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[demon]

Say you have a girlfriend of 9 months or so. She has quite a few guy friends, and I suppose generally you trust her, although she is a bit flirty. But there's one guy who she gets along with really well and is a lot better looking than you are, and she spends three friday nights in a row hanging out at his apartment and getting drunk. And most of the time calling you at 1-2 in the morning to pick her up and take her home (when you knew ahead of time you would be doing so).

Now, I've never been in a relationship and don't know much about relationships, so I have no idea how much time couples tend to spend together and whether or not it's considered "appropriate" to be spending that kind of time with someone else. Just curious what other people thought.





(I am the apartment-guy)

 

[firex]

yes it would.

 

[darscot]

Not in the slightest bit as the relationship would be over.

 

[somnific]

yes. talk to her about it.

 

[Wellington]

If you bring it up, you're fucked. Just know that much.

I'd bring it up though, 'cause I'm a masochist.

 

[Doth Togo]

Say you have a girlfriend of 9 months or so. She has quite a few guy friends, and I suppose generally you trust her, although she is a bit flirty. But there's one guy who she gets along with really well and is a lot better looking than you are, and she spends three friday nights in a row hanging out at his apartment and getting drunk. And most of the time calling you at 1-2 in the morning to pick her up and take her home (when you knew ahead of time you would be doing so).

Now, I've never been in a relationship and don't know much about relationships, so I have no idea how much time couples tend to spend together and whether or not it's considered "appropriate" to be spending that kind of time with someone else. Just curious what other people thought.

If this bothers you, and it would me, as shallow and juvenile as some may say, I'd issue her an ultimatum. Either she stops seeing the guy or you walk away. And you hold your end of the bargain. If she continues, you walk.

There are better girls out there than her who'll treat you like royalty, as I'm sure you will her.

 

[levious]

if it's your decision not to hang out with her and her other guy friends then the situation is fine... if you are not welcome over there then it's not fine.

 

[demon]

I'M the other guy.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

Shes been humping around.

 

[levious]

I'M the other guy.

then before she calls her boyfriend for a ride tell her she's wlecome to crash at your place.

 

[AeroGod]

SCOTTY DOESNT KNOW!

 

[Mugen]

I look at it as a chance to get a brand new girl 'friend' just like she has hers. Don't dump her yet, get another girl 'friend' first.

 

[Miguel]

I'M the other guy.

Be prepared to have this scene re-enacted in your apartment.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

I'M the other guy.

whoa, you just blew my mind, and you are gonna get beat.

 

[AlphaSnake]

I'M the other guy.

Hahaha, you fucking asshole. You're the apartment guy? =D

 

[demon]

then before she calls her boyfriend for a ride tell her she's wlecome to crash at your place.

Heh.

I must say, though, the whole thing is a bit confusing. I knew she was 'interested' in me when we first met, but then she told me about her boyfriend and at that point I kind of backed off the flirting and whatnot. But we've known each other since february (although we don't hang out a whole lot), so I'd kind of worry about making things awkward. Even though I think I do like her as more than a friend..........and she's hot.

 

[AeroGod]

Hit that shit for the good of mankind.

 

[darscot]

I wouldn't confront her about or even say anythign I would just assume the realationship is no longer exclusive and move on. Getting worked up or in any kind of conflict over something like this is never worth it.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

Hit that shit for the good of mankind.

I like what you are saying and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

[way more]

How much do you care?

 

[demon]

whoa, you just blew my mind, and you are gonna get beat.

Well if nothing "more" happens, I'm not gonna get beat. I've met the guy a few times, and obviously he knows that she's hanging out with me and when, because he's the one picking her up from my apartment. And her hanging out with other guys is nothing new to him.

I honestly don't know what would happen if something "happened". Their relatinoship was kinda rocky at some point and she was giving me hints that she was considering ending it (I think) a while ago, and I get this vibe that she's getting bored of the relationship.


Also, I didn't make this thread so much to ask for what I should do, but more out of curiousity about what you think it means in terms of what she wants and where their relationship might be. Getting together to hang out at my place and drink three friday nights in a row, do you think she's hoping for something more?

 

[firex]

Anybody else find the total change in reaction to demon funny? We went from "sorry dude, I'd say just dump her" to like "I'd fuck her 5 times tonight if I were you."

 

[DaCocoBrova]

WTF kind of stupid question is that...? Dude is rotering in her rooter. Pipe has been layed and she likes it apparently.

 

[SickBoy]

You're not better looking than me!

Anyhow, you guys just hang out, or is there more to it?

EDIT: Aah, saw your last post.

I think there's nothing wrong with people having platonic relationships with opposite-sex people other than their significant other. Heck, until I moved, I had maintained a friendship (coffee now and again) with an ex, and my wife was well aware of this. It was fine. Although I guess I wasn't spending every Friday night with her.

-SB

 

[Error Macro]

What the fuck? You are the other guy, and you're telling me that nothing has happened between you two so far? I didn't think that was even possible. Seriously, if my chick spent even one night at some other dudes place, I would be worried and probably confront her on it. Three times in a row, and I'd bust in the front door of that dude's pad with a baseball bat in one hand, and a can of gasoline and matches in the other.

 

[demon]

You're not better looking than me!

Anyhow, you guys just hang out, or is there more to it?

-SB

So far it's just hanging out, although one of the first times we hung out she wanted to get pretty 'close' and touchy-feely. That was a long time ago, though. The past 2 friday nights we've hung out, drunk at my place, talked, watched some stuff, went to a couple bars, etc. Once in a while she'll bring up slightly sexually-related topics. Like last time, she was cooking for me (she did both times), and she was talking about all the 'interesting' stuff and bodily fluids some people put in food, and one being "...ya know......that stuff", and how she'd be willing to try that. And other stuff like that. ALthough not too often.

Also, do you think it would be weird or a good idea to maybe just casually ask her, "ya know, I wonder what [insert_his_name] thinks about you hanging out at some guy's place like this and getting drunk"? Just to see what she says.

 

[demon]

Ya gotta give me some credit, thought. Some time back in late March, and again in late May she gave me a couple opportunities to lick her face (because I teased her about there being food around her mouth (there wasn't)), and the only thing that kept me from doing it was thinking about her boyfriend. AND GETTING MY ASS PUMMELED.

 

[Leon]

demon, you're an ass, because you know you want to fuck her brains out, but it's completely understandable. The girl's an ass for putting herself in that situation without thinking of her boyfriend. Finally, if the boyfriend doesn't react to this soon, he's an ass and almost deserves to be cheated on.

 

[DaCocoBrova]

and the only thing that kept me from doing it was thinking about her boyfriend. AND GETTING MY ASS PUMMELED.

You better MAN UP! You sound like a wimp.

 

[norinrad21]

I'll be very worried if i were you, the guy has probably been f**king the hell out of her while they make jokes about you.


Him : kises her
Her : kisses him back
Him: hey what about your boyfriend
Her : what the hell is that weak man going to do?
Him: LOL
Him: throws her on his bed and kazaammm

After f**king and sucking...she calls loser boy to come pick her up late at night....

Mean while loser boy is stuck up there in his apartment playing games and wondering what the guy is doing to his woman.

 

[sc0la]

The thing is is that it sounds like you wouldn't want a relationship with her because she is a skank. So it isn't really worth making it awkward with them.. yet.

But when the other relationship goes south hit it hard, but don't commit

Get that rebound but make sure and pass it back out to someone else before its too late




edit: you fuckers need to read the thread

 

[Dilbert]

There are three possible scenarios here, and you're doing the wrong thing in ALL of them.

1) You truly believe that she is a platonic friend. Well, stop flirting, since it's confusing the hell out of the situation, and only bad things can happen.

2) You want to jump her bones, but want to do things "the right way." If that's the case, then you need to get her to dump this guy cleanly BEFORE anything happens that might make him come over and kick your ass. Based on my experience, though, throwing down an ultimatum and saying "pick him or me" isn't going to work. If she wanted to leave him...she would have ALREADY LEFT HIM. It's not like people sign dating contracts, and she's waiting for hers to run out. People do what they want -- when they find a better deal/job/person/whatever, they go for it. If I were you, I'd rethink your analysis of the situation -- if you were clearly the better choice for her from her point of view, you wouldn't be making this post. Figure out where she's coming from -- maybe you can compete better, maybe you can't -- but you need DATA, not just your impression that you're hotter or funnier or whatever.

3) You want to jump her bones, and don't care about the complications. Well, Romeo, she's been drunk and flirting with you in your apartment three times and you haven't sealed the deal? Geez.

Not to be cynical, but remembering my younger days, here's my guess for how it plays out: You hook up with her a few times on the sly, you fall for her, you press for a real relationship, she doesn't go for it because of her tie to this other guy (whatever it is), you lose touch, and she eventually breaks up with the other guy and moves on to option #3. The only variation is whether or not you can manage to hook up or not before it all gets too dramatic.

Good luck, but seriously...rethink your strategy.

 

[Cloudy]

A girl hanging out and getting drunk at some other dude's place late at night? Nope, her bf wouldn't be uncomfortable at all!!! When you eventually tap that, you better not start dating her :lol

 

[M3wThr33]

Basic logic goes to say if you have a girlfriend, she shouldn't be getting drunk around other guys.
Your story is confusing and you tried to seperate yourself too much from the situation. Reword it using "I" so we can make better comments.

 

[Miguel]

Wait wait...I get it. I get jokes.


So how was shuri's gf?

"IT'S A TRAP"

 

[calder]

You know he's not the one for you but that's no fault of mine.
He knows that I'm a friend of yours but doesn't know I've crossed the line.
I know you've got a man in the picture but it hasn't stopped me yet.
We've all been in one situation or another we regret.

Now I'm the other man, no one's rootin for me.
If I'm the other man, nature will abhor me.

You know I want to keep my distance, does it happen anyway?
He knows you're going to drift apart and there's nothing he can say.
I know that he's a stand-up guy, but that's none of my concern.
We've all been in one situation or another, it's my turn.

To be the other man, no one's sympathising,
When you're the other man that everyone despises.

He's going to find out that the rumours are true.
The love that I've still unbeknownst to you.
He'll found out so I'll tell you because,
You gotta find out before he does.

I know you've got a man in the picture but it hasn't stopped me yet.
We've all been in one situation or another we regret.

Now I'm the other man. No one's rootin for me.
If I'm the other man, nature will abhorr me.
Yeah, no one sympathises,
When you're the other man, that everyone despises.

Yeah, yeah,
We've all been in one situation or another,
We've all been in one situation or another,
We've all been in one situation or another

But yeah, I'm pretty cool about opposite gender friends for my wife (and she's cool about me going out for drinks with friends from work who happen to be female) but the level of hanging out and *drinking* you're talking about goes beyond that. If I was her bf I'd be either dumping her ass or else shopping for the perfect graphite hockey stick to beat yours with.

It's funny because it sounds like you haven't technically done anything wrong yet... but don't rely on that alone saving you from trouble with the bf at some point. ;P Just because he's (inexplicably, imo) put up with it this long already doesn't mean he won't snap.

 

[AeroGod]

and she was talking about all the 'interesting' stuff and bodily fluids some people put in food, and one being "...ya know......that stuff", and how she'd be willing to try that. And other stuff like that. ALthough not too often.

YEAAAAAHHHH!

 

[Celicar]

But there's one guy who she gets along with really well and is a lot better looking than you are

LOL!!

You are sooooo hot, dude!!!

 

[demon]

2) You want to jump her bones, but want to do things "the right way." If that's the case, then you need to get her to dump this guy cleanly BEFORE anything happens that might make him come over and kick your ass. Based on my experience, though, throwing down an ultimatum and saying "pick him or me" isn't going to work. If she wanted to leave him...she would have ALREADY LEFT HIM. It's not like people sign dating contracts, and she's waiting for hers to run out. People do what they want -- when they find a better deal/job/person/whatever, they go for it. If I were you, I'd rethink your analysis of the situation -- if you were clearly the better choice for her from her point of view, you wouldn't be making this post. Figure out where she's coming from -- maybe you can compete better, maybe you can't -- but you need DATA, not just your impression that you're hotter or funnier or whatever.

I understand that. But she seems like one of those girls who must absolutely be in a relationship at all times, and doesn't let go of her current guy until she finds another. I think she kind of gave me that opportunity a long while back, and I blew it.

Also, she's kind of connected to a large part of her social circle through her boyfriend, and it sounds like it would be kind of awkward for her if she dumped him for some other guy.


But anyway, do you think it's possible that she's doing this stuff with me with no interest or hope or expectation that anything will "happen"? It's just so fucking hard to tell. [maf_face]

LOL!!

You are sooooo hot, dude!!!

Nothing against the guy, but I don't think anyone would disagree that I'm significantly better looking than him. But I know that doesn't mean everything to chicks, so whatever.

 

[Makura]

Um, if my girlfriend spent lots of time drinking at another guys apartment she would not be my GF anymore.

 

[Azala]

As a girl, totally not kosher and not a sign of a healthy relationship. I do have male friends I can hang out with, drink with, joke and sometimes even flirt with and I think it's normal and acceptable on an irregular basis, or when you are not involved or when the boyfriend isn't available (*and* nothing sexual happens, minimal if any flirting in that case). When it comes down to it I'd rather be with my boyfriend and that's how it should be! I'd hope he'd feel the same way and want to spend some nights with me or include me with his friends. Nights out alone from time to time aren't terrible, but not like this. A night of all guys or all girls every now and then is healthy, but three Friday nights in a row alone with a man? No way.

He's picking her up? That means he's in town, around and there's no reason she shouldn't be with him and not you, or at least including him. There's a chance she's interested, but she needs to dump the boyfriend first. There is a chance she's waiting for a sign from you that you're interested, which would make me question if she's one of those insecure back up man sort of girls, and that's your call to make, but I wouldn't want a partner like that. That means someday it might be you on that end. Chances are we're not talking about true love here, we're talking about rebounding.

If you're really her friend you might consider either suggesting she bring her boyfriend (and you maybe have a girl over as well), or talk to her candidly about how this appears. I'd leave out her interest in you, or your possible interest in her, just discuss that it doesn't seem like she's happy or dedicated to her relationship and find out why... without getting in her pants.

 

[Koshiro]

So let me get this straight...

You're thinking about doing some other guy's girlfriend and taking here away from him, and you don't feel this would be wrong?

I hope some guy does that to you one day, you'd fucking deserve it if you go doing this.

 

[AeroGod]

Well I just played out your situation in the Sims 2. Im sorry to inform you that it will end in a tragic house fire started by you becasue your cooking skills arnt high enough to make dinner with the oven.

I think that settles it. Glad I could help. End the relationship now and leave before your house burns down.

 

[kevm3]

Getting drunk with you at late night screams that she wants to let you hit it. She's using you as the backup man...

Either that, or she gets a really effeminate vibe from you and is looking at you as the gay guy she can chill and drink beers with.

 

[onion_pixy]

Her boyfriend probably hasnt been concerned yet, because after he picks her up from your places he's taking her home and fucking her brains out. And since he's fukcking her, he can probably tell if she had gotten laid earlier. (there would be sings that he was getting sloppy seconds, which I will not go into here. You probably know them...well, maybe not)

If she is truly the type of girl who HAS to be in a relationship at all times stay the fuck away. Girls like that are needy and dependant.

Yes, there is a huge possibility she has no intention of ever doing anything with you at all. I'm sure she knows you like her (esp if she is hot) and lots of girls get off on being a cock tease and/or attention whore. Sure you know her well and she could be very nice and have the best intentions, but women can do these things subconciously. Besides, if she treats her current bf this what makes you think you'd be treated any differnet if you attainboyfriend status?

 

[Tazznum1]

Go for it!

That way, when she cheats on you and you are heart broken, you'll update us. Cause that is what will happen.


Why would you want a cheater?

 

[Tazznum1]

Well I just played out your situation in the Sims 2. Im sorry to inform you that it will end in a tragic house fire started by you becasue your cooking skills arnt high enough to make dinner with the oven.

I think that settles it. Glad I could help. End the relationship now and leave before your house burns down.

 

[Tritroid]

Well I just played out your situation in the Sims 2. Im sorry to inform you that it will end in a tragic house fire started by you becasue your cooking skills arnt high enough to make dinner with the oven.

I think that settles it. Glad I could help. End the relationship now and leave before your house burns down.

:lol :lol

 

[Ristamar]

How old is she?

How many other people are at your apartment when she is over (in other words, are you two drinking alone, or is there a party of sorts)?

 

[demon]

How old is she?

How many other people are at your apartment when she is over (in other words, are you two drinking alone, or is there a party of sorts)?

She's 21, I'm almost 23. And it's just us.

So let me get this straight...

You're thinking about doing some other guy's girlfriend and taking here away from him, and you don't feel this would be wrong?

I hope some guy does that to you one day, you'd fucking deserve it if you go doing this.

Read the fucking thread. I've HAD opportunities to make a movie on her, opportunities that she's GIVEN me, and I didn't make a move becaues of her boyfriend. Besides, it's not like I talked her into coming over to my place like this. It was practically her idea to come over, cook for me, and drink a 'little'.