome with prior partners.



Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

That's a bit ridiculous.

 

[Spehornoob]

OP isn't wrong for feeling this way.

The girl isn't wrong for her past.

Sometimes differences in sexual values can fuck things up, and no one is right or wrong because of it.

I'd suggest OP give it some time. If you honestly can't get past it, end it. But I wouldn't do so immediately.

 

[Jonm1010]

In what way is breaking up with someone because of their sexual history not slut shaming? Cause I'd feel pretty fuckin shamed if a partner broke things off with me because I'd had a threesome with prior partners.



Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

Being uncomfortable(for whatever reason) to the point of breaking up with someone is not the same as slut shaming in the true sense of the word. Shame on you for conflating the two.

 

[_Nemo]

What's wrong with you? I haven't read this thread yet, but would you have a threesome with two girls? If yes? What makes you think girls aren't interested in similar? Jesus dude.

Not only have you not read the thread, it seems you haven't even read the OP.

 

[Amibguous Cad]

Your assumption is that OP is being sexist/not a feminist. You went on that angle and never even considered that he is insecure. A guy just told a story of a girl who broke up with him because he had a threesome prior and mentioned it. He doesn't know why she broke up. What do you say to that?

He's insecure because he's sexist.

Which probably means that the best option is to break up, but he should maybe work on not reacting to sexually adventurous women with disgust so it's not an issue for him or his partners in the future.

 

[Circle Jerk]

Several people have said that they also have had to break up with someone because of the same thing (or wouldn't date someone that has had the same experience), but no one seems to have mentioned what part of it makes them so apprehensive about it other than "she would probably ask me to do it" argument. Is there any other reason? I ask because just because a person has had these experiences in the past does not mean they will be hounding you to participate if you don't want to. I have some kinks like anyone else but I don't need to have them, and if the person I'm with does but want to I'm not going to hound them to do it. If I care for a person I want to be with them because of the person, not because they are into a sexual kink I have, that's just a bonus.

Do you want to know the honest truth? Some people are different from you. That's it. There's not some grand conspiracy, or explanation that will tell you 100% why those people are saying it. Sexual compatibility is a thing, and it's different for everyone. It doesn't matter why, it simply is.

 

[Draper]

In what way is breaking up with someone because of their sexual history not slut shaming? Cause I'd feel pretty fuckin shamed if a partner broke things off with me because I'd had a threesome with prior partners.



Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

Man, you are a joke.

 

[Mortemis]

These conversations on gaf struggle because yes outside of immediately suggesting people break up immediately with little to back up why, we have people who come in with an immediate assumption that OP is a pig, or just project how they're cool with it and they are infallible and totally the most accepting person ever therefore if OP isn't for if he/she is a bad person.

Tbh, I am judgmental about people who make dating advice threads. Why the fuck do you want advice from a bunch of random ass people on a gaming forum? Do you really have no one in your life to ask? Even so, they should go the the dating gaf thread where people who actually care about giving advice are instead of threads like this filled with jokes.

Some disgusting slut shaming up in here

Yeah. I wanna know more about this "ho status". Is there levels to it, how do you level up?

 

[puebla]

I love when people are so quick to say the op is insecure. Maybe he's actually feeling disgust?? I know I would be.

 

[LittleBoots]

That wasn't directed at OP, but the guy I was responsing to. I felt he was being facetious in saying OP wasn't a bad person, kinda like how the phrase, "I'm not racist or anything, but..." is almost always followed up by something racist. That guy probably does think OP is a bad person.

I actually don't think he's a bad person. I think I've made that clear before.

 

[Reset]

What's wrong with you? I haven't read this thread yet, but would you have a threesome with two girls? If yes? What makes you think girls aren't interested in similar? Jesus dude.

Did you even read the post that you quoted. He said he's not interested in any type of threesome. Jesus dude.

 

[Zombine]

Sexuality and previous partners comes up as a point of contention in relationships because either one party or both can't bare with the idea of the person they love sharing a sexual experience with someone else because they associate it with "love." I have noticed that age and experience plays a huge role in how comfortable a person is with the idea of their partner being with someone else, but what I think needs to be fully ingrained in the heads of men is the idea that they don't "own" their female partner. She has every right to explore her sexuality prior to her relationship with you (you being the person in general I'm speaking about, not just OP), and that this idea of saving yourself for one person is kind of unreasonable.

I realize it may hurt to hear about previous sexual encounters, but eventually you'll realize it isn't anything crazy, and that as long as you're happy together that's all that matters.

 

[Zekes!]

So the lesson here is not to watch How I Met Your Mother

 

[NimbusD]

Dude. She did something in the past and she's comfortable and connected enough with you to think she can share something super intimate with you. I get that it can be off putting, but she's not with them. At the very least talk it out with her if it's upsetting you, don't just harbor feelings that'll boil over. Be an adult about it.

Also the way she's telling you, with the details it seems like she thought it might turn you on. And while you don't have to be down with a threesome or even wanting to hear about her past adventures, it sounds like your girl's endgame was to be kinky w you in general.

 

[Mrmartel]

I have natural Jealousy issues, maybe from low self-esteem when I was younger (no different than most young men). But I have made it a rule not to ask about my GFs past sexual history. The shitty thing is. All my past GFs (except one, she was a keeper) have in some form, either subtlely or in detail have talked about their sexual history. I don't understand. It is the women I date, or do girls just like talking about that shit. Is it a test to see how I/men react? Anyways it pisses me off, I try to cut it short usually by saying I'm not interested.

As for the OP, if it was me I'd break up with her. Because "I" wouldn't feel the same about her and it would be a constant reoccurring thought I rather not have. She certainly wouldn't be long term commitment material for my self.

But again if it bothers you, it doesn't matter how many guys in GAF (Gaf is a scary place for relationship advice, because of the demographics here? ) tell you your immature, or a prude or something. I'm 33 years old and in quite a mature spot in life. Everyone in my life says I'm one of the most stable, adult, guys they know, and if this stuff bothers even me. Well I figured most guys are in the same boat. I look at it as a natural aspect of human nature. Ain't nobody going to change that.

 

[CrocMother]

She obviously wants different stuff from sex than the OP.

He thinks it's a more personal/relationship thing, where she obviously sees it as 'just a physical' thing because she does it with multiple people

I don't think there's any way they'll ever be on the same page so he should break it off.

None of that is obvious, you're just jumping to conclusions. Those are rationalizations fueled by insecurity and jealousy.

 

[Makai]

Some of you guys have the weirdest deal-breakers.

 

[Jonm1010]

He's insecure because he's sexist.

Which probably means that the best option is to break up, but he should maybe work on not reacting to sexually adventurous women with disgust so it's not an issue for him or his partners in the future.

Insecure due to sexism is literally an assumption from ignorance on your part.

Mature the fuck up kid.

 

[Jumeira]

Drop her. I'd do the same. My wife would too if she knew I was into or have engaged in acts before meeting her. So I don't think your reaction is wrong. For some, this is too much, and obviously clashes with your idea of intimacy.

 

[Amibguous Cad]

Man, you are a joke.

That's a bit ridiculous.

It's only ridiculous to you because you view sex workers as less morally corrupted than other people. Which makes you a prick.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

I love how inner-G knows OP's girlfriend more than OP does.

/s

 

[AyzOn]

I don´t see the problem, if that makes you uncomfortable and you can´t see it changing anytime, end it.

Whatever we say won't change how you personally feel about it, so either you somehow get over it or end the relationship since she won't be able to change anything about it.
(Not saying she has done something wrong, just that there isn't really anything she can do.)

 

[thehypocrite]

OP needs a pure waifu, love plus style.

 

[inner-G]

On the other hand, you two are straight up Talibans.

Peoples sexual histories shouldn't factor into their dateability? Especially is it makes you uncomfortable in the relationship??

Lol, ok.

I'm recommending he break up with her not behead her.

None of that is obvious, you're just jumping to conclusions. Those are rationalizations fueled by insecurity and jealousy.

If that's what the OP wanted from sex, he obviously wouldn't have been freaked out and made this thread

 

[puebla]

Yes, someone who would break up with a partner because they did porn in the past is a slut-shaming prick.

It's called standards dude, get u some.

 

[Circle Jerk]

Some of you guys have the weirdest deal-breakers.

Everyone has weird dealbreakers, you're just reading theirs.

 

[Pork]

I actually don't think he's a bad person. I think I've made that clear before.

And in turn I feel you're being facetious when you say that.

 

[Easton Dark]

Your loss, dude. I'd be all about it.

Again, with all relationships, be honest with your feelings.

 

[LittleBoots]

He's insecure because he's sexist.

Which probably means that the best option is to break up, but he should maybe work on not reacting to sexually adventurous women with disgust so it's not an issue for him or his partners in the future.

I wouldn't necessarily say his insecurity is due to disgust. It could possibly just be insecurity due to feeling inadequate.

 

[MattKeil]

she brought it up because she wants to do it again.

Massive assumption, try again.

or maybe he deserves someone who is more sexually compatible and isn't trying to set up another threesome for whatever reason.

Even more massive assumption, you're outta here.

The only way to know if she was asking for or trying to set up another MMF threesome is to fucking ask her. Communicate with your girlfriend the way you're communicating with GAF, at the very least.

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

She had some fun, who cares?

At least she is open to a lot of stuff.

 

[Fusion Pizza]

You should show her this thread OP.

I'm sure she'd love that.

 

[PetriP-TNT]

Wait, you didn't ask if she was a virgin before the first date? First mistake man.

Ask then verify (through a doctor)

 

[ironcreed]

lol wtf

Seems clear to me. If I was trying to get serious with someone and they started dropping hints that they are into being double penetrated and such, then that would be my hint that she is not the one to get serious with. Not everybody is into that shit, man.

 

[Frodo]

She's obviously not wifey material, cut it off now. A girl that does stuff like that is probably always gonna be a ho

Again:

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.

Of which this thread is overflowing with.



My last post here: OP has all the right to NOT want to participate in threesomes. If that is what she wants, which she never expressed, or OP failed to mention to us, then, please, break up, and you are not a bad person for doing so, as if this is the case, you both are just sexually incompatible. But OP himself said he can't even look at her the same way since that, how is that not judgement? She did it before, OP. And this is not to mention the double standards in this thread as well.

That being said: congratz on the sex, op's girlfriend. God speed on your sexual adventures. Be safe, and enjoy your life.

 

[TheOfficeMut]

The irony in this thread for suggesting the OP is close minded because he can't control the fact that he's uncomfortable with the situation he's in. Some people are okay with it, some people are not, but he hasn't said anything that suggests he's mysogynistic or sexist in any way. Those of you suggesting so are the actual close minded ones.

 

[Hatchtag]

Some of you guys have the weirdest deal-breakers.

Macaroni and cheese is mine. Girl could do DVDA, bukkake, whatever, but second she's eating that shit its just disgusting.

 

[KurtSloane]

Those standards are not created in a vacuum. It totally says something about ideas you have learned to accept. Maybe he should do a little bit of insight and wonder why he feels the way he does, instead of letting such insecurity ruin an otherwise (it seems so?) great relationship.

Who says its insecurity?

Maybe the thought of two men banging away at someone he might care about affects him negatively, whether it is because the girl liked being fucked by two guys at the same time or quite simply the image of the act is something he can't get past doesn't matter.

It doesn't need to relate to something you read in a book about feminism or anything like that.

It affected him, that's all that matters, as long as he doesn't call her any awful names or share what she has said in confidence in an effort to shame her, then he is free to walk away.

 

[Symphonia]

Macaroni and cheese is mine. Girl could do DVDA, bukkake, whatever, but second she's eating that shit its just disgusting.

You're missing out.

 

[ScatheZombie]

This is why I tell guys to be careful what you wish for.

There's probably a sizable number of guys who would furiously beat off to a video of a girl being passed around a group of men like the last joint at a Bob Marley tribute concert but the second they find out their SO is actually into that sort of thing too their dicks shrivel up from worries of sexual inadequacy like a scared turtle shrinking back into its shell.

Which is kind of hypocritical when you think about.

 

[Opto]

You should show her this thread OP.

I'm sure she'd love that.

True, she might break up with him and save him the effort

 

[BadAss2961]

If you're hitting it right, there's no need to be insecure about her sexual past.

But if it bothers you that much, it's your business OP.