and things got weird...
So my good friend who I will be living with in Denver starting July 1st has always had a cougar neighbor in our hometown of St. Louis. She is 47 and married with two kids, but my god she is bangin. She has always taken a special liking to me, but I just figured she is a flirt/has an unhealthy relationship with her husband. I'm 20 by the way.
Well, last night about 7 of my friends were all drinking on my buddys porch, and sure enough, the cougar yelled "Is that Conor I hear!?" from across the street after hearing my laugh (I have a very unfortunate laugh, the sound seems to carry for miles). Well give it like 15 minutes or so and she shows up to the porch and starts drinking with us. She is in a great mood but she keeps slipping in how alone she is and that her husband is never home. Rewind to a bit earlier in the night when I inquired about "the milf" and my buddy was telling us she is going through a nasty divorce and her husband has been having an affair for god knows how long. I was about to joke "now is my chance" when he was telling the story, but I refrained because I thought it was in bad taste. Welp, it really was my chance.
After drinking with us for a while, I end up walking her back to her house across the street. She had told us earlier that she had made out with an 18 year old, and on the way back she starts rubbing on me and being like "I hope you know were totally going to make out" or some shit like that. I was drunk and in disbelief, but I'll be damned if I wasn't the happiest man on earth. So we start going at it on her porch, all the while my buddies could apparently make out (no pun intended) silhouettes of us. So she is like straight up opening up to me as I drink the glass of Jack she offered me, telling me all about her fucked up husband and how he never comes home until super late (it was like midnight and she said he comes home at like 2 or 3, but I was still a bit nervous). As she tells me this she just starts crying on my shoulder and shit as I rub her head and say its okay, then 5 minutes later we're going at it again. When we would go at it I would just be grabbing her and feeling on her and shit, but to my dismay she would reject me whenever I tried to go further, insisting she was "a prude." I was making out and giving life advice to a married woman who is over two and a half decades older than me. We even acknowledged the whole decade thing. It was totally bizarre.
We parted ways after about an hour and I walked back across the street to applause from all my friends. I denied we did anything but they all knew something happened. Even though I didn't get nearly as far as I would have hoped, I figured I would share my tale with GAF because I have few others to tell...