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[Tommie Hu$tle]

I'm kinda with Tommie Hu$tle on this. So he had a thing with his current interest's sister? It was 3 years ago. That's a lot of water under the bridge. It's not like he broke up with her 2 weeks ago. People are trying to turn this into The OC for no good reason.

Thank you that is the major point I was trying to get a across. I guess it didn't come off that way.

However, I think this whole ex making it into some big issue thing throws something of a spanner into the work. On this I do not agree with Tommie. People don't live in isolation and it sounds like this ex has a big grudge against Willco. She is already butting in on something that isn't her business, so who knows how she'll spin it.

That's what I'm getting as well the ex for whatever reason has it out for him, either she is a nut or we don't have the whole story either way it doesn't matter. He isn't with her. My thing is this what does him telling his current interest gain him? If it was the older sister that had something to say then POSSIBLY I would see that as a problem but, this is some out of the blue person.

I say approach it honestly. If the subject comes up, stick to the subject and not the person trying to cockblock you and once you and the girl are into discuss it move on and don't worry about it anymore. If the current girl can't handle your explaination then you probably got larger problems on the horizon. I think it is very important for a man to establish his rules of what is and isn't important in his relationship and he said/she said should be where the law is firmly laid down.

I mean why doesn't he tell her about every girl he ever dated or liked? I mean it COULD come up. From a realtionship standpoint the past should stay in the past.

 

[Gorey]

These aren't independant, isolated, individual cases. These are sisters. It's a dangerous place to go at any time, and the more power he maintains over how the information is disseminated and discussed, the better off he'll be. Tommie, from a respect standpoint, I totally agree with you- but from a pragmatic one, it's a no brainer.

All my opinion, as usual. Perhaps, Tommie, I just wish I had your cojones in dealing with this kind of shit. But in my experience, the hard line gets you nowhere.

Edit; Further, if he deals with it now, he cuts out the leverage the ex has on him, effectively rendering her powerless.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Looking at the last couple of asinine posts he put up maybe the ex isn't too far off the mark.

These aren't independant, isolated, individual cases. These are sisters.

Which to me means they would already know about who the other was dating or seeing. Unless this is some highly disfunctional family I can't see a situtation where the younger would not discuss him to the older sister.. I'm assuming that they are roughly 4 to 5 years apart and are in the same age group

Younger Sister: "Yeah, I met this great guy named Wilco and we have been seeing each other recently. I think we like each other."

Older Sister: "Wilco, you mean Wilco Jenkins? I used to date/mess around/ hang out with him about 3 years ago. We did X, Y, and Z he is cool or he is not cool."


The ex is making this out to be a bigger issue than it is.

Tommie, I just wish I had your cojones in dealing with this kind of shit. But in my experience, the hard line gets you nowhere.

It's not a hard line. This isn't a machimso thing or an "I'm the man!" thing. I think it is a basic respect thing. She shouldn't have to blurt out everything in her past if she doesn't want to and neither should he. This situation was bound to come up at the first family BBQ. I wouldn't put the ex on my level by playing the game.

 

[Azala]

I have to agree that you need to be the one to tell her, and you need to take your exes leverage away. I'm surprised you didn't come clean the second you realized they were related, that is a pretty serious thing to hold out on. However, if you went very far with this sister at all, it's probably over anyway. I would never ever in a million years be with someone that was physically involved with one of my sisters or my mother (yes that's come up before). It's just too weird, and some lines are not to be crossed. I'm not trying to be mean, but you should brace yourself. Most girls are just not that comfortable with something like that. Hell, I don't even want to date a friend's ex. It's just off limits. Sisters are even more sacred than friends. I'm not saying never, because stars can align and miracles can occur, but truly the odds here? Billion to one.

[edit] Tommy, my sisters and I don't exactly compare dating notes either. I'm fairly private with my personal life, and one of my sisters is far too flighty with hers so I don't pay attention. It's not unheard of for them to not know. One could be away at college, the other could just date around a lot. It's impossible to keep up with some girls. Now it's different if the sister brings her dates home, but since we haven't lived together in about 15 years that's pretty hard to come across.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

The real question that no one has asked (or I haven't really noticed it yet), is whether he was on good terms with the older sister. I mean, if you just had a couple dates, and decided that it wouldn't work out, I doubt either will have a problem.

However, if Wilco and older sister now detest each other for rational or irrational reasons, that could be the sticky part, and would probably be best to dodge questions for a while.

I would never ever in a million years be with someone that was physically involved with one of my sisters or my mother (yes that's come up before)

Pray tell, how did that happen?

 

[Azala]

My mother is very good looking for her age, and between her, myself and my eldest sister there is not too large of an age gap. So in our experiences together there have been some situations of guys I was interested in being interested in my mother or sister, or guys they were interested in being interested in another of us and even a few sickos who were interested in threesomes or knowing what it's like to be with all of us over time. (One was drunk and openly stated he wondered what our different bedroom styles were, could not kick him out of the house fast enough!). Thankfully my younger sisters are considerably younger, however I do fear the time is coming when guys my age will start to look at them, and that frightens me.

You just don't do it. *shudder* Really, you just don't. Now if it's just a date or a kiss or something small like that there might be room to re-evaluate things, but I will never ever be intimate with someone who has been inside a family member. No way! That's the last thing I want to be dealing with!

 

[McLesterolBeast]

If YOU tell her, she might not care.
If her sister tells her, she's more likely to care than if you tell.
If you don't tell her, she's going to find out from her sister.

Fuck "respect". It's a matter of doing what's best for you.


Why is it worse (from her perspective) if you don't tell first? Because it looks like you're hiding something. If you were her sisters friend in the past, you'd tell her. So why not tell her that you dated in the past? It's a coincidence that would be worth mentioning from anyone's perspective, unless you were both mutes that sat around and said nothing except the most brilliant of thoughts, or you didnt want her to know about it. Usually people don't like it when others hide things. I know that if someone hid something so pointless from me, i'd start thinking about whether they were hiding a whole lot of other things from me too.

If she's got a hang up over you being with a family member like azala, it wont make a difference who tells her, you're fucked.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

If YOU tell her, she might not care.
If her sister tells her, she's more likely to care than if you tell.
If you don't tell her, she's going to find out from her sister.

First of all the sister doesn't give a fuck it is some ex from nuttyland. If it were the older sister then yes everyone would have a point but, this is some chick he used to bang that is in the "cicrle". Whatever on that dude.

Fuck "respect". It's a matter of doing what's best for you.

Groveling like a bitch for something you did 3 years ago that was harmless to the people involved (NOTE: I said people involved the ex is not one of those people) is what is best for you? I don't buy it.

The sisters thing to me is a non issue. The issue here is the ex. Why does she still exist? If the ex is this scheming then do you think that this situation is going ot stop her? No she'll just keep going with some more shit until she breaks what the man has. That why I say fuck it, why give the ex the satisfaction. I mean if this ex situation wouldn't have come up would he have felt obligated to talk about it? If you looked at all of my posts you will see I have consistently said be honest when asked about it. Don't play it off and don't try and make the ex look stupid let her do that job on her own. After it's discussed move on and get back to regular life. Now then I'm not sure what is so wrong with what I've just said.

 

[McLesterolBeast]

I thought the sister WAS the ex.

If it was a friend of the sister, then it's different. There's no real coincidence there, and it's not worth mentioning under most circumstances.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

I thought the sister WAS the ex.

If it was a friend of the sister, then it's different. There's no real coincidence there, and it's not worth mentioning under most circumstances.

See now we are on the same page. I agree totally if the sister was the ex then yeah I think that he would have some 'splanin to do (that woudl be kinda creepy as well). But, the sister is off in Cali living her life. And probably hasn't thought twice about Wilco since that one crazy time in high school when he tried to cop a feel in study hall.