Support NeoGAF

[Willco]

I'll try to make this relatively easy and explain the situation.

I've been trying to court a female recently, unbeknownst to her that I had a fling with her older sister years ago. I mean fling. It was so short you couldn't call it a relationship, and at the time I didn't even know she had a younger sister and as far as I know now, she's off in California somewhere trying to get a start on her career. I'm not particularly proud of it.

Now my ex just IM'd me tonight and heard that I was trying to court this young lady, who she apparently travels in the same circles with, and gave me an endless amount of grief that I haven't told her about my thing with her older sister. Then she pretty much threatened to tell her.

I am not sure what the hell to do. I'm sure one of you guys have put themselves in a similiar situation, but I sure as hell haven't. Would it pay for me to tell this girl about my situation before anyone else does? Or should I just not tell her at all?

 

[Particle Physicist]

tell your ex to stop being a bitch and live her own life. why the hell would she bother meddling with things that really arent her business. if she isnt best of friends with this girl, she should let things be.

anyway, i have no real advice. sorry.

 

[Willco]

tell your ex to stop being a bitch and live her own life. why the hell would she bother meddling with things that really arent her business. if she isnt best of friends with this girl, she should let things be.

anyway, i have no real advice. sorry.

I would like to say that would work, but I seem to be a magnet for crazy women and she definitely qualifies. I am kind of pissed she's meddling in this, as well. Apparently, since she knows her somewhat (through another fucking friend, I might add!), that she feels the need to tell her this crap.

 

[gblues]

Nothing good can come from this.

Best you can do is own up to it and play the "I was young/stupid" card if it was long enough ago for it to be true.

Nathan

 

[Willco]

Nothing good can come from this.

Best you can do is own up to it and play the "I was young/stupid" card if it was long enough ago for it to be true.

Nathan

Does three years count?

 

[Blackie]

This is really tough. This crazy ex of your sounds bent on informing your young lady of your previous shenanigans with her sister, news which will be much more badly received coming from her lips (the hearsay source) than yours, but the news is so...wrong in a "helping your relationship go positive directions" kind of way that regardless of who tells it, it can really do nothing but damage. I don't know if there are any clever ways to get out of this one.

I would personally wait for the news to surface from her side, act surprised and then play the "I was young blah blah" bit previously mentioned.

P.S Your ex is a huge bitch. I mean damn.

 

[Cubsfan23]

The only problem I see here is that you're ashamed of what happened in the past. If you weren't ashamed, there would be nothing to "blackmail" you over

If you really want to tell the sister, then go ahead.

 

[Willco]

... but the news is so...wrong in a "helping your relationship go positive directions" kind of way that regardless of who tells it, it can really do nothing but damage.

It is my fear.

I would personally wait for the news to surface from her side, act surprised and then play the "I was young blah blah" bit previously mentioned.

This sounds like popular opinion. I've been debating this, but it seems kind of shady.

P.S Your ex is a huge bitch. I mean damn.

Agreed. There's a reason why she's my ex.

The only problem I see here is that you're ashamed of what happened in the past. If you weren't ashamed, there would be nothing to "blackmail" you over

If you really want to tell the sister, then go ahead.

Honestly, I'm not quite sure where I can fit in, "Hey, several years back I had a fling with your older sister! ... Isn't that funny!" I'm sure it'll be followed by a bitch slap and/or water in the face.

And from my experience, something like that may not seem like a big deal to a guy, it would noticeably bother a lady.

 

[NLB2]

Nothing good can come from this.

Nathan

You put my name to shame! There's nothing hotter than a threesome with sisters, except for a threesome with twins. Plenty of good can come from this. You just need to get them really drunk, Wilco.

 

[maharg]

When the ex tells her, tell the new girl it was a threesome with the ex.

If you're going down, may as well take her with you.

 

[Cubsfan23]

It is my fear.



This sounds like popular opinion. I've been debating this, but it seems kind of shady.



Agreed. There's a reason why she's my ex.



Honestly, I'm not quite sure where I can fit in, "Hey, several years back I had a fling with your older sister! ... Isn't that funny!" I'm sure it'll be followed by a bitch slap and/or water in the face.

And from my experience, something like that may not seem like a big deal to a guy, it would noticeably bother a lady.

Just don't worry about it then. If the ex does end up telling her, don't act ashamed about it. Either way, don't let the ex drama bother you, hell i wouldn't even talk to her on IM

 

[Willco]

Just don't worry about it then. If the ex does end up telling her, don't act ashamed about it. Either way, don't let the ex drama bother you, hell i wouldn't even talk to her on IM

I was pretty surprised she IM'd me and she got me so irritated that I just quit the damn program altogether.

 

[JoshuaJSlone]

Does three years count?

3 years plus or 3 years minus? If you couldn't legally sign contracts that would help the young/stupid angle.

 

[Willco]

3 years plus or 3 years minus? If you couldn't legally sign contracts that would help the young/stupid angle.

No, I was 18-years-old.

 

[fart]

KILL HER

 

[Mike Works]

Go out with her sister just to make her angry and jealous, which entices women.

Then, the moment she tells you she wants you back, BAM

You dump the sisters and go out with Serafitia.

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

become a mod. that oughtta show her that you cant be tied down to one woman.

 

[Manabanana]

You put my name to shame! There's nothing hotter than a threesome with sisters, except for a threesome with twins. Plenty of good can come from this. You just need to get them really drunk, Wilco.

All the coolest people are named Nathan these days.

 

[Alex Anderson]

Unless your goal is to get in her pants, which I know isn't the case (you seem to have a conscience), you should tell her about it. It's going to come up sooner or later and I assume you would feel guilty moving into a closer relationship with her and her being oblivious to your past with her sister-- even if you do view it as somewhat inconsequential now.

I don't think you'd want it hanging over your head and risk having the girl lose respect for you if she found out. I know I wouldn't.

 

[The Faceless Master]

just wait for your ex to tell her, then when she brings it up, tell her how your ex tried to blackmail you with the threat of telling her and you refused... then say all that other stuff about being young and stupid, etc... then say how you and your ex had a bad breakup etc... or something like that...

 

[bjork]

Unless you can deal with the weirdness attached to it, bail out. Sounds like a lot of unneccesary headache, that no amount of cock and funny is going to fix.

 

[ZombieSupaStar]

Go out with her sister just to make her angry and jealous, which entices women.

Then, the moment she tells you she wants you back, BAM

You dump the sisters and go out with Serafitia.

:lol

 

[Loki]

lol ZombieSupastar, I love that dance scene from Kickboxer-- funniest Euro dancing ever! He looks like he's screwing the air. :lol

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Instead of trying these elaborate schemes that make you seem as if you are on some dime store sopa opera try the truth. Taming women in 3 easy steps.

Acknowledge
- Yes I was with X

Accept
- OK, and she has nothing to do with us.

Move on
- Listen I got these tickets to the show at 10:30 what time do you want me to pick you up.

 

[Mercury Fred]

Instead of trying these elaborate schemes that make you seem as if you are on some dime store sopa opera try the truth. Taming women in 3 easy steps.

Acknowledge
- Yes I was with X

Accept
- OK, and she has nothing to do with us.

Move on
- Listen I got these tickets to the show at 10:30 what time do you want me to pick you up.

That's the first round of good advice in this thread.

Let me add that instead of calling out your bitch ex as the bitch she is, appeal to her nicer side. Just lead her down a long conversational path that has nothing to do with this situation. Get her talking. Listen. Ask questions and pretend you give a fuck. Appeal to her sense of vanity by complimenting her. Reminisce about your time together in a "buddy" tone--but don't get sappy. Ask her about her dating life and be positive. Get "philosophical" even if it's complete crap. Even offer to fix her up. Do all of this and get her eating out of the palm of your hand. It takes some teasing, but it can be done.

Then, when it's all done. You can talk her down from her plan. Just casaully say, oh, so I'm going to mention to X that her sister and I had a fling when we were in high school/18/whatever, ie language to minimize said fling.

*edit
The bonus of getting your ex talking is that she might reveal something that you could use against her if that ever needed to happen. The old adage about keeping your friends close but your enemies closer exists for a reason.

 

[Blackie]

Mercury Fred and Tommie Hu$tle knows whats up.

 

[karasu]

Tell her first. :/

 

[Jill Sandwich]

Tell her that her sister is insanely jealous and is trying to break you up - but that wont happen because you're too damn sold on her love <3

 

[StoOgE]

Dont tell her anything, and when it comes up say you were really drunk and dont remember who it was.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

This is me I wouldn't even acknowledge the ex. Doing that sets up fuel for the fire especially in IM that means she has whole chat logs where she could dump them on you current interest.

Simply put when the IMs you just reply I'm busy right now and I'll have to get back with you a second and then when you log off, say didn't get a chance to chat TTYL.


Here a few songs I'd like you to listen to and then get back to me.

Triville - Neva Eva
Snoop Dogg - Can you control yo ho
Too $hort - (there are so many but) What's a Pimp.

These songs will tell you what to do.

 

[Gorey]

I've been in similar situations, and in my experience the one thing you DO NOT want to have happen is to let the gossip train get rolling. Tell her about it before someone else does- that way you have control over how the information is discussed and such. Your ex is going to be as negative as possible, so cut her off at the pass. So to speak.

 

[psycho_snake]

Well, if you go otu with her younger sister, fall in love, get married and have children, you could always tell your children that you tried to hit on their aunt.

 

[Drek]

Man, it comes down to how far along you've gotten with her. If you've gone on a few dates and are just picking up some steam then tell her right off with the whole preface of "just wanted to make sure you knew before we went any further blah blah blah". If you haven't even started dating her then no need to tell her yet, but tell the ex to get a fucking life. If you guys have already moved onto a somewhat exclusive relationship or if you've gotten to hit it yet, well, you're F'd in the A.

Honestly though, I don't see what the big deal is. So you got yourself a piece a while ago and it happened to be her sister. You were both adults, big deal. Unless you were an ass to her sister or something like that I don't see why it'd be a big deal.

You could have some real fun bronco bustin' though if you get her in the sack, since what you'd say she'd know to be true.

ps. if you do get to tap her find out if they have a MILF, if so go for the whole family trifecta!

 

[ElyrionX]

One lesson to be learned here:

Girls are bitches in general.....

You should really go smack your ex around (not literally, of course). WTF is she doing meddling with your goddamn affairs now? If you can, pull off the same kind of shit on her....

 

[Gattsu25]

Just admit that you were brutally raped by her older sister

be the victim

 

[Incognito]

One lesson to be learned here:

Girls are bitches in general.....

You should really go smack your ex around (not literally, of course). WTF is she doing meddling with your goddamn affairs now? If you can, pull off the same kind of shit on her....

w3rd to your mother. girls always pull shit like this at the most inopportune times.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Tell her first. :/

I wouldn't tell her shit. Why? It's crazy that he should have to feel bad for something he did 3 years ago.

NEVER NEVER NEVER let a broad control you. If this situation would not have happened who he just out and out told her? No. So why should he now?

 

[Gorey]

I wouldn't tell her shit. Why? It's crazy that he should have to feel bad for something he did 3 years ago.

NEVER NEVER NEVER let a broad control you. If this situation would not have happened who he just out and out told her? No. So why should he now?

It's not about 'why should he', in my mind. It's about 'better him than some bitchy ex who's going to smear him as much as she's able'. Control of information is a usefull thing.

 

[karasu]

I wouldn't tell her shit. Why? It's crazy that he should have to feel bad for something he did 3 years ago.

NEVER NEVER NEVER let a broad control you. If this situation would not have happened who he just out and out told her? No. So why should he now?

So, you think it's best that he allows someone to 'snitch' on him? Come on. it's best that he gives his side of the story before the girl is poisoned by someone else's version. That way he won't be on the defense. "never letting a broad control you" does nothing for no one and nobody. I mean sure, it's macho, but it has shit to do with problem solving.

 

[Litigation Manuel]

Sit down with her sometime, and just say in a serious manner "I need to talk to you about something." Tell her that this really shouldn't be an issue, but an ex of yours wants to make it a big deal, so you should just get it out of the way so you can continue your relationship without her interfereing. Tell her you had a short fling with her sister, make it clear you regret it, that you were young and stupid, make sure she's okay with it, continue your relationship.

 

[Willco]

Sit down with her sometime, and just say in a serious manner "I need to talk to you about something." Tell her that this really shouldn't be an issue, but an ex of yours wants to make it a big deal, so you should just get it out of the way so you can continue your relationship without her interfereing. Tell her you had a short fling with her sister, make it clear you regret it, that you were young and stupid, make sure she's okay with it, continue your relationship.

We may have a winner.

If all else fails, I'll go to Muldoon's and have a pint until this whole thing blows over.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

It's not about 'why should he', in my mind. It's about 'better him than some bitchy ex who's going to smear him as much as she's able'. Control of information is a usefull thing.

Tell her what? That he banged some broad three years ago? Fuck that, (all IMO BTW) I don't go around asking people what the did before me and I ask for the same. Why keep up unecessary drama? What does he have to gain from this?

I would be more than willing to anwser questions to assure my mate I'm on the level. But, other than that this other person is not worth my time I am not going to waste effort on dealing with her.

 

[Gorey]

Tell her what? That he banged some broad three years ago? Fuck that, (all IMO BTW) I don't go around asking people what the did before me and I ask for the same. Why keep up unecessary drama? What does he have to gain from this?

I would be more than willing to anwser questions to assure my mate I'm on the level. But, other than that this other person is not worth my time I am not going to waste effort on dealing with her.

/Shrug, if you can away with that kind of stuff, all the power to you. In my experience it's better to be the one coming forward than it is to be the one accused. And that's what may happen- big difference between "you did WHAT!?" vs "look, there is something I want to get out of the way, it's no big deal....".

You see unecessary drama, I see preventative maintenance. To each their own.

 

[Lhadatt]

I'm putting in another dollar for the "tell her now and get it over with" pot. Especially since it's her older sister that you had the fling with; I mean, it's not like she won't find out eventually.

This doesn't just apply to women -- it's a good standard to live by for, well, anything. If you screw up or put yourself in a compromising situation in some other fashion, it's best to just own up to it, apologize and say it won't happen again. I recently got my work's management off my back by doing just that.

Screw teh drama whores. Honesty is the best policy.

P.S. -- If you successfully use the forces of truth with the younger, tell the older. You don't want to lack the foresight to disarm that firestorm before it hits, seeing as it could possibly ruin your relationship with the rest of their family when the knowledge hits the girls' parents.

P.P.S. -- If whichever plan you choose does not work out and results with the girl ditching you, ditch that group of girls. Don't court anyone else from that circle. Yes, if you're in a small community (i.e. COLLEGE UNIVERSITY or whatever), that might put a damper on your social life for a while, and it will require some in-depth social linking research on your part. It's better than having to put up with another ABC Afterschool Special, though.

 

[DarienA]

Willco take this to your grave(i.e. always remember):

Your girl will ALWAYS want to hear "bad" news from you FIRST.

Never, ever, EVER let her find out about something you did from someone else first.

 

[Willco]

Willco take this to your grave(i.e. always remember):

Your girl will ALWAYS want to hear "bad" news from you FIRST.

Never, ever, EVER let her find out about something you did from someone else first.

She's from your town. I blame the Gtownies for all of this mess, btw.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Your girl will ALWAYS want to hear "bad" news from you FIRST.

Will someone PLEASE explain to me what the bad news is because I don't see it. Since when is being in a relationship (whatever the type) before your current interest a "bad" thing. This is a simple issue of the ex or the other person being on his jock. The bottom line is that his focus should be on his current girl and you shouldn't give the ex (or her cronies) ANY acknowledgement. As far as I'm concened the anyone besides my girl doesn't exist to me.

This only becomes an issue if Wilco makes it one. As I said IF and IF it comes up all he has to do is follow the AAM rule.


Acknowledge
Yeah, we were together back when I was 18, we had some good times but as it happens sometimes it didn't work out.

Accept
Ok, what that have to do with us.

Move on


That's not being dishonest or disengenious also you are taking the higher ground by not running this other girls name in the mud. What does that gain you. Obviously if your current girl and your ex are talking that means that whatever you say is going to be parroted back to the the ex why give her ammo with some out in left field story? If you limit the details and only respond with kindly it makes the other person look batty.

 

[Dilbert]

Will someone PLEASE explain to me what the bad news is because I don't see it.

The "bad news" is that Willco dated the current girl's sister years ago, which will come out at SOME point if he continues to date her. His ex-girlfriend is simply forcing the issue now for her own agenda...but even if she wasn't in the picture, it would eventually be an issue.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

The "bad news" is that Willco dated the current girl's sister years ago, which will come out at SOME point if he continues to date her. His ex-girlfriend is simply forcing the issue now for her own agenda...but even if she wasn't in the picture, it would eventually be an issue.

#1. Does the older sister know or even care? Is this something brought on simply from a jilted ex-girlfriend? Hell, you think the two sisters never talk?

I see this in the same vein as I see dudes asking women about how many dudes they were with before them. Hell, from what he said it wasn't even a relationship. From what I can tell he had a crush on the chick or something that never went far. The ex is blowing it out of proportion, I'm always one to ignore negative people like that and tell those around me to do the same, she has nothing to lose by getting in his business and he has nothing to gain by confronting her on something that she was never involved in. Never every get into it with people that have nothing to lose.

 

[Die Squirrel Die]

I'm kinda with Tommie Hu$tle on this. So he had a thing with his current interest's sister? It was 3 years ago. That's a lot of water under the bridge. It's not like he broke up with her 2 weeks ago. People are trying to turn this into The OC for no good reason.

And not to deflate Willco's ego, but if the younger sister hasn't cottoned on to who he is yet, then the older sister probably didn't find him that memorable. Either that or she thought he was a good guy. If she thought he was a jerk her sister would probably know about it.

However, I think this whole ex making it into some big issue thing throws something of a spanner into the work. On this I do not agree with Tommie. People don't live in isolation and it sounds like this ex has a big grudge against Willco. She is already butting in on something that isn't her business, so who knows how she'll spin it.

So overall, I'm in the tell her camp. You'll probably find that she already knows, and isn't all that bothered. Plus he'll probably get honesty points. Whereas, even if it wasn't his intention, having it come from someone else could make it seem like he was trying to hide it.